Thursday, November 07, 2013
Hopefully my possibly good news turns into actually good news.
I am teaching two more sections of Intro Biology at Lindenwood next year, and today I started talking with another small college called McKendree to teach Chemistry. One would be a General Chemistry lab and one would be an Organic Chemistry lab *gasp*! Someoneís gonna need to relearn Organic ASAP! Then in addition they want me to maybe teach the associated Organic class Ė again *eeeeep*! It conflicts with my Biology classes though, so until I find out if they can move it, I donít know if I will teach it.
So instead of only teaching one class like I am this semester for $800 a month *sigh*, I would be making $1600 at Lindenwood + whatever at McKendree = I can finally pay my bills and work on all of the credit card debt Iíve managed to get myself into! I hate not being able to take care of myself financially, it just makes you feel like a worthless adult when you canít afford to move out on your own. Grad school definitely put me financially behind my friends. I had a few weak moments this month where friends were posting about their brand new cars or giant new homes on Facebook, and it was a rough reality check for me. I do not care about that stuff. I donít need a new car or a giant house, heck its not even something I would want to brag about ever on FB, but thereís always a voice in the back of your head telling you that you arenít keeping up with the Joneses.
Fitness wise I havenít had any excuses not to work out. Iíve been averaging 4 days a week at the gym for good cardio sessions and strength training, and still swimming at least one day a week. Iíve also tried to do more walking during the day and less sitting around.
Food wise I suck, lol. I am trying to do everything right in the gym but then I sabotage myself in the kitchen. PMS + Halloween = I ate a lot of candy bars. Iím not even going to lie about it. I ate A LOT of them. But Iím not going to freak out about it Ė Iím moving past it and moving on.
I took my measurements yesterday. I am definitely a pear! 36Ē bust, 31Ē natural waist, 35Ē waist where my jeans sit aaaaaaand 45Ē hips. Iíve got a ghetto booty and I know it! Working out in the gym has made it rise up and get rounder. So even though Iím still having issues with jeans not fitting like they used to, its for different reasons.
I have a bicep now too! Iíve learned more of the machines in the gym so I now have a leg day and an arm day Ė and I learned swimming breaststroke after arm day is punishment! Leg day is helping the booty and my thighs feel stronger. Oddly enough my ankles have gotten skinny. Even at 300# I didnít really have cankles since my calf muscles are really large, but now my ankles are getting all tendony and skinny. I wish it was my waist that was shrinking but I guess we canít be picky, lol.
I somehow have just been avoiding the scale. Iím sticking to avoiding it for awhile I think. I donít need it to tell me that Iím not doing well with weightloss. Iím getting more muscle so I just donít want to be discouraged that Iím still over 190 at this point.
So goals for November Ė get the food under better control and learn Organic chemistry!
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
I've been busy that's for sure. Still working out. TRYING to eat well. I've been tracking my food and have been below my burn but I still can't seem to lose weight. I AM losing inches though. I physically look smaller. But I'm doing more strength training = muscle = more mass/less space.
I'm going to go on a bit of a rant. I knooooow you can't target your weight loss, but it is still annoying as all get out to still see a muffin top, but to instead see your boobs shrink! I apparently lose my weight in my wrists/face/and ribcage before I do anything to my belly or thighs. I physically got rid of my upper arm skin/fat since that wasn't going anywhere, but now I have a weird rib cage. You know how some people say, "I'm not fat, I'm just big-boned" -- well I do have a large frame. I'm 5'10" so I'm physically taller, but i also have a large ribcage. So no matter how "thin" I get, my ribs just look unnatural. Right now with the boob shrinkage (cringe) my ribs stick out more than my boobs do in a sports bra. I just have to ignore it when I go to the gym and not cringe with how flat a sports bra makes you.
In the past two weeks I've started to get a shrunken in upper rib cage, and can see a lot of bones... but still have a flabby tummy and somewhat of a FUPA. Its sooooooo frustrating!
In positive news, by butt has been lifted several inches, my arms are not only stronger, but they are firmer and less jiggly, and I have forced myself to workout throughout allergy season and not used any excuses to skip a workout.
