Thursday, December 05, 2013
So, this post is going to be part update, part commentary on a detox diet I'm doing with a friend.
WHERE have I been? Sadly, ill. I've been having kidney issues again, starting with a stone and subsequent infection, followed by lots of follow-up tests. I had hoped at least this part of my ill health was behind me, but it's not. I've also been busy with my PhD program, of course, relationship issues, and just trying to remain healthy. There's been so much, I don't really know how to succinctly fill you in on it all, so I won't even try.
My weight has fluctuated a lot these past few months, at least in part to bloating issues from kidney troubles. I'm trying to take it in stride. My clothes fit mostly the same, most days, so I'm fairly confident that if I've regained fat, it's not been that much. But, I'm still frustrated over the gains and eager to try to start losing again.
So, my health is a mess right now, and doctors are either stumped or completely unhelpful. I just keep doing what I do best - Trying. Striving. FIGHTING.
In other news, on Sunday I started an Ayurvedic cleanse with a friend. I'm doing it because I love to experiment, and I figured - why not? Can't hurt anything, and kitchari is a balanced diet actually as long as you add plenty of veggies. I don't know how much I'm "detoxing", but my weight is going down. Jury is still out on whether it's water weight or actual fat, though.
The only other thing to add is that I've finally gotten back into backpacking - with the same friend. Over the past several weeks, we've done two 8+ mile hikes together. During the most recent one (on Black Friday), I pulled a muscle - why, oh why, didn't I think to STRETCH before attempting a long hike? Why didn't it dawn on me?? Sigh. I'm better and wiser, now.
That's about it. I'm still fighting and hanging in there. I've adjusted my weigh-ins to reflect my water weight or fat gains, whichever the case may be. Now I just have to be patient and keep working. As long as I never give up, I'm winning.
Monday, August 19, 2013
I began writing this yesterday, but got too distracted and subsumed with my life. Such is usually the case with me. :|
I have to admit, despite the energy surrounding BLC19 (I love it!!!), some things going on in my personal life have made it really hard for me not only to stick to my goals but to let myself feel awash in all the enthusiasm. I won't go into them here, but I'll just say that they are the sorts of things that can totally derail me. They are issues I haven't faced for several years now, and they have sent me spiraling even deeper into my depression. I was afraid this would happen. I have to work harder to let go of the stress, accept the things I can't control (versus those I can), and appreciate myself better. Most importantly, I need to make sure that I'm not conflating self-punishment with self-love, as I'm wont to do.
Starvation is NOT self-care.
Overeating is NOT a reward or self-care.
Eating healthy meals regularly IS self-care.
Exercise bulimia is NOT self-care.
Not exercising is NOT a reward or self-care.
Regular, demanding (but not painfully or overwhelmingly strenuous) exercise IS self-care.
What else is self-care?
- Regular sleep.
- Taking my medications.
- Daily relaxation.
- Daily stretching.
- Sufficient hydration.
And the list goes on. These are all Spark basics. I was doing really well at nearly all of them and had been for over a year, and then life has that way of coming crashing around my ears. I'm not doing terrible (yet), but I see myself standing at the edge of that slippery slope. It's time to nip this in the bud.
This stress has me so depressed. I almost can't stand it. I keep saying I'm going to hit the gym, but never seem to make it. Tonight - despite complete exhaustion (been up since 4am, only got 5 hours sleep) - I'm REALLY going to take the time to go. I'll regret spending the time, but I'll regret not spending the time, too. Since I had to get rid of my home recumbent bike (don't ask), I've been miserable. Since I've been unable to ride my real bike with my husband, I've been super sad. Since I've been in such pain and uncomfortable walking far distances, I've been grumpy. The bottom line, I'm missing intense cardio. Sure, I've been exercising - did over 200 minutes last week - but it's not the same as the intense, 30+ minute, 170 bpm sessions I've come to rely on for my well-being.
Basically, I need an endorphin infusion. It won't cure my depression, and it won't make the stressors in my life any less painful, but darn it, it will make me feel better for a little while. And maybe I'll at least be able to sleep better tonight.
So, I'm going to make a smoothie. I'm going to put on the BodyMedia (which I haven't worn in 3 days again). I'm currently charging the iPod, which was dead, so that I can head to the gym. I've even picked out my clothes. I'm going to get some protein and fruit in the smoothie, drink a bunch of water, and then head out. I also started lunches for the rest of the week (chicken chili), and set aside what I'm eating for dinner tonight. When I come home, I'll be able to shower, relax, tally BLC19 Week 1 points (wooooohoooo!), work on my manuscript for awhile, read, and then go to bed for a decent night's rest.
