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I'm Caught In A Trap...

Friday, December 19, 2014



Or can I? I feel like I'm stuck in the Pit Of Despair... and that I've been there so long that I'm thinking about redecorating. emoticon That is definitely not the right attitude, I should be planning my escape, not deciding which blinds would brighten the place up... it's the pit of despair, nothing can make it pretty. emoticon It's amazing how things can snowball out of control, and get away from you so quickly.

I know in the last week, I have been sick (I've been exceptionally whiny about it too LOL), and then as of yesterday my poor dog Sparky started limping. I am watching him again today and trying to discourage him from jumping and going up and down the stairs but he doesn't listen. My mom says to give it another day or 2 and then I'm probably going to have to take him to the vet. He hates strangers so that is going to be pretty bad lol. So I am worrying about that... so it's been a crummy week... so what?

That doesn't give me a license to eat, it doesn't give me a license to stop caring about what is important to me. Even if I don't feel that way this week, or frankly the last month and a half, weight loss and becoming healthier is something that is typically a priority for me.

I think part of it is just a funk. Ask anyone who has been in the weight loss game for a long time (I'll hit the 3 year mark in March) and boy can you get burnt out. Especially when you take into account that this is a lifestyle change that doesn't end. I know it shouldn't feel like work, and maybe one day I will be in that happy place where it is just "who I am" and it doesn't take much thought for me to keep up with it... but that hasn't happened yet. 3 years is a long time but you know what else is a long time? Almost 26 years of being a fast food eating couch potato. Those habits are still ingrained in me, and the more healthy habits I made, the less and less I resorted to those old habits. But they are still there and they come back with a vengeance when I least expect it.

I know what to do, I know how to do it, I've done it... so what's the problem? That is what I am working on to get to the bottom of it. I can sit here all day long and talk about what I need to do, but until I actually do it I'm not getting anywhere. I wish planning burnt calories, if it did I'd be a size 2. emoticon

I was reminiscing with a good friend, and I figured out part of this funk has to do with burnout and missing that shiny/new feeling. 2012 was the year I started this and it was a great year, I believe it was the 1st year in which I lost the most weight, and everything was so exciting. That feeling is long gone and it is really hard to find that excitement again. So even though nothing will ever feel like that very 1st year, I am going to do my best to sprinkle some fairy dust on 2015 and hope that it can at least have a sparkly feel to it, even if it isn't a new one.

I'm caught in a trap, but I can start climbing out little by little. You have to crawl before you walk, walk before you run (Okay time out, I NEVER run... unless I'm chasing Pluto across Main St. ;), you catch my drift.

So with that said no more nonsense, I'm going to start crawling now, and hope to be up to a brisk walk soon. These are the action steps I have in mind, no more talking the talk, it's time to start walking the walk!

Step 1: No more fast food/candy/soda
emoticon I know you mean well, but don't lecture me on this one... I don't need to hear "You can make healthy choices while eating fast food" or "it's better to have one piece of candy or else you will think about it all the time or crave it" and that "giving these things up will only make me want it more". I am all about things in moderation, but I am here to tell you I will NOT eat one or two pieces of candy, I will eat 10 and then look for a donut. I will not eat a salad, I will eat a double cheeseburger and fries and something else.... and I will polish off a 2 liter in 2 days. So for me, eliminating these things and learning to live without them, at least for now is very important and that is why it's my 1st step.

Step 2: Tracking everything! I used to be a champion tracker but I've gotten lazy and I've also been in denial, I didn't want to see the damage I was doing. Well that jig is up because I am seeing the damage in my weight gain, so enough is enough.

Step 3: Stop looking for a better way! Every time I get in a funk, I start to google various diets, programs etc. I know good and well there is only one way to do this, calorie counting/restriction and exercise, but I am always convinced there is something better that is hiding. I feel this way when I am in a funk and I need to let it go. My way works, I just need to do my way. The best plan is one you can stick with!

Step 4: Get back to walking daily. My fitbit is having an issue where it won't sync, but a replacement is on it's way (thanks fitbit)... Hopefully my Sparky and I will both be healthy soon and can get back to our walks. I know he misses them terribly.

Step 5: Start building back up my confidence. The past month and a half has been bad, and 272 pound Stephanie is in the corner giggling saying "I knew you'd never be able to keep this weight off", I can't let her win and I have to prove her wrong. Each healthy day that goes by I will remember that I can do this... and do this I will!

I have bigger and more structured plans, but that is for the brisk walk phase. So right now I will focus on crawling out of this hideous pit, and getting back out into the world with the happy, healthy people! emoticon



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

1STBUCKETITEM 12/21/2014 10:46PM

  As always, you are staying true to yourself. You know your limitations, you know your boundaries, you know your plan. Just do it! emoticon
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SEMAPHORE20 12/21/2014 9:25PM

    I love your honesty and your plan. Great job and I'm rooting for your success.
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REBESANCON 12/21/2014 7:02PM

    Love your honest, heart-felt blogs! When you DO make it to that "happy place where it is just 'who I am' and it doesn't take much thought for me to keep up with it," please post directions and a map, and I will meet you there LOL! emoticon

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LADYVOLSFAN1954 12/21/2014 6:37PM

    I know what you are talking about. I've been feeling it too. It's hard to break that vicious cycle, it's part of who you are. You take it one step at a time. Crawl before walking. Walk daily is my priority with my dog. Logging food into sp is another

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DAWNDMOORE40 12/21/2014 6:11PM

    emoticon It is a change that is forever, and there will be days where we feel like we can't exercise or we don't want to track our food, but then once we do it, we feel better! I have been on this ride for 5 years and it's been the best 5 years of my life! I feel stronger and able to do more things with my husband, my Son and my Grandchildren! There are many reasons why we can give up and not do it, but there are so many more wonderful reasons why we can! God bless you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1HOTFUDGEMAMA 12/21/2014 4:58PM

  Don't give up!

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KAWANEE 12/21/2014 3:21PM

    So many have been in your place and have struggled (and I failed in my own past experience. I kept off 117 pounds for around 3 years and spiraled out of control one Christmas as someone gave me a large tin of homemade chocolate candies and I decided just this one day I will eat all I want and go back to my regular diet the next day (which never came)...I was hooked by my cravings. I have found that if you do the thing you shouldn't do, it becomes easier and easier... and I proceeded to gain all 117 pounds back plus 15 pounds
Nine years have past but In the last 6 months I have lost 60 pounds and continue onward another 60 pounds. I am looking to others for inspiration as to how to keep this weight off for good.) I am praying for you (and all) who struggle to maintain the weight loss. The more we do the right things the easier they become to do, and the more we do the wrong things the easier they become to do.

Thank you so much for sharing your journey Steph-Knee....you are helping so many of us! Sending Love and Prayers emoticon

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HEATHERGOUGH23 12/21/2014 2:06PM

    I feel the exact same way. I don't want to track but I force myself. I've only went over calories once but that's by some miracle I don't even understand. The thought of working out makes me sigh. I'm only 10 minutes a day lately. It'll get better

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MOMMY445 12/21/2014 1:52PM

    i'm rooting for you,too!

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OPHELIE 12/21/2014 1:31PM

    You have got a great plan!!!

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DINAOREILLY 12/21/2014 12:08PM

    Gosh that could me you were writing about. I am I such a funk and feeling so lost and abandoned. Hope seems to be sorely absent. Thank you for your honesty and candor. Hugs.

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GYPSYHEART 12/21/2014 11:54AM

    Lots of great replies ad suggestions. Changing up your exercise program is crucial. Your body gets used to certain ways of working and plateaus. How about going to youtube and searching for different exercise routines? I've found lots of Zumba Gold for seniors videos (the ones for Seniors are great for beginning exercisers too) I started doing only 3 minutes every 3rd day due to being sore 48 hours later. That's right, sore from only 3 minutes of moving my body. LOL!

How about bike riding. I am semi-handicapped and found a bike made with a very low step through so I can get my bad leg and hip through it. I've ridden it an entire 1/4 mile 3 times so far. That's right, only 1/4 mile. My goal is 5 miles by July.

