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Wednesday, August 07, 2013

I'm not going to be blogging anymore. Not here anyway.

Thank you very much to those of you that have been supporting me and encouraging me for the last couple of years. It has meant a lot to me. More than you can ever know.

I just can't be cheerful and positive. It isn't who I am.

I was asked by a fellow Sparker today what is really bothering me. Like I have a hangnail or am just grumpy or something. I'm not that shallow. If I say that my life is a mess, it isn't because my hair didn't turn out today.

Take care Sparkly Peeps!!!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROCHELLE62 9/1/2013 3:32AM

    I have looked forward to your blogs. We never travel in a straight line and usually learn more from when we wander off course than when we hit our mark. Fight the good battle, rage against the machine, discover passions, and please come back if you ever decide you are ready.

I am nowhere near consistent, moving falteringly--failing more days that succeeding, and I would love quality company on my journey. While I wish you all the best, I'm selfish enough to want to remain a witness to your successes and sincerely hope that you reconsider as I want to cheer you on. You are one of the things that keeps me returning to Spark and I thank you for what you have chosen to share.

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HIPPICHICK1 8/16/2013 9:17AM

    If you don't blog here I would encourage you to keep a journal and not give up on yourself.

You don't have to be positive and cheerful to be a member of Spark, but you might become positive and cheerful as a result.

Who gives a flying F%CK what other people think? Stop caring about what "they" think (something you can't control anyway) and just care about YOU.

Take care sweetie!!

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DRAGONFLY126 8/11/2013 6:56PM

    Awww Deanna I'm sorry . I wish you wouldn't go away. I have always loved stopping in and checking on you. I know I never really said much or anything at all.But whatever you choose to do I wish you much love. Please stop by and let us know your o.k. and how your doing. Sad Gilma (dragonfly126)

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RYDERB 8/11/2013 12:31PM

I'm sorry that you feel you can blog honestly here Deanna. You shouldn't feel like you have to put on a "happy face" to blog. This journey and life in general has many ups an downs. As long as you know that you aren't alone, and that you will always have friends here if you want support. Friends that would never expect you to pretend to be happy when you're not.

Comment edited on: 8/11/2013 12:33:17 PM

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JCARDINAL 8/9/2013 12:24PM

    I'm sorry to see you go Deanna. Please know that there are people here who are not judgemental and are pulling for you. The best to you in everything! emoticon

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VALKYRIA- 8/8/2013 9:48AM

    I'm sorry to hear this and would also like to follow you if you open a blog somewhere else.. I think that most people don't really know what it's like to deal with serious mental illness unless they've gone through it themselves. I hope that you don't let the ignorance of a few ruin something that was potentially beneficial for you... I know blogging helps me, and I hope you will continue on with it, even if it's not on Spark, and even if no one ever sees it. I'll always be here to support you if you come back.

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 8/7/2013 7:31PM

    Wish you nothing but the best and please know that the door is open if you want to come back.

No one expects little miss sunshine. We know you're struggling with things.

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POOKASLUAGH 8/7/2013 6:48PM

    If you decide to blog elsewhere, I'd love to follow you there. I know exactly what you mean. People grouch to me all the time because they think I should be "satisfied" with my weight, even though I'm barely on the line of overweight (and still considered overweight on a doctor's scale). If I'm not positive in every single blog, I get reamed. I now drop anyone who does that, and I'm considering going private. Frankly, I have a bajillion friends that I don't know and don't care about at all. There are maybe 30 people here that I actually care about and I've considered cutting everyone else out. I'm sorry people have been acting stupid towards you.

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SLIMMERJESSE 8/7/2013 6:24PM

    Wishing you the best, I've always hated that about SP - it's LA LA Land, not the real world.

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ICEANGEL0531 8/7/2013 6:13PM

    Best of luck to you.

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I Gave Up....Again

Wednesday, August 07, 2013

The last week has been really hard. I have been struggling so much. My mental health has been really bad and the way I deal with that is by eating. And eating. And eating.

I just don't feel like I have the strength to fight this time.

Excuses, excuses...I know.

I have to do it though. I HAVE to.

I've wasted so much of my life already.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VALKYRIA- 8/7/2013 11:37AM

    Maybe you should focus on your mental health before you focus on your diet... are you in therapy at all? I know it's really hard, but it won't get better all at once... there will be ups and downs, and the downs might be extreme, but you will make it through. I'm glad that you came back to us. emoticon

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SYELLICO 8/7/2013 10:31AM

    Don't give up - you are worth it and you CAN do it!
Take one day at a time and don't beat yourself up for slipping up. Just get back to what you know what works for you and things will happen. We all have our ups and downs so try to stay positive!