Oh, and after the BLC19 rules I posted last week, I can report the following: I have fixed up my home office (painted, moved furniture, etc.), my apartment is less cluttered (and not so unbearably dirty), and I walked over 5 miles last week (but I lost track after that). This week, I'm going to take a step back and be more simple:
Just take good, gentle, real care of yourself, Kate. You'll survive this period of your life better if you do. And you will survive it. You always do. I've never known anyone who fights as hard as you do.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Yes, it's Week 0, i.e., the start of BLC Season 19. You can't imagine, seriously, how excited I am for this. During the build up, I didn't think I was overly thrilled, but now that it's actually taking off, I'm so stoked. I can't wait to see what this season has in store for myself, my body, and my team.
That said, I need to lay a few ground rules for myself this BLC. I've been, frankly, slacking of late. Not in a horrific way, but I've just lost my gusto. Some of it is chronic pain and fatigue, along with a healthy dose of depression, but some of it is good, old-fashioned laziness. I've not been living my GSD lifestyle of late.
But I have the chance to change! We always have the opportunity to change, and I plan to seize it. So, here are ground rules for myself for BLC19:
1) I only get to take the elevator first thing in the morning, and only THEN if I am carrying something heavy.
2) I need to go stair running OR jogging every day.
3) I need to eat regular meals. I need to watch portions. I need to track calories again because I'm not eating the same as I was.
4) I need to use my new bike at least twice a week.
5) I need to walk my dogs regularly, preferably every day. They love it, and so do I.
6) I bought a BodyMedia - I need to wear it EVERY day.
7) I need to go to bed by 10pm every night. I need to try to wake up by 6 am every morning. Including weekends.
8) I need to keep my apartment clean and welcoming. I need to remind F that when he comes home on weekends, he's entering my space and he should similarly keep our space clean and welcoming.
9) I need to work hard, every day. If I lose my focus, I should exercise and then return to working.
10) I need to walk at least 5 miles each week, preferably 10,000 steps a day (which is about 14 miles per week the way that I walk).
These are a lot of rules, and there are more I could add. They're flexible rules (I know, I know - defeats the purpose of calling them "rules" if they're flexible, right?). Not flexible in the sense that they can be broken, however. Flexible in the sense that they are free to evolve to fit my needs, goals, and abilities. I get credit for trying to meet the rules, but I am not free to outright break them.
So, here I go. I didn't stair run today as planned, so I best go home and jog. Maybe I should take those dogs with me and kill two rules with one action?
Monday, July 29, 2013
Are you ready for the next BLC? I sure am! Sign-ups are now open for season 19, which will run for 8 weeks from Sunday August 11 - Sunday October 6. The link to the sign up form is at the bottom of this page, but be sure to look over the rules before signing up. Hope to see you soon!
------BLC 19 Rules-------
BLC 19 (Biggest Loser Challenge Season 19), will last from August 11 - October 6. (8 weeks)
Sign Ups will be open from Friday, July 26th at 6 pm PST until Thursday August 8th at midnight PST. After this point, late sign-ups will be added to the waiting/alternate lists for teams. Alternate players may be added to teams through before Week 4 in the event that other players forfeit or become disqualified.
Anyone is eligible to participate in this BLC provided you satisfy both of the following criteria:
a) You were 20-something years old when you joined the “20 Somethings with 100+ lbs to lose” team. It is okay if you are older then this now, however you must have been a member when you were 20-something years old.
b) You had 100+ pounds to lose when joining the “20 Somethings with 100+ lbs to lose” team. No matter where you are now, it just matters that when you joined the team you had at least 100 pounds to lose.
Sign up using the provided electronic form below. There will be three teams, capped at 35 members. An alternate pool will be established, and alternates may be added up to Week 4. Teams are filled on a first come, first serve basis.
Once assigned to a team, you will receive a welcome e-mail and the link to join the BLC #19 Spark page. If teams fill, we will send out invitations beginning one week prior to play to allow players time to orient themselves to the challenge rules and to meet their fellow team mates. Otherwise, we will send out Spark page invitations no later than Friday August 9th.
Your initial weigh-in is due no later than Sunday, August 11th at midnight PST in order to play. Failure to make the initial weigh-in without contacting a team leader ahead of time will result in disqualification from the challenge.
All members of BLC 19 must post a weekly weigh-in on the provided electronic form each Sunday by midnight PST. If you are unable to weigh-in for any reason, an excused absence may be obtained by contacting one of the BLC 19 team leaders BEFORE midnight PST on Sunday. More than 2 unexcused absences (other then the initial weigh-in, which results in immediate disqualification) will result in disqualification. More than 3 excused absences will also result in disqualification since this is only an 8 week season.
In addition to weekly weigh-ins, team members have the option to earn points by their activity, communication, participation in weekly challenges, and blogging. This season, there will be points awarded for both Healthy Habits and Weekly challenges (see below for more details).
At the end of BLC 19, both individual and team winners for Biggest Loser and Challenge Points will be announced. Do it for yourself - do it for the glory! :)
Treat all members and leaders with respect at all times. Leaders reserve the right to remove disruptive members at any time, at their discretion.
Have fun and lose weight the healthy way! Remember, even though this is a weight-loss competition, you are more than the number on a scale; we care more about participation and progress, not perfection. We are here to help you, so please reach out whenever you need it.