So...if I had to start at only 3 minutes of aerobics and 1/4 mile of bike riding you can start small too with a different exercise besides walking. Oh BTW I am now doing 20 minutes of exercise every 2 to 3 days....up from the 3 minutes.

The recent winner of DWTS Alphonso Ribiera (sp?) did a dance on "Fresh Prince of Belaire" named for his character," The Carlton". I've found several versions of this on Youtube too. I'm doing a little bit of this dance every few days as my exercise. It totally cracks me up and makes the exercise fun. Look for something that is fun.....you too may be doing "The Carlton" soon. emoticon

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WHITNEYLD 12/21/2014 11:25AM

    i am the same way. Currently on my death bed from flu and bronchitis and just ate my first real meal last night and it was not healthy! You can do it

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CAROLYNSUE17 12/21/2014 11:06AM

  I am with you, once I have something off plan I am in a freefall and binge. I am just doing this, not perfectly but with an honest heart.

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RACHELMC80 12/21/2014 11:05AM

    Hugs! You can do it!

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SHARONSIZE8 12/21/2014 10:46AM

    Ugh! You sound just like me! I could have written this myself. I added you a s a friend so we can encourage each other. emoticon

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TRIM180 12/21/2014 9:50AM

    emoticon I have tried both ways and elimination works for me. Mind over matter. It took time but will power begins at the grocery store. I walk around with a bag a Cheetos in my cart and just before check-out switch to carrot sticks and feel proud! Yes, I put the bag of Cheetos back in the right place and not throw it on top the produce. I consider this exercise. Many tricks to the trade of losing weight...your 5 steps are very creative! You have done it once and can do it again!

Comment edited on: 12/21/2014 9:54:10 AM

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HUGS2015 12/21/2014 8:41AM

    emoticon

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MADLILA 12/21/2014 8:24AM

    emoticon

emoticon

Been there, have tshirt, water bottle , and the hat! And I still visit there too often myself.

Try a totally different fitness activity. I walk, but when the blues hit, changing up helps. Go play frisbee with a 10 yr old a few minutes, take a free yoga class, something out of your normal comfort zone. Simple yoga is now in my comfort zone, it helps me keep the blues away!

Hugs!

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CROD1211 12/21/2014 8:12AM

  Im going through the same trap and feel i cant get out, but I can and so can you!!! We just have to remember what we want and what it takes to get there, but our 'no bs' shades on, and sweat our way to skinny. Good luck, you got this!!!

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ICEWYNDE 12/21/2014 8:05AM

    Stephanie,
Don't hate yourself for what you are, love yourself for what you can become. I know that you will be AWESOME!
emoticon

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ARAZA30 12/21/2014 8:03AM

    It's never gets easy. You want results, you have to work for it. Do what you need to do to succeed. Goodluck on your journey. It will be worth it.

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AMYG5025 12/21/2014 7:56AM

    it sounds like you have some really good insights into yourself and what works for you. It is hard to do the right thing even with that knowledge though! Hang in there and just take things one step at a time!

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LLIESE 12/21/2014 7:55AM

    emoticon You speak for so many of us about the awful downward spiral of the sugar/salt junk food! You CAN get on the right track again!

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HEALTHY42MORROW 12/21/2014 7:25AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GRAMPIAN 12/21/2014 5:10AM

  Your determination will get you there in the end. emoticon

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ALIIDA 12/21/2014 3:25AM

    I'm sure you have the right attitude to get out of your funk. I bet a lot of us are or have been in the same place. I am now. One tactic I'm trying to use is telling myself, "Yes, it's boring and hard work, but a lot of life is like that. The rewards will come."

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WONDERWISH1 12/21/2014 2:45AM

    I feel the same. 2011/first of '12 was the best for me too weight wise. I also feel eliminating junk food works best. I went years without soda for example and never craved it. Just as if it didn't exist...

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BLUEJEAN99 12/21/2014 1:50AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MALAMI518 12/21/2014 12:28AM

    Someone posted a photo on Facebook the other day that said, "I'm really sick and tired of food having calories." I think that about sums it up sometimes. It's hard work always making the right choices (or even making the wrong ones...just being aware of the choices). It's hard work to say no when you want to say yes. It's hard work to get started on exercise. It's just so hard sometimes. It's also overwhelming to realize that this is life. Forever. It's all too easy to allow yourself to disconnect from the choices and to separate cause and effect in your head. Sometimes you just need some time off, but then you're eventually forced to realize that time off = weight gain. There is no way around it. I get it. I really do.

I like that your plan is to start off slowly and consistently instead of plunging headfirst into something completely different. I love that you are trusting yourself and what you know works for you. It can be so hard to get started again, but I know that you can do it! And that momentum will build.

I'm right here behind you if you need anything! I know that you can do this!

emoticon emoticon

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JSEATTLE 12/20/2014 11:48PM

  You said it all. You know what to do and what works for you. And you know to NEVER GIVE UP!

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ROCKYCPA 12/20/2014 10:54PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PENOWOK 12/20/2014 10:32PM

    I'm with you...if I have 1 piece of candy (or cookie, etc.) it'd be 10. I've been trying to be satisfied with trail mix...not a good mix for me with the m&m's. So that's not working. My best bet is to say just say NO! Not today. It makes a difference! So there you have it! We are all in this together!

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NONNAOF2 12/20/2014 10:17PM

  Once you get that ball rolling at full speed ahead, the enthusiasm will kick in for you!! You have a great plan ahead of you! Keep up the positive side of becoming healthy!! You can do it!! :-)

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HMBROWN1 12/20/2014 8:58PM

    emoticon

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SPARKYFLOWER 12/20/2014 7:42PM

    Loved your Blog emoticon

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SHERYLP461 12/20/2014 7:13PM

    I think when that shiny new feeling wears off we need to give ourself something new.even if it is riding a bike instead of walking, trying new things in your menue. The planning makes it work!

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PHHHISC 12/20/2014 4:42PM

    emoticon

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GOLDENRODFARM 12/20/2014 4:28PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
great plan!

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DIANNEMT 12/20/2014 3:53PM

    Your plan is great.

I know what you mean about "this is it--for the rest of my life??" I would LOVE to indulge more than I do--I LOVE pizza and fried chicken and stuff--but I REALLY LOVE being in shape and fitting in size 10. But I "want" the foods that I can only have in moderation.....and this is how it will always be--till I know that the bus will hit me tomorrow and I'll be dead! LOL It is hard--but you WILL do it!

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IAMAGEMLOVER 12/20/2014 3:48PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LCRUMLEY81 12/20/2014 3:25PM

  Get to it girl

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WOOFERCOALBOY 12/20/2014 3:06PM

    I particularly like what BESSHAILE has to say about denial - that we must deny that we're failures. Your plan sounds workable, and your motivating signs are great.

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4RASCALS 12/20/2014 1:33PM

    Lifestyle changes don't happen over night. Your plan sounds great. You can do this.

emoticon emoticon

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TRYHARDER2014 12/20/2014 12:59PM

    emoticon emoticon

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TUTUNAN 12/20/2014 11:40AM

    Oh, Pixie, this is such a tough time of year, but we can do it! We may not like it, but we can do it. Your plan is a winner. I have found I absolutely have to stay away from my trigger foods...I eat one certain salty cracker and the whole package is gone. So, much as it grieves me, I avoid that first cracker!
I envy your ability to express yourself so well in words.

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PATRICIAANN46 12/20/2014 10:57AM

  emoticon I have complete faith in YOU!!!

If your dog continues to limp, it could involve a tendon. BOTH of our dogs had this. I hope not. He might have just strained something.

Have a GREAT weekend.

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CHERYLHURT 12/20/2014 10:51AM

  YEAH!

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CHERYLHURT 12/20/2014 10:50AM

  Hang in there!

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CICELY360 12/20/2014 10:47AM

  good information

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It's Always SOMETHING, & A New Goal...

Wednesday, December 17, 2014


I am going to tell you why so many weight loss journeys fail. They either never make it past the first week, or they make it to a certain point (3 months, 30 pounds lost, etc.) before life throws the person an unexpected curve ball and everything gets destroyed! I'm just gonna call it like I see it: This crap is hard! There, I said it! emoticon On the surface it sounds easy... and anyone who just tells you to "eat less and move more" clearly hasn't been severely overweight or had an issue with food. The mental part of this process is sooooo much harder than the physical, and no one takes the time to explain that to you.

