SEDDLEMAN823   2,774
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SEDDLEMAN823's Recent Blog Entries

Starting workouts this week!

Thursday, April 03, 2014

I started my workouts this week. Tried out a few different ones that were low impact but high intensity. The first one, I was dying by 7 minutes lol. I found one that I really like. It is Walking Away the Pounds. I couldn't believe I had walked a whole mile on my second day of working out!! I am off to do it again as I really screwed up today. I thought a subway cookie had 100 calories, imagine my surprise that it has over double that!! I could have had soooo much more!! Oh well, if I can do 2 workouts, that will put me back to where I want to be today on my calories.

hope everyone is having a great day! It is beautiful here! Loving the wonderful weather!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VIADOLOROSA 4/3/2014 8:00PM

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MAGA99 4/3/2014 5:38PM

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SENTERSTOCK 4/3/2014 5:25PM

    Keep on Keeping on! emoticon emoticon

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MJRVIC2000 4/3/2014 4:34PM

    You can do it! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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SKIMBRO 4/3/2014 4:02PM

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On the way up

Sunday, March 23, 2014

Yesterday I went to the lowest of my week. I felt like I couldn't move at all. when I started to cry over everything I saw on tv, I realized what was going on! I am having a round with depression. It has been while, so it didn't even hit me as to what was happening to me. Now that I know, I think I can get myself out of it.

My son invited myhusband and I out to eat today! I can't wait. I miss him since he moved out. He is 29 but I still feel he is a little one.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SENTERSTOCK 3/24/2014 4:38PM

    Remember to make your journal a friend :-)

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NEWMOON 3/23/2014 11:56AM

    Being aware of what's happening is a great step in the right direction. It helps me to remember that it WILL pass. Focus on doing things that bring you some joy.

All the best to you!

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EDLEAR 3/23/2014 7:18AM

    Good luck on your way up! emoticon
When I recognize that what I'm struggling with is a depressive episode, I can usually pull up out of it. It's the recognizing that's sometimes hard .
I hope you turn things around quickly! emoticon
Enjoy dinner with your son

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Started a journal

Saturday, March 22, 2014

I am taking advice I have been given and I have started a journal. It is private and hidden so only my eyes will see what is there. Thank you for the support, it means so much! I do not have family, except for my boys and their lives as adults are starting. So I figure why not start a new life for myself also!

I guess this week my mind has been dealing with things I didn't want to deal with, so I have been falling asleep every few hours. Either that or I am not getting as much sleep as I thought I was. Sleeping and resting are 2 different things for sure.

I like the idea of sitting with the thoughts until getting the ah ha moment, so that is one of my goals for this week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SENTERSTOCK 3/24/2014 4:31PM

    Awesome, I have several journal of history.
Interesting now looking back I have one that is pretty negative, a reflection of where I was. I have one where I was reaching to ever positive thing I could. Now I seemed to have trimmed down, keeping what is key to me and what I have learned and what I am working on.
Who knows what my next one will look like. I have seen some where folks have used pictures and vision like boards...

Take care! emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 3/22/2014 9:18PM

    A private journal is a wonderful way to help sort things through in our lives.

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EMPRESSAMQ 3/22/2014 11:57AM

    Great idea to have a private journal where you can record your thoughts and feelings.

Congratulations on the start of your new life.



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Adding to my last entry...

Friday, March 21, 2014

I mentioned my autistic son in my last blog. Actually, I have 3 sons and all 3 are on the spectrum. My oldest, you would never know it if you met him, my middle one you would think was a little quirky and my youngest ( 20 but lots of times acts 12 or 13) dresses weird and people give him strange looks. lol They are all healthy in mind and body thankfully. They all know how to treat others and they can't stand the way that I am treated. I am very proud of my boys and who they have become. I am also very thankful they have become caring and loving people who remind me all of the time that I deserve much better. Now that I know they are good to go (do to speak) for living their lives, it is time to live mine.. happy and healthy!

Thanks to all of you that support me every day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCYPAT1 3/21/2014 9:42PM

    (HUGS) there is a special place in heaven for those of us who have sons and daughters on the spectrum. I work with kids on the spectrum all day in my job and come home to my son on the other end of the spectrum for the rest of the time. My son is quite quirky and often hard for others to deal with, but he is one of the most thoughtful and gentle souls I have ever known. I consider him a true gift - unfortunately he came wrapped in lots of challenges.

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GRAYGRANNY 3/21/2014 4:02PM

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SENTERSTOCK 3/21/2014 3:58PM

    Here's to Living and Happiness!!! emoticon And the precious gifts!

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My secret.. I am finally telling

Friday, March 21, 2014

For the past 4 or 5 days, I have been sooo tired and sleepy. Then at night I can't get to sleep until about 3 or 4 am. Guess I have my nights and days turned around. This isn't helping the scale any! My goal this week was to pay attention to my urges for food and figure out why I am eating.

