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Ughh I want my life back.

Monday, April 21, 2014

So I weighed myself this morning and I weigh 182, which is nearly 20 pounds gain since my last weigh in three months ago at 163.5. I am absolutely disgusted. I have gotten to the point where I eat and eat until I physically feel sick, then feel so guilty that it got to that point that I just keep eating, and then sometimes drink to forget that the whole thing even happened. Like seriously, who does this? I clearly have a lot of issues that I need to work through.

But I WANT my body to feel good again. I can kind of remember what it felt like when I was so focused on my healthy habits, and I want that feeling back. So I have decided to get my butt back to the gym and start eating healthier. I want to say that I will have the same motivation and perseverance that I once had, but I know that this time I have a long, rocky road ahead of me to get there.

With the help of SP's Nutrition Tracker, I have devised the following eating plan:

Cal Fat Carb Prot Fib
FiberPlus Bar 120 4 26 2 9
Dannon Yogurt 80 0 16 5 0
Cantaloupe (1c) 54 .5 13 1.5 1.5
254 4.5 55 8.5 10.5

Avocado (1/3 of 1) 106 9.75 5.7 1.3 0
Beets (sliced, 1/2c) 53 .2 12.2 1.5 3
Perdue Chicken (.5c) 90 2 1 16 0
Hardboiled Egg (1) 211 14 2 17 0
Ken's Lite Bals (2tb) 60 4.5 3 0 0
Romaine (1/2c) 8 0 2 1 1
528 30.5 26 37 4
BF/LUNCH totals 782 35 81 45.5 14.5
DINNER ~618 ~25 ~119 ~15 ~10

SP gave me the guidelines below which is where I got my dinner totals for above:
Consume between 1200 & 1550 calories
Consume between 27 & 60 grams of fat
Consume between 135 & 252 grams of carbs
Consume between 60 & 136 grams of protein
Consume between 25 & 35 g of Fiber
Consume at least 8 cups of water per day.

I know this plan will not work forever, but I think to get back in the swing of things I am really going to need a concrete plan that I can stick to religiously. Once I start seeing some results and get my motivation back, I will adjust accordingly.

So I hope this will all work out. If any of you have ever been in a rut like this before (which I know most of you have!), PLEASE feel free to give me any advice you might have. I can't even remember how I went from doing so well and feeling so good to allowing myself to let it go downhill so quickly. So I especially don't know how to find my way back now that it has gotten to this point. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks all! Hope you had an awesome Easter weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

52BINCE 5/23/2014 9:24AM

    Sounds like the typical yo yo syndrome of challenges to weight loss n healthy lifestyle...... been there done that...... Do not get frustrated n remember rome wasn't built in a day!!!!!!! If you read my blogs you may find some help to reach your goals without putting pressure on yourself....

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PATTYKLAVER 4/26/2014 8:18AM

    If I had a nickle for every time I re-gained weight....oh what I can do with all that money! You got your wake-up call and that's great! You are well on your way to taking it off.

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BRAINYBLONDE5 4/21/2014 3:23PM

  I ve been there. I AM there. but you noticed it now and can make the changes!

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CHALLENGER15 4/21/2014 2:05PM

    Yep, I have done the very same thing.

I focus on one or two small things that I can do; quit beating myself up; and get back with the program.


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SUMMER2203 4/21/2014 1:24PM

    i can totally relate -- i just finished up about 3 weeks of exactly the same thing (also gained about 12 lbs in 3 weeks...). like literally all i could think about was eating. then i would eat til i was sick. then eat more.

i wish i knew what snapped me out of it so that i could share it with you...but hopefully we can figure it out together!!

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VIADOLOROSA 4/21/2014 10:39AM

    You've had a rough time of it since January, lighten up on yourself! I'm thinking you might need a bit of an antidepressant. I'm surprised the doc didn't think of it. You might get a second opinion? This is seriously affecting your life. Another idea I have... it could be S.A.D. These are just ideas, I think a second opinion is in order.