The thing is, there is no perfect time to lose the weight. We always want it to be something... "Well I have to start on Monday, no one starts a diet on a Wednesday", or "I will wait until the 1st of the month", and of course the BIG one is coming "I will start January 1st, new year, new me!"

We also want to start our plan AROUND everything else. "I can't do it before XX holiday" or "I am going to dinner for Luke's birthday on Friday, so I'll have to start the following Monday."

If this sounds like you, rest assured I am not mocking you... in fact, I was you. emoticon Before I restarted this in March of 2012... every time I wanted to start, something would happen. I would have too many dinners out coming up, or a trip to Vegas and I'd have to wait 2 months to start. Then I'd start for a month, maybe 3 months at most and something would happen... I'd go on vacation, I'd get sick, life would throw me some curve ball and I would lose my footing and throw it all away. But that perfect time doesn't exist. Life is full of surprises, good and bad... and conditions are not always going to be perfect for weight loss.

We aren't always going to be on track, we aren't always going to be in our calories or get in that workout, but how we react to these bumps in the road are either going to make us or break us. Remember that all these amazing people that we all look up to so much because they lost XXX amount of weight and kept it off are human too. They slip up, they overeat from time to time, they skip a workout or gain back 5-10 pounds... but they never quit. They always get back to this because it's a healthy lifestyle. A healthy lifestyle doesn't wait til January 1st, or a Monday, it happens NOW.

Now with that said, if YOUR plan is to get things rolling on January 1st, that's okay, YOU have to know what works for YOU... but at least promise me one thing? You'll do your best to keep the damage minimal between now and then. You don't want to start January 1st 5-10 pounds heavier than you are now, I know you don't because I am living that already and it's not fun. emoticon emoticon

I have been sick now for 4 days and I am so exhausted. My healthy eating went out the window and the exercise plan I wanted to start has to wait... it frustrates me, but that is LIFE. It just goes to remind me there will always be an excuse not to do this, and I have to do my best not to let those things stand in my way.

emoticon In other news, I'm trying to refocus on a goal that I was within 10 pounds of, but slipped up and went the other direction. I was very close to hitting the 100 pounds lost mark, and that is the most exciting goal I've had to reach since landing in Onederland. I have a long way to go now, thanks to my eating LOL. 24 pounds to hit my 100 pounds lost mark and 27 pound to hit the 160's for the first time. But you know, first I need to get back into the 180's, then land in the 170's for the first time... baby steps. But sometimes thinking ahead excites me. So I bought that shirt to wear to Disneyland to meet Cinderella, it is a little snug, but it might just be the perfect shirt to wear for my 100 pounds lost mark. I don't have many "before" photos because I often didn't let people take photos of me, especially not full body shots.... so the one of me and Cinderella from years is ago is the main one I go off of. So I am thinking that will be a nice motivator and a nice thing to look forward to. My luck, the day I go Cinderella won't be there but I always have my annual pass to try again.

I am looking for opinions and ideas on this... I was thinking do I just go and let the picture speak for itself... or do I maybe print out my before photo and we could hold that too... I was thinking that might be weird, but I'm weird and I am not afraid of being looked at funny... but I thought if I did that I could write with a marker on the back of it 100 lbs lost and we could take one of me holding it with her and then flip it over to have that, and then of course take one regular pic. I know they work at Disneyland so they HAVE to be nice to me, I'm just not sure if I want to do something like that or if I just want to take my pic and be quiet about the reasons behind it lol. I am open to opinions and suggestions, even if it's "Don't say anything, you'll look crazy!!" emoticon

Edit: Davis_6311 pointed out that you probably won't really be able to see the photo, that is so true! I am thinking maybe I could just tell her, or even show her the old photo on my ipod so she knows what I'm doing, and maybe she could make a 1 with her hand and I could make two 00's with mine so it reads 100... that might be neat...and of course take a regular picture too! :) Good thing this will be months down the line so I have plenty of time to decide! *giggles*

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CORNERKICK 12/20/2014 1:32AM

  emoticon

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WOOFERCOALBOY 12/19/2014 2:46PM

    baby steps, baby steps!

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MCJULIEO 12/19/2014 2:22PM

    Great goal! Disney should certainly accommodate you!

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 12/19/2014 8:35AM

    So.....I guess I should read your blogs in the order that you wrote them, not backwards.
You had the pretty top idea anyway. Yes, great idea. How 'bout you take your pic with Cinderella and you hold a bag that you have printed on it the amount of your weight loss. You wouldn't really want to lug around a bag with 5 lb. or 10 lb. or whatever...
But you could have the number written on the paper bag as if it holds that amount of weight. The bag you hold could get bigger and bigger and when you hold it you could act like it is heavier and heavier.

Could you wear a necklace that has a charm of the glass slipper as a symbol of your goal/process? If you wore it all the time, you could physically touch this as a way of 'holding on" to your goal.

Do you think it would be helpful to remember that a lot of hard work, tedium, careful planning and amazing execution of detail goes into making the magic of Disneyland and being a Disney character/fantasy? It seems effortless and all fun and games, but it is really a mind boggling commitment of time and energy to make the experience happen. Just a thought...I have only been there (the one in Florida) twice in my life and you go there so often.

emoticon There is no starting or stopping of being the special person that you are.



Comment edited on: 12/19/2014 8:39:30 AM

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JSEATTLE 12/19/2014 2:20AM

  You know what motivates you! I love your Disneyland adventures. Love the shirt! Cinderella will be so jealous!

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BLUEJEAN99 12/18/2014 11:59PM

    Do the same pose without holding the picture? Whatever you decide you have accomplished a lot!!!!!

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LIVELYGIRL2 12/18/2014 10:41PM

  you should have a before and after picture, and if you decide... Cinderella might let you wear her crown. I think it would be cute, since you love Disneyland. Whatever you do, we will cheer you. Keep it up!!, even if you have retrace a few steps or pounds.

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WORKNPROGRESS49 12/18/2014 8:31PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DEBSZOO74 12/18/2014 8:09PM

    You're going to rock that shirt and it's going to be an amazing picture however you decide to take it! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SIMONEKP 12/18/2014 7:47PM

    I love that you love Disney so much. I say print out the picture and take it with you, just print it large enough so maybe an 11x8 or 14x11 should work.

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NONNAOF2 12/18/2014 7:02PM

  I hope that you are feeling well soon! I like your idea, stick to it!

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LCRUMLEY81 12/18/2014 5:36PM

  A wonderful idea

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PATRICIAANN46 12/18/2014 3:00PM

  emoticon for the excellent advice. It means so much more coming from someone who has lived it...........
And...........I like YOUR idea of telling your story to Cinderella and then taking the picture with your hands forming 100.
emoticon

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TIMEHASCOME56 12/18/2014 1:59PM

    True emoticon emoticon

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SRWYLIE 12/18/2014 1:27PM

    You're doing great! Thanks for being an inspiration to me!

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DIANNEMT 12/18/2014 12:07PM

    A wonderful idea!! Enjoy planning how to do it!!

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ALEXSGIRL1 12/18/2014 11:57AM

    emoticon

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ROCKYCPA 12/18/2014 11:41AM

    emoticon

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BOB5148 12/18/2014 11:40AM

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NEPTUNE1939 12/18/2014 10:48AM

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CHERYLHURT 12/18/2014 10:00AM

  Fabulous!

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JIBBIE49 12/18/2014 9:41AM

    Hugs

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FORZACHANDMATT 12/18/2014 9:13AM

    Great blog

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STEVIEBEE569 12/18/2014 8:30AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHERYLP461 12/18/2014 8:26AM

    So sorry you have been sick. I am wishing you a speedy recovery!

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HMBROWN1 12/18/2014 8:10AM

    Can't wait to see! Keep us updated!

