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STEPBYSTEP_'s Recent Blog Entries

I wish I knew

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

I wish I knew ...
how to find my way back
how to care enough to take the steps needed
how to find the support I need
how to give the support others need
how to stop hurting so much
how to make the changes I need
how to be motivated when nothing seems to work
I slip
I slide
I'm not doing well on getting up again
I wish I knew
I wish ...
there were hands outstretched
hands to hold on to
instead, I'm alone
always alone

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

POSITIVEHOPE 8/12/2014 11:23AM

    You are in the pit of despair. We've all been there. It feels hopeless and you feel helpless. Those feelings are what is making you feel so tired and defeated. Those feelings are the reason we gave up in the past.
There is hope. Everyone on this site is proof that you can get up and try again. With the help of other SP you can begin to feel successful. If you don't know where to start, just go drink a big glass of water. That is the first step in restarting your journey. You will feel stronger and if you look deep inside you will see that you do really want to get up. You have never slipped too far to start again. Reach out to the hands in this community and they will lift you up.

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KALIGIRL 8/12/2014 8:33AM

    Never alone on this part of the journey...
emoticon

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NYARAMULA 8/12/2014 2:51AM

    emoticon

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LJCANNON 8/12/2014 2:07AM

    emoticon With the Spark Community, you will learn that you Are NOT Alone. None of us are able to accomplish this without the help of our Friends.

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SUSIEPH1 8/12/2014 1:04AM

    You are never alone .. Your spark friends are here for you ..
We care.
We are here to support you.
We are here to listen ..
We are here to care ..
Hugs and Love Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Spring challenge - Day one

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Day one (take two!)
My last beginning didn't work; so why not a second one for twelve weeks ... which does technically creep over into Summer, but ... so what! :)
time to begin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PINKYYSUEE 9/16/2013 1:10PM

    emoticon

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KALIGIRL 9/16/2013 9:41AM

    Here's to emoticon

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WENDYJM4 9/16/2013 6:32AM

    emoticon

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LOVINGAFRICA 9/16/2013 2:29AM

    Yes! I am so happy that you are going to DO this.
Consistency is the secret! hang in there!
emoticon

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LE7_1234 9/16/2013 12:42AM

    emoticon

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JANTWO 9/16/2013 12:12AM

    You can do it!!!!

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CHERIJ16 9/15/2013 9:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DEBRITA01 9/15/2013 8:43PM

    It doesn't matter how many "takes"...just that you keep trying! emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 9/15/2013 7:59PM

    You can it ! emoticon emoticon

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WILDKAT781 9/15/2013 7:38PM

    emoticon

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CATLADYX8 9/15/2013 7:06PM

    What is your Spring challenge? We're entering fall. Maybe I could join your challenge if you share it.

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Spring has sprung - Three month challenge

Sunday, September 01, 2013

Spring began here yesterday and seems like a really good time for me to recommit to living healthier in light of getting off track so much lately. I'd really like to lose 12kgs over the next three months which seems a reasonable goal to have provided I do the work involved!!! Now if only I felt like doing the hard work of it, it would be so much easier :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LE7_1234 9/3/2013 2:35PM

    Happy spring! :-)

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JILLYBEAN3628 9/2/2013 9:30AM

    I believe you can do it! I'm cheering you on "step by step"! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 9/2/2013 9:17AM

    Here's to a successful start!

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WENDYJM4 9/2/2013 6:12AM

    emoticon

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MESEATURTLE 9/2/2013 5:26AM

    emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 9/2/2013 3:03AM

    Great goals .. You can do it xxx emoticon

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STEVEN2GO2 9/2/2013 1:24AM

    I hope you reach your goal! Enjoy the Spring weather and getting outdoors.

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FANGFACEKITTY 9/2/2013 1:15AM

    I hope your spring is better than mine was weather-wise!

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FLAMENM 9/1/2013 11:32PM

    Have a great spring!

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SKYVALLEYGAL 9/1/2013 10:33PM

    Don't know where you live but I want to come there and start over. I love Spring and Summer and where I live in the North Georgia mountains, there was no summer this year. I don't mind fall except that winter follows it and I don't like winter! Having a very cool and wet summer has thrown me off track. I'm hoping fall will be a little drier and allow me more outdoor time so I'll feel more like getting and staying on track. Good luck emoticon with yours too!

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Eating and feeling unsafe

Monday, August 12, 2013

Yesterday I was getting really frustrated with myself because I kept eating even though I knew I wasn't hungry. It felt like something was really driving me to eat; I had to do it ... no questions asked. Well, I did question it and something that came up for me was connected with the thought that when I feel unsafe for some reason (including connected to PTSD) the only thing that begins to make me feel any measure of safety again is by eating. So I'm doing it somehow to reconnect, to ground myself and because it is what I know that has worked for so long.

