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My Vacation and Going Back to School at 63

Wednesday, August 15, 2012



Just me on vacation and wish I was there now. On Tenn/ Georgia state line.

Had great time walked tons lost 5 more lbs to make my total 15 so am ok

at weight for awhile anyway. Fall will do more once it cools as Florida is 99 plus daily.

Now tho am fighting lack of b -12 very low and also Vit d lower. Making me

sick and very anxious to the point I am about nutty.




See, on vacation was talking to a Moose, named Rusty.


Any way, I have anxiety of going to be a teacher's helper to help our Precious who has

not yet been away from us all due to her algery's she has been home schooled by us .

I worry a lot of teacher and all i do not know what to do there.

What if she does not like me? What if I can not do the work? What if I do not feel

good there? Gee am I the one five or our Precious?

Help! what have I gotten into.

I have wanted to ,and stood by baby five years. Greatest joy of my life besides

years raising my daughter. Now I say one day , Hay i can do this it be fun to

be out of the house and help. Then I panic and say NOPE cant do this SO have to

say no . Then say well can't and want let baby down or daughter.

Will make it this one year well knowing probably help in first grade too.






Clock is ticking. Murphy North Carolina one saw on our trip.

School begins on Monday oh my ! Send me blessings now



Crosses on trip Fields of the Wood a bible park. You walk up 329 stone

steps to get this view. See, my strong will some times.







Bear with me you guys.



Old moonshine still in one of the national parks. Makes one Think a drink help my stress ?

Nope no drinker no way even if i go nuts.

Just back and forth so wonder daily and wish Monday hurry and come then i wish it never

come.





My life trails have been hard but most i did ok and made it up. Hope to hang in and not let

no one down.

Temp on cabin

If i could find that I be ok was so cool in the mornings.

Lack of vits has be roasting not to mention 99 plus daily in Fl.



This is me a wooden head hmmmm not sure what guy has his arm around me.



Pretty everywhere you look so hope it is a sign of more to come.



Below our cabin and now am worried of a trail to school okkkkkkkkkk



view from Brasstown Bald Georgia's highest peak. Here you can see three

states. Choices hmmmmmmm



Waterfalls hold one truth way i see things. All things end and begin again

just in a different way or place. So it will be for me soon as my five years

of keeping our Precious will end. I keep her just it be different as nothing ends. I got to hang

onto that fact.

I either go to school to help or i do not. I chose to go . Please so send me some

blessings if you have any to spare that I can make it .

To do this for her and also for daughter and mostly for me.

To conquer a new fear.



Hope you enjoyed some of my vacation. With out my family i never get to

do such things so I know I am blessed.



Take care have a nice fall be back on when can .

Got blues so all my I's were lower case so i had to go back do capital I's and remove as so

many due to worry .






  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERAPHGYRL 8/22/2012 12:48AM

    You go girl. I'm so happy to see you having fun!

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JULIA_211 8/15/2012 7:23AM

    Thank you for sharing your vacation! Beautiful and fun pictures! I wish you the best on your goals! emoticon emoticon

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New underwear meant maybe she keep us

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Well i am not much of a shopper not for self any way. I can buy others anything but not for me.

Growing up always wanting love and to please especially dad who never deserved love.

He say his famous line now , embedded in my brain. " You dont need that do you?"

wanting to please i learned early to say no and need nothing and ask for less.

Food if we had a little he say same and i say no i dont want any. It got so my body was so

use to doing with out i did not want much for many, many years.

Or his famous second line was,"Well see about that later".

Sis and i knew later in Webster meant never.

Any way that and never having is why i can barely shop for me. If i do i hang item in

closet awhile tags on and often i take them back .

I saw my mothers day picture and fell out. Wow my jeans were so old the legs had stretched

so large i look like i filled them up. washing one pair a lot will do that i guess.

Now dont get me wrong i sure need ,and i am working on my tummy, but my legs tho never

were much but sticks all my life.

So, took back some items today and got ME some jeans.

Also got a new top to match them and couple new underwear too.

Now all i got to do is get those tags off and wash and wear them.

Often daughter threatens to do that for me as she knows me so well.


Things in childhood we learn and also things we learn to survive lives on in us forever.


Once as we prepared to leave one so called foster home sis gave me her thoughts.

She being three years older but far wiser I thought of her more as my mom i guess.


