SHANESANGEL2010   10,547
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I think my body actually wants me to stay fat

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

So I had ups and downs for the past month. Thankfully I'm only 1.6 pounds up since then. Well I had a plan to join the fitness program through my dad's insurance that'll allow me access to a crazy amount of gyms around the area for just $25/month. I was going to sign up Monday. Well Sunday evening I started feeling sick. Then I woke up Monday with fever and a bad sinus infection. Tuesday morning it wasn't any better, so I called off work and went to the dr and am now on antibiotics. So needless to say, I didn't sign up for the program just yet. I didn't want to sign up and then not be able to use it for a week because of being sick. So I'm waiting for all of this to clear up.

It seems like every time I have a plan something happens. Either my will power sucks with eating (happens constantly) I start a Couch to 5k program and get a blister right where my shoe hits the back of my foot that takes a week and a half to heal (happened at least twice). Or I get sick and, due to difficulty breathing, can't do much of my normal daily duties, let alone exercise. (happened at least 5 times). It just seems ridiculous. Oh well. Hoping this sinusitis clears up quick. As long as I keep getting back up after all these trip ups, there's still hope.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ONTHEPATH2 4/23/2014 11:26AM

    Hope you are feeling better!!! The gym thing sounds great! It would be fun to go to different places and see different faces! Hope you are able to sign up soon!


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Did good on day 1

Friday, March 14, 2014

So I did great with eating today. Final calories at 1169. I wasn't going to workout because I was feeling tired but I decided to do a little anyway. I did just 20 minutes of the tennis Kinect game which burnt 138 calories. It's better than nothing.

I'm not going to be going to bed early tonight. I just really can't wait to see my husband tonight. I'm going to work on the early bedtime this coming week.

Proud of myself for sticking with day 1. Only a few thousand more to go lol.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHRIMSONFYRE 3/15/2014 2:08PM


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STRIVERONE 3/15/2014 2:01AM

    Good show. One day at a time and repeat.

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TMI blog but I think I've found my motivation

Thursday, March 13, 2014

I am not a fan of my impulsive eating, reflection, or mood swings. But until the other night even that all wasn't enough to get my act together.

My husband is an amazing man. He loves me for me, doesn't pressure me to lose weight no matter how much I need to, and when I'm with him I forget my size. He constantly wants me. He constantly says that I have no idea how much he wants me, that I turn him on. When we were getting ready to fall asleep we snuggled up and I could feel his hand brushing over my shoulder and arm. If I don't see my body when we're together like that I feel as beautiful and sexy as he tells me I am.

I want to be the woman my husband sees. i want to be able to not argue with him when he tells me I'm sexy. I want to feel like someone who as irresistible as he says I am. Right now, I don't see how anyone could want me. My self esteem and self confidence can easily be registered below sea level, and my depression is about the height of the Himalayas.

Growing up my mother always commented on women who's shirts were too tight, or showed any sort of bulges. Even when I was less fat I didn't want to wear any shirt that clung to me. I'll wear tighter shirts around my husband on my good days and he loves them but I get disgusted. I really feel like it is just engraved in my mind on what my mother kept saying. I need to work on getting that out of my head and I feel as if my own transformation will help me feel proud of my weight loss accomplishments and more confident to wear shirts that I normally wouldn't.

Today I ate my normal food that I do and NONE of it felt or tasted that good. I think my change of mind is subconsciously changing my taste buds. Or at least I hope it is. This evening I was watching Pitch Perfect, and all I could think about was how amazing Anna Kendrick looked, how I wanted to be able to wear clothes like her and look sexy even in comfy clothes.

Tomorrow is a new day. It will be MY day. I'm gonna make smarter choices. And after I put my son down for the night, around 7:30-8 I'm going to work out and then take a satisfying shower before heading to bed early, which I need to do because I have to work in the mornings. Right now I have the habit of waiting up for my husband to get home around 11:30 and then we get to bed around midnight and my alarm goes off at 7. I know that 7 hours of sleep isn't horrible but in the morning I just don't feel 100%. This is my plan. No more fast food, no more ordering delivery pizza or subs, no more soda, no more cookies. I'm going to focus on fruits and veggies, I may start juicing again (not a pure juice fast or anything, just maybe one a day or something). I'm going to start taking the stairs at my Monday/Wednesday client who lives on the 5th floor of his building too.

I was going to start a workout tonight but it was 10:30 when I came to this revelation and I am always exhausted from the day. This is why planning to workout around 8-8:30 is the best thing. I'll have just enough energy to get it done, relax with a hot shower, and hit bed early. Seems like a perfect plan.

