 
 
 
Guess I should "Get Over It"Wednesday, November 18, 2009Have been having a very emotional month, with Empty Nest coming on like a freight train, timing perfectly with the holidays. DS has been invited by his "girlfriend" to Thanksgiving dinner to meet her family. I told him to tell them that she won't even SPEAK to HIS family. Found out earlier the day I was informed of this invitation, that my MIL isn't coming either, as she's trying to move. (thought she wasn't moving til Jan) So. It's only DH & I. I'm very depressed. My oldest DD was from a previous marriage, so we've "always" had children. And then Christmas, which I've always been like "Mother Christmas" around here, & I'm quickly losing incentive to do anything for either holiday. Of course, I've allowed this to put my diet & exercise in the dumper. My marriage isn't awful, but between health issues & finances, we just kind of co-habitate. (sp?) (platonic ok) Don't know what else to say. Back to work. 
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JILLWILSON2102
11/19/2009 11:05AM
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I can totally empathize with you. Since my children moved away and my family all live in other states the holidays are very difficult for me as well. I have been invited the last few years to my girlfriend's home for Thanksgiving. She and her husband are very close with me and I enjoy spending time with them and their family. They have no children so its always full of sisters, brothers and other folks. It makes the day very bright for me. Perhaps you might invite some of your friends over to share the meal with you. If that doesn't work, you might look at starting a new tradition with your DH and yourself, do something new. It might add a little spark to an otherwise dull day! Thank you for sharing your dilemma...it is very hard and I appreciate the emptiness you are feeling 
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KMIRANDA2000
11/18/2009 7:54PM
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Give serious thought to volunteering on Thanksgiving morning to visit a nursing home. There are many elderly who never see anyone on the holidays. It may seem strange, but we did this two years in a row...my husband, daughter and I. We asked the receptionist who typically doesn't get visitors and she pointed us in the right direction. We felt so good afterwards. That's what the holidays are really about...caring for others. Comment edited on: 11/18/2009 7:55:16 PM |
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DAWNWS1
11/18/2009 3:48PM
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I'm so sorry the holidays are rough for you this year! I never understood that feeling before, but now I do, as this will be the second Christmas without my dad and his brother, and the first without my grandmother. Christmas is just not what it was and the empty spaces seem so much bigger this time of year. But, I know from when we used to visit my grandma at the nursing home, there are many there who get no visitors, even on the holiday, and would welcome a brief visit and possibly a small gift, even if you don't know them. We gave gifts to my grandma's roommate and she actually cried as they were the only gifts she received that year. Oh, and I don't think you should "get over it", unfortunately, I don't think it's possible. But do try to find a way to have a pleasant holiday, even if it's not quite what you had in mind! Comment edited on: 11/18/2009 3:49:35 PM |
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SASSI800
11/18/2009 3:02PM
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Tough stuff. I didn't have empty nest in the traditional way, still I went into the holidays with much emptiness. What I did was work on the holidays and loved it. I worked in a hospital and making people's holiday bright during a tough time helped me move away from feeling sorry for myself. I also celebrated with friends rather than family - as I couldn't travel to my family. We had a blast. One year it was a bunch of us "singles" and what a riot we had - lots of food, booze and wacky movies. Another time I was single and hooked up with my married friends, who had a Chinese buffet and open house on Dec 25th. That was terrific and people talked about it for years after. If you can't hook up with friends or neighbours to create an off-beat holiday, how about looking at volunteer work? Such as a food bank, ped ward at a hospital, extended care unit volunteer, senior centre volunteer, serving meals to the homeless at Christmas etc. It may help you to move away from the dark and into the light. Whatever you do, I hope that things perk up for you. Its tough when all leave. for sure. |
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ONMYWAYTOGOAL
11/18/2009 2:34PM
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It's never easy when our kids move on and out of our daily lives. I was crushed when my two older children each graduated and moved out to go to school and such. I felt like a part of me was missing. Then the holidays come as they do each year and we mourn the old days when our kids were little. We wouldn't have these feelings if we didn't love our kids. Mmmmmmmm....times change and, I guess we do too. You have to hold on to the happy memories. Take care of yourself, and do things that you want to do. Maybe this year won't be a big celebration, but don't give up on the holidays all together. If nothing else, be thankful for your blessings. |
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MDICROCE
11/18/2009 12:52PM
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Oh, you are going through a rough time! It really does get hard to do the holiday things when significant others are involved and have to go to their family. Since I had to share custody with my ex on the holidays, we got in the habit of celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas NEAR the actual holidays. Can you maybe have a Thanksgiving Dinner a week early or a week later? Just because Hallmark and the rest of the world think we have to be thankful the last Thursday in November, doesn't mean we have to. And celebrating Christmas between December 26th & 30th, makes decorating and wrapping LOTS cheaper! I know this isn't going to change the loneliness you feel, but it might help you get geared up and have something else to look forward to this holiday season. You are in my prayers. |
Sad again - DANG IT!