We had been given some new underwear by someone which in itself was a rare thing as kids.

I wanted to wear them before the gang we lived with got to them.

Sis had heard in the wind we were being moved again .

She somehow even knew where.

My granny had lost her husband to cancer and offered to take us.

This was after over 13 places we lived in .

SIs told me , i can hear her still saying the words as

She too was still young so naive.

"If we have new underwear granny think were ok and maybe she keep us forever".

To this day i can never buy underwear and wear them right off i have to keep them for a

long time .

Sis told me ,when she was alive ,she too always kept one new pair or two in her closet.

I guess it was security and like ok were worth ONE nice new thing.

Still so hard to believe tags stay on them.

Sis hid those treasured underwear like having only them and us two rag muffins would

somehow make us Someone to keep.

Well God smiled on us that day maybe the pantys did the trick or our smiles.

I and sis lived with granny many years till dad got mad and took me away from even her.

Sis had married by then so there was no hope for me as he was worse than all 13 of the

foster homes.

I never left my granny in my heart tho and i went back to care for her after i married and till

the day she died. My husband and daughter and i was the last ones on earth she saw the

day she went to heaven.

I told my grandbaby who is almost five today i need to think of me some. I be going to

be a teachers helper and i dont want you to feel hurt at the way i look .

She ran to me said," your the best gamma in the whole world and no matter what happens to

you gamma you look good to me."

Why oh why cant adults treat each other like children do adults.

She melts my heart and i know she love me no matter what .

But for today i jumped off that cliff. I got my new jeans and i try to model them soon and

my new top also.

I will save you all the underwear show haha

yep one pair still will always be in the closet new tho .

When i cleaned out sis things when she died she had a couple of bags of new

underwear all with tags on them.

Hope it last as by the way i went back to small top today so happy. With ostomy i still

try to chose longer one but nice to not have to buy bulky ones just to hide in.


Be careful what happens to your kids and grands. Often it lives within them forever.

Have a good day and good luck on your new underwear



emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERAPHGYRL 5/20/2012 8:42PM

    I agree with Knittingnan. You could write a book. You have a story telling talent and I imagine Precious adores listening to you tell her yarns about your life. I definately think you need to cut the tags off and wear your new things. You're a beautiful woman and you deserve to feel pretty.

On the underwear front, I had worn the same giant 'granny panties' for so many years they were faded and ragged. They unfortunately, or fortunately, how ever you want to look at it, got so big on me that I had to break down and buy some new ones about 2 weeks ago. I went to Walmart and bought a 6 pk for $8. They aren't gorgeous and expensive but I think wearing nice underclothing makes a woman feel like a lady no matter what she's wearing as outer clothing. Keep one pair put away but you need to start wearing the others! Have you looked at body shapers yet?

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MIMO11 5/18/2012 12:24PM

    I'm looking forward to a new picture with you in those new jeans. New clothes can make you feel wonderful. I'll bet you'll be amazed by how much you've lost. Don't hide yourself in the old clothes. Shed some of those negative images with the old togs and be like the butterfly. Unfurl those new wings.

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SBNORMAL 5/17/2012 6:53AM

  Wear your new clothes and underwear, tomorrow is not promised to you. Enjoy this point of your life and take care of yourself.

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JESSIG5 5/17/2012 3:57AM

    emoticon emoticon

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KNITTINGNAN 5/17/2012 12:31AM

  You really need to write a book. This was so interesting to read....sad, but fascinating. It's so hard to believe that children actually endure such hardships, and today many children experience worse treatment than you did. BUT you survived and are able to reach out to others, enabling them to understand the deep emotional scars of child abuse. God bless you.

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EVIE4NOW 5/17/2012 12:18AM

  You are so right. My dad's favorite line was .. be glad you have a roof over your head and food to eat. I used to dread when my shoes got too tight. The things we remember do last a life time.

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The Final Frontier

Monday, May 14, 2012

My husband died June 16.1992. Hard to know it has been 20 years but i was 41 i am 62 now. I

have outlived his age and my sister's also. Both died in their 50s.

Weight we hear is all the time. All want to be thin. Heavy is called fat, lazy , even

uneducated, poor fokes, and often thought of as dirty.

All not true of course.

I had fokes say to me when hubby was alive why dont you stop feeding him or gee are

you going to put him on a diet. He was an adult duhhhhh.

