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Burial Plans

Monday, October 20, 2014

A man and woman were married for many years. Whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

(HERE IT COMES!!!)



The wife said, " Let him dig. I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KRYSSCOTT 10/21/2014 12:21PM

    Roflmoa!

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NAYPOOIE 10/21/2014 11:29AM

    Great! emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 10/21/2014 6:47AM

    emoticon

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 10/21/2014 6:21AM

    emoticon emoticon

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123ELAINE456 10/21/2014 3:22AM

  You are a riot.

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DIDMIS 10/21/2014 12:31AM

    Oh you are a riot.

Comment edited on: 10/21/2014 12:34:46 AM

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LINOVER 10/20/2014 11:32PM

    Funny! emoticon

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MYAKAYAH 10/20/2014 11:14PM

    funny, probably true lol~

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ALICIA214 10/20/2014 11:10PM

 


Good one... emoticon

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GINNABOOTS 10/20/2014 11:02PM

    emoticon

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VEG954 10/20/2014 10:33PM

  Way too funny and a great idea!

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IMUSTLOSEIT1 10/20/2014 9:56PM

    That 's a good one.

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PDSLIM 10/20/2014 9:47PM

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JANUT57 10/20/2014 9:14PM

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Haloween Therapy Group

Sunday, October 12, 2014

  
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MAVERICKDR 10/20/2014 9:37PM

    Ya gotta love it. Cute.

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GIVEUP30 10/13/2014 3:54PM

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KRYSSCOTT 10/13/2014 1:53PM

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WOUBBIE 10/13/2014 8:55AM

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JANET552 10/13/2014 5:59AM

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MISSDAISY23 10/12/2014 10:49PM

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VEG954 10/12/2014 1:39PM

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IMUSTLOSEIT1 10/12/2014 10:20AM

    lol

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RICKHANN 10/12/2014 9:04AM

    good one emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 10/12/2014 8:19AM

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SANDRALEET 10/12/2014 7:41AM

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123ELAINE456 10/12/2014 7:39AM

  LOL!!!

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SWEETNEEY 10/12/2014 7:10AM

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1HAPPYSPIRIT 10/12/2014 5:07AM

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Just For Laughs

Saturday, October 11, 2014











  
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IMAVISION 10/16/2014 3:17PM

    I so enjoyed these --- always great feeling to get a good laugh!

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MISSDAISY23 10/14/2014 12:55AM

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KRYSSCOTT 10/13/2014 1:55PM

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JANET552 10/13/2014 10:25AM

    LOL!! I think my house is haunted too. emoticon

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DALID414 10/12/2014 1:39PM

    emoticon All. The. Time.

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BOB5148 10/12/2014 1:10PM

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SMITHKRISTI 10/12/2014 8:41AM

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123ELAINE456 10/11/2014 10:48PM

  Awesome!!! LOL!!! Love Them All. Thank You. God Blessings Always. Have a Wonderful Week. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Comi
ng Your Way. Take Care and Stay Healthy.

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NEWBIRTH2014 10/11/2014 10:43PM

    I really needed a good laugh in my life today emoticon ....Thanks for sharing!


Marie emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/11/2014 10:44:39 PM

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PHHHISC 10/11/2014 10:26PM

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JAMBABY0 10/11/2014 10:19PM

    thanks for sharing

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SHOAPIE 10/11/2014 10:16PM

    emoticon

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LYNMEINDERS 10/11/2014 10:07PM

    Brilliant...totally

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VEG954 10/11/2014 10:06PM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 10/11/2014 10:05PM

    LOVE THESE...
THANKS!

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Tailgating

Monday, October 06, 2014

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten The red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a hold ing cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, Naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car."

  
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NEWNANCY2012 10/11/2014 8:08AM

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MISSDAISY23 10/8/2014 5:26PM

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MYAKAYAH 10/7/2014 11:23PM

    Totally spot on, loved this so much~ emoticon emoticon

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KRYSSCOTT 10/6/2014 6:09PM

    Hahahaha,

That will teach her, very funny!

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GIVEUP30 10/6/2014 3:06PM

    OH my goodness that was soooo super of the police officer to do what he did with all the good things on her car....wow not a good example of living for CHRIST.......

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VEG954 10/6/2014 1:20PM

  Yes! We are judged by behavior not what we put on our car or what comes out of our mouths. Thanks!

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AQUAGIRL08 10/6/2014 10:46AM

    emoticon

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IMUSTLOSEIT1 10/6/2014 9:45AM

    How many of you that go to church and have the uppity ups there that think they are the blessed ones, and then outside of church, they are drunks, wife beaters, child molesters & etc, that's goes unseen by some but not all. That is why I don't go to a church, my church is anywhere I happen to be when I want to pray, or thank him for all I have. And I won't even get into church politics.

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SMITHKRISTI 10/6/2014 9:26AM

    emoticon

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SANDRALEET 10/6/2014 8:18AM

    nuts on the road need more chipmunks

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TWEETYKC00 10/6/2014 5:38AM

    wish that happened more often!

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MARYJOANNA 10/6/2014 5:25AM

  Bingo!

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WEARINGTHIN 10/6/2014 5:15AM

    Great story. Glenn

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YMWONG22 10/6/2014 4:07AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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123ELAINE456 10/6/2014 3:33AM

  A Good Lesson to Learn. She was acting anything but like a God Fearing Christian Woman her signs on her car said. God wants us to be a witness for him and live a Christian life at all times. God Blessings Always. Have a Wonderful Week. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!T
ake Care.

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6 Lessons in management that everyone should know.

Saturday, October 04, 2014

LESSON 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob, the net door neighbor," she replies. "Great," her husband says. "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders, in time you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

LESSON 2: A priest offered a nun a lift. She got in and crosser her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But changing gears he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak." ArriviNg at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. Arriving at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up you will find glory."

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

LESSON 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rib it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me first!." says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Puff! He's gone. "Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

MORAL OF THE STORY: Always let your boss have the first say.

LESSON 4: An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

MORAL OF THE STORY: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very. very high up.

LESSON 6: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey. "But I haven't the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my dropping?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." So the turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Bull sh*t night get you to the top, but it won't keep you there…

LESSON 6: A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and ell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He ay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

MORALS OF THE STORY:

[1] Not everyone who sh*ts on you is your enemy.
[2] Not everyone who gets you out of sh*t is your friend.
[3] And when you're in deep sh*t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

  
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MYAKAYAH 10/7/2014 11:24PM

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123ELAINE456 10/5/2014 4:19PM

  LOL!!!

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IMUSTLOSEIT1 10/4/2014 10:25PM

    Good lessons to live by, but the stories are hilarious.

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IN102WIN 10/4/2014 10:22PM

    Thanks for reminding me of these Management lessons. I read them some time ago. emoticon

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