Monday, September 01, 2014
I ran away from SP in the spring when I inexplicably gained weight. I've since learned that that's a silly thing. The next week I'd lost it again, whether by whim of weight or scale. We weigh what we weigh - it has as much to do with our overall happiness as our specific gravity.
So...lessons learned...friends aren't necessarily those that you've had the longest. I "broke up" with a friend of nearly 40 years because when I asked something of her, for another person in serious peril, she refused, and I realized that if we met today, we'd be acquaintances at best. I miss her daily, but I don't see the point going back.
After a five - maybe six - year break from landscaping, I discovered that I can still do the work. Not as fast as I could ten years ago, but every bit as well. And when some 30 year old boy said that I didn't do as much of the "heavy work" as others, I had the sense to call him on it - what kind of 30 year old man says a woman old enough to be his mother, maybe his grandmother, doesn't do the heavy lifting as well as he? I can still do it, just not as fast, and the only reason that lad has a job is because I know this.
I've also realized that I am...humbled to admit it...I am turning 60 this year (2015). None of the other "milestone" birthdays hit me this hard. I want to book a trip to Mexico or the Bahamas or someplace where my daughters and I can celebrate my croning, rather than being alone in my snow-belt home. At first I thought this was frivolous, but the more I think about it,the more appealing it becomes.
Ive considered remarrying, but realize that, for me, marriage, like childbearing and rearing, is a part of my life that I loved wholeheartedly, but that is over. If I remarry, it'll be for money, and that'll be upfront.
I've decided that rather than take some stupid minimum wage job, I'm going to spend the winter writing my book - or finishing one of the half-dozen I've started - and give it a decent chance to succeed. APPLEPIEAPPLE, I can't tell you how much joy your comment brought to me.
I've sold off a hunk of my farm in order to pay for insulating my house. Last winter I literally cried - and if you know me, you know that I'm not a weepy sort - when I was cold to the bone day after day after day. The dog's water bowl froze over in the dining room. I swore I wouldn't do it again, and I won't. If I decide to move in the spring, so be it, but I won't be chased away.
I guess the most important thing that I've finally learned is that *everyone's* life is full of trials - that's the point, or the commonality, of being human.
I've tried to reach out to family that was estranged when i didn't hold a "proper" funeral for my husband. I've also realized that if they don't accept the olive branch, it's not my story, but theirs.
Other than learning the difference between a cistern well and a "dug"well, I guess that's my summer.
I hope yours was lovely.
Please, bring me up to speed on my cherished (truly) friends here on SP.
Saturday, May 10, 2014
This is just stupid and inexplicable, but after ten days of landscaping six hours a day, drinking tons of water, eating salads and very little else, Ive gained seven pounds. I don't understand how this is possible, but it's same scale, same place, same everything except amount of fat I'm lugging around. It's not muscle and it's not water retention - I've played those mind games before.
So I'm bagging the whole SP thing for a little while. I'm extremely busy anyway, what with spring clean-ups during the week and elder care on weekends, but it's mostly that I don't see how I can support other people when I'm such an apparently dismal failure myself.
I'm not quitting entirely, but I've got to take stock of what's going on here.
Not feeling very competent at writing at the moment either, so you may choose the closing line:
1) Gen. Douglas MacArthur: "I shall return"
2) Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Terminator: "I'll be back"
Monday, April 21, 2014
My daughter, who is 23 years old, informed me this morning that she is building something called a cafe racer -apparently some sort of small, fast motorcycle. I was horrified, but that's beside the point. When I asked her (repeatedly) why she'd do something like that when surely there were other things yadayadayada, her reply was that it was on her Bucket List.
Ever since that annoyingly depressing movie came out, everyone I know has constructed a bucket list. So I thought I'd come up with my own.
The only thing I can think of is "get all the laundry washed, folded and put away." Maybe "organize the holiday decorations." Not thinking big enough? All right, how about "get all four sides of the house painted at the same time"?