Once those fokes gain some tho they sure talk different. Then its oh i get it from my dad

he was heavy. Course it is not that they need to go on a diet or not eat.

Weight is an issue that needs to be in the light more so fokes can talk of it freely.

Sparks has helped this cause and for that we should say thanks to sparks guy.

Sis and husband

Both died of weight and ills caused my weight. Sis especially died from her weight. She

fought a good fight but gave up due to depression and gained till she lost the battle on

easter sunday

2002

Good news of June is my grandbaby was born June 7th and be 5 this year. I have been

blessed to

keep her every day of her life some and it is why i go on. I had only one sister and no mom


or dad really

since i was three. M y dad stole us from our mom when i was three sis was six.

So, i have a small family ,but i have my daughter and her family now.

Weight is hard to fight when one is older.

I am determined to do so to live for my grandbaby. I want her feed right from the start .

She has been always given raw vegetables and asks for them over sugar items.



My plan is slow but working.

Google you a low gi food list. If it is on acceptable buy it if not do not buy it.

Purge your house of all foods not on list.

I tossed out all on fridge door. Check your fridge your see why weight is on us

Ketchup and salad dressings and bb q sauce and jams and syrup. Sugar or high fructose or

carbs or salt toss it all.

Cabinet toss all white items. Flour , pancake mix, sugar, cookies, noodles


use list and shop as what YOU buy you will eat.

I am an ostomy lady, aka bag lady so my tummy at times will poke out some. Get real tho

gee i gained and it all went there. I have lost ten pounds but need to still tighten up that

middle.

I am eating low gi best i can on my limited budget.

Main thing if someone offers you bad choices say NO.

Daughter cooked for us lunch Mothers day laid me out my ww pita bread not the white

buns they chose.

Thanks for that !

Offered me popcorn at movie tho . I ate 6 tiny pieces with grandbaby .

Had water as no soda.

Hay i was addicted to cokes and cookies if i can stop anyone can.


My treat is once in a while one tiny dove dark chocolate piece.

Mostly buy frozen fruit to keep on hand

fill freezer with good choices so that is all in house.

I had some say your small you dont have to worry as my weight is near 135 again. To much

for me tho with my height and body index.Over is over if one is tall or short or large built or

not. I know the pain of weight tho .

I lived my life watching my sister suffer. Her son also .

I seen her legs so large she could not get out of the car and up my steps for a holiday

meal. She went back home. I seen her walk two isles over to go to restroom to not walk

by a man due to she knew what he was thinking . Or thought she did.

She never became a hermit tho and till the end kept out in public.

Weight is the final frontier for predjuice! Most see over weight as

lazy, eat to much is why your heavy, and often even dirty or poor.

This is not no more true than it is for slim fokes.

We are a lot what we are by genetics.


Dr said at the end sis had some type of lost gene that comes back into the family line

from some distance place. It is rare to see such heavy fokes as most dont make it alive


to get so large. It is from eating poor choices but also genetics and depression and also

medicine.

We must show love to all in this world or why else are we here?

SIs lived it hearing cruel remarks and she was hurt so i know she

turned more and more to food . Hubby too got remarks of ,your how old?

Fokes can be cruel.

Live your life for you tho and just buy better choices. Stay out of box things at the store.

Stay out of the bakery isles. Stay in the produce isles and some meat and dairy if right ones.

tell your family we MUST do this together or one of us not be in pictures next year.

SIs died very suddenly after short time in icu on respiratory.

Was back in room to go home and blood clot hit her


Husband we said by to go shopping and home to him on floor.

Please think when you shop and read the labels.

The time to do this for you is NOW.

Read the back of all you buy take the time as the front lies. 50 percent less fat means

only it has 50 percent of what it had. What if it had 100 percent fat you left with 50.

Labels on food lie do not look at front. shop with a list and stick to it.

Good luck to all

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SERAPHGYRL 5/20/2012 8:53PM

    Anyone who says people don't treat fat people differently are ignorant or liars. I chose to ignore how I was treated for a while and then retreated into the sanctuary of my house. I'm beginning to be treated like a 'regular' person again and, in a way, it makes me angry. I may enjoy being complimented but I wasn't ugly when I was bigger. Nobody looked at anything but my weight though. I'm the same person whether I'm big or small. It's unfair to label me either way!