Comment edited on: 4/21/2014 10:47:01 AM

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SLIMMINGSHAY 4/21/2014 10:35AM

    Oh, my dear Sarah. emoticon

We have all been there at some point or another, myself included. With support and encouragement, I know you can get back the movement mojo you once had.

For me, every time I wind up in a rut like that and realize it, I figure out what I want to do and start small. 10 minutes fitness every day, a small achievable goal, 8+ waters a day. Some days are harder than others, but it does get easier. Right now for me, I'm trying to figure out how to get out of bed at 6am to workout!

You can do it Sarah. Keep your head up and remember not to be so hard on yourself. Push yourself, but don't beat yourself up about what has happened. You CAN change it.


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Epic fail.

Friday, January 17, 2014

So this week has been absolutely terrible. Monday night i went to the restaurant staff party at 7 and left at 845 because i didnt want to be out too late. Hubby had met me there and was following me home. I literally was so tired i couldnt concentrate on driving and ended up rear ending a pickup truck stopped at a red light less than half a mile from my house. The pickup then proceeded to hit the car in front of him and that car hit the car in front of them. Luckily no one was hurt but i still feel so guilty about it that i couldve really hurt someone. Theres just no reason to be THAT tired at 9pm. So i went back to the neurologist (another $40 there) who told me the sleep lab i took in september came back that not only do i sleep perfectly and for long periods of time but my sleep quality is twice as good as everyone else my age. So why am i falling asleep all the time? He ended up writing me a prescription that should help keep me awake. Today is my first day taking it. We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, it was going to cost me $735 to get my car out of the tow yard after the accident , but they said if we gave them the title theyd only charge $410. Thanks guys. Since the car was totaled we just handed over the title. On top of that my license got lost in my car so i have to pay $50 to get it replaced. So tuesday i had no car and wednesday matt borrowed his dads truck so i drove my other car to work. On my way home at 7 in the dark i got a flat tire and of course have no spare because dealerships dont give you those anymore apparently. Had to dish out more money for amother tow and then $120 to replace the tire.

I am just stressed out of my mind. Havent been able to go to the gym with lack of cars and i knee up in my accident so I've just been really down lately. Ugh. :-(

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SADWHITEWOLF 1/29/2014 10:30AM

    I hope everything is going a bit better for you!

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MOONSTREAM 1/18/2014 11:26AM

    So sorry. Strangely I was in an accident just like you described almost 2 months ago. the car hit the truck. the truck hit me. I hit car in front of me. My car is still not back and $10,000 of repairs (its 1.5 years old) Your blog made me stop and think about the poor young lady who hit all of us and instead of being ticked - feel bad that she, too, may be hurting. Do whatever you can do to make yourself get happy. Just try putting on music you like and dancing around for 10 minutes. Pamper yourself and make a big mug of hot chocolate or tea and watch a movie. Take a long bath - whatever makes you happy. Personally, when I exercise I at least feel better than I did before - even if I just walk around the block.

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CHANY009 1/17/2014 6:01PM

    Goodness that sounds like such an awful week! I'm so sorry! I hope everything gets better and I'm glad no one was hurt! As for being tired, I would get your iron checked. I used to sleep 12 hours a day and still be exhausted and it ended up being that my iron was dangerously low! Very common for women! I hope your weekend is better! emoticon

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HOTDEENOW 1/17/2014 3:21PM

    Hopefully this new medicine will work for you :) sorry to her about your troubles!


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SOFT_VAL67 1/17/2014 2:59PM

    i would persue further testing. sometimes what makes us so tired isnt that we arent getting enough sleep. it might be some autoimmune disorder, heart issue, low vitamin or even anemia.
and just because you slept well in the sleep study, doesnt mean you do at home.
sleep studies are structured, you get to bed early and have a certain number of hours to sleep.
at home, we are always rushing, stressing over work, kids, bills, etc.
sorry to hear about your car and i hope everything works out.

