Friday, February 08, 2013
Ok, so that blog title doesn't exactly explain it, but allow me. As most of you know, I've been working on C25K, and for the most part I was doing really well. Then Week 4 day 1 happened, and I learned something about my body. At 238 pounds on a 5'4 frame, running for that long HURT. Badly. I gave it a go twice. I was able to complete the workout, but I caught myself doing something dangerous: running through pain. Somehow I talked myself into being ok with that for the first workout. When I did it the second time, that common-sense light bulb turned on and I realized that if I kept up this way, I would quit. Nobody likes to feel pain. Especially in your legs while you're running. So I "quit" C25K... for now.
Now this is not to say that I have given up altogether. I've made the decision to focus on getting my weight down to 200lbs and then reboot C25K. I know I can do it mentally. But physically is an entirely different story. Rather than risk injury and putting myself out of the game for god-knows-how-long, I'm looking into some other alternatives.
This week I went for 2 walks with my new puppy. He's still young, so he doesn't last too long, but he makes it. And I felt great! I also ordered DDPYoga, which is changing lives every where, and if you haven't seen the video of Arthur Boorman, you NEED to. He is so inspiring and really makes you take a look at what motivates you. Here is the link to the video on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448 I'll update when I start doing the workouts.
So maybe my "give-up" is not so much quitting, but redirecting my goals. I know what I am capable of mentally and physically. I know that I don't want to weigh this much anymore.
So really, I will never, EVER, give up :)
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Saw this on a SparkFriends page! Love it. Reminds me of the early days of Myspace, LOL.
A - Available or married: Married for nearly 5 years (In July) to my soulmate Tim.
B - Book: Any of L. Frank Baums OZ books, Harry Potter series, The Alchemist, a lot of self-help books from Bob Harper and others.
C - Cake or Pie? : Cake. Any cake. Oh poo (I got censored!), now I want cake. (Not happening)
D - Drink of Choice: COFFEE
E - Essential Item: My e-cigarette
F - Favorite Color: Too many to name! Hot Pink, Any variation of purple, and is Leopard Print considered a color???
G - Game to Play or Watch: To play: Resident Evil, Fable, Legend of Zelda (video games, there, if you don't know) and Watch: Football or Basketball
H - Hometown: Wayne, NJ
I - Indulgence: Anything chocolate
J - Job: Temping right now.
K - Kids and Names: Samantha, 6 going on 26, and Justin, just about to turn 2
L - Life is incomplete without: my children and my husband
M - Music Group or Singer: 311. Best positive vibe out there!
N - Number of Siblings: 6: 1 sister (28), 2 half-sisters (8 and 6), and 2 step-sisters (14 and 12)
O - Oranges or Apples? Apples
P - Phobias/ Fears - Spiders and clowns
Q - Favorite Quote: "Be the change you want to see" - Gandhi
R - Reason to smile: my children laughing and playing and happy
S - Season: Summer
T - Tattoos: Getting one soon, before my 30th this June
U - Unknown fact about me? I'm a felon.
V - Vegetable you love: Green beans and cauliflower
W - Worst habit: nail/cuticle biting... I've gotten better but under stress it looks like they went through a meat grinder.
X - X-rays? None that I can remember. But lots of ultra-sounds on my babies!
Y - Your favourite food: My mom's chocolate chess pie, Thanksgiving dinner
Z - Zodiac? Cancer. Definitely a cancer to a T.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
I am one of those in the habit of making excuses. And I have to say that there is one in particular that I have become expert at making.... using my anger and emotion as an excuse to eat. And eat. AND EAT.
I share my food tracker. Go ahead, take a look at it. I am not ashamed tonight. I'm owning up to what I did to myself. Go look, I dare you. In fact, here, I'll make it even easier... here's the link:
I ate tonight out of anger. I was a day's-worth-of-calories angry. I was angry at my husband for leaving a sink full of dishes. I was angry that my job search wasn't going as successfully as I hoped. I just was so full of anger that I took it out on myself. I was angry looking at people's pictures on Facebook. I was just F'ING ANGRY. It's hard to understand what goes on during a binge, and if you're not a binge eater, it's reasonable to question why anyone would do such a thing to themselves. Well, I'd love to give you an honest answer, but the truth is, I don't have one.
I imagine that it's the same mechanism that causes people to drink, or cut themselves, or do drugs. You lose control of the level-headed self you are and go into something like a black-out, only you're completely conscious and aware. Part of you fights to stop it, but the angry (or sad, or bored) part is stronger at that very moment and you give in to it. Then in a flash you've managed to eat 1600+ calories worth of food and have nothing to show for it. The tears flow.
