Thursday, December 12, 2013
You know how, when goal-planning, we are asked to be super specific, so that the focus is never ambiguous? We are also asked to make them DO-ABLE - as in not creating a goal that is so way out of reach that it's practically a sabotage to our own program. Okay. I finally got this, understand it, respect it.
I also understand the need to write down/make smaller, even more specific goals, that are like stepping stones to our bigger goal - steps that we can't go forward without.
Okay. But what about Life Getting In The Way.
This is my biggest weakness...and it's usually always about the daily, weekly rhythm I have so carefully set up, to achieve my weightloss/fitness. I've rarely been able to maintain my goal prioritisation after such events. Events like Thanksgiving and Christmas, like family illness, a week with the grandchildren, a bad cold, a bad day, a sprained knee. External events. Life. But my attitude included one other factor I hadn't considered - me playing the victim. Not just 'I can't go swimming because Crusoe is sick.', but even 'I'm just not the sort of person who can easily bounce back.' See what I did there? I acknowledged it was me (how noble of me!), but labelled it an unchangeable character trait and still played the victim to what is essentially a learned skill - bouncing back.
Well life keeps happening, and I'm still making and wanting to reach my goals...so what's a girl to do?
Learn to adapt, and be resilient.
Resilience is such a buzz word at the moment, especially around child development and education, so I've been giving it a lot of thought. How do I, who has a long history of giving up, teach myself Resilience. Lets go back to my goals.
I have a goal to lose 40kgs.
I have set myself little goals and action steps to reach that larger goal.
I have given myself time periods in which to make those steps/goals.
I have made those goals doable.
So what else is there to do? How do I teach myself to bounce back after my son gets ill for a week, or I hurt my back, or the weather is bad, or I haven't slept well for a few days, or I have a binge or two?
A wise woman said to me not long ago, 'Why don't you write down some of the thoughts, feelings, urges, and life events that you might expect could happen while you are focusing on these goals?' For a simple example, what might I expect if I cut out coffee for a while? (I expect my son might hide in his room for a few days, but that's not what I'm getting at). I truly though, might expect to feel tired and irritable, and probably have a headache for a few days. How might it help if I was more conscious of what was happening?
Whoa. This could help.
Because again and again in these challenges, I notice that we allow 'life' to get in the way. It can, and does stop our motivation and our routine, and our momentum in it's tracks. I want a greater sense of resilience than this! In writing some of these things out I am attempting to grow out of one of my BIGGEST hurdles - my lack of adaptability and resilience - and I certainly don't want my son to learn how to give up at the first difficult problem, or overwhelming emotion. I want him to learn how to adapt, and bounce back. I have to face the truth of my own history, and recognise that I am not very good at it and so I have to learn it before he can! I know I won't make my goals (because they are over a time period) without these skills.
Writing down what I might expect may just help. So might thinking ahead and working out how to deal, internally, with this things (strategising). I'll let you know how it goes. It's one small step to unlearning the victim role, to unlearn how to quickly give up.
Here's to finding, and keeping a major key to success in reaching goals - Resilience.
Because, you know...a life fulfilled. It's what we all want.
Thursday, October 03, 2013
Now that term break is almost over and the weather is warming up, it's time to gather the scattered ruins of my routine and put them back together again!
1. Get enough sleep.
2. 3 meals a day, with one fruit/nut snack - watch my protein and salt intake, and get enough water.
3. Move my body. Back to the gym, and back to swimming lessons. Spring is here and my garden needs lots of physical attention.
Most of all, prioritise these three goals by planning my day each morning.
Monday, July 29, 2013
My goals for August co-incide with the end of winter. You know that feeling that you just 'know' that spring is around the corner? You have a sense of awakening, a 'spring' in your step, and tasks seem easier.
These are my DOING goals. They are my small goals designed to move me closer to my bigger goal.
1. lose 8 kg
2. Clean up nightime eating ( i got slack) - back to 3 meals and one snack
3. gym 3 times per week (build up to)
4. swimming 1 time per week
5. gardening 2 hours per week (spring prep!)
And then there's my BEING goals. Those internal thoughts, voices and processes that need acknowledging, adjusting, respecting. Here are mine for August:
1. I value stability, therefore I am keeping a weekly and daily routine, in line with ALL my goals, and the values that underpin them. I will keep a 'tool kit' of practices to help when I feel scattered, stressed, or overwhelmed.
2. I value personal aesthetics. It's okay to slip gently into soft cotton that hangs beautifully from my shoulders and hips. It's okay to hang a trinket from a thin neck. It's okay to enjoy subtle detail in well-made garments. Everyday I am going to remind myself that it's okay to feel good about how I look: the clothes I choose, how I carry myself. I am going to remind myself that it's OKAY as one of my reasons for weightloss, is to wear clothes and styles I've always wished for. Initially it feels like I am admitting to a 'first world' shallowness, but I know this isn't true. If it's okay for a voice inside me to tell me daily how ugly I am, then it's okay to teach another voice inside me to remind me that it's okay to feel good about myself, too. It's OKAY...
3. I value my life as an adult. This month I'm going to talk to this petulant 15 yr old inside me, the one who wants to sit watching telly and eating icecream, and who doesn't want to take responsibility for her life, and who thinks everything will come easily without effort or hardship. I am going to respectfully, lovingly, be the adult this month, and face my challenges and daily life with head up, heart open and hands ready.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
It's over halfway through this month, and I hadn't made OR posted my July goals. Obvious that this month has been a struggle!
It started out of routine, house-minding for a friend. It is continuing with school holidays, with Crusoe's third round (for the month) of illness, and a round for me thrown in there too. I haven't had the wellness to get back to the gym or swimming lessons, but I have managed to go for a few walks.
So how do I get back to routine, and that sense of rhythm of our day that oh-so helps a sense of flow, of movement, of grounding, of being settled? Yes, this is what I mean by routine - a daily weekly yearly rhythm that creates flow from one thing/day to the next; that helps us feel connected and an active participant of our day, our seasons, our environment and our community. I am SO out of sorts without it, and as a parent I have always been amazed at how rhythm 'holds' a child so they can explore their new world with confidence. I'm not advocating being inflexible, or fearing change so much we never step out of our comfort zone. I'm just wanting to settle back into a daily space where I feel 'me' again.
With the very first step.
Which is, for us, our meals. For Crusoe and I, a wheat-free, dairy-free vegetarian menu is sometimes frustrating, but overall it is liberating. We keep our menu simple. A few favourites changed around and adjusted here and there, and we're happy. In fact, the more I simplify things, the more settled I am.
Second step, sleep times. Getting Crusoe back into an early night routine after school holidays is not easy. Just as challenging is disciplining myself to go to bed earlier than before.
But sleep is central to me feeling like I'm on the right path again.
So the next two weeks - the last of this month, I am concentrating on 2 things.
1. My own sleep times. My goal is lights out by 10.15pm 5/7 nights.
2. I have another month of houseminding coming up. My other goal for the rest of July is to write up a 'tool kit', to manage August. My 'tool kit' must contain a food/meal strategy, some mindfulness and grounding techniques, and a calendar with my exercise routine prioritised, and all other appointments and the 'changed routine' mapped out. My goal is to have this tool kit finalised by the week before we go.
Hmmm...I wonder what my August goals will be!
Wednesday, July 03, 2013
I took a friend's daughter to a local community farm/environmental park. It was lovely to get outside in the warm winter sun. Her hair was stunning in the afternoon light.
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