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IDLETYME 12/18/2014 8:03AM

    Best wishes on your goal! Feel better soon! emoticon

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MALAMI518 12/18/2014 7:51AM

    Great goal! I love the enthusiasm and the fact that you are starting NOW and not waiting for that mythical perfect time. I spent so many years waiting until Monday or the first of the month or some other time to start. I also love your idea to celebrate 100 pounds lost. That's quite an accomplishment!

emoticon

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PENOWOK 12/18/2014 7:07AM

    You have the most fun ideas!! I think you should go for it!! Disneyland should GIVE you a free pass when you hit 100 down! THAT would be worth working for!!

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JEANNEBUM2 12/18/2014 6:46AM

  You are so funny! I'm still laughing about you 'hitting rock bottom early' from your last blog. I'll have to remember that one for myself when I get there. (and I'll get there!)

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TRYINGHARD54 12/18/2014 5:53AM

    this was a great blog.. time after time I have made excuses for myself.
hope you feel better soon.. have a great day

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THROOPER62 12/18/2014 5:38AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARYJOANNA 12/18/2014 5:16AM

  You have a plan and a goal. emoticon

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1STBUCKETITEM 12/18/2014 4:43AM

  emoticon goal.... now it's time to go for it, and don't look back! You're right, the time to start is now, don't wait 'til the 1st. Do what you can starting today and make it your new lifestyle. Enjoy every small victory along the way! emoticon

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SWEDE_SU 12/18/2014 4:00AM

    great blog - deserves a popular blog award. you make so much sense, it is so true that people look for the "perfect time". i love the idea of your shirt and the photo with cinderella - excellent goal to work towards. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BESSHAILE 12/18/2014 3:30AM

    Yep Yep. It's always something. So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again. I love the photo idea - and I like the fingers representing 100. Can't wait to see it.

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ARTJAC 12/18/2014 1:40AM

    emoticon

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SUGAR0814 12/17/2014 11:23PM

    emoticon emoticon

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WALNUTT1961 12/17/2014 10:49PM

    I agree - IT IS SO HARD! I have felt like just maintaining because my clothes fit now and I am comfortable in my skin for once. BUT, for my health, I need to lose more weight and it would be fun to shop for new clothes! HA!
You need to do something with Cinderella when you get to the 100 pounds lost!

Feel better. emoticon

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ICECUB 12/17/2014 8:03PM

    emoticon it is so so so hard. feel better soon.

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MARITIMER3 12/17/2014 5:54PM

    You're SO right. It isn't easy and there's no perfect time.

I like the 100 idea with hands too.

Hugs, Gail

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GINA180847 12/17/2014 5:52PM

    emoticon

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VEG954 12/17/2014 5:25PM

  emoticon emoticon

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SUSIEMT 12/17/2014 5:14PM

    Stephanie! I am just so proud of you! I nearly cried reading this post! I mean you have learned so much! Like me from time to time we both put it into action! If only we were perfect! Wouldn't we be boring! Keep up the good job Stephanie and get over this illness! Any way you decide to take the picture with Cinderella will be wonderful!

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AHTRAP 12/17/2014 4:58PM

    WHEN you make it to your goal, you should not only go visit Cinderella at Disney, you should also take a picture of yourself in a cinderella gown. And then start working on your Ariel pose :)

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MARMAERT 12/17/2014 2:01PM

    Steph - don't know if you're on FaceBook, but if you are, we have an SP group called "Pink Pirates". We were in the BLC, then began a different group with teams, then just on FB. we have challenges, goal-setting, and lots of chatter! consider joining us - we are all on SP and have teams we're on here, too.
That said, I really like a website called "Full Plate Healthy". These people know our lifestyles - they've been there, too! They designed their program to work with real meals - even pizza, fast foods, or restaurants, and also your own cooking or going to someone's home. I have lost weight on this program and there are no foods to buy, just use reall food. They really help me every day!

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ANNABELLISABEL 12/17/2014 1:43PM

    No one ever starts anything on a Tuesday, which is exactly what I did 63 pounds ago, I totally had no idea this would be the one that stuck.

I love the idea of the hands thing with Cinderella! I think telling her and having her do that would be really cool.

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BARBARAJ73 12/17/2014 1:17PM

    emoticon the t-shirt and what it symbolizes... go for it !!!!!!!

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ADARKARA 12/17/2014 1:11PM

    I love love love the making the 100 with your hands idea! Definitely show her the pic on your phone and explain, because I'm sure that will be a cool thing for her, too. Is it the same Cinderella? I agree that you probably won't be able to see the picture.

Totally agree with the "I'll start when..." thing. Start now, and don't restrict so much that you can't enjoy going out to eat or something. I went out to eat just last week. I really wanted a cheeseburger. A good one. So we went to Red Robin and I got a dang cheeseburger. But I got broccoli on the side instead of endless steak fries. Hubs let me have a fry or two, and I was happy. This is REAL LIFE. emoticon

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SHOAPIE 12/17/2014 12:42PM

    emoticon

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Hitting Rock Bottom At The PERFECT Time!

Sunday, December 14, 2014


I have done it again, hit rock bottom... but this time is different! In the past, hitting rock bottom came after regaining all the weight I had lost, and then MORE. It was admitting I was at an all time high weight, and realizing I needed to do something about it. I lost 40 pounds 3 times in my life, only to gain them back and then some. When I started in March of 2012, I decided this was going to be the final time losing this weight, and that rings true today. But a couple days ago, I felt like I hit rock bottom.

I have gained back about 12 pounds, 15 from my lowest, I felt heavy, defeated, crushed, sluggish and just all around ICKY! Normally there is nothing positive about hitting rock bottom, but I actually was quite excited when I really thought about it. You see, this time, rock bottom came early! It didn't wait for me to regain all my weight... in fact I still have close to 80 pounds off. That in itself is a miracle. I realized that it was a blessing that this is happening now, and not when I gain back 80 more pounds. I have to say, I think I am a strong person, but I also feel like I would not be strong enough to lose all of this weight again. If something happened, and I was forced to start again from 272 pounds, I really don't think I could do it. I think that is why this is happening now. I know that I can't let it get that far out of control, because I don't think I can bounce back from it. 10 or 15 pounds? No big thing, I will get it off again... but I can't say the same about 50-80 pounds.

When I made it into Onederland, I vowed that I would never leave again. With the exception of a fluctuation or 2, I never had an "official weigh in" that landed me back in Twoterville. I refuse to go back, and I am ready to turn this around. Today is my first day back on track, and funnily enough I think I am sick. My throat hurts, and boy am I tired, so I am resting but I am also eating well.

I had a few people suggest I just wait until January 1st with everyone else, but I can do some serious damage between now and then. I already have 15 pounds to lose to get back to where I was in August, and I don't want to add another 10 to that total. The last month or so I kept feeling like I needed to get back on track, and it was true, I did need to, but I didn't want to. But today, I feel like I want to. I want to get the weight back off, I want to continue to get healthier and I want to feel better! I want to go back to Disneyland in January feeling good and like I can conquer the world! The less weight I have on me to slow me down the better... stalking Pluto is a lot of work. emoticon

So I have never been so happy to hit rock bottom, because it isn't under the usual circumstances. Here is to turning this around before it gets to a point where it overwhelms me to fix it! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PORTIAWILLIS 12/21/2014 8:01PM

    Thanks for sharing your story.

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RINGLETS888 12/21/2014 11:38AM

    you got this!

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WHITNEYLD 12/21/2014 12:34AM

    That's great!

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WRITERWANNAB 12/20/2014 2:49PM

    Here's to always hitting "rock bottom" early! emoticon

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SASSYTHING52 12/19/2014 9:03PM

    thanks for sharing

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WOOFERCOALBOY 12/19/2014 3:02PM

    Congratulations on hitting rock bottom sooner!

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MCJULIEO 12/19/2014 2:19PM

    Excellent points! VERY emulatable!

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HYATTI1 12/19/2014 12:57PM

    emoticon

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2DAWN4 12/18/2014 11:45PM

    Some parts of your story could have been written by me! I too have slipped! Way way way way way more than you bt I too am back on track! Like you, friends have encouraged me to wait until the new year but I feel like if I wait, I might not have the same drive as I do know!

Keep up he great work! You can do it! We sparkers have got your back!

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KNEEMAKER 12/18/2014 9:08PM

  I have slipped too! Thanks for sharing Steph-Knee! I recognize it is time to start pushing this old car back up hill. With that said, let's just keep on keeping on!

