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STEPBYSTEP_'s Recent Blog Entries

Spring challenge - Day one

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Day one (take two!)
My last beginning didn't work; so why not a second one for twelve weeks ... which does technically creep over into Summer, but ... so what! :)
time to begin

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PINKYYSUEE 9/16/2013 1:10PM

    emoticon

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KALIGIRL 9/16/2013 9:41AM

    Here's to emoticon

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WENDYJM4 9/16/2013 6:32AM

    emoticon

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LOVINGAFRICA 9/16/2013 2:29AM

    Yes! I am so happy that you are going to DO this.
Consistency is the secret! hang in there!
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LE7_1234 9/16/2013 12:42AM

    emoticon

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JANTWO 9/16/2013 12:12AM

    You can do it!!!!

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CHERIJ16 9/15/2013 9:13PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DEBRITA01 9/15/2013 8:43PM

    It doesn't matter how many "takes"...just that you keep trying! emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 9/15/2013 7:59PM

    You can it ! emoticon emoticon

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WILDKAT781 9/15/2013 7:38PM

    emoticon

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CATLADYX8 9/15/2013 7:06PM

    What is your Spring challenge? We're entering fall. Maybe I could join your challenge if you share it.

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Spring has sprung - Three month challenge

Sunday, September 01, 2013

Spring began here yesterday and seems like a really good time for me to recommit to living healthier in light of getting off track so much lately. I'd really like to lose 12kgs over the next three months which seems a reasonable goal to have provided I do the work involved!!! Now if only I felt like doing the hard work of it, it would be so much easier :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LE7_1234 9/3/2013 2:35PM

    Happy spring! :-)

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JILLYBEAN3628 9/2/2013 9:30AM

    I believe you can do it! I'm cheering you on "step by step"! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 9/2/2013 9:17AM

    Here's to a successful start!

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WENDYJM4 9/2/2013 6:12AM

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MESEATURTLE 9/2/2013 5:26AM

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SUSIEPH1 9/2/2013 3:03AM

    Great goals .. You can do it xxx emoticon

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STEVEN2GO2 9/2/2013 1:24AM

    I hope you reach your goal! Enjoy the Spring weather and getting outdoors.

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FANGFACEKITTY 9/2/2013 1:15AM

    I hope your spring is better than mine was weather-wise!

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FLAMENM 9/1/2013 11:32PM

    Have a great spring!

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SKYVALLEYGAL 9/1/2013 10:33PM

    Don't know where you live but I want to come there and start over. I love Spring and Summer and where I live in the North Georgia mountains, there was no summer this year. I don't mind fall except that winter follows it and I don't like winter! Having a very cool and wet summer has thrown me off track. I'm hoping fall will be a little drier and allow me more outdoor time so I'll feel more like getting and staying on track. Good luck emoticon with yours too!

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Eating and feeling unsafe

Monday, August 12, 2013

Yesterday I was getting really frustrated with myself because I kept eating even though I knew I wasn't hungry. It felt like something was really driving me to eat; I had to do it ... no questions asked. Well, I did question it and something that came up for me was connected with the thought that when I feel unsafe for some reason (including connected to PTSD) the only thing that begins to make me feel any measure of safety again is by eating. So I'm doing it somehow to reconnect, to ground myself and because it is what I know that has worked for so long.

I also know it will take work to change this ... but it is really interesting to notice this finally and get a better understanding of what part of my problems are with regard to sabotaging weight loss.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMALALALA13 8/12/2013 1:12PM

    You have made a breakthrough with your insight! Congratulations!! Now, own it, feel it, settle into it - remind yourself - write it down if you need to. It will take time, but you will accumulate more and more understanding and be able to make informed decisions the more you think about it over the course of time. You can even try saying it out loud - even if only to yourself - often capturing thoughts whirling around in our heads and pulling them out in front of us, helps to deal with them. They usually seem so much more than they actually are when they are stuck in our heads. Take it out, expose it, examine it, and then find a healthy way to replace it. emoticon

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NANCYPAT1 8/12/2013 12:48PM

    That is an amazing revelation and it is so much easier to solve a problem once you IDENTIFY what the problem IS. Prayers for a solution to come to you now that you KNOW what the problem is.