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NOTGVGUP83 1/17/2014 2:44PM

    I'm sorry you've had such a crappy week. When it rains it pours as they say. Look on the bright side...hopefully the prescription will solve the sleepiness issue and the accident could have been much worse (no one was injured). Something good always comes out of these down moments. Hang in there. Focus on walks to relieve stress and then jump back in full force when things settle. Sending good vibes your way! =)

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SLLYONS51 1/17/2014 2:42PM

  Wow that is a stressful week . I second the second opinion. Have they ruled out narcolepsy? emoticon

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ROBBIEY 1/17/2014 2:36PM

  A really tough week you have had, but look a the bright side if you can find a little room, no one was hurt in the accident. It was an accident so don't beat yourself up too bad about it. Maybe it is time to slow down and relax more. I wish you all the best. Things are bound to turn around soon; we have all been there!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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JUSTME9898 1/17/2014 2:32PM

    You have had a LOT to deal with do not beat yourself up over gym time. Wow! What a week. I would also say it is normal to be down in your situation. An accident, a totaled car, financial stress. What would you say to a friend that had all this happen in one week. Now say that to yourself.
How long are you sleeping? There are some studies that show over 9 hours can make you groggy during the day. Seven and a half to 8 and a half seem to be optimal. I would get a second opinion if you can. May be see an Internist. Since you have ruled out sleep problems may be something else is stressing you body.
Good luck, I hope next week is better than last (I think it has to be).

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PJB149 1/17/2014 2:31PM

    The one over riding factor here is that you are okay. All the rest are temporary set backs and will be resolved, eventually. As long as you are physically okay, be grateful for that. All the negatives can and will pass. I know you will find the will to carry on. Believe In Yourself and every thing else will follow. Good luck.

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BRAINYBLONDE5 1/17/2014 2:31PM

  oh no! I am so sorry to hear that happened to you! that is so strange that you were so tired! hopefully this medicine helps! be thankful no one really got hurt! rest, and you will be back in the gym in no time. in the mean time, Im sending prayers and hugs your way! emoticon emoticon

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RACEWIFE 1/17/2014 2:29PM

    OH My! You have had a tough week! When it rains it pours right? It can only get better from here. Keep your chin up! It's got to get better. Have you been to your regular GP regarding how tired your are? You might need some bloodwork, you could be low on Iron. You should speak to your GP.

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Short and sweet.

Monday, January 13, 2014

So I went to the gym yesterday in the afternoon, so I opted out of going to the gym this morning. But I have a 10 hour work day and then a party from 7-9 so going to the gym after will be next to impossible. So it will be a rest day, came sooner than I'd have liked, but that's OK.

I had a busy weekend, I ended up going to the Patriots playoff game Saturday at Gilette which was awesome! Can't wait to see them play next weekend.

Anyways, hope everyone had a great weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMMINGSHAY 1/27/2014 12:23PM

    sounds busy!

Maybe should have gone in the morning again anyways? LOL!

You are doing great!

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HOPEFULHIPPO 1/15/2014 11:37AM

    Go Seahawks! Go Pats! That'd make a GREAT superbowl :o)

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STODD251 1/13/2014 4:19PM

    Sounds like you have had a very busy weekend! But exciting! Sometimes the gym just doesn't fit into your schedule. At least you're trying to get there as often as possible.

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ROBBIEY 1/13/2014 2:48PM

  Wow, it must have been exciting to witness the Patriots' victory. A rest day can be therapeutic and you most likely will end up working harder and longer the next time you workout emoticon

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Down 4.5 lbs!

Friday, January 10, 2014

Ok, so maybe most of it was period bloat, but I did also work hard and get my butt to the gym by 5am 4 times this week! Hope to continue making progress this coming week!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HOPEFULHIPPO 1/15/2014 11:41AM

    youre doing great! See you in 170ville :o)

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STODD251 1/13/2014 4:20PM

    Bloating or not, it feels good to see the numbers going down. Plus, you're awesome for getting to the gym so much!

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PATTYKLAVER 1/11/2014 12:56PM

    That's great! emoticon

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PRINCESS_SOFI 1/10/2014 10:29PM


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CHANY009 1/10/2014 10:13PM

    Congrats! Good for you! emoticon emoticon

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MJ7DM33 1/10/2014 9:53PM

  emoticon A loss is a loss!