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THINGS I NEVER TOLD MY MOM

Friday, May 11, 2012



READ A LOT ON SPARKS AND SUCH LINKS OF FOKES WHO REALLY SEEM TO HATE

THEIR MOMS.

I GUESS THERE ARE SOME MOMS WHO TREAT THEIR KIDS VERY BAD THROUGH

NEGLECT AND ABUSE AND DRINKING AND EVEN DOPE. THESE MOMS ARE BAD MOMS.

A MOM WHO IS THERE FOR YOU AND HELPS YOU IN LIFE IS NOT A BAD MOM.

THERE IS NO RECIPE ON HOW TO BE A MOM EACH MOM LEARNS OR NOT ON THEIR

OWN. SOME FAIL SOME DO NOT BUT THEY PROABLY DO THEIR BEST. SOME ARE JUST

NOT MEANT TO ME MOMS AND SO THESE MAY CERTAINLY FAIL .




AS FOR MY MOM ALL I CAN SAY IS THE FOLLOWING:


THINGS I NEVER TOLD MY MOM :


I LOVE YOU

YOUR VERY BEAUTIFUL

I ADMIRE ALL YOU BEEN THROUGH

THANKS FOR ALL THE HELP YOU HAVE GIVEN ME

THANKS FOR MY LIFE ITSELF IN WANTING ME

THANKS FOR MY SIBLING OR LACK OF ONE

THANKS FOR ALL THE YEARS OF COMFORTING ME IN THE DARK WHEN I WAS SCARED

THANKS FOR ALL THE YEARS OF COMFORTING ME WHEN I WAS GROWN

THANKS FOR LENDING ME THE MONEY WITH NO THOUGHT OF A RETURN

THANKS FOR ALL THE WASHING AND CLEANING UP AFTER ME

THANKS FOR SAYING I DID MY CHORES TO DAD WHEN YOU DID THEM FOR ME

THANKS FOR ALL THE SCHOOL WORK YOU DID FOR ME AND COLLEGE PAPERS

THANKS FOR ALL YOU TRIED TO TEACH ME

THANKS FOR ALWAYS HAVING FOOD ON THE TABLE AND A CLEAN HOME TO COME TOO

THANKS FOR LENDING ME YOUR CAR AND YOU DID WITH OUT

THANKS FOR SHOPPING FOR ME AND YOU SAID YOU NEEDED NOTHING

THANKS FOR LETTING ME GO OFF WITH MY FRIENDS WHILE YOU STAYED HOME TO

WORK

THANKS FOR COMFORT IN MY SORROW AND GRIEF

THANKS FOR A EAR TO LISTEN AND SOMEONE WHO WANTED TO HELP EVEN IF YOU

COULD NOT YOU TRIED

THANKS FOR THINKING I WAS SPECIAL

THANKS FOR THINKING I DO SUPER GREAT THINGS


THANKS FOR WELL GEE IF I GO ON ANY MORE THIS REACH THE MOON AND STARS

AND BACK AGAIN.

WHY DO I SAY ALL THESE THINGS NOW


TO REMIND EACH OF YOU TO DO SO AS THESE ARE

THINGS I NEVER TOLD MY MOM





WHY



I WAS TAKEN FROM MY MOM WHEN I WAS 3 YEARS OLD ,AND MY SISTER WITH ME WHO

WAS 6.

MY DAD TOOK US FROM HER AND HID US MOST OF OUR CHILDHOOD. LONG DAYS

GONE BY WHEN WHO EVER HAD THE CHILD KEPT THEM. WE LIVED WITH MANY

STRANGERS AS HE DID NOT WANT US BUT WOULD NOT LET HER OR HER FAMILY

HAVE US .

OUR MOM WAS A SIMPLE COUNTRY PERSON AND TRIED THREE TIMES TO FIND US .

HER LACK OF MONEY AND DAD KNOWING SO MANY PEOPLE JUST MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE.


i NEVER SAW HER AGAIN .

EVEN IF SHE WAS NOT ALL THESE THINGS

I HAD A RIGHT TO KNOW AND SAY SOME OF THEM

SHE HAD A RIGHT TO CHOSE TO LEAVE ME OR NOT . SHE HAD A RIGHT TO TRY TO BE

A GOOD MOM OR NOT.

WE NEVER EVEN GOT THIS AS KIDS FROM A DIVORCE USUALLY DO .