If you have read all of the rules above and agree, you may sign up by clicking the link below. Members will be invited to the group once all team members have been assigned, or by Friday August 9th, whichever comes first.
WEEKLY POINTS BREAKDOWN
This season, we're offering two ways to earn points for yourself and your team. One is through Healthy Habits, which remain the same throughout the entire challenge. The other is through two weekly challenges, in which one may be a Fitness, Nutrition, or Motivation Challenge. There will also be a Bonus challenge each week.
1. Exercise at least 100 minutes each week.
2. Stay within your calorie range each day this week (includes WW points or meal plans).
3. Drink at least 8 cups (4 liters) of water each day this week.
4. Support at least 1 team member AND post at least once in your team thread this week.
5. Write a Weekly Update Blog (WUB).
Fitness Challenge: Fitness challenges push you to try new things or to incorporate tried and true fitness methods into your workouts.
Nutrition Challenge: Nutrition challenges encourage you to improve your eating habits and lose weight with safe, healthy dieting.
Motivation Challenge: Motivation challenges aim to boost your morale and help you keep your goals in sight.
Bonus Challenge: Bonus challenges may be of any of the three types, but will never be of the same type as the weekly challenge. (For example, if the weekly challenge is a nutritional challenge, the bonus challenge will be either a fitness or a motivation challenge).
Your BLC 19 Leaders:
Make sure to contact any of us if you have questions or concerns about the BLC!
Sign Up Here:
You can also try this direct link:
Thursday, July 25, 2013
Why do I procrastinate? This is something I've been considering for some time, not only as it pertains to my health goals but also other personal goals. Why does it take me so long to accomplish even simple, little goals? In fact, it sometimes seems like the smaller goals are the ones that I am most prone to shove to the back burner.
I can think of several generic reasons why I procrastinate. Often, it has to do with FEAR. Fear of failure or perhaps fear of the unknown. I don't like change, many of us don't. I also don't like to be wrong or imperfect, even if no one else can see the choices I'm making or what I'm doing. So, it's easier to put off making the decision or doing anything than to deal with the fear of being imperfect, wrong, or potentially failing.
The other side of procrastination, though, is true laziness. Sometimes I just don't want to do it. I'm in pain, I would rather do something else, I'm distracted, tired, or bored. If it's unpleasant or inconvenient, it's easier to put it off, too.
So, how does a person STOP procrastination in its tracks? If I had a magic bullet, I would be shouting it to the world. Unfortunately, I do not have a fix for this plague of humanity. Everyone procrastinates. (As Garfield the Cat aptly put it: Why procrastinate today what you can procrastinate tomorrow?) Sometimes, though, it's truly in our best interests to face whatever it is enabling our procrastination and, frankly, Get Sh*t Done (GSD). This is what I'm calling living the "GSD Lifestyle". Anyone care to join me?
**How I'm going to live the GSD Lifestyle:**
1) Keep daily and weekly checklists. Actually FILL OUT those checklists, too. This is something I appreciate about the SparkPeople challenges that I've done and led. Each week, you weigh in and reflect on healthy habits, earn points, etc. Why not adopt this attitude to the rest of my life, too? Unfortunately, if you don't actually fill out the checklists, it's just more sh*t I'm not getting done.
2) Learn how to be self-accountable. This ties in with #1, but takes it a step further. I need to take the time, every day, to reflect on whether I'm holding myself back, making excuses, or afraid. I need to self-soothe, and take responsibility for my procrastination. This will be all about the self-talk. It will be all about checking in with myself as if I were a third party, taking care of myself, and dissecting any hidden motives I may have for putting things off. This is especially critical if I notice something on a to-do list being consistently bumped further and further down the list. Is it really that I don't have time for it right now, or is it me not getting sh*t done? If it's a failure of GSD, I know exactly what to do. Just do it.
3) Look for patterns and steel myself against fear. I'm a person who lives in constant fear. I already know this about myself. Fear is a natural, true emotion. I have legitimate reasons for fearing certain things, and the rest of it is just that I'm a naturally anxious person. It's okay. I can love and accept who I am… and still GSD. It's going to be about striking a happy balance between those legitimate fears and fears that keep me from the GSD lifestyle I want.
So, how have I GSD'd today? It may not sound like much to others, but today:
1) I checked some items off my to-do list that had been being bumped for almost 2 weeks.
2) I explored a new solution to a constant problem that I had previously been too afraid to explore.
3) I re-committed to my GSD lifestyle, and prepared to start doing those daily and weekly checklists every day.
4) I wrote this blog post, an idea I first had almost 3 weeks ago and kept putting off.
See? I'm GSD - for today, at least. Tonight I bike ride, then get some more sh*t done. Please reply to this blog if you are committed to a GSD lifestyle, and how you do it!
I'm not artistically inclined whatsoever, but here is a GSD badge I made for myself:
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