Well there was one... my grandma passed on the 10th, and her funeral was that next Thursday, so there was a bit of an obvious upset and family time. I pounded my way through a workout after I found out about her passing, but it was an odd mixture of being sad that she was gone coupled with the fact that she was suffering and is now in a better place... So you don't need to send condolences -- I've had time to work through it and its relieved a lot of pressure/stress from the family as a whole.
I'm still on the job hunt -- throwing applications out into the ether it seems. We'll see what's up for next semester but I am freakin' B-R-O-K-E!
Everyone has been bugging me about wedding planning lately too. I don't know why people think I should already be dress shopping -- don't they know I'm going to get in super duper awesome shape before I try on dresses? That's one of my motivations for the increased strength training. I need the MoBama arms!
My anniversary was this weekend. Its been a whirlwind year with TJ. I think it worked out well for me ;-) He's such a non-planner though. For as sappy and sweet as he is, he is really clueless. No card... no... anything. I got him a card though. He just didn't grow up with parents who were affectionate, and I always saw my dad getting flowers for my mom and cards and presents... He even has told me he keeps reading the card I got him over and over, and he's starting to catch on about the sentiment. One of my friends texted me "it doesn't matter if he does anything, your anniversary will be special because you are with someone who loves you more than anything else in the world."
It ended up just being a lazy day where we played video games and then went out for dinner and dessert. I've been having really bad allergy migraines for the past two weeks, so I was okay with our anniversary. I still would like him to step up and at least show SOME kind of effort on days like that. We talked about it, and he's starting to come around and realize what I'm talking about.
That's about it. I got a tape measure, so tonight I'm going to take all of my measurements and hopefully be able to see SOME numbers move, even if its not on the scale.
Thursday, October 10, 2013
I mentioned before that I won my Diet Bet. I joined the myfitsperation diet bet. MyFitsperation.com is run by Hannah and Olivia from BL 11. I love those girls. They were the main motivation for my booty to get off the couch and workout. Seriously -- that season with Courtney and Irene and the sisters was my main motivation to stop wanting to be on the Biggest Loser, and start becoming a biggest loser... and if I do say so myself, I have managed to lose more % body weight than most of the contestants on the show (excluding the winners of course).
But anyway -- I like those two ladies -- so I finally jumped in and did a Diet Bet to get some $$ motivation to lose weight. I joined the YMCA with my mom. Started working out -- and am trying to lose the 20# of happy fat I gained dating my boyfriend -- scratch that -- fiance. Its weird getting used to calling him that.
Anywho -- I started the diet bet at 200.4 (GASP -- my evil evil evil number 2## was back!) I ended it at 191.8! I did a little low calorie, not really eating, mostly drinking day the last day of the challenge to make sure I would be under my goal weight. So I haven't tracked it on Spark until I make sure that 192 sticks. So for those that don't know, with a Diet Bet you pay in a certain amount of money determined by the people who set up the bet. This one was $25. There was over $37,000 in the pot for this particular Diet Bet since it was one of the larger ones. Since these girls and Jillian Michaels were on TV -- their Diet Bets are a little bigger. More people join in. AND more people join and don't finish... so sometimes the payouts are bigger than on the smaller office bets.
What's nice is you could set up a Bet with your co-workers, your friends, random bets on the website -- theres lots of challenges. I don't think I'll do another one. I know my body. I was bloated and eating badly when I joined. Now that I've gotten a month of exercise in, I'm not sure my body is ready to lose at the 2# a week momentum for another Diet Bet. I would need to lose about 7-8# per diet bet in 28 days -- and while I got that initial "heck yea" workout weight loss, I'm not sure I could maintain this pace. I'll stick to my turtle pace... slow and steady wins the race. (okay rant -- Steve Harvey was advertising how to lose 9# in a week on his show -- seriously?! Stuff like that is why people get discouraged).
BUT I digress... I put in $25. I got back $46. So I almost doubled my money -- which unfortunately means a lot of people did not meet their goals. In a way I'm happy that I somehow made $20 off of working out -- but bad because it means so many people lost their money and maybe their motivation to work out... so I'm torn. I'm not doing another one.