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STRONGDJ 8/12/2013 11:25AM

    Discovering why you are eating when you aren't hungry is a huge victory! Good job.
emoticon emoticon

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JILLYBEAN3628 8/12/2013 9:58AM

    Insight is a wonderful thing...it helps break through the barriers that stand in our way of progress.

Keep on breaking through! emoticon

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KALIGIRL 8/12/2013 9:51AM

    Recognizing why you eat is the first step - emoticon
Here's to overcoming your fears day by day.
emoticon

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STEVEN2GO2 8/12/2013 7:57AM

    Once you understand the undurlying cause, there is hope that you may be able to change the pattern. This may be an aha moment!

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TWEETYKC00 8/12/2013 5:08AM

    seeing things in a different way can make a big difference.

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LOVINGAFRICA 8/12/2013 5:01AM

    One of the biggest causes of obesity is TRAUMA!
You are not alone. (And I do it to. I also eat when I feel unsafe, and the other biggie for me is frustration)
I am talking to my WLS counsellor, can you work this out through therapy too?
Hope you find a way to fix it for you!


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WENDYJM4 8/12/2013 3:07AM

    emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 8/12/2013 2:23AM

    It's great that you are realising what your triggers are ..
When you have these longings and feel unsafe, make sure you have some nice crispy veggies handy and munch on them ... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon


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SOMETHINGTOLOVE 8/12/2013 1:30AM

    Recognizing your triggers is the only way to modify your behavior. :) You can now be on your way to healthier eating habits, don't give up!

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Update

Monday, July 29, 2013

Hi,

I haven't been on Spark the last few weeks ... (actually I may have checked once and seen there was no mail but that was it). Anyway, mostly it has just been a hard few weeks. In a lot of pain still; and waiting to see the neurologist which happens in a few days. Meanwhile, I can't exercise and I've dropped off the program a lot as far as drinking water and tracking what I eat although I'm still eating ok and have continued to lose weight.

I did reach my first goal of 10% lost about two weeks ago which is good !!!!

Struggling a lot with loneliness and depression; but sometimes I wonder if the struggle increases when I'm around people online and still find that finding and maintaining "friends" is hard. Then that thought makes me want to hiberate again. Viscious cycle.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVINGAFRICA 7/30/2013 2:40AM

    I am so happy to hear from you again.
Ugh, loneliness is the saddest thing.
emoticon
Hope you get good news from your dr.
Congratulations on losing weight and Friend, water is really important!
You know, the best thing about Spark is that it is always here, when you need it.
Lots of blessings!

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DIEGOGAL1 7/29/2013 9:40PM

    Congrats on reaching your goal, somehow it helps when you are more active on the site Come back and join us soon. Hugs to you! Donna

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DUSTYPRAIRIE 7/29/2013 2:40PM

    Are you in my head?

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JESS0107 7/29/2013 11:35AM

    emoticon on reaching your goal!! I am going to keep you in my prayers!!

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IAM_HIS 7/29/2013 9:28AM

    Hi. How wonderful that you reached your goal. I do understand about your comment regarding not feeling good when around a lot of Spark people. I can feel that way sometimes.

May I suggest that you only reach out to one or two spark friends. The ones that make you feel good about being you.

I do know this, that when I am alone a lot, I am my worst company. I keep rethinking about stuff over and over. A grain of sand turns into the Alps and something unimportant because a crisis. I pray that you will continue your spark journey. I pray you will reach out to a couple of friends and begin your journey of change and inner growth.

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KALIGIRL 7/29/2013 9:07AM

    emoticon on reaching your goal - hope Spark turns out to be helpful in your journey.

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WENDYJM4 7/29/2013 6:27AM

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EDITOR 7/29/2013 3:03AM

    Good morning Caz. You always know when and where to see me. Keep on trusting God to know what is best and get well soon!