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LADYDARYA 12/18/2014 5:39PM

    emoticon

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KATHIE24H 12/18/2014 3:08PM

  i agree. Waiting till Jan 1 could mean 5 more pounds. I just boxed up all the food gifts that have arrived (beautiful stuff) and took them to the nurses room at my moms nursing home.

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ACHIEVECHI 12/18/2014 9:21AM

    Great blog! This is the perfect time to be reading this with all the holiday "festivity" that surrounds us. I will keep it in mind.
Happy Holidays to you!

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LEANMEAN2 12/18/2014 7:39AM

    Thanks for sharing. Good one.

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BIKE2015 12/18/2014 12:10AM

  There is really nothing magical about the date "January 1st"! I'm not waiting either. Too much to do between now and then!

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ANAVBTOVIAS 12/17/2014 9:19PM

  Congrats! I am also just starting right now in the middle of December. Everyone tells me.to start in January but there is no time like the present. Good luck!

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AHTRAP 12/17/2014 4:53PM

    Is that a pie under the car?

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WHYNOTJ1 12/17/2014 3:43PM

    Awesome blog!

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SHORTSTORY2 12/17/2014 12:00PM

    Don't wait until January! If you have the motivation run with it. This is a rough time of year to try and lose weight, but you can do it!
I looked at myself in the mirror the end of November and said enough!!! I am more determined than ever to get my weight down! I decided to do a chocolate free December since that is my number one trigger food. It's amazing, but I haven't even wanted chocolate so far!!! I decided no more eating when I'm not hungry. I eat a good breakfast and usually don't do lunch unless I feel hungry and then a small lunch. In the afternoon I have an apple and some peanut butter which was suggested by another Spark member. Works for me ; ) So far I have lost 2 pounds in two weeks which isn't much, but any loss is a loss ; ) Good luck to you. Sounds like you have a good attitude about it and a plan. Have a good Christmas.

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GORDON66 12/17/2014 9:48AM

  I like your honesty. I, too, have recently gained weight, and it's emotionally and physically crushing. Unlike you, I tend to retreat. Kudos to you!

Leslie

XXXOOOXXX

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PUGLOVER1999 12/17/2014 1:08AM

    Now, that is PROGRESS!!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Life is not perfect; we are not perfect; our weight-loss graphs are not going to be a vertical line!

I am so proud of you!

Also, emoticon for writing this blog! I really needed it! I have been so determined this time around and have been making slow progress (the BEST kind for me) but the past couple of weeks have been filled with sick people; changed schedules and sleep deprivation for me. Consequently, I have not exercised as regularly nor have I remained within my calorie limit (to put it mildly) and you know what that means! I have been thinking along the same lines as you, but have been too tired to do it clearly. You did it for me.

THANK YOU AGAIN!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MALAMI518 12/16/2014 11:15PM

    emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 12/16/2014 8:20PM

    so true! Let's finish December strong! It will make going into January that much easier, continuing on the right path. I think that you are right to keep pushing forward. I'm pushing forward too!

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EDDYMEESE 12/16/2014 7:35PM

    Great job! I agree with you about NOT waiting for January 1...we can do some serious damage as tempting as it may be!

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1HOTFUDGEMAMA 12/16/2014 6:54PM

  Keep pushing!

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SIMONEKP 12/16/2014 6:24PM

    I agree that now is the time!

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SJS963 12/16/2014 3:59PM

    Thank you! I can't tell you how much this post meant to me. You CAN do this!

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FMBURSON 12/16/2014 3:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLONDBIKEGIRL 12/16/2014 2:50PM

    I'd say you see this as a lifestyle these days. Congrats on your commitment to yourself. I made a deal with my body about five years ago to truly respect and care for it. Amazing how that ripples out to every part of life. Why wait? TODAY is it!

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NONNAOF2 12/16/2014 2:22PM

  One needs inner determination to continue on in getting the weight off. I yo-yo'd so many times over the years and at back the age of 67 I knew that I had to get serious. I am diabetic, so seeing my brother, who is also diabetic, go through major health problems and being on dialysiswas a major motivator for me, so I decided that I really needed to get serious if I wanted to be there for two of my three adult children with special needs. I'm so proud of you that you were able to catch yourself, you decided that it was a wake up call. I lost 100 lbs. many years go, only to gain it all back, I did not have the awareness that you have when it started creeping up on me, so I eventually just gave up! You are a strong person and to keep the weight off of you that you have so far, you are amazing! You are wise to start now in working towards losing the re-gained weight and knowing that 10 lbs. can be a fast gain during this time of the year! Keep up the good work and stay on track, you are most certainly capable of doing it and are worth the effort!! :-)

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WANTSRECOVERY 12/16/2014 2:22PM

    emoticon

Thank you!

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LADYVOLSFAN1954 12/16/2014 2:18PM

    Good for you. I've been there too only it was 25 pounds. I never want to see 278 again ever. Keep tracking. You can do it.

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BOWKAY 12/16/2014 1:54PM

    Good for you for starting now. Today really is the first day of the rest of your life. You can do this! emoticon

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REBESANCON 12/16/2014 1:03PM

    Awesome - good job turning it around now! You've come so far! You can do it!

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THIS2WILPASS 12/16/2014 12:14PM

    Congratulations on your Progress....it's a beautiful thing to wake up, know you're close to hitting bottom and pick yourself up before you get hurt.....good on you.....no.....Great on You.....I can feel the confidence building in you.....and it's a remarkable thing that gains momentum and spreads...I'm feeling it growing in me as I type....thanks much....smiles, K emoticon

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SUSIEMT 12/16/2014 11:36AM

    I like how you said you were happy to hit rock bottom. When I gain 5 lbs back that is how I feel. Well maybe not exactly but close.. I think about having to lose more or all of the weight I have lost and that makes me feel so awful!!! I know I could not do it again, however, I can lose those 5 extra lbs to get back to goal. Stephanie I would love love love for you not to go through this but as they say you need to work through this to get to the other side! The pride in your accomplishment will feel like no other! It will help push you further. You know those small streaks. Keep pushing Stephanie! You can do this!

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BEINGERIN 12/16/2014 11:27AM

    Wow, look at all this support and encouragement...so many people on your side. You will do great things.

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1DAY-ATA-TIME 12/16/2014 10:04AM

    Been There Done That. I appreciate your encouraging words. Thanks

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WALNUTT1961 12/16/2014 9:47AM

    Way to go, girl! I needed this motivation too! I decided the same thing. I can do a lot of damage by Jan. 1st. Start now!

emoticon emoticon

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GLUCOZA 12/16/2014 9:34AM

    I hit my rock bottom today, got to 183 from 170. It feels scary! I don't want to gain weight again! What is your plan for today? emoticon

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ARAZA30 12/16/2014 9:05AM

    That's a great attitude to have. Way to go!

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DOTFROMAZ 12/16/2014 9:01AM

    so true!! & I agree I think it's essential not to have the "Wait until New Year's" mentality. That's why I'm visiting Spark People again.

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QUAIL75 12/16/2014 8:56AM

    emoticon emoticon

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NIMIRRA137 12/16/2014 7:54AM

    Well said! I feel like we're right about the same place. I got on the scale today and was hoping for a lower number and was shocked when it was as high as it was! I haven't been this high in over a year. How is it possible to gain 12 pounds in 2.5 months!?

I'm going to focus on getting back on track TODAY. As you said, so much damage can happen between now and January 1st. We can do this!

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SEDONACAT 12/16/2014 7:34AM

    emoticon emoticon

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HIDDENMIZARY 12/16/2014 6:09AM

    I'm glad you can see when you hit rock bottom and adjusted for it

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JUNEAU2010 12/15/2014 11:14PM

    I love this blog! Great energy and attitude! Three cheers for you!

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JSEATTLE 12/15/2014 10:45PM

  I know you will overcome this. You sound like you're in a good place with yourself and know what you need to do. Best of luck!!

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BLUEJEAN99 12/15/2014 10:23PM

    I'm in the exact same boat. Lost 90 and have gained back 12. Sigh. Weird that we're at the same numbers !!! Thank you for writing this!!

