Monday, December 30, 2013
Can I be honest? I haven't been honest with myself for a while so I think it's time to get honest. I think of the ostrich with its head stuck in the sand when I start to think about how I've been lately.
I have to go way back to figure this out. 44 years ago... just kidding! Not quite that far back! Though I was an 11 pound baby which has always seemed to me the place to start looking at my journey.
Instead I want to look back to 2010. I was 40 and had a hysterectomy in June. I suddenly felt amazingly better. Within 2 weeks of my surgery I had more energy than I had had in years. I was up and moving! No more napping for me! I felt great! I was swimming, walking, dancing, and more active than I had been in years. I found Sparkpeople in July of that year. Over a period of time I lost nearly 60 pounds going from my highest (261) right before my surgery to my lowest (204) in decades!
Today I weighed in for the first time in a couple of months. I was sad by what I saw on the scale but not surprised. I've gained back nearly 30 pounds of what I lost! So all day I've pondered...what happened? where did I go wrong? and most importantly...what do I need to do to get back on track?
I don't have all the answers to those questions. But I'm being honest here, right? Well, somewhere along the line I quit moving so much. My exercise has been in peaks and valleys but never consistent. I quit keeping up with my food. I've never been one to follow calorie intake faithfully. Never ever ever. But when I was being successful I was watching what I ate, keeping a journal of it, making better choices. My sparkpage says that my program is no fried foods, sodas, sweet tea, second helpings. But that is a lie! Somewhere along the way I've let all those things sneak back into my life. They have become my normal again.
I've been lying to myself for a while now. I bought new shoes and a Fitbit in 2013. I would do just enough to convince myself I was ok. I have been walking my dog for 2 months now and trying to convince myself that a walk around the block was enough. It is not!
So...now that I'm being honest...where do I go from here? Well, I guess I need to get back to what worked 3 years ago.
MOVE...I need to start with 20-30 minutes a day as my goal. Walk the dog, yes, but then get on the treadmill to burn more calories. Aim for getting the 10,000 steps each day that I bought the Fitbit for.
EAT...I need to go back to what it says on my sparkpage. Cut out fried food, sweet tea, sodas, and seconds. Go back to keeping up with my food and aim for 5-7 freggies a day.
And finally I am going to be accountable. I am going to go back to getting on that scale each week instead of living in denial.
A brand new year is in front of me. I can do this! I want 2014 to be the year of my success!
Friday, September 13, 2013
Definitely need a warning at the beginning like a disclaimer...I haven't blogged since July and I have been composing this blog in my head for days...so now if you don't want to read a long one!
I am a mess! Literally a HOT mess as I sit here having a hot flash while I type! But I am also a mess on my healthy journey. I am not just off track. I am down in the ditch, rolling around in the mud, and feeling pretty nasty and stuck. I have had a lot of moments in the last while that I feel like I should just quit totally. Leave Spark People. Give up the fight. Accept that I am an obese women. Stop feeling defeated and guilty.
To figure out how I got here, I have spent a lot of time recently playing a rewind in my head. I won't go all the way back to when I was a baby. Can I get an amen? Even though I was an 11 pounder! But weight has been a struggle for me my whole life. Nothing would ever work for long. I wasn't willing to make permanent changes.
It all changed for me in 2010 when I had a hysterectomy. Suddenly I felt better. I had energy. I wanted to move! And the increased activity got things moving in the right direction. The pounds started coming off that summer. As they did I started making healthy food choices too. I found Sparkpeople in July of that summer. I continued to make healthy choices and lost 40 pounds before I went back to school in August. My heaviest was 261 in April 2010. By August I was in the 221 range. I kept doing fairly well considering how stressful back to school time is. Somewhere along the line I got down to 204 and was excited beyond belief because I don't even know when I was last that close to Onederland. It was the lowest weight I have been in my 20+ year marriage.
So...what happened? Somewhere along the way I stopped being as active. I stopped being as faithful in my food "rules". Heck...I think I threw the rules out the window. I inched my way back up to the 220ish range and have been stuck there for over a year now. I will get serious and lose a couple but then they seem to come right back. The devil tells me I am doomed to be a 220+ woman forever. My changing hormones and body caused by menopause definitely don't help. Am I fighting a losing battle?
I have had different bursts of starting over but I just can't seem to get that motivation back to go the distance. Last week I decided to walk. I doubled my time of walking to 2 miles. Which doesn't sound like much compared to when I first got on SP and was burning some serious fitness minutes. But 2 miles was a lot compared to nothing! So last week I walked every stinking day! Even if I didn't want to. On those days I walked a minimum of 1 mile, but more days were 2. So I thought on Saturday when I weighed in for my 5% challenge team I would have at least gone down a pound. Nope! I went up! GRRRRR! And so basically this week I have felt like just throwing in the towel and quit this madness!
I am definitely done with 5% challenges as I have participated in several and have never lost the 5%. I am 43 years old. I have been overweight, obese most of those 43 years. I was super active, making healthy choices 1-2 years of that life. But right now it feels like the other 40 years are winning. How do I break habits of a lifetime? And how the heck do I know what diet is best for me anyway? Do I need to give up dairy? Wheat? Carbs? Sugar? Do I need to be on a special menopause diet? I know! I know! I know! It isn't suppose to be a diet. It is suppose to be a lifestyle. Well, most of my lifestyle hasn't been healthy. So...I feel lost, confused, lonely, hopeless...
Get An Email Alert Each Time SUNFLOWERGAL40 Posts