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.DUSTY. 7/29/2013 2:54AM

    Hi Caz!

Good to hear from you! I sent you a SparkGoodie a couple of weeks ago. Hope you saw it.

Making and maintaining friends does take a lot of effort for sure.
emoticon On reaching your 10% lost goal! I'm sure as you continue to lose weight you'll start feeling better both mentally and physically so keep up the good work!
Hope you get some good answers when you see the neurologist.

Hugs!

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SUSIEPH1 7/29/2013 2:41AM

    Well done on rea hing your goal .. Just do what works for you .. We are here if needed ..hugs Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PINKYYSUEE 7/29/2013 1:54AM

    Congrats on hitting the goal...so sorry you'ave been down...

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TRACYDH 7/29/2013 1:30AM

    congratulations on reaching your goal! Hopefully your online friends that you make understand that you'll come and go, and you see that in them. Reaching out is important, I think - don't give up, just do what you can! I'm friending you and will try to check in from time to time :)

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You belong in ... the zoo

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

We used to have an advertisement with that song playing as the theme song and I was just thinking of it as I was thinking about my blog topic.

In pain from a fall and having a number of other physical problems going on, I ended up in the hospital emergency a few days ago. Sizism runs rampant there perhaps more so than anywhere else. When the nurse went to take my blood pressure I said the machines there never give an accurate reading. Sure enough my bp came back sky high - something like 238 / 163 when my usual bp is high but more like 140/90 as the highest. I explained this and got a slightly lower reading although not much and again said it wasn't accurate. Instead the nurse said it was about right for someone of my body weight and then said how much do you weigh anyway? he then wrote the high reading on his charts and ignored my comments. I was then mostly left alone in pain; didn't receive any scans and the nurses didn't even get water or clarify if i could or couldn't have any whcih didn't make for a fun 8 hr wait.

Finally I got to see a neurologist; and she wants me to have an MRI done although then she said I probably won't fit. To phone and ask them for the dimensions and weight limits and that if not there is one other place I could try and gave the name of the town that's located in. Later I asked if they had a larger machine there with some surprise because its a smaller place than where I was and she said it's because it belongs to the zoo emoticon

So now ... I'm imagining that if I do end up there I'll be scanned inbetween the giraffes and hippos using the equipment! I looked it up and apparently it's becoming more common to do; maybe not the inbetween the animals thing but to use the equipment. At least what some articles in the UK said. Then I looked up for Australia and everything i read said that it was a myth; that no such use was made and that there are some wider mri's available at a hospital in a larger city but a normal hospital!!!! so the neurologist was just ????????????????? being incredibly rude? really believed they did use the zoo? or what. she also wrote morbidly obese on her mri when there was no need to put it since it isn't exactly going to help in diagnosing a neck or brain problem

Then she prescribed medication that seems to have the main benefit of weight loss; although I was there for my neck pain not for that! and it wasn't what I wanted or was asking for - anyway so far since the weekend the only thing it has done seems to be making my hungrier! much .......... which is NOT good

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PAMALALALA13 8/12/2013 1:19PM

    I am so sorry that you had to go through that! I'd rather be overweight than be the kind of person those doctors and nurses have chosen to be!! You deserved to be treated with respect, compassion and dignity! Please don't give these kind of people any power - they don't deserve to have input about how you feel about yourself. They should be ashamed - what an atrocity - they have taken an oath to first do no harm - that includes mentally and emotionally!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/12/2013 1:20:21 PM

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KALIGIRL 7/8/2013 10:24AM

    What an experience! Sending healing thoughts your way.