I've had accomplishments in mind over the years. Once I decided to read the Bible from cover to cover, but bogged down somewhere in Leviticus. I did better with the dictionary, but kept getting off track by their, "See thus and so" instructions, so I never finished that either. There's no point in reading the encyclopedia (yes, children, I still have a set) because most of the information in it is no longer relevant and all the countries in Africa keep changing.
People have "Travel!" on their bucket lists. I've been from Newfoundland to Key West, although for some reason I've never been west of Cleveland. I've thought about wanting to drive across the country, but so much of it is flatness and corn and dirt and rocks...I mean, why would anyone want to drive across Iowa or Texas? So you can get to the other side of the country and meet people who are just like the ones you know at home, only tanner?
I used to want to take a cruise somewhere, but I developed an ear thing and now get seasick really easily (I used to be virtually immune to motion sickness) so now a cruise sounds like spending three days feeling dreadful so I can get to a place where rum is $50 a bottle.
I've done lots of outdoorsy stuff, driven a ton of miles, met plenty of semi- and for real famous people, eaten exotic food, learned a foreign language, written books, driven cars really fast, painted (very mediocre) paintings, completed 1000 piece jigsaw puzzles. Am I really that boring that I can't come up with any Must See or Must Do things? Heck, they don't even have to be legal - I'm flexible.
Sure, I suppose Nepal would be interesting, but the chances of successfully arranging (and paying for) a trip there are pretty far-fetched, and composing a Bucket List of things I'll likely never be able to do sounds pretty depressing and self-defeating.
How do you feel about Bucket Lists? Do you have one? And if you have any suggestions for me by all means, let's hear them (and remember, SP won't let you post naughty words.)
Monday, April 14, 2014
Apparently some folks are concerned that seeing a "blood moon"means the earth is going to end or something like that.While I have complete respect to anyone and everyone's religious beliefs, this time science can come to the rescue.
There is a full lunar eclipse tonight. This means that the moon, the Earth and the Sun are all lined up with the Earth in the middle - the moon is in the Earth's umbra, or shadow. The moon isn't completely invisible though - because of the angle at which the light from the sun passes through the Earth's atmosphere, the moon appears reddish. This is where the name "blood moon"comes from. There will be another total lunar eclipse sometime this autumn - I forget exactly when. There are between two and five lunar eclipses each year, although not all of them are full eclipses.
Sometimes the full moon in October is called the Blood Moon. This, like another traditional name, the Hunters Moon, is referring to the fact that October is when animals were slain to prepare for the long winter ahead.
Tuesday, April 01, 2014
- Well, the first one is to walk 10,000 steps per day, although I recognize that the way my life goes I'm more likely to have 20,000 step days mixed in with 2,000 step days. If I get 50K or 60K in a week, I'll be happy.
- The second is to track the food, no matter what. I can do that for a month.
- The third, and final, is to do the Exercise of the Day, or some variation thereof.
I thought about making a big workout schedule, but I really can't - we all know I'm not going to lift on the same day that I split wood (and wood is weather dependent) or do other heavy-duty farm or landscaping jobs. I'd like to swear that I'll do yoga four times a week, but I may or I may not achieve that, and I refuse to promise things I doubt I'll fulfill.
I thought about resolving to eat clean, but again, we all know that one day I'll be on my way home from a really long day and I'll limp into a Subway for a Veggie Delight, which we also know I'll probably wash down with beer.
And there are a bunch more monthly goals that I haven't even mentioned because they have nothing to do, really, with eating and exercising. Goals that have to do with artistic aspirations and personal improvement of a more subtle variety.
I'd love to be all righteous and make loads of promises, but somewhere along the line I've gotten a little more realistic. Maybe this is setting myself up to fail, giving myself excuses - we'll just have to see how it works out.
Monthly goals seem a lot like New Year's Resolutions - all full of bright promise and all out the window in a week or so. I decided to only set as goals the absolute minimum - really, just to do my best every day - and then, in 30 days, see where I stand. And if that doesn't work, I'll try something else.
So far today I've done the Exercise of the Day and gotten a little better than half the steps. Hey, it's a start.
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