THAT WAS TAKEN FROM ME BY A BITTER PERSON, MY DAD



NEVER LET BITTERNESS EAT YOUR SOUL AWAY.

NEVER MISS A CHANCE TO GET THAT LAST , WARM HUG.

THOSE DEAD ARE COLD AS STONE I FOUND THIS OUT THE HARD WAY.

WE ARE WARM AS WERE ALIVE .

SHARE YOUR HEART NOW WHILE YOU HAVE YOUR MOM IF YOU DO.

NEXT MOTHERS DAY MAYBE YOU WILL NOT HAVE HER.


IF SHE WAS BAD MOM SURELY SOMEONE STEPPED UP TO HELP YOU SO TELL THEM .

SHOW THEM THE LOVE THEY SHOWED YOU ALL THESE YEARS.

HAVE A NICE MOTHERS DAY TO ALL!





I KNOW MY GRANNY AND SIS WERE MY MOM AND I MISS THEM EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE.

I TOLD THEM ALL THESE THINGS AND MORE .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIMO11 5/12/2012 7:54AM

    Such a beautiful blog, RockandRoll. I loved my mother dearly. She was my best friend and I miss her every day. I wish you would have had the opportunity to know yours, but at least, you have your dream of that relationship. Happy Mother's Day to you!! emoticon

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SBNORMAL 5/11/2012 8:50PM

  Happy Mother's Day to you and enjoy your family over the weekend.

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SERAPHGYRL 5/11/2012 6:45PM

    Sorry, I can only thank my mom for nothing. I don't hold any hate, nor bitterness, toward her and talk to her on the phone about twice a year and send her birthday and Christmas cards. I'm adult enough to understand that it's ok to shut the door on people who haven't and won't ever bring you any happiness though.

I know you're a good mother and grandma. Happy Mother's Day to you
. emoticon

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Happy Mother's Day Sunday and my lunchbox kind of day!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Went off today with daughter and grandbaby on long errands. Was determined to stay on

my low gi foods. Low on grocery's , but i packed a few items real fast before I left.

Took some string cheese and pita bread and an apple. Also some of my new low gi crackers

with black pepper and seeds on them i am allowed 4 per day.


So am i had coffee as we had to stop at mc donalds and they have 0 on menu not full of

sodium and carbs and just fat. They did have scrambled eggs i saw on back of the place mat

but the sodium in them and carbs were real bad as yolks in them too.

So, i had coffee.

Got back in truck and had a string cheese and i was ok .

Lunch time came late due to errands also.

Drive in at Wendys for me was a no way. We asked of the side salad but the man could

not tell me of the cheese in it and just not worth the effort. So, i had my own cheese and

i had brought a knife and i cut up my apple and added it and cheese to my half of the pita

i had brought. I did miss toasting it but it was good anyway.

Ate rest of the apple with my crackers and i was full.

Skipped the little debbie cakes offered too .Wow calories enough for a lunch meal in one.

I use to really buy those things a lot have not since baby was told of nut allergy.

There just sugar and about nothing else.

Got home and i got into my huge salad bowl i keep ready and had big plate full with my

spray ranch for supper. After i ate it to get full i cooked a lean pork chop and ate half of it

for protein.

Late snack was sugar free pudding .

All in I did good considering i saw sweets and others eat and still kept to my plan.




I am trying hard and hope all do as life is more important than any food.

Once our health is gone it is just gone and often we can not get it back.

What cookie or treat is worth leaving your family for.

No one knows when a stroke or heart attack can hit them.

Why give in or stop sparks if were here might as well make the most of it .

Live to eat not eat to live.

Have a good weekend



Be sweet to your mom if you have one.

I never knew mine as i was taken from her when i was three and never saw her again.

Some have a mom i read on here and grip of them so much . One day they too will see what

life is like with out their mom.

I had my sister till some years ago she left due to weight issues.



I had later in my life my

granny so i knew a moms love. She lived to be 93.




Love yourself by realizing every bite DOES count and it DOES add up to a healthy or

unhealthy you.

Sis left us to soon because she Gave up and stopped even trying. If our road is easy we

are not on the right road. Life is a struggle to win at anything be.

Happy Mother's Day to all Sunday.

Love those you have now .There is no tomorrow we have this moment in time and are

promised no more.

  


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