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Having that Empty Nest crap again. Heard a song on the radio today - can't remember much ab0ut it except the words, "You're already halfway gone." My son is still living at home - I guess - but like the song says.....
Having trouble caring about much. I know - & I mean REALLY KNOW & UNDERSTAND that he needs to grow up & fly away, but things are happening so darn fast now. And suddenly. It's like a Slap. And I'm realizing that I had somewhat of a friend in him. We didn't talk about anything & everything, but it seemed like we understood each other & shared alot of the same sense of humor. I'll miss that SO BAD. I'm dying here ok.
Member Comments About This Blog Post:
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POOPSIEDOODLE
11/11/2009 3:03PM
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This kind of sounds like young love to me  . He is very young. Maybe, let him have a go at it; and, I have a funny feeling, he'll be knocking on mom's door very soon. He'll realize that it's not so easy out in the big, bad world.Girls can turn guys bonkers sometimes. HANG IN THERE! |
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MIMICOTO
11/11/2009 1:23PM
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MIMICOTO
11/11/2009 1:23PM
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JILLWILSON2102
11/11/2009 10:11AM
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The transition is a hard one for sure. Looking at it from his perspective is very helpful, he is growing and learning and has the opportunity now to make his own mistakes and learn from the life lessons that are coming. For you, the interesting part will be exploring things you have always wanted to do, but not because you might have had obligations that took priority. So take some time for you now and enjoy this moment in time.
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NHGRL68
11/11/2009 6:39AM
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Best wishes dealing with this hard transition in life. Now it's going to be YOUR time. Your time to find things that make you happy and that you enjoy doing. You will have more time to focus on you and your DH and the things that YOU want to do. And your son will always be in your life, no matter where he is living. ~Melissa~ |
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DOOBRIE
11/11/2009 4:06AM
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Oh Jenn, I know how you feel. My son left home a couple of months ago but came back again after a month. He is now buying his own flat and will probably move out within the next week. He is a really good friend as well as a son and we do talk about everything and anything. I'm going to miss him so much but he won't be far away and I know he will come back a lot. Your son will always need you - that bond you have with each other will never be broken, not by any girlfriend or move away. I shall be joining you in missing the everyday chats and jokes, etc, though. We'll have to prop each other up! Doobs |
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EWESTCOTT
11/10/2009 8:51PM
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You are lucky to have him right now , for as long as you do have him(enjoy it!!!)' and you are lucky to have had such a wonderful relationship with your son. One of my best friends lost her only child, a son, at 12. Take care of yourself. xoxoxo
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SPARKLES
11/10/2009 7:52PM
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No - proms & graduation are behind us now - he turned 18 in June - & the girl showed up last month. |
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SDSEARS
11/10/2009 7:50PM
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Try not to dwell on the past and be sad and look towards today and tomorrow that you have left. Proms, dances, games etc. He is still a friend with you and needs you. Happy autumn days. Enjoy a walk with the leaves falling. |
A Life Changing 24 Hours
Friday, October 23, 2009
This blog is not meant to be inspiring or anything. It just is what it is.
A week ago, my husband would have been considered one of the healthiest people around. No heart trouble, diabetes, obesity, NOTHING. Today - he is an insurance risk. But he is alive! That is the important thing.
He had been having a series of odd health issues the past 2 months, but nothing to get majorly excited about, but things were starting to add up. Thank God, it isn't cancer anyway! He's had 2 bouts of very painful sciatica, 2 bouts of pneumonia, lost a tooth, had a mysterious nerve problem in his arm. Tuesday, after sitting talking with his secretary at IHOP for a couple of hours, he got up & his leg felt "funny". It felt swollen, but it wasn't. Felt the same on Wed, & he had trouble sleeping due to that & other mild body discomforts. Thursday, he got out working on his feet all day, & low & behold, his leg WAS swollen. He was due for a recheck chest xray on the pneumonia, so I got him a Fri morning appt for that & to have his leg checked out. In the meantime, I called the nurse at his doctors, & had her call him to check his symptoms. They sent him to ER, as they have sonograms, CT scans, anything that might be needed.
