Thursday, February 06, 2014
I have been having a really hard time with my food these last few weeks and have put on a few pounds.
My binging and sense of out of control towards food was coming back and I was not sure how to stop it.
But last night, I finally realized its not about the food,it's my emotional eating,and instead of trying to control the food and exercise part, I have to get back to the managing my feelings part.
I have found a great blog about whole foods and emotional eating and a lightbulb went off as I was reading.
It did not say anything I did not really know,but when I'm full of food, I seem to keep forgetting simple truths.
So today,since I'm really not busy, instead of passing time eating, I got out my "End Emotional Eating" book, by Jennifer L. Taitz and I have started from the beginning and I'm going to do some emotional work on myself.
The urge to overeat is still there, but at least today I know why and it makes it easier to manage.
Thanks to every one of you who support my binge rants.
Hopefully the next few weeks blogs will be more positive.
Sunday, February 02, 2014
Wanting to eat when I'm not really hungry is one thing, but wanting to eat when I'm over full and actually have a tummy ache, is just unbelievable.
It just amazes me this wanting to eat.
It's like my brain is damaged and will never be right again.
But I know that it does get easier over time because I experienced it once before.
Giving in the food just makes it worst,but my mind pretends it will be better and I should eat it " just one more time".
I will not eat even though I want to.
I want to eat . But. I want to be healthy.
I have to make up my mind once and for all which one I'm going to chose.
Tonight......I chose to be healthy and not eat any more food.....because my liver will not like it.
Day 2 of eating healthy ( or at least better) done.
Tomorrow will be a great food day because I will make it so!
Saturday, February 01, 2014
I have decided to give up weighing myself until June.
Good decision? Bad decision?
I have been obsessing over the number on the scale and it's been making me crazy and anxious.
It's also been causing me to hate my body.
I just can't seem to get over those numbers on the scale and I have put my life on hold until I lose the rest of my weight( like not buying a winter jacket because I'm not at goal weight).
I want to go back to eating food because its healthy for me and makes me feel good.
I also want to work on by body image- liking what I have even if I'm not at goal.
I have lost 75 lbs- i can be active, i love to Zumba , I love healthy food, my binging is at a minimum,my husband loves me, im a good mom, i have a job......
I am not a number on a scale that can vary just because I moved it 5 inches on the floor.
Hopefully by June my weight will have come down,but if it doesn't,it's ok,I'm at a good place right now.
I know I'm not at my healthy BMI, but I'm healthier then when I weighed 250 lbs.
So, here's to a new month of healthy, clean eating!
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Yesterday and the day before, the scale showed 169.4 lbs.
I was sooooo happy! 80 lbs down!
Then this morning,my " official" weight and record it day, 170.4 lbs.
To say I was disappointed is an understatement.
I told my husband I hated the scale. He said its just water retention.
But it downed my mood.
Being Saturday morning of not rushing off to work, I stayed in bed and I pondered on the thought of being disappointed and hating the scale,and the power it still has to control my mood.
I hate it!!!
I hate this scale obsession,this food obsession,this body image obsession!!!
At 20 lbs from goal, I look at my body and I hate it.
I keep saying that I want to lose weight to be at a healthy BMI weight( which is true! ) but at the same time, if I'm honest, I want to lose weight because I hate my body.
But at this point, I hate what I DID to my body.....the stretch marks, the distorted legs and arms ,that I know will not look good( naked) even if I get to goal!
When I get to goal is another matter.
I don't count calories so my weight loss is really slow and sometimes I get frustrated ,but I don't want to count calories,because the whole point of this is to not binge!
Which, by the way, is going really well- so why am I not satisfied with that?????
I just need to keep doing what I'm doing and cultivate patience.
I think that because its January and there is so much focus on losing weight and getting in shape everywhere, that I get caught up in the moment.
These bad body image days are not always there either.
Sometimes I love my body and amaze myself at all it can do!
I guess it's just part of being human to want to better myself.
What I'm doing is working, so I'm going to keep on doing it.
Last night,I gave in and had ice cream while watching TV.
I usually don't have any ice cream in my house, but my mom and my husband wanted some.
So I gave in( because my hubby was eating some besides me) and had a bowl.
It could have been worst because I usually had the whole container,and I could have continued eating and have a full blown binge.
But I didn't.
So yay me!
So, any ideas of how I can learn to love myself more and be more patient?
Like the commercial says: Just Do It! Right?
Have a great day! I'm feeling so much better now!
Sunday, January 12, 2014
My goal is to be a normal eater.
I have been eating normally for over a week now.
Being a binge eater means I can eat abnormally high quantities of food at one time.
Last night, I was having a plate full of awesome food, but I could not finish it because I was full.
I could have if I had pushed myself, but I knew I would have a stomach ache if I did.
I guess this is a part of what being a normal eater is, but I was kind of regretting my good food that I had to throw out.
Do normal eaters regret not being able to finish a plate?
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