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Transitions and eating my feelings

Sunday, August 04, 2013

The only thing that has been constant in my life for the last few months has been change. And I know that I have been eating my feelings for the past few weeks, feeling myself backsliding, not gaining anything back, thank God, but not losing, and not feeling very good, physically and mentally.

The huge thing in my life now: I am getting divorced. Like many people in that situation, my ex pisses me off from time to time. So now I have an "x" factor in my life. We have no kids, but we have a few things we have to work on before the divorce is final. I can only deal with him in small doses; we are trying to keep it civil, but it's not working really well if I have to deal with him for longer periods of time. And EVERY TIME that happens, I feel like going to Taco Bell and eating everything on the damn menu. emoticon

I have also moved my office to my home which has led to serious disorganization and having to find extra time in my day to unpack and reorganize. Also, many clients now think that because I work from home I am available 24/7 which I need to curb, as I still do need my down time. Got texts and calls from some today on A SUNDAY.... no, not going to answer these calls, I know it's not a bleeding from the head emergency so - enough is enough!! emoticon

I am starting a new business which has met some very unexpected snags, so my partners and I have had to reformulate our whole business plan; fortunately, this will be up and running very soon based on our conversations, and hopefully my retirement plan will no longer be "dying on the courthouse steps." We are all learning as we go, as this business incorporates stuff we know but is outside of our comfort zones. Been busy formulating privacy policies and terms and conditions and doing legal research to determine what we need to do to get up and running. My partners are polar opposites emotion-wise though both are smart and sweet; one is a pessimist and assumes that nothing going to work, and the other is an eternal optimist insisting that we will find a way to do everything. I am the lawyer in the middle of these two awesome guys who says stuff may not work but we'll find a way around it. Which is what we're doing now. emoticon

I am also starting to rejuvenate my social life to the extent it can be so far, getting together with old friends and trying to meet new ones. In a lot of cases, some of the right words are coming from the wrong mouths; for the most part the attention I want I'm not really getting, and the attention I don't want is coming out of the woodwork and bombarding me. After 13 years out of the game, I seriously don't understand dating anymore, so I'm comfortable where I'm at for now, but have doubts as to whether I will ever be able to survive out there.

All of these stressors, both good and bad, have led to my temporary sideline on my weight loss ventures. Down 104 pounds and stuck. Tired a lot, a little depressed I think. Can't afford the medication so once again my health is MY RESPONSIBILITY. But I think that this is even more reason for me to stick to my routine, to work out whether I want to or not, to eat well. I have to run on my premium fuel. Just writing this is helping me sort it out and feel better!! I am not giving up just because my life is upside down!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JENB145 8/5/2013 12:42PM

Feeling the ex husband thing. We have been divorced for almost 15 years now, and I still get physically ill when I have to deal with him.

Blogging helps. I know it helps me. In the lowest times in my life, I have always kept a journal to help me sort things out.

Be strong!

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Loving going to court

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Today I went to court on one of my cases. Again it was a court I have not been in for quite a while, probably about at least six months. I got a lot of comments, even from the judge, about how much weight I've lost. Felt pretty good!! I just love it when people do that and ask me what I'm doing.... I gladly say sparkpeople!! yay!


I'm inspiring???

Thursday, July 18, 2013

One huge thing I have gotten out of losing 104 pounds besides the fact that I have lost 104 pounds..... I am inspiring others!

I have signed up 3 more people under my name on this site. I've been to court in front of people who haven't seen me in a few months and I'm hearing people asking if I've had weight loss surgery, that I look great, that they didn't even recognize me, etc. More than one person has asked me what I'm doing, and I tell them! That I'm doing it old school, eating right and exercising and they can't believe it. I've gotten more than one comment on my page and sparkmail stating that I'm an inspiration to the senders.