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SLIMMINGSHAY 1/10/2014 9:29PM

    Way to go! That's awesome and so glad you found some motivation to get to the gym!

High five woman!

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Remedies for super dry hands? Tracking food advice?

Thursday, January 09, 2014

So I work in child care and wearing gloves to change diapers comes along with the territory, but in the wintertime my hands get SUPER DRY and cracked and even bleed and just physically hurt even when I'm not wearing the gloves. I don't know what scabies is, but from what I picture in my mind that is exactly what my hands look like. Like I've been stabbed by a million tiny razors.

I've tried SO many different lotions but my hands are so bad that even the unscented ones sting my hands upon application. I've tried straight up vaseline but same thing. I am at a loss and yet my hands are KILLING me.

Does anyone know any remedies for dry hands?

On a separate note, I've been really slacking on tracking my food. I do the mental check and I know roughly how many calories I've consumed and I honestly don't feel that bad about it because 90% of what I'm taking in is good for me (the other 10% being processed, but not necessarily BAD foods...). I'm struggling with this in my head because I feel like tracking and measuring out foods will help, but I don't want to be bound to it and obsess over it for the rest of my life and feel it's the only way to see results.

What do you guys do when it comes to tracking/measuring? Track religiously? Do a mental check? Not track at all and just eat whatever? I seriously need some advice so I can stop feeling guilty about not tracking.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PATTYKLAVER 1/10/2014 10:22AM

    As far as dry hands go, I start with the vaseline and cotton gloves or socks at night. I recently bought some vitamin E oil at GNC and I like how that makes my hands feel. (Even put it on my dog who has really dry skin.) When my hands get REALLY BAD, (like you, they've gotten cracked and bleeding) I put Vicks vapo-rub on them. Clears my sinuses up at the same time - but it works. Avon has some really good hand creams. You can get little tubes for $0.79-$0.99. They are the Moisture Therapy Intensive Care and the Silicone Glove lotions. I hope one of these can help you.

My food - I need to go back to measuring.

Comment edited on: 1/10/2014 10:29:08 AM

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STODD251 1/9/2014 7:08PM

    O'Keefe's Working Hands was going to be my suggestion as well, but somebody beat me to it. I hear amazing things about that stuff. My parents sell it at their hardware store.

As far as tracking, when I'm trying to maintain I don't feel the need to track. I generally know what I eat anyway and how many calories it is. However I'm more likely to let myself snack a little here and there if I don't have to account for every calorie. Therefore when I feel like I need to lose, I will track every bite so that I don't let myself slip up. Plus it's a good reason to avoid that bite of something. It's not worth eating it if you have to track it. Ultimately you need to do what works best for you.

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CHANY009 1/9/2014 5:03PM

    I don't know about the hands but I downloaded an app called my fitness tracker and I just update it as the day goes along and then when I have time put it in SP (or even if I don't at least it's tracked somewhere so I know the numbers are right!) I don't know if that helps but hopefully!

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HOTDEENOW 1/9/2014 2:43PM

    Aquaphore works really good for dry skin and is also a skin protectant... As for tracking I feel it helps me remember what I had because sometimes I forget. Measuring is good its just like following directions for a recipe... But I don't do it for everything. Just whatever you feel you need to if its something you think you should measure/ track then I would. You could keep a journal if that is easier for you...

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CALLMESALLYG 1/9/2014 1:42PM

    O'Keefe's Working Hands Hand Cream. It's available at Bed, Bath & Beyond and it is fantastic!!

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VEGGIE_ADDICT 1/9/2014 1:40PM

    Have you tried coconut oil? I use it for lots of things, and it seems to really help my dry skin. I'd recommend wetting your hands and then slathering it on (wetting your hands first allows the coconut oil to really let your skin soak in the moisture) and then putting on some soft gloves and wearing them like that to bed. Hope it helps! emoticon

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