My husband has a blood clot in his left leg, from his groin to the middle of his calf, & a "significant" blood clot in each lung. And except for the swelling in his leg - he felt FINE. They THINK he is going to be ok, but will be on blood thinners for the rest of his life. The people I know who have been through this all testify that this isn't a simple thing. There will be many blood tests & trips to the doctor, etc etc. The hospital & related bill alone will probably be hundreds of thousands of dollars. We were struggling financially before & actually already sucked under in many areas - only managing to keep our house, utilites, phones etc (thank God) - but in Survival Mode. Now this. The mind reels. I haven't been thinking that much about the MONEY the past 24 hours - only his health, & the suspense of what they were going to tell us, & that we were doing what had to be done & thankful that things were caught in time. But when reality sinks in - meds - doctors visits - etc & on & on. It's been a struggle to even pay for ONE doctor's visit! Seriously! The whole thing is kind of mind blowing.
I wish we were one of those admirable families they have on the home Makeovers show on TV, that has given alot to the community & some magic TV show & hundreds of people come in & help them. (fantasy) But we are average Americans. self-employed, with a crap-load of business debt from a midlife career change that promised us wealth, & at which we made alot of mistakes. My husband is the most optimistic, positive thinking person I know, & he probably really is my "better-half" in many ways. I never dreamed that it would be his health that would be crashing - always thought mine might be some kind of problem as we aged. Nobody looking at him can hardly believe he's 53, to be 54 next month.
I guess the lesson to anyone,would be to take FULL advantage of today, as 24 hours can change your entire life.
Also, & this may sound odd - but my husband is in the life insurance business - thanks goodness he at least got a small policy already. AFTER you get something wrong with you - you cannot GET decent health OR life insurance without it costing an arm & a leg. And many times, not even then. Nooo - you're not insurable at all. So one day it's - tra la la la la - I'm fine, I'm young - I can get life insurance next year..... the next day it's so sad, too bad. And yes, life insurance is important! What the living H??? is a persons family supposed to do when a person is gone? Even if it isn't the main "breadwinner" that unexpectedly passes - how the heck is the "breadwinner" supposed to work &/or take care of kids &/or keep the house when he or she is grieving their brains out??!! My husband isn't into "selling life insurance", but rather "protecting families". I know I don't express myself well - what's in my heart. But if people would realize they aren't invincable!! (Like I probably think I am) And think it through about what would actually happen to their families if something happened to them, & realize that it can't wait, because 24 hours can change a life forever.
Member Comments About This Blog Post:
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EWESTCOTT
10/24/2009 4:37PM
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I, too, am thinking of you and sending you and your man all my best wishes for a speedy recovery and better days soon. Please remember to take care of YOU right now, as well. We need health care reform NOW. You should not even have to think about money right now, at all! elizabeth |
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BUNCOLADY63
10/24/2009 10:34AM
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I'm so sorry to read your post and please know that I'm thinking and praying for you and your husband. I'm sure the stress of all you both are going through is tremendous. Just do your best to take each day at a time and have faith that there will be happier days ahead.
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DOOBRIE
10/24/2009 3:21AM
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Oh Jenn, I'm so sorry this has happened. I shall keep you and your husband in my thoughts and hope he will recover quickly from this and that you will be able to sort the money out somehow. Perhaps family will be able to help out? Doobs |
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SMERICKSON1
10/23/2009 11:06PM
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You are in my prayers and thoughts through this difficult times. I just lost a friend's Mother through pnenumia which lead to complications last WED. so it has been though but I know that through faith and the loving support that you have for each other your hubby will get better. Remeber to take care of yourself. Hugs Sandra |
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LJOHN44
10/23/2009 10:56PM
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My prayers are with your family. Just take each day as it comes and stick together. I hope a heathcare plan is passed soon to help hard working families like yours who don't need a financial burden on top of everything else you are dealing with. I don't mean to be politically preachy but I faced a similar situation in my early 20's and had to make some really unfortunate choices to take care of my health. I wish you and your family all the best. |
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SPARKLES
10/23/2009 10:50PM
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You guys are making my cry. I don't know how you read my blog so fast after & posted & replied. But the last day has been crazy & I thank you so much... I really mean it... J |
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FRESHSTART028
10/23/2009 10:49PM
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Wow - I just read this and I can't think of anything to say that would make anything better, so I am going to pray for you, your husband, and your family. I will pray for better health, better finances and peace in the midst of this storm. Blessings, Liz |
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DAWNWS1
10/23/2009 10:47PM
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Just wanted you to know my prayers are with you. No, the blood clots aren't a simple thing, but the fact that he is now being cared for medically will certainly make things soooo much better and give him a really great chance of making a full recovery. Just take one day at a time and try to take care of yourself even as you're taking care of him.
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WENPLUSKEN
10/23/2009 10:43PM
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I am so sorry you have had all of this happen to you and your husband. Know my prayers are with you and I am sure if your husband can keep the faith which he must have to be so positive you will both be ok. God bless you both. |
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