Monday, January 20, 2014
It all started when I had my first surgery at the tender age of 4 years old. I had my tonsils taken out (with Ether) and screamed and cried from the pain. The nurses gave me ice cream to numb the pain and to comfort me. I know how it started. And so because I was alone much of the time, I ate to comfort myself and to punish myself. I was a chubby child and a chubette teenager. I never dated or went to a Prom. Who would want to be seen with me? I got married and had children with special needs, I ballooned up even more. Each year a milestone in gaining. Always taking care of someone for years and years. I wasn't angry at what life had given me. I always blamed myself for my lack of self control. It was no one else's fault but mine. My relatives made my life miserable with their veiled insults and with their (unhelpful) suggestions. I kept gaining. I had radical surgery, called a small-intestine bypass for morbidly obese people. I was one of 600 patients that had this experimental surgery. A lot of the other's died from the complications of the surgery. Mine took and I lost all the fat. The only problem was I dropped down to 98 pounds and was still losing. The doctor decided I was probably going to die and so he reconnected my intestines in an effort to save my life. As soon as I was home again, I started gaining instantly. I mean instantly. I would put on 10 pounds a week until I was even past even what I had weighed before. Life has been hard for me and so I gave up. I found Spark People by accident and loved Spark Guy for making this website for everyone. I had no money for a gym or any tools that I could access. But I can track here and find exercise to do and relearn how to take care of myself. I am finally learning to put myself first, not last. And I am learning that I am important. That was something I never ever thought of. To love myself and that it is alright to love myself. I am indebted to Spark People for I had given up on myself. But doing the tracking and 10 minutes of exercise and all that water and reading and reading Spark pages. I found I did have the strength in me. I can lose weight. I can do it and so can you.