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JIBBIE49 12/15/2014 10:12PM

   
emoticon Happy Holidays emoticon

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Hitting The Panic Button!

Friday, December 12, 2014

emoticon This blog isn't interesting or informative, it is for me to document what I am feeling today...



My weight this morning was 196.6... my lowest weight on this journey was 181 in September. Then I went back up to 190 or so. I got back down to 184, then went to Florida in November and am now sitting at 196.6. That is not okay, it is too close to Twoterville! Numbers aside, I FEEL heavy. I feel the weight gain. I feel tired walking through Disneyland as soon as I get there. I can SEE the weight gain, physically see it. I wish I were exaggerating but the proof is in the pics... my pictures from yesterday at Disneyland shows a very large stomach (tight shirt didn't help hide anything either... but it's not the shirts fault, it's mine) and 2 chins. I was so happy when I "did away with" my double chin, but now it's back. It's amazing, because I can lose 10 pounds and not feel any different, but I gain 12 and I can see it and feel it.

It is amazing what can happen in just a few short months... here is the difference... this is me yesterday at Disneyland, double chins and all...











I'm not going to lie, I had a ball, and I took SOOOO many pictures (yes, even more that I didn't post). I danced with Pluto in main street, like actually danced and twirled and I enjoyed every minute of it. While the pictures are not my best, they are far from my worst and they are linked to happy memories. I no longer link my weight to my self worth and self confidence, and that is a good thing because I'm a pretty adorable person. ;) On the flip side of that, I can't bury my head in the sand and deny what I am seeing. I have noticeable weight gain in my stomach and in my face and I am not going to stand by and let a 12 pound gain lead to a 50 pound gain.

Just for giggles and to show that I am right, here are a few pics from September, one chin and a little less puffy stomach!





So that's it, I accepted it, and now I'm ready to change it. There is no waiting til January 1st, there is no denying it... this is a big deal for me and only I can fix it. I am logging off here to go and bake my chicken for work, I have my meals tracked already and I need to cook them up. I am starting a low impact workout program (4 week program) on Monday and I already took some before pics for me. I need to put my mind to something and do it... and maybe I can update weekly to document my 4 week program (which I plan to continue after the 4 weeks). Even though that starts on Monday, the healthy eating starts now!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRLTAZ 12/13/2014 10:59PM

    Good plan. I know you will do it because of your reasons above. Keep pushing !

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MARITIMER3 12/13/2014 10:22PM

    Sounds like a good plan. You've learned a very important lesson... that your worth isn't linked to the number on the scale. It's great that you are going out and enjoying yourself, and it's especially great that you aren't waiting until January 1 to get back on track. I know you can do this.
Hugs, Gail emoticon

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CHOOSETHERESULT 12/13/2014 9:19PM

    I am so glad that you are getting out and having a blast at any size. This is our year. And we have rewards to earn. I am so glad we are friends and we can do this together. What a mentor you are. Come on girl, let's do this.

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ICECUB 12/13/2014 6:54PM

    WISHING YOU MUCH SUCCESS. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU CAN'T LET THIS GET YOU DOWN. LOVE YOUR PICTURES.

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SLIMLEAF 12/13/2014 4:59PM

    Best wishes, Steph. Yes, it's difficult, but it IS possible and you know you CAN do it.

One bit of a day at a time.

I'm really glad to see you enjoyed your day though!

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MAWMAW101 12/13/2014 3:03PM

    Enjoying the days on the journey is important! Glad you did!
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SUBMOM2 12/13/2014 2:10PM

    You know what? I think you look great in these pictures. We are our own worst critic.

But I also get what you are saying about how gaining some back doesn't feel great and it's a mental load as well. (I'm in that boat for most of 2014.) But you can put the brakes on now. Making your chicken in advance is an excellent idea.

It's an effort, and don't forget that you are worth the effort!!

emoticon emoticon

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LIBELULITA 12/13/2014 2:04PM

    Wow, aren't you lucky all this support you have on here and so many people routing for you?!!

I read your blog and I sighed a lot because I so know how you feel, and how scarey it is to see the weight creeping back up and all the old cravings back. I really feel for you. It sounds like you're ready to take positive steps to lose it again and we're all behind you cheering you on.

That said, the photos are fabulous and you look so happy and beautiful emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WIFEALF2 12/13/2014 1:32PM

    you can do this.you have a plan...good luck...we are in the same boat together we can do this...great pictures.i am so jelous i wish i could go to dissy one day but its so far..its a dream..you are lucky..i am glad i can see your pictures...i am glad you had a great time...hugs.

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KOHINOOR2 12/13/2014 12:59PM

    It's OK. You know how and what to do. You have already put a plan in place. WE all love and support you. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Thank you for sharing.

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BTRFLYDOG 12/13/2014 11:28AM

    emoticon emoticon

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HOPEFULHIPPO 12/13/2014 11:26AM

    you look so happy in all of those pics, but Disneyland? How can one NOT be happy there?

And so now, I will be the Simon Cowell of Sparkpeeps.

If you want this, seriously want this...then it shall be yours. Work for it. This is coming from a girl who has plateaued for 3-4 years now. We shall put our minds to it. We shall overcome it, WITHOUT letting it define us and take us over.

There you go. Your kick butt for the day.

Now carry on Sparkpeep!!

emoticon

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IDICEM 12/13/2014 10:34AM

  emoticon emoticon

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WISHICOULDFLY 12/13/2014 10:19AM

    You know what to do and you have proven yourself quite capable, so make your plan, prepare and FOLLOW THROUGH. emoticon

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LOSINGIT26104 12/13/2014 8:50AM

    I'm in the same place you are right now. The scale is going the wrong way and I can't seem to get my head or body back into the game. We just have to keep pushing and eventually we'll get back on track.
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BABYBARNEY 12/13/2014 8:13AM

    You are putting a plan in motion for your next goal...so important...your success is that mind body connection....looks like you have the activity part down...keep that up & tailor that eating plan...we have all been our own stumbling block but getting up & keeping one foot forward of the other will get you where you want to go...

You have a sweet spirit so keep looking inward as well as your outside!!!

Keep pushing, I'm with you!

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KANOE10 12/13/2014 7:53AM

    You are ready to go. You have cooked and planned ahead. You can do it. You look very happy in all of your pictures!




emoticon

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MARYBETH4884 12/13/2014 7:49AM

    You can do this! It just takes a mindset. It does creep back easier than it goes away. tracking and focus will get results! emoticon emoticon

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BBEAGAN 12/13/2014 7:36AM

    Incredible how it creeps on, eh? I used to think "ah, 2-3 lbs, 5 lbs, 10 lbs... Big deal, it'll come off again..." Now I think of it in terms of weeks! I seem to lose at a rate of about 1 lb per week. Which I am happy with. But now a "small gain" of 5 lbs I see as "that's 5 weeks of steady effort to lose that again"!

You can do this. Get back on the track you know works for you and push it, consistently...

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ADARKARA 12/13/2014 6:27AM

    You can do it, Steph! I know you can!

All of us have bouts of bad times where we struggle (yes, I do, too) and if we work hard to get back on track it works itself out.

Never lose that beautiful smile, though!

emoticon

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BESSHAILE 12/13/2014 5:55AM

    Good for you darling.

Just remember - all these good things you're dong for yourself? They are also fun!!!! Healthy food is delicious. It's not punishment for being heavy or for past indiscretions. Water, exercise, nutrition - hon, what's not to like about them?

The treats you deserve are the good for you treats. grab all you can.

and I'll see you in the 180s in January! emoticon

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BLUEJAY1969 12/13/2014 5:10AM

    emoticon

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CAT125 12/13/2014 3:35AM

    Recently did the same thing. HUGE difference in how you feel!
ANOTHER LESSON LEARNED!!!!!!
emoticon emoticon

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ELIZABETH5268 12/13/2014 2:51AM

    You can do it! emoticon

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WENDYANNE61 12/13/2014 1:33AM

    Hi Stephanie, I am tooting a little song for you on my kazoo and watching you whirling away in the right direction! Have fun and blast through the Christmas season with a good balance in place! Hugs!