Who would have thought when I was standing on my doctor's scale crying over my weight that I would be here? I wouldn't have. I had tried and failed so many times before that, and it's still a day to day thing, but I'm doing it now! So anyone else out there who's reading my blog here today, YOU CAN DO THIS. If I can, anyone can. Allow this site to help you get your mind straight, the rest will follow. Just keep going!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LAWANDMUSIC 7/18/2013 7:47PM

    You are inspiring! Thanks for your post. You give me hope!

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To a rude comment maker

Monday, October 29, 2012

I am writing this on this site because I think that everyone on here has been here...... the idiot who makes a comment which is barely framed with any kind of tact, and is actually really rude.

I, like many people, have a facebook page. The picture on it that I chose for my profile was taken a time ago, but is probably one of my best pictures since it was taken at one of my lowest weights. It's only a face shot, but you can still see I am overweight - duh! In the past, I've gotten lots of compliments on that picture. anyway, this a$$hole who is friends with my cousin and I have repeatedly had the debate over health insurance, specifically the mandate to buy it or be penalized. I don't care where someone stands on this issue here.... the point I was trying to make to this idiot is I can't afford insurance for me or my family, it's priced where I can't get it, about $1000.00 a month for me and my husband only; I am self employed and with my diabetes it's out of reach - they can't make it affordable to me and even though it's illegal to turn me down, it has the same effect. I am a lawyer but I am not rich, I have dedicated my practice to helping a lot of people who would otherwise not be able to afford legal services. However, I still make too much to be considered "poor."

Anyway, this know it all has made commentary in the past about the "fact" that I must not be a very good lawyer if I don't have the money to afford insurance. I've largely ignored this..... He has no idea what it took for me to become a lawyer, that I paid my own way through, that I started my practice on a shoestring, that my clients are not high income clients, and that recently, more and more sole practitioners are suffering in this economy - all of my friends who do this for a living are concentrating more on collecting what's owed to them and are otherwise totally tapped on all their resources. This guy does not know me, he certainly does not know me personally. But then he commented that I should do the responsible thing and buy insurance so that he doesn't have to pay my imminent health bills, and he said imminent because based on my picture, it looks like I have impending diabetes and heart disease.

I'm sorry, but what a total prick..... pardon the language, but sometimes it fits! I have been diabetic since my early 20's before I was this overweight. It runs in my family. and I was really pissed off since I thought that picture looked good, at least compared to what I was previously! after briefly responding to him, I blocked the son of a bitch, reported the comment to facebook, told my cousin that she had some really rude friends..... I don't need that B.S. in my life. That's bullying as far as I'm concerned.

So to the SOB who made that comment, thank you, you have strengthened my resolve to continue to get healthy, to pick up again where I left off. Now you can drop dead and go straight to hell, F*** you and your commentary to a person you know absolutely nothing about. emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMSLAW 7/10/2013 9:13AM

    if only that jackass could see me now.... just got my doctor's word from my appointment on Monday - down 50 pounds from last year's weight, my labs were great, my blood pressure is great, and my A1C is in the range of "under control" - down about 4 points from where it started when I began this venture! and the computer in his office "flagged" my weight loss as a possible error, saying it was too much of a swing, please double check - AWESOME!!

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SMILES4383 10/30/2012 12:02PM

    I absolutely LOVE the FB BLOCK option.
I've used it frequently at the first sign of confrontation.
I am not on FB to argue with people's stupid ideas.
In this day of information - ignorance is a choice.
So is rude.

You do not have to tolerate that kind of JUNK on your own page.

Click BLOCK ... they will never see your posts and never be able to bother you again. If they don't like it - TOO BAD.
They can learn to be polite and respectful.

You deserve the best -- Wishing you the very best of success as you strive toward that.

emoticon Terri

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LATVIAN_SANDY 10/30/2012 11:07AM

    That is unbelievable that an adult can say something like that - I guess some people never grow up. Good for you for standing up to him! Wishing you wellness and success in your healthy living! emoticon

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ALISHAB3 10/29/2012 9:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon kick his a$$. ok, only verbally, not literally, as you are a lawyer that would be harder to defend in court.