I also know it will take work to change this ... but it is really interesting to notice this finally and get a better understanding of what part of my problems are with regard to sabotaging weight loss.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMALALALA13 8/12/2013 1:12PM

    You have made a breakthrough with your insight! Congratulations!! Now, own it, feel it, settle into it - remind yourself - write it down if you need to. It will take time, but you will accumulate more and more understanding and be able to make informed decisions the more you think about it over the course of time. You can even try saying it out loud - even if only to yourself - often capturing thoughts whirling around in our heads and pulling them out in front of us, helps to deal with them. They usually seem so much more than they actually are when they are stuck in our heads. Take it out, expose it, examine it, and then find a healthy way to replace it. emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 8/12/2013 12:48PM

    That is an amazing revelation and it is so much easier to solve a problem once you IDENTIFY what the problem IS. Prayers for a solution to come to you now that you KNOW what the problem is.

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STRONGDJ 8/12/2013 11:25AM

    Discovering why you are eating when you aren't hungry is a huge victory! Good job.
emoticon emoticon

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JILLYBEAN3628 8/12/2013 9:58AM

    Insight is a wonderful thing...it helps break through the barriers that stand in our way of progress.

Keep on breaking through! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 8/12/2013 9:51AM

    Recognizing why you eat is the first step - emoticon
Here's to overcoming your fears day by day.
emoticon

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STEVEN2GO2 8/12/2013 7:57AM

    Once you understand the undurlying cause, there is hope that you may be able to change the pattern. This may be an aha moment!

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TWEETYKC00 8/12/2013 5:08AM

    seeing things in a different way can make a big difference.

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LOVINGAFRICA 8/12/2013 5:01AM

    One of the biggest causes of obesity is TRAUMA!
You are not alone. (And I do it to. I also eat when I feel unsafe, and the other biggie for me is frustration)
I am talking to my WLS counsellor, can you work this out through therapy too?
Hope you find a way to fix it for you!


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WENDYJM4 8/12/2013 3:07AM

    emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 8/12/2013 2:23AM

    It's great that you are realising what your triggers are ..
When you have these longings and feel unsafe, make sure you have some nice crispy veggies handy and munch on them ... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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SOMETHINGTOLOVE 8/12/2013 1:30AM

    Recognizing your triggers is the only way to modify your behavior. :) You can now be on your way to healthier eating habits, don't give up!

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Update

Monday, July 29, 2013

Hi,

I haven't been on Spark the last few weeks ... (actually I may have checked once and seen there was no mail but that was it). Anyway, mostly it has just been a hard few weeks. In a lot of pain still; and waiting to see the neurologist which happens in a few days. Meanwhile, I can't exercise and I've dropped off the program a lot as far as drinking water and tracking what I eat although I'm still eating ok and have continued to lose weight.

I did reach my first goal of 10% lost about two weeks ago which is good !!!!

Struggling a lot with loneliness and depression; but sometimes I wonder if the struggle increases when I'm around people online and still find that finding and maintaining "friends" is hard. Then that thought makes me want to hiberate again. Viscious cycle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVINGAFRICA 7/30/2013 2:40AM

    I am so happy to hear from you again.
Ugh, loneliness is the saddest thing.
emoticon
Hope you get good news from your dr.
Congratulations on losing weight and Friend, water is really important!
You know, the best thing about Spark is that it is always here, when you need it.
Lots of blessings!

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DIEGOGAL1 7/29/2013 9:40PM

    Congrats on reaching your goal, somehow it helps when you are more active on the site Come back and join us soon. Hugs to you! Donna

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DUSTYPRAIRIE 7/29/2013 2:40PM

    Are you in my head?

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JESS0107 7/29/2013 11:35AM

    emoticon on reaching your goal!! I am going to keep you in my prayers!!

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IAM_HIS 7/29/2013 9:28AM

    Hi. How wonderful that you reached your goal. I do understand about your comment regarding not feeling good when around a lot of Spark people. I can feel that way sometimes.

May I suggest that you only reach out to one or two spark friends. The ones that make you feel good about being you.

I do know this, that when I am alone a lot, I am my worst company. I keep rethinking about stuff over and over. A grain of sand turns into the Alps and something unimportant because a crisis. I pray that you will continue your spark journey. I pray you will reach out to a couple of friends and begin your journey of change and inner growth.

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KALIGIRL 7/29/2013 9:07AM

    emoticon on reaching your goal - hope Spark turns out to be helpful in your journey.

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WENDYJM4 7/29/2013 6:27AM

    emoticon

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EDITOR 7/29/2013 3:03AM

    Good morning Caz. You always know when and where to see me. Keep on trusting God to know what is best and get well soon!

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.DUSTY. 7/29/2013 2:54AM

    Hi Caz!

Good to hear from you! I sent you a SparkGoodie a couple of weeks ago. Hope you saw it.

Making and maintaining friends does take a lot of effort for sure.
emoticon On reaching your 10% lost goal! I'm sure as you continue to lose weight you'll start feeling better both mentally and physically so keep up the good work!
Hope you get some good answers when you see the neurologist.

Hugs!

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SUSIEPH1 7/29/2013 2:41AM

    Well done on rea hing your goal .. Just do what works for you .. We are here if needed ..hugs Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PINKYYSUEE 7/29/2013 1:54AM

    Congrats on hitting the goal...so sorry you'ave been down...

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TRACYDH 7/29/2013 1:30AM

    congratulations on reaching your goal! Hopefully your online friends that you make understand that you'll come and go, and you see that in them. Reaching out is important, I think - don't give up, just do what you can! I'm friending you and will try to check in from time to time :)

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