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SLIMMERJESSE 8/7/2013 9:18AM

    As don't count the times you've given up. As many times as it is, we brush ourselves off each time and start again. You'll do it when you're ready. Just take baby steps. You'll reach your goals.

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CHARMED34 8/7/2013 8:46AM

    It's not giving up if you came back. A few bad days will happen, but you jump right back in there. Don't let them stop you. That's what makes you a success. emoticon

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POOKASLUAGH 8/7/2013 8:00AM

    I was gone from Spark when you came back. :( It looks like you haven't been gone again too long, though? *hugs* let me know if there's anything I can do to help!!

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SPARKCHANTAL 8/7/2013 6:25AM

    what do you want from life?

what have you got to offer others?

what is your meaning of life?

how would you like to live?

what is your true value?

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Day 21

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Today was a tough day emotionally.
I stayed in my limits nutritionally though.

Have a great week Sparkly Peeps!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROCHELLE62 8/2/2013 1:33AM

    the day may have been tough, but I have every confidence that you are tougher.

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HIPPICHICK1 8/1/2013 3:56PM

    Sunday was rough for me too. I hoppe your week has improved.

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CATS_MEOW_0911 8/1/2013 9:28AM

    Hi D! Hope you're having a good week.

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EDDYMEESE 7/29/2013 12:36AM

    Good job dealing with a rough day!

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Day 20

Sunday, July 28, 2013

Today went ok. I ate about double my calories for the day. We ordered pizza, something we haven't been able to do for months, so I went a little overboard. Most days I'm under in calories and this isn't something I'm going to do often, so I'm not too worried about it.

I got some antihistamines today and am already feeling quite a bit of relief.

It is nice and cool here today. The perfect weather for me. Not freezing and not sweltering. I wish it could be like this all summer, but I'm sure the heat will be back.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend.

Good night Sparkly Peeps!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JCARDINAL 7/28/2013 5:28PM

    Hope you're having a great weekend too!

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TLG71567 7/28/2013 1:37AM

    We all have days like that sometimes and it's just fine as long as it isn't too often. Hope you have a nice weekend too.

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Days 17, 18 & 19

Friday, July 26, 2013

I've been having trouble entering blogs, that is why my day 16 blog was only one sentence. It took me 15 mins just to write

I'm still here. Still pushing. My eating has been good. I need to get my fitness up. My mobility is at an all time low due to my back and the arthritis in my knees. I'm hoping that will change.

My allergies are horrible this summer. My head is so stuffed all the time I can hardly think. Grrr...

I hope you are all having a good week.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CATS_MEOW_0911 7/27/2013 9:34AM

    Almost 3 weeks of blogs! Great job, D. I also deal with arthritis/back issues--have you tried yoga?

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HIPPICHICK1 7/27/2013 9:19AM

    My hubby has horrible allergies and his brother does too. His bro told him that he should take an allergy pill every day and now he does. He uses Reactin, and there is a form of that same drug that is generic, so if you are suffering to the point of not being able to think or not wanting to exercise, maybe you could funnel a little of your budget towards a packet of meds for your allergies just to see if being on one a day works for you. It may just be the ticket!

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TEMPEST272002 7/27/2013 1:28AM

    It's a challenge for me to blog too. Sometimes it takes me hours. Guess that's why it's hard to sit down and write. It may only be one line (that now I have to go and read) but the important thing is that you did it. Keeping promises to ourselves helps us build momentum. You're doing great. You're pushing yourself just that little bit out of the comfort zone 'cause that's what it takes.

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LADYVOLSFAN1954 7/26/2013 6:21PM

    This year has been awful for allergies! My head is always stopped up or I'm hacking due to asthma.
Good on your eating. Do you ever walk? Start slow and easy and don't push yourself. You don't want to make that back hurt any worse. I feel your pain on the arthritis I have it really bad in both my hips and my knees. Walking does actually make them feel better. I take 1500mg glucosamine and 1200mg chondrotin everyday and it has helped me. My 85 year old Aunt swears by the chews she likes to get at Wal-Mart. I just take tablets but after you take them a few weeks I noticed a difference. I have a younger cousin who takes them too.

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