Tuesday, December 03, 2013
I envy people sometimes.
I used to envy people who I thought had no food struggles.
The more I talk to people about my struggles,and the more time I spend on SP, makes me realize that almost everyone struggles with food or body image in one form or another.
It made me realize that some people struggle less than me, but some people struggle much more than me.
That is life.
My latest envy is people that have the ability to write.
People that write great blogs have my admiration and I wish I could do the same thing.
I just discovered such a person and read 25 of her blogs.
I could read her all day......it helps that she's a writer.
All her blogs make so much sense and are clear,coherent and to the point.
I struggle all the time on how to word things and write it so it makes sense,but sometimes it's a fail.
I also have a hard time expressing my thoughts ,even when I speak.
And there is another envy....people hat have the ability to be great communicators,and have flowy speech.
As I keep saying, I have many talents,but that is not one of them!
I have to say......it's just a little,tiny envy.
My life is great and I would not trade it cause it made me the person I am today.
Every day I am getting stronger,more emotionally mature and grateful for what I have.
Have a great day!
PS: JUSTYNA7 ....might want to check out her blogs.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
I have been in binge mode for 2 days now.
Binge mode does not mean I binge.
It just means I want to binge...sometimes every waking moment.
I have much more control over my binge eating because I know what my trigger is and I know that eating will not make it better or change the outcome.
The only thing it will do is make me crazy and gain weight.
Last week, I binged, and it was much harder to regain control then when I don't binge.
Last night I went to the grocery store because I needed butter,but I was also looking for something to binge on.
I picked up a strawberry greek yogurt, which would not have been bad at all where binge food is concerned, but I want to stop my binging, so no binge food will do, even healthy ones.
I actually compared the nutritional facts of the greek yogurt to vanilla ice cream and the yogurt had twice the sugar per portion!
So since i'm trying to cut back on my sugar intake, I put it back on the shelf.
I went around the store for a few rounds and got out with just butter.
Today was the same. For lunch I wanted to eat everything in site,especially take out food, but I went home and had soup, a piece of pizza and some healthy apple cookies.
Tonight was my weight in at the support group I joined and I had an hour before the meeting, so I went to the grocery store and thought I would buy junk food and eat in the care while waiting for the meeting.
Instead, I bought a small prepared veggie tray and went at the meeting early, hung around with the others and ate my veggies.
When I came home, my mom had made supper so I sat down with my reasonable portions and slowly savored every bite.
No eating supper in front of the tv any more and I enjoy my food so much more!!!
Then, I felt I needed more carbs so I toasted a slice of rye bread and treated myself to pumpkin preserves for dessert.
Well!! You would have thought I died and went to heaven!
But it got me to thinking how better it is to wait and slowly savor food that I know is good for me and really, really enjoy it.
Not wolfing it down in the car in the dark by myself and feeling guilty about it.
It all comes down to choices and I know I have the power to make the right ones.
Sometimes I don't make the right ones,but I forgive myself and move on, and keep being hopeful that next time I will make a better choice and be proud that I did!
Life is good! Keep on sparking!
Friday, November 08, 2013
Had a hard time with food yesterday.
I was holding on to control by a thread but then my husband brought me to a pub for a burger and I thought " Frig this! I want a burger too!"
It could have been worst, it could have been better.
Burger was delicious at least. and I only had a few fries from my hubbies plate,but I did eat them with tartar sauce.
But when we stopped for gas, I got a big desert.
That too cold have been worst. I really wanted two,but only bought one.
After that one was eaten, I was sad that I did not get the other one,but a few hours later,I was glad.
Ate in front of the TV when I got home,and did not feel too good with all the extra food, but that too could have been worst.
I was really in binge mode and this morning was the decision to stop or keep on eating.
It was minute by minute for a while,but now my eating is back in control.
I even went for a walk with the dog.
I have been really tired and stressed so I know that is partly the reason for my binge mode.
I also want to start counting my calorie intake to be able to make it to goal....that in itself is a reason to binge for me.
But as I was thinking about it on my walk, it's just another hurdle on my journey to wellness, just like all the other hurdles that I faced and conquered in the last few years.
So doing this will be a new learning curve and I'm going to take my time and learn to do it without binging.
Because,what other choice do I have?
I can't go back to eating like I used too.....I would not be able to Zumba to my full potential and that would make me really sad.
No reason to be afraid!!! I am strong and capable!
Tomorrow is a new day and I'm going to have a nice one!
Wednesday, November 06, 2013
This emotional eating stuff is so unreal!
One day I am fine and don't want to eat anything unhealthy, but other times, like now, I want to eat everything in site!!
And I know its not from hunger, so it has to be emotional.
Today, I put the Spark phone APP on my phone and I calculated my calories.
Just that is enough to make me want to eat more.
I have not been calculating calories and I thought maybe it would be good that I start and just make it to goal already.
It's been almost 2 years and I'm not at goal yet.
I want to get there and do maintenance for once in my life.
But just thinking about it makes me want to eat.
I'm afraid that I will not get enough food.
Crazy, I know, because people live within the calorie range they need at their healthy BMI every day.
So why should it be any different for me?
It is doable, I just have to keep telling myself that until I believe it. LOL
Taking this long to lose the weight was good because it gave me time to adjust to eating less, learn new habits,and come to term with my changing body.
So, i'm going to take it one day at a time and just do my best.
I really have to stop to compare myself to people who lost weight fast.
And I have to come to terms that I will never look like a model or a body builder.
I don't think I would have the commitment to do the hard work it takes to look that way.
And on top of that, sometimes I forget that the most important part in this journey to wellness, is the only thing that really counts : my not binging.
When all is well in my heart and mind, I do not binge.
Going crazy with counting calories can sometimes send me into a binge, so I have to remember balance and patience.
Balance: not too restrictive
Patience : the weight loss will come.
So what's another year of practicing my healthy habits before going into maintenance mode?
Which is just more of the same thing i'm doing now!
There! I feel better already!
Have a nice day!
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