I found that I am eating when I am tired. When I get really sleepy, instead of taking a nap, I am eating to stay awake. I feel guilty if I take a nap. I will not go into it here, but I do know why I feel that way. I have to give myself permission from now on to take a nap if I need it instead of sleep.

I also found I was wanting to eat when I was bored, so I make myself do something, even if it is the laundry to see if it will stop the food urge.

I found the number one reason I want to eat when I am not hungry. I eat instead of dealing with my feelings. I am going to have to find a way to deal with emotions. I am not sure what to do or how to deal with emotions because I have never done that. I have always pushed everything back inside and been cheery and happy to everyone about everything.I guess that is going to be a goal.. to work on and research how to deal with feelings and situations.

There is something larger than that I need to deal with. I have ignored it many years, made it out to be less than what it is in my mind so that I could survive. We all have little secrets, but mine is a big secret and I have to stop hiding it. This will be the hardest part of my journey..... but I feel I have to do this if I want my life back. I have always kept it a secret because it is embarrassing. My secret? I am abused. I am emotionally and mentally abused every day by my husband. Physical abuse... that is not very often because he found out he can go to jail for that.

It is hard enough to deal with chronic pain and illnesses that will last the rest of my life, but to be trapped with an abusive partner is worse than that. I want my life back... actually,I just want a life. I would leave in a heartbeat, but I have an autistic son to think about

To those that read this, please, I do invite any support. I do not mind talking about what I go through. I am not looking for sympathy, I only put this out there because I feel it is safe for me to do it and I need to "say" it.

This is an addition to my original post.... I do have a plan, and it will not be long before I get out. When you are in this situation, you do have to make a plan before making it happen. :) I will be ok. I just needed to get this out so I can start to heal on the inside

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUGARSMOM2 3/23/2014 8:17AM

  oh i am so happy that at last you are looking at what your body is telling you. Is there anyone else that you turn to for help . it is great that you told us . now tell someone else . soon you will be feeling better . i am so sorry that you have to deal with a child that needs special help . you need a better partner to help you deal with this problem . you know that fact though . I am going to tell you will feel much better if you left your hubby . i think you can find help but i do not where . ask someone will have the answer . you know you deserve to be treated better . when you marry you think for life and that is the way it should be but sometimes it just does not work out that way . do not allow yourself to be held down . you can be happier and better . it will be hard but you can do it . emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SPEEDY143 3/22/2014 4:02AM

    I'm so sorry you and your son are living that way. Verbalizing your secret is an excellent first step... now you need to share your secret with someone who can help your whole family. Do you have a minister or a doctor or extended family members who could help set healing in motion? Counseling would be a good start and don't wait for him to go. You take the first steps to living a life that YOU deserve... praying for all of you emoticon

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JUSTTAT123 3/21/2014 6:18PM

    ok lets talk about how to deal with emotions- write about them until you get an ahha moment, sit and feel it for a short while then either burn it while giving it to god or flush it which ever one feels more like a release to you
Steph

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CLASSYLADYMAY 3/21/2014 9:25AM

    That is one tough one for sure and boy if you can't leave then how will you and your son ever be happy. ! Do you have family to help you both leave. Just worried for you cause that isn't good And not having enough sleep will prevent you from losing. That was my thing too until I finally got sleep. Journal would help you let go of things thou so you can sleep better. Thinking of you and sending hugs!!

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TMNORD 3/21/2014 9:14AM

    This entry makes me so sad but more so mad - mad at your husband. No wonder you are over eating. Anyone with an emotional eating pattern would in your situation. I am sooo sorry. You really need to get help though. That is not a world you should have to endure any longer. Get out now. I know easier said than done, but really get out. I wish you the very best of luck in this. Please heed our advice though.

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SENTERSTOCK 3/21/2014 9:06AM

    We all have secrets, you are brave and have taken that step to share with others but more importantly yourself! You are strong to have survived and now that you are reaching out that is good! Reach out, find help and take care of you! That is the only way through, is through. And you will not only help yourself but your son and even your husband.

emoticon

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LKWQUILTER 3/21/2014 8:12AM

    Praying for you.

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CHUBBY_MOM 3/21/2014 6:07AM

    Thinking and praying for you! emoticon

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STEVEN2GO2 3/21/2014 5:27AM

    You should think about your autistic son! If he grows up in a home where the father abuses his wife, your son could become like his father later in life. An autistic child IS aware enough to see how his father treats a woman and learn that this is the way he should be as an adult. Not only for yourself, but if you are really thinking of your autistic son, seek help and a way out of this terrible condition both you and your son are living in.

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GOLFINMOMMA 3/21/2014 1:09AM

    Get out! Find help in your community! What good will it do for your son to grow up in an abusive household. He needs a calm environment if he is going to lead a better life. Sorry all of this was easy for me to say as I have no idea what it is to be abused, my husband has never laid a finger on me in 44 years and parents did not believe in spanking and yet we really knew when we did something wrong, the look of unhappiness on their faces was all it took. So please forgive the ease with which I say get out but I truly believe you deserve a better life. emoticon

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