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MOONGLOWSNANA 12/13/2014 1:21AM

  I haven't seen Onederland since 1977, but I'm on the path you blazed for me and I know I'll catch up if I just follow you. You know the emoticon Steph! Yes, I'm coming. Because YOU DID IT I know that if I emoticon emoticon too. Thanks Steph for showing me the way. No, you keep going!!! I'll catch up eventually. emoticon I just passed the GO FOR IT sign; It was emoticon !!! Thanks Steph for showing me the way. When I get to Onederland there will be a big emoticon and a winner's circle and SP friends. You'll know me when you see me. I will be the one with the big crazy emoticon jumping emoticon and emoticon with my arms in the air emoticon . I can see us now, the two of us in Onederland. WOW!!! emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/13/2014 1:49:20 AM

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MRSP90X 12/12/2014 10:37PM

    You are a VERY ADORABLE person!!!! I know what you mean though about the weight gain and how it feels. emoticon emoticon

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WORKNPROGRESS49 12/12/2014 10:04PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JCMSMILE 12/12/2014 10:03PM

    I know it can be challenge, but keep your head held high...you are an inspiration to us all!! emoticon

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SUGAR0814 12/12/2014 9:52PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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VEG954 12/12/2014 9:49PM

  emoticon

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LINDAK25 12/12/2014 9:46PM

    emoticon

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JAZZII4 12/12/2014 9:29PM

    emoticon emoticon

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BEATLETOT 12/12/2014 9:29PM

    FWIW, I understand what you're saying, but I still think you look really good in your pictures. =) Let's DO IT!!!

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1CRAZYDOG 12/12/2014 9:23PM

    That's the difference . . . you're ready to change it . . . so you WILL! BTW, I still think you look absolutely adorable in the pictures!

HUGS it takes courage to face all the little (and big) detours on our journey, but you've done that honestly. I applaud you for that.

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HOLLYM48 12/12/2014 9:06PM

    emoticon emoticon
You know what you want and you know how to get it! Now it is just going after it.
Best of luck to you, this journey is not easy but we are worth it and regardless, you are right, you are adorable and you look like you had a blast so good for you!

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Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

STEPH-KNEE Uncensored... Volume 3

Friday, December 05, 2014



I have been very blessed in my life recently, and have been having a lot of awesome days! I was blessed enough to have 30 days of vacation time, and most of those days I took advantage of. I went to Florida, I went to the Zoo twice, and Friday morning will be my 3rd and final trip to Disneyland for this vacation. I am getting ready go to back to work on Saturday, and well, that stinks.

I have had a lot of amazing days, but let me tell you that they weren't all emoticon's and emoticon's. I had a couple really off/sad days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I am so blessed that the majority of my days are happy/good days. I know as long as the majority are good that I don't need to be worried, and that it is normal to have ups/downs and good/bad days. No one is 100% happy all the time, that just isn't how life works.

So I've had a few down days and today was definitely one of them. My weight has kept creeping up. I started off the day with good intentions with tracking my food, but crashed and burned by the end. I have been feeling a little bit lonely (today) and down in the dumps. It almost echoes feelings I had at my highest weight, and that is so weird to me. I feel like I have hit rock bottom. The thing of it is, I know that I still have about 80 pounds off, and I know I haven't hit rock bottom in terms of weight loss. but it feels that way. It feels like I'm not getting anywhere and that I am putting it back on without making an effort to stop it.

I also must confess that I didn't go to Weight Watchers when I came back from vacation. I believe I posted a couple status updates about it, and I fully intended to go. At the last minute I decided not to go and to visit my Gammie who was in town again... but visiting Gammie was an excuse. I should have gone and I didn't, and I still have not gone. In fact I am going to cancel the membership because while it's a great place, if I'm not going it's not doing anything. It just goes to show that unless I am on the ball, and doing what I need to do, nothing else can persuade me to do the right thing. I also think part of me likes saying I lost this weight on my own... and I think I want to get to the finish lilne the same way. I know Sparkpeople isn't technically on your own, the support here is amazing and something that keeps me going... but at the end of the day each one of us is responsible for our weight loss and no one can do it but us.

If you were to ask me today how I feel in terms of weight loss, I'd tell you I feel like a failure. I have hardly been walking Sparky, partially because my foot hurts and partially because I've been so LAZY. Not only that, but I swore I was going to be good on vacation and keep control, and I fell into my old habits of eating whatever I want because I'm on "vacation". That has really taken a toll on my confidence... my confidence linked to weight loss that is. I still have my self confidence and I think I am pretty spiffy and adorable emoticon But I feel like when it comes to knowing how to lose this weight I know nothing. I know that's not true, and I haven't lost everything I've learned, but I need to start putting it to use!

I really need to get a grip on my eating... I know it is making me feel icky both mentally and physically. Eating junk makes me feel bad, and I know this... I just need to break the cycle. I am pretty frustrated with myself but I know I can get out of this funk, I just need to make an effort. Anyways, that is where I'm at today. I have had a lot of amazing days and hope to have another at Disneyland Friday. But I also just wanted to be "real" and explain what I'm battling on my "off days".


Here's a few new "progress pics" to remind me that all is not lost. I am still 80 pounds down and even if that was true a year ago, it is a good thing it is STILL true. That is an accomplishment in itself!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MCJULIEO 12/19/2014 2:16PM

    If you went to Disney three times, you got some serious walking in for sure!

You know, WE think you're spiffy and adorable, even when YOU don't think so!

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MRSRIGS1 12/17/2014 8:05PM

    emoticon emoticon You ARE amazing!

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WRITERWANNAB 12/17/2014 7:34PM

    Quite a few of us are having a battle right now but we are all refusing to give up! emoticon emoticon

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HYATTI1 12/16/2014 11:13PM

    emoticon

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PROVERBS31JULIA 12/14/2014 1:04PM

    Yowsa lady! three trips to DisneyWorld during one month's vacay in Florida?? I surely wouldn't be scolding myself for gaining a little bit!! You are looking great!! Hope you brought home a Princess dress or doll or something to remind yourself of the great time you had (and something you can hug when you need a non-food "upper"!!?

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STARSUB99 12/10/2014 2:44PM

    Hi Stephanie! OMG - you are HUMAN!!!! You have ups and downs.. your get mad at yourself... you miss weight watchers meetings.... so this is a low run.. and you only need to pick one thing to do that makes you feel better and doit.
Then pick another the next day - and do it!
And it will turn around..... You are an inspiration - I am back after slagging off for a year - 30 lbs heavier than when I left - and you are holding your own at 80 lbs down..

That's a touchdown in my book! And I'm sure a few days will pass, and it'll be a win again for you.

Rem.ember - the most important thing is not ups or downs - its all about showing up! Being present and consciously aware of where you want to be and how you want to feel about you

Wishing you well.
Sylvia



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STEVIEBEE569 12/10/2014 8:41AM

    emoticon emoticon

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AMBER461 12/9/2014 9:13PM

  You look great, thanks for sharing.


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MSBEKANATOR 12/9/2014 7:09PM

    I just love how real you are with your struggles, and your victories! Your before and after pics are amazing! You have come a long way!

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ALILDUCKLING 12/9/2014 5:15PM

  Try to think of your down times as preparation for getting off vacation and back to "normal". Think of your holiday goals for December and look ahead with your planning and preps. Rev up the engine! Make some healthy holiday treats! emoticon

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MALAMI518 12/8/2014 11:08PM

    We've both been through this before...more than once. The important thing is to remember that you can get back on track. It takes a bit of a push to get yourself back there, but you CAN do it! You've done it before. You've assessed the mistakes that you've made. You've admitted the mistakes that you've made. Now it is time to forgive yourself and allow yourself to move on. Those mistakes have NOT wiped out all your progress. Those mistakes do NOT make you a lesser person. I know that it feels like that right now because I've been in that pit. You are capable and you are worthy, so take the small steps towards treating yourself right. It only seems too difficult until you begin doing it.

I love those comparison photos because I love seeing that smile in ones with Pluto and Goofy! You look terrific and you look happy! Well, that and they're Disney.