Here we go!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIKEYCO 3/14/2014 1:19PM

    We always say it doesn't matter what other people think about us. All they see is the outside. Yet it is nice when someone sees us how we want to be seen. However, it still comes done to the same thing. It is how we see ourselves and how we feel about ourselves that is most important.

I have mentioned it before how I had that moment that pushed name over the edge. Making this time the time that I will succeed. To me it sounds like you have had that moment.

You know what you need to do, you know what you want to achieve, and you know you have many friends here for you to help you succeed. Now get it done. emoticon

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GOLFINMOMMA 3/13/2014 11:01PM

    Seems like you were reading my mind! How could anyone possibly want this body? But he does. Consider ourselves lucky we have husbands like we do.
Losing weight will help but we need to work on our self worth or our depression, probably should work on both. emoticon emoticon
At least you still have your age going for you.

Comment edited on: 3/13/2014 11:02:12 PM

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Just trying to take it one day at a time

Tuesday, March 04, 2014

Well I messed up with dinner. That McDonalds just got me, but I was honest about it in my food tracker so I could visually see how big of a mistake that was. But I'm gonna try to keep it small for the rest of the day if I get hungry. So far since I binged I've eaten one of those Cutie oranges and a string cheese.

I took a nice relaxing bath earlier so it made me feel kind of refreshed so I'm doing laundry. My little boy hasn't been feeling well, he has a congested cough but still pretty much himself, so I've been catering to his little heart's desires and spending more time with him, which I should do anyway.

Yesterday I scrubbed the kitchen floor on my hands and knees to get out the skuff marks from my son's old tricycle. The front tire split on it so we got him his big boy bike with training wheels that will ONLY be used outside. The skuff marks have been a struggle for us to get out but I finally found the solution. A rough sponge and toothpaste. I had to scrub the toothpaste on the areas and then went over it with the wet sponge and eventually the mop to get the toothpaste off the floor. It took long but it worked, and I burnt about 250 calories doing it too.

Well I'm gonna get off here to have a pillow fight with my little guy. I weighed in on Sunday and went down .2 pounds. Not a lot but still something, and glad it didn't go up any more. Talk to you later.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIKEYCO 3/13/2014 11:17AM

    Don't feel bad about the McDonald's. It happens to all of us sometimes. Just don't let it repeat to often. I was craving fries the other day so I ordered a value fry and traded with my youngest happy meal fry, only 100 calories, and had my Southwest Grilled Chicken salad. Had a bacon cheeseburger the other day and was disappointed wasn't very good so not worth it.

Hope your little one is feeling better.

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Doing better than last blog

Thursday, February 27, 2014

Doing better since my last blog... obviously.. don't really know how it could've gotten worse haha. Well after a good breakdown I was already feeling better. The past couple days I let my eating slip but am trying to get it back in sync. Today I opted for a Chamomile tea with sugar free vanilla at Starbucks (0 calories) instead of my usual Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccino (300 calories). I also chose a 6 inch chicken breast sub at Subway instead of waiting and then bingeing on fast food later.

Every time I try to lose weight and get my eating under control I have trouble at the beginning, even after a small hiccup for a couple of days. Like today, after I bought my sandwich I was driving to my next client. I passed a Little Caesars and was TEMPTED to go through the drive thru for some Crazy Bread. In my mind I was trying to make the argument that 'Just one last time, as a goodbye to unhealthy eating' But that order of Crazy Bread would've then given me an excuse to indulge later too. I would think, 'Well, I already had crazy bread so today's kinda shot, so why not?'. I realized this and actually told myself, "no no no" out loud. So I ate my sandwich on my way to the client, which allowed me to take my time and enjoy it because I'd just take a bite or two at a stoplight.

I've decided to wait a little while before playing the Biggest Loser game for the Kinect until I'm feeling a little better. I did try out the Tennis game and LOVE it. So I'm gonna stick with that one and I may try out the UFC trainer one. Both the tennis and UFC games use an avatar to represent you, while the Biggest Loser actually shows an image of you. (Not your face, but like a blue shadow of yourself and you can see how big you are, it's very accurate)

I'm going to try to work on my water today and stay active instead of vegging out on the couch. Then when my son goes to bed I might do the tennis game again. Well that's my update. Thank for reading.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIKEYCO 2/27/2014 7:58PM

    Good job. Passing up the crazy bread was a great victory. Keep it up.

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STRIVERONE 2/27/2014 3:39PM

    Today was a good day. Finish strong with your plan for more water and activity.

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