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IKACEY 7/3/2013 5:25AM

    Wow! That was a horridly rude and ignorant doctor and Thank the Lord they are not all like that. What a horrendous day to go thru and so completely wrong to be asked to use equipment used by animals. If there is a way to find another doctor I would do it. A good complaint lodged with the administrators of the hospital is certainly in order. Mean time what is being done for your neck pain? Please realize that this isn't about you, the doctor has issues he needs to deal with big time. Your feeling the need to eat when you aren't hungry is from the anger and shame you feel from what you went through, but stuffing food in on top of those feeling doesn't make them go away. Instead it adds to them as after you feel remorse for having let yourself overeat and eaten what isn't healthy for you. Anger is a great energizer, complain to the hospital, go do some hard housework take a nice walk or do some new exercises. If activity doesn't appeal right now as you are in pain then distract yourself with a good book or an absorbing reasearch or tv show. Its hard to face down the triggers but you can do it. Just keep making healthy choices and thinking BEFORE you reach for the food. Hope you feel better soon! emoticon
IKacey co-leader of the Chair Exercise Team

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PHEBESS 7/3/2013 4:23AM

    Wow, what a mess! And what a rude doctor! I hope you find someone else to see!

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JILLYBEAN3628 7/2/2013 7:55PM

    Unbelievable! I had the MRI issue happen to me as well, but they did little more than reschedule me because I'm assuming when they booked me the first time, my weight didn't make it into the equation...then the radiology dept must have checked my chart, so they booked me with the "bigger" machine. We also have one that is completely open for those who cannot stand to be closed in/claustrophobic.

So sorry they were rude and I hope you're able to get to the bottom of your pain issue. emoticon

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SUSIEPH1 7/2/2013 5:57PM

    I honestly think this person should be reported for the way she spoke to you..
It was totally out of line and very unprofessional .
She has a duty of care and she has breeched it.
She must be stopped before she does this to others too.
Hugs Susie emoticon emoticon

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DIEGOGAL1 7/2/2013 4:49PM

    I am so sorry that this happened to you! Good luck with the neck issue.

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IAMFAT4NOW 7/2/2013 11:35AM

    My heart breaks for you. That was so rude and uncalled for. I really think you should inform the management of the hospital about how you were treated and how misinformed that doctor is. Oh how awful! Try not to let this get you too down. Use it as motivation. You're doing well on your journey so keep it up.

I hope you feel better! emoticon

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IAM_HIS 7/2/2013 11:30AM

    I cried when I read your blog...I felt angry that so many hospital personnel have no empathy these day--it's a business and not a service for giving people the quality care they need.

I pray your neck is better, plus you can find a caring physician who will take excellent care of you.

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NANCYPAT1 7/2/2013 10:54AM

    I am really sorry you had this horribly rude experience. To me that is totally unacceptable and I would let the hospital management KNOW how you were treated. It is shocking and I know our local hospital (as small as it is) responds to complaints and comments or at least appears to because we have gotten letters when Ed has gone in and felt his treatment was unfair or unkind - he lodges a complaint.

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EDITOR 7/2/2013 9:55AM

    IS IT YOIUR BIRTHDAY SOON, CAZ?

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STEVEN2GO2 7/2/2013 9:41AM

    emoticon That you had to deal with such an uncaring emergency department! How incredibly rude they were, @#%&!

When I get my blood pressure checked at the hospital I am about 140 over 90, according to those d*** machines. My last visit my Doctor disagreed with the machine and checked it himself and sure enough it was only 125 over 87!

I hope you can find a caring medical center that really can help you! It sounds like you ran into some disgusting health care providers! It is good that you decided to do some research for quality care that you deserve!

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LOVINGAFRICA 7/2/2013 9:40AM

    Oh I feel for you!
Please don't allow those rude people's sucky bedside manner hurt you!
You are a wonderful Spark Friend, and I am glad that I know you. They don't.
Hope you got your neck and head checked out, and that you are feeling wonderful now.
Bless you

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RADIATIONMAMA 7/2/2013 8:06AM

  Congratulations on taking control of your life! It sounds like the emergency department visit did not meet your needs. Do you have a regular healthcare team (family physician's office) that offers you respect, understanding and helpful information? If so, I would go there to follow up on your emergency room visit. If not, then start looking for one now. There are many great doctors out there to support your needs. Don't let this experience side track you. Best of luck and good health.

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