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RUNNERRACHEL 12/8/2014 9:45PM

    Im sorry to hear about struggling...you have realized that unless you are on the ball programs won't work the magic... You have it in you and I'm glad you are also reminding yourself of all you've accomplished! Your past success can serve to motivate

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NEWLEAF16 12/8/2014 6:54PM

    We all have our off days, thanks for being brave enough and open enough to share yours with us. It sure did resonate with me! One phrase that helps me when I am having these off times is 'fake it till you make it'. If i can just have one healthy meal even if I don't want to, one extra glass of water, one walk around the block. Even if it is going through the motions after a few days I get my mojo back. I hope you will be able to find yours again soon. And you have done SO much and come SO far! The photos you posted really do show it all, the smile in your after photos is radiant! Hoping you find your brighter days again soon emoticon

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TIME4CARRI 12/8/2014 1:51PM

    Look at you! You are beaming! You HAVE come along way, emoticon

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FRABBIT 12/8/2014 1:39PM

  Great smile - you can do this!

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PATTYR81 12/8/2014 12:50PM

    emoticon emoticon

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SPATIQUE1 12/8/2014 7:48AM

  Wow you look awesome

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MELYROD18 12/8/2014 2:29AM

    Great pictures! Keep pushing, you can do it!

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SNOWYOGA 12/7/2014 8:54PM

    emoticon And I love your pictures! Thank you for sharing

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DOILIEQUEEN 12/7/2014 7:51PM

    emoticon emoticon

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REBESANCON 12/7/2014 6:32PM

    Look how much happier and how much younger you look in the newer pics! Love your honesty. Just gotta get back up off of your buts and maybes. I do, too. I've been hanging around in the same weight neighborhood for a while, and it's time to re-commit and keep that scale going down. At first I told myself it was a "mini maintenance." Well, ok, but now it's time to stop using that as an excuse. You can do it, and so can I! emoticon

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KNEEMAKER 12/7/2014 3:28PM

  Your blog really hit home. I am right where you are on this Life Journey. You are so inspiring and I know you will not quit. You are a winner for sure! Just look at you. You reached a goal that I can only dream of hitting. I would give anything to make it to Onederland! You are there and will end up reaching your goal someday. I'm going to continue on because I am inspired by you and others who have reached the goal that I currently seek. This year long plateau I have been on has to give way someday. If not then I know that I will just Keep on Keeping on or die trying. Don't you ever give up. Too many of us depend on the inspiration that you and others just like you bring to us. Thanks for sharing and we are here for you too. emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/7/2014 3:28:40 PM

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MARGOH12 12/7/2014 1:26PM

    It great that you are seeing rthe positives in your life and not letting the negatives get in the way of your long term goals.

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EMMACORY 12/7/2014 1:07PM

    Your continual honesty about your journey is inspiring. Keep striving and you will reach your goals. Blessings! emoticon

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SUSIEMT 12/7/2014 11:32AM

    Hey Stephanie! Hmmmmm. I just gained 4 lbs and have felt like a total failure!! Well, I just read Thoms1's (my sister) response and well I guess she is right! 4 lbs does not make me a failure! Neither does 10 lbs make you a failure! Getting back to basics it is! I know you can do this we both will!

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TIFALVA 12/7/2014 10:39AM

    Thanks for sharing. I think it's important to highlight there are good in with the bad. That's something I'm struggling with myself right now. Congrats on the 80 pounds down, that's amazing :-) Keep it up, I know you can do it :-)

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1HOTFUDGEMAMA 12/7/2014 9:33AM

  I have three broken toes that have never healed and sometimes i aggravate the injuries. I've found swimming is fun! I usually go during off peak hours, cuz I don't like to see others. Try it, you might like it.

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1HOTFUDGEMAMA 12/7/2014 9:31AM

  Stay positive! You have been an inspiration for me and others. We all have bad days where we feel down. Look to all you have accomplished! And if weight watchers helps, go back! It's a great tool! It's not the answer, but it's a tool.

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BLUEJAY1969 12/7/2014 6:08AM

    Thank you as always for your honesty. Have you tried going back to the beginning and looking over your blogs from when you first started with SP? Maybe that would help you re-discover all those feelings of determination. Just a suggestion for you! I am so glad to see you out having a good time in your life!
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Jeanne

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DIAMOND102 12/7/2014 3:41AM

    emoticon on losing 80 lbs. and sometimes we get off track but we can get back on and continue our journey. Stay positive and know you did it once you can do again. You have Spark People on your side and you can do it. emoticon emoticon

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ROCKYCPA 12/7/2014 2:07AM

    Good blog - thanks for sharing!

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KLH702 12/7/2014 1:22AM

    Love the progress pictures at Disney!! You look so great!!!


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BLUEJEAN99 12/7/2014 1:06AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CICELY360 12/7/2014 12:16AM

  good blog

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LIVELYGIRL2 12/6/2014 11:22PM

  Stephanie, it is hard to be motivated, driven, and up , all the time.

Of course your betting yourself up, because you on vacation, and that should be fun and not strict. However, since you have an entire month, being off and doing whatever one feels like is completely understandable.

I can see the point of canceling WW, if one doesn't use that or the club, but it really helps to have someone to call or ask help. Really, Spark is AWESOME, but it is useful to have a real person who you can talk to and look at you in the eyes, or work out with, or check in with.

Also we tend to get bored or stuck with routines. I do think it is better to try new healthy recipes.

I think you might be able to get someone who will actually chat with you once a week here, if you can't find someone there. Because your helping each other. When we get someone who does it for awhile to help you and they do whatever, it's not as helpful.

If you feel lousy, than force yourself to take baby steps or streaks. Let me know if I can help. Are you on the accountability group ? They are real active.

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1DAY-ATA-TIME 12/6/2014 10:31PM

    thanks for sharing. Some days are goods days, so are not. So, your not perfect, well guess what, no one is. We just have to keep on going. Quitting is easy, I done it many time.

What you have done thus far is amazing. reading your blog let's me know that you be back in track soon.

Thanks for your honesty and openness.
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MSROZZIE 12/6/2014 8:51PM

    Eighty pounds lost! emoticon Start at emoticon and do it again! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SCOTMAMA 12/6/2014 8:19PM

    Losing 80 pounds and keeping it off for a year is a BIG accomplishment! emoticon

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PEGGYO 12/6/2014 8:12PM

    You can do it!!

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SLIMLEAF 12/6/2014 6:40PM

    Thank you for writing so openly and honestly. It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this at times.

Don't give up - and neither will I.

I believe that we CAN do this.

Now let's go and do it!

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DIANNEMT 12/6/2014 6:39PM

    You can do it--but battling that "I don't want to" is really hard!

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JSEATTLE 12/6/2014 5:44PM

  You already know what you need to do, so take baby steps and don't put too much pressure on yourself. It will all fall back into place.

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MSGRANNYMAE 12/6/2014 5:38PM

    emoticon

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PATRICIAANN46 12/6/2014 5:03PM

  With your "Glass-Half-Full Personality" I know that you will get back on track and get to your goal weight. I wish you the emoticon

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JUNEAU2010 12/6/2014 4:20PM

    You could have been writing about me! I wish you lived nearby so we cold inspire each other! emoticon

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_LINDA 12/6/2014 3:29PM

    Yes it sure is hard to stay on track on vacation. My excuse for when I went to Hawaii was it was nothing but junk food or high calorie stuff within walking range, very frustrating. Its a good thing I rarely go on a vacation.
You can get back on track on start feeling good about yourself. Just takes a little push and the momentum of how good it feels to exercise and eat healthy will get you going..
Love the photos! That is so awesome you live close enough there to make regular trips to Disneyland!
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NONNAOF2 12/6/2014 2:54PM

  You have done so well, don't be so hard on yourself. Obviously you have been at this long enough to know what needs to happen to continue in being successful, that's why you have turned to your Spark friends! Take it one day at a time and make small changes until you get back into the pattern you were in before that worked for you! Good luck, you can do it, it's one step at a time.:-)

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SUEARNOLD1 12/6/2014 1:49PM

    Steph keep looking at your facial expression on the before and after.

You're alive now you weren't then!

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LADYDARYA 12/6/2014 1:32PM

    emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 12/6/2014 1:15PM

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