I'm off to the gym to get in my Thursday morning workout. I'm feeling more toned. Getting the 8# of fat off my body has helped. I think part of my problem was I was adding muscle while trying to lose weight, so I think I more than lost the 8# of fat -- but might have added a # or 2 of muscle. My stomach is not as bloated. My pants are fitting better -- or I might need to wash them (they're dry clean only work pants!)... haha and I only wear them when I teach the 5 hours a week... so yea... I'm going with they fit better because I'm smaller. I really do need to find my tape measure...
Oh and randomly I got a rejection e-mail at my school e-mail address... Which I haven't used for official job applications since like February or maybe March -- so one company literally took 6-8 months to send me a rejection letter! Seriously!? Its almost funny!
Well off to "work" it out at the gym. I figure I've got the time -- I'm going to work on me!
Monday, October 07, 2013
So the wifi at this school is crap... what am I supposed to do before class other than goof off on my laptop? I guess a Spark blog is in order.
Today was the weigh-in day for my Diet Bet. I made it... barely... and the last loss was mostly water weight as I avoided salt, hydrated completely, and ate under my calories yesterday in a mini-fast. But I needed 192.4, and I weighed in at 192.2. I couldnít get my ring off or it might have been 192.0 ;-)
And now I wait... They already had me resubmit my photos, so hopefully they arenít going to nitpick the results to death. I actually did lose weight. I also gained muscle. I can definitely see more definition in my arms. The plan is to weight train again today or maybe tomorrow. After Iím done proctoring this test (the second one Iím giving to this class) Ė- the plan is to go home and hit the gym hard again. Some cardio and then the pool. Maybe weights... I dunno, I might wait until tomorrow just in case they make me do some crazy weigh in again thing for the official results.
Now hereís my whole take on this... It was incredibly motivating for the first three weeks... and then I hit a plateau. And then my Diet Bet turned me a liiiiiittle bit more resentful than I would have been had it just been a regular old plateau. Iím used to dealing with those. I know I was gaining muscle and my body was adjusting, but with the constant Diet Bet reminders and e-mails I was getting a little frustrated with my lack of a loss. Now donít get me wrong. Iím doing good overall. 1-2 pounds a week is healthy, and thatís what Iím doing right now. Iím in it for the long haul Ė but it was going to really piss me off if I didnít win this Diet Bet.
My stubbornness kicked in hardcore this weekend to make sure I didnít go off the rails completely... I did however have my dadís birthday. I made him an apple strudel for breakfast with fresh apples Ė sooooo yum. Just had a small piece. Then my friends mother was in the hospital so I made her sumb*tches cookies from How I Met Your Mother --- they were beeeeeyond good. So I had a few too many of those... like five (gasp!). And of course we went out for lunch with my dad to his favorite pizza place (facepalm) Ė so I had the food against me all day Saturday. Sunday I was 100% in charge of the food. I did mostly liquids and fruit/veggies Ė and super hydrated to get all of the salt from Saturday out of my system.
I also caught up on all of my grading for this class Ė so hopefully this week wonít be too much of a bother time wise. My first paycheck finally came. Its depressingly small. Teaching once class is not enough for me to live off of, so Iím digging into savings. BUT now I can use my depressingly small paystub to show to the student loan company, that I am in fact, not making any money and cannot pay them $1000/month like they want me to.
I heard through the grapevine that I would be getting two classes of intro Biology next semester. So this same class, but just two sections of it. That will help a lot. Two classes would put me back in the pay bracket that I was in during grad school. And depending on how long it takes for my parents to sell their house (where Iím currently living rent free) Ė I can get back on my feet a little bit. Still havenít heard back on the job front elsewhere, but Iím still applying...
So to fill up my time I am still 100% committed to getting back into the 170s. I was flipping through old photos on my phone Ė I hit 179 way back in July of 2012... Ouch... I have definitely been yo-yoing for a year and a half. 185-200-190-195-188-198-191-200-192.... This is bad for my health. I need to lock this crap down. Oh well Ė gotta go watch everyone panic and freak out taking a test on material they should have studied for.... (man I sound so much like my old teachers its scary!)
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