I never tracked a real binge before. Everyone over-indulges once in a while, but this isn't the same. This is replacing the emotion with food. Hopefully, someone else will read this and be able to relate. I just needed to vent before I further damaged myself and my self-esteem. I have worked so hard for 10lbs, I really don't want to sabotage myself.
I own up to this. This is my mistake, and I made the excuse to do what I did. I OWN IT. And I will start fresh tomorrow, give myself a clean slate, and move on.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
I want you to try something today. Lower your expectations of yourself or something you want to get done. Are you going to be getting on the scale? Hope for a half pound loss instead of 1 pound. Need to laundry? Tell yourself you'll get 2 loads done instead of 4. Want to eat healthy perfect food all day? Tell yourself you need to eat 2 of your 3 meals perfect instead. You see, this isn't about degrading yourself or figuring you're not good enough to do it. It's freeing you from the self-inflicted pressure that we, as women, tend to create. We strive for perfection and the result of the failure is mostly devastating.
By lowering your expectations, you create something far easier to achieve. I know that when you meet your new goal, you'll feel accomplished. Then, when you find yourself able to go beyond the goal, you'll feel even more proud of yourself for EXCEEDING your expectations. It makes life so less complicated and so less stressful. The added benefit is that you actually do feel good about what you DID get done instead of feeling guilty about what you didn't.
By regularly meeting the bare minimum requirements of your lower goals, you'll be able to gradually build on them and be able to exceed them. It's a win-win for you and for what you need to get done. Releasing that pressure is probably one of the best feelings, and I have to say that I find myself achieving more than I ever would have dreamed of just a month or so ago.
I'm living proof of how this idea works. A little over a month ago, I was in a dark place, as your probably have read in my other blogs. Rock bottom, I like to call it. But one day, I just decided I would set a goal to do the bare minimum exercise. I would walk or bike around my complex at least twice in that first week. That was it. How easy? And once I did, I felt really great about myself and proud that I actually stuck to something I wanted to do. Gone are the days of wanting to workout for an hour 5 days a week. Even then I knew I couldn't do that, so when I pressured myself to do it, I FAILED and sent myself into that vicious cycle of self-hate that I seemed to be stuck in. But now, when I walk out that door with my sneakers on, I set out to do a little, just do something, and you know what, 3 out of 4 times I'll say that I do more than what I expected of myself. With food, I set the weakest goal, honestly, it almost sounds silly: I eat one portion size/plate of food, wait 10 minutes before going for seconds. It's so easy to achieve, and I rarely end up going back for more.
The results of meeting or exceeding my minimum effort have been great. I am down 10lbs in just a few weeks. So go ahead, plan to do the minimum this week, whatever that is for you. Slash your goal in half. The achievement high you'll get will beat the disappointment of failure, and you'll feel so much better about yourself. I promise!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
The last few days have been pretty exhausting for me. Running around with the kids, taking testing for a (hopefully) new job, interviews, work, cooking, cleaning.... it is true that a woman's work never ends. That coupled with my recent bout of insomnia has got me feeling worn out by the end of the day.
If one good thing is to come out of only getting 6 hours of sleep a night, it's that I wake up just motivated enough to get my workouts in. This morning I rode 3 laps around my apt. complex on my bike. I enjoy the lack of competition for road space from cars, the overall quietness of the dawn, the cooler temperature. Sometimes I even get to see some stars. Even though I am working out hard (for me, anyway, lol), the early, and I mean EARLY, workouts have this sense of peace about them that you just don't get at night. The only ones up to judge me are my cats, and I'm pretty sure they don't care that I'm covered in sweat so long as I keep that food dish filled.
The best thing about all that would be the sense of accomplishment. I don't have the whole day to "Dread" exercise or make up excuses for myself. A big challenge that I overcame and gave into a little bit last night was getting my evening workout done. I drop my daughter off for cheerleading practice and take my son for walk around downtown Bixby every Wednesday night. But last night I really just wanted to sit around. I also was not in the mood to cook and my daughter conveniently requested a Happy Meal. Ooooh, McNuggets... the bane of my very existence. In my mind, I knew there was no way in H-E-Double Hockey sticks that I was going to be able to skip my workout AND get mcnuggets and possibly feel good about myself. SO I made myself a deal. Workout a little bit longer than usual, and you too, Mommy, can get yourself a chicken McNugget Happy Meal. I ended up walking nearly 40 minutes (I usually do 25). I got my Happy Meal. Life is good. First fast food in 3 weeks, not really proud of it, but that's a big deal for someone who was eating it every day. A cheat here and there (and I mean OCCASIONALLY) is ok, that's something regular dieting Sara would have never gone for. Having a Happy Meal would have been the collapse of a diet and the start of a 3 day binge. No more "forbidden" foods. Just have to compromise. Just part of changing for the better I guess!
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