Btw, my health insurance is over 600 dollars/month. If health care were affordable, then diabetes and heart disease (both manageble with minimal visits to the hospital) would be more manageable from a fiscal perspective. Treating the blood sugar issues is much easier than paying for a trip to the ER because somebody has a catastrophic event (passes out and falls down a flight of stairs.) Treating minor issues early is always much less expensive than waiting and being required to treat a massive coronary. Sheesh. Why don't people understand?? Having a healthy population is much less expensive period.

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SMSLAW 10/29/2012 3:25PM

    Thank you all my Spark friends! You guys are just the rah rah rah I need!

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CALICOANNEFLINT 10/29/2012 12:49PM

    People are jerks! I'm sorry you had to deal with this one. Good for you for not letting it get you down, and for (rightfully so) being angry about it!

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BARBANNA 10/29/2012 12:44PM

    I agree with the above. Thanks God we have wonderful people like you in the world. You are a Robinhood that helps a lot of people. Don't let one spoled apple ruin the whole bunch. God bless you and keep protecting the innocent.

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1CRAZYDOG 10/29/2012 12:19PM

    This is exactly why I don't have a facebook acct. Too many nasties out there that I don't feel like dealing with

As for you . . . well, YOU ROCK!!! You are doing what your heart tells you to. You are helping those who have no other place to turn to for help. You are taking care of yourself the best you can and aiming to get healthier. Sounds like that's more than the rude commenter is able to do!

Hang in there. HUGS

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IOEINC 10/29/2012 10:55AM

    I agree with everything!! And why pardon your language!! You would call a rose a rose wouldn't you??? It always amazes me what people think they can say and when you fight back, are totally clueless that what they said was evil and hurtful. Ignore people like that and concentrate on your goals. You can do it!! And we are all here for support!!!

You rock!!!


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HELLENACKERMAN 10/29/2012 10:42AM

    WTG! I have my facebook page private and only people that are my friends can see and comment on things! I don't use it a whole lot anyway but it is a nice way to keep track of family and school friends that are out of town now.

God for you for turning his hatred into a positive incident that will make you work harder!!

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SFREY217 10/29/2012 10:40AM

    I am sorry that you were abused by such a jerk. It never ceases to amaze me that people will make a judgement call on someone they don't even know. I commend you for choosing to help those who can't afford legal council. I work for a free clinic, and have people wonder why I don't get a "real" job. Trust me my job is VERY real. Just keep doing what you're doing and ignore the jerks.

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Saturday, May 26, 2012

One thing I am struggling with is finding balance in my life. Ironic, isn't it, I work in a profession where the scales of justice is the symbol, I have one on my letterhead and I have one in my office, and I CAN'T FIND BALANCE.

Either I'm kicking butt at work or kicking butt on my weight loss efforts, it never seems that I can do both. One always suffers. Anyone have any tips out there, I'd appreciate it, because I'm a little discouraged! Leave a comment on my spark page, pull a fellow member out of the quicksand! :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

AUNTB63 5/28/2012 10:19AM

    Balance in my opinion is one of the hardest things to accomplish. Obviously your work load is just that...but your journey here could be broken up in smaller sections to stay focused. This is not an all or nothing journey. Perhaps you could schedule an appointment for yourself everyday for some "me" time. Use this to take a walk or plan some healthy meals or catch up on SP. If you can't block off, let's say an hour, maybe 10 minute breaks would work better. Although I no longer work I do have a busy schedule and take time in the AM to Spark and plan my daily meals while drinking permitting I walk in the afternoon and in the evening I track my foods etc. Don't know if this will help you, but I am trying to pull you out of the quicksand.
Have a good Memorial Day.....try to stay healthy and enjoy. emoticon

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