Thursday, May 17, 2012
Well i am not much of a shopper not for self any way. I can buy others anything but not for me.
Growing up always wanting love and to please especially dad who never deserved love.
He say his famous line now , embedded in my brain. " You dont need that do you?"
wanting to please i learned early to say no and need nothing and ask for less.
Food if we had a little he say same and i say no i dont want any. It got so my body was so
use to doing with out i did not want much for many, many years.
Or his famous second line was,"Well see about that later".
Sis and i knew later in Webster meant never.
Any way that and never having is why i can barely shop for me. If i do i hang item in
closet awhile tags on and often i take them back .
I saw my mothers day picture and fell out. Wow my jeans were so old the legs had stretched
so large i look like i filled them up. washing one pair a lot will do that i guess.
Now dont get me wrong i sure need ,and i am working on my tummy, but my legs tho never
were much but sticks all my life.
So, took back some items today and got ME some jeans.
Also got a new top to match them and couple new underwear too.
Now all i got to do is get those tags off and wash and wear them.
Often daughter threatens to do that for me as she knows me so well.
Things in childhood we learn and also things we learn to survive lives on in us forever.
Once as we prepared to leave one so called foster home sis gave me her thoughts.
She being three years older but far wiser I thought of her more as my mom i guess.
We had been given some new underwear by someone which in itself was a rare thing as kids.
I wanted to wear them before the gang we lived with got to them.
Sis had heard in the wind we were being moved again .
She somehow even knew where.
My granny had lost her husband to cancer and offered to take us.
This was after over 13 places we lived in .
SIs told me , i can hear her still saying the words as
She too was still young so naive.
"If we have new underwear granny think were ok and maybe she keep us forever".
To this day i can never buy underwear and wear them right off i have to keep them for a
long time .
Sis told me ,when she was alive ,she too always kept one new pair or two in her closet.
I guess it was security and like ok were worth ONE nice new thing.
Still so hard to believe tags stay on them.
Sis hid those treasured underwear like having only them and us two rag muffins would
somehow make us Someone to keep.
Well God smiled on us that day maybe the pantys did the trick or our smiles.
I and sis lived with granny many years till dad got mad and took me away from even her.
Sis had married by then so there was no hope for me as he was worse than all 13 of the
I never left my granny in my heart tho and i went back to care for her after i married and till
the day she died. My husband and daughter and i was the last ones on earth she saw the
day she went to heaven.
I told my grandbaby who is almost five today i need to think of me some. I be going to
be a teachers helper and i dont want you to feel hurt at the way i look .
She ran to me said," your the best gamma in the whole world and no matter what happens to
you gamma you look good to me."
Why oh why cant adults treat each other like children do adults.
She melts my heart and i know she love me no matter what .
But for today i jumped off that cliff. I got my new jeans and i try to model them soon and
my new top also.
I will save you all the underwear show haha
yep one pair still will always be in the closet new tho .
When i cleaned out sis things when she died she had a couple of bags of new
underwear all with tags on them.
Hope it last as by the way i went back to small top today so happy. With ostomy i still
try to chose longer one but nice to not have to buy bulky ones just to hide in.
Be careful what happens to your kids and grands. Often it lives within them forever.
Have a good day and good luck on your new underwear
Monday, May 14, 2012
My husband died June 16.1992. Hard to know it has been 20 years but i was 41 i am 62 now. I
have outlived his age and my sister's also. Both died in their 50s.
Weight we hear is all the time. All want to be thin. Heavy is called fat, lazy , even
uneducated, poor fokes, and often thought of as dirty.
All not true of course.
I had fokes say to me when hubby was alive why dont you stop feeding him or gee are
you going to put him on a diet. He was an adult duhhhhh.
Once those fokes gain some tho they sure talk different. Then its oh i get it from my dad
he was heavy. Course it is not that they need to go on a diet or not eat.
Weight is an issue that needs to be in the light more so fokes can talk of it freely.
Sparks has helped this cause and for that we should say thanks to sparks guy.
Sis and husband
Both died of weight and ills caused my weight. Sis especially died from her weight. She
fought a good fight but gave up due to depression and gained till she lost the battle on
Good news of June is my grandbaby was born June 7th and be 5 this year. I have been
keep her every day of her life some and it is why i go on. I had only one sister and no mom
or dad really
since i was three. M y dad stole us from our mom when i was three sis was six.
So, i have a small family ,but i have my daughter and her family now.
Weight is hard to fight when one is older.
I am determined to do so to live for my grandbaby. I want her feed right from the start .
She has been always given raw vegetables and asks for them over sugar items.
My plan is slow but working.
Google you a low gi food list. If it is on acceptable buy it if not do not buy it.
Purge your house of all foods not on list.
I tossed out all on fridge door. Check your fridge your see why weight is on us
Ketchup and salad dressings and bb q sauce and jams and syrup. Sugar or high fructose or
carbs or salt toss it all.
Cabinet toss all white items. Flour , pancake mix, sugar, cookies, noodles
use list and shop as what YOU buy you will eat.
I am an ostomy lady, aka bag lady so my tummy at times will poke out some. Get real tho
gee i gained and it all went there. I have lost ten pounds but need to still tighten up that
I am eating low gi best i can on my limited budget.
Main thing if someone offers you bad choices say NO.
Daughter cooked for us lunch Mothers day laid me out my ww pita bread not the white
buns they chose.
Thanks for that !
Offered me popcorn at movie tho . I ate 6 tiny pieces with grandbaby .
Had water as no soda.
Hay i was addicted to cokes and cookies if i can stop anyone can.
My treat is once in a while one tiny dove dark chocolate piece.
Mostly buy frozen fruit to keep on hand
fill freezer with good choices so that is all in house.
I had some say your small you dont have to worry as my weight is near 135 again. To much
for me tho with my height and body index.Over is over if one is tall or short or large built or
not. I know the pain of weight tho .
I lived my life watching my sister suffer. Her son also .
I seen her legs so large she could not get out of the car and up my steps for a holiday
meal. She went back home. I seen her walk two isles over to go to restroom to not walk
by a man due to she knew what he was thinking . Or thought she did.
She never became a hermit tho and till the end kept out in public.
Weight is the final frontier for predjuice! Most see over weight as
lazy, eat to much is why your heavy, and often even dirty or poor.
This is not no more true than it is for slim fokes.
We are a lot what we are by genetics.
Dr said at the end sis had some type of lost gene that comes back into the family line
from some distance place. It is rare to see such heavy fokes as most dont make it alive
to get so large. It is from eating poor choices but also genetics and depression and also
We must show love to all in this world or why else are we here?
SIs lived it hearing cruel remarks and she was hurt so i know she
turned more and more to food . Hubby too got remarks of ,your how old?
Fokes can be cruel.
Live your life for you tho and just buy better choices. Stay out of box things at the store.
Stay out of the bakery isles. Stay in the produce isles and some meat and dairy if right ones.
tell your family we MUST do this together or one of us not be in pictures next year.
SIs died very suddenly after short time in icu on respiratory.
Was back in room to go home and blood clot hit her
Husband we said by to go shopping and home to him on floor.
Please think when you shop and read the labels.
The time to do this for you is NOW.
Read the back of all you buy take the time as the front lies. 50 percent less fat means
only it has 50 percent of what it had. What if it had 100 percent fat you left with 50.
Labels on food lie do not look at front. shop with a list and stick to it.
Good luck to all
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