Monday, September 01, 2014
I'm officially halfway done losing the weight I want to lose. I'm also out of the 180s and back in the 170s again, which is very nice. Well, beyond very nice. There's really no words for it. It's a huge relief. I feel like I'm making progress again. Momentarily last month I was afraid that I was doomed to gain back all 73 pounds that I'd lost when I gained those 12 pounds. For a second I thought, "Ok, here it is, I'm not going to be able to stop gaining weight now." And then it felt like I was in the 180's FOREVER and maybe I always would be (I even had the conversation with myself at one point that I might have to consider 189 my stopping point and quit trying to lose any more weight, but that thought was momentary), even though it was only June-August that I was in the 180's. But, in August I lost 11 of the 12 pounds that I'd gained in July. With a little more work I should be able to shave off that extra pound and be all caught up. And being 179 puts me at the halfway point in my weight loss journey. But, the best part is that now I don't feel doomed anymore. I don't feel like I am fated to gain back all the weight that I lost--in fact I feel capable again of reaching all my goals and have all the energy and drive to keep losing more weight. And it's going to be a LOT more fun losing weight again now that I'm going to be losing pounds in the 170 range rather than losing weight I've already lost before.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Sometimes I'm not motivated. I have days where I just don't feel like it. Salad doesn't look good and I'd rather watch cartoons with my son than walk nine miles. But, being able to get through that feeling and get back in the game is a big part of being successful. And one of my goals for September is to "just do it" even when I don't feel like doing it. It's my goal to add 20 minutes of activity into each day doing whatever I can, even if it's just being out of my chair for 20 minutes. The goal is to not be sitting. Hopefully this will translate to time on the elliptical or some yoga or kickboxing, but even just cleaning or walking around the house is fine as long as I'm not plopped in a chair somewhere.
I've been drinking my 8 glasses of water regularly and feeling good, so my next goal is to try to raise up my protein, something I'll slowly work on throughout September. I'll be devising some new meal plans focused around getting plenty of protein and see how I'm feeling in October.
And, in October--October 19--it will be a year since I started trying to lose weight. I am not sure I will make it to 80 pounds--we will see--but I will have made it to 70 pounds at least, and that's a good amount to have lost in a year. I'm pleased overall with my progress so far and I will keep at it for another year and see where I am then.
Other goals for September include overall getting more organized. List-keeping again and sticking with my lists, getting more accomplished during the day and doing so consistently. Being as productive as possible during September. Starting a cross-stitch habit again would be nice if possible.
Basically in the coming month I plan on working hard. Nothing worth having comes easy. I've made a lot of progress so far but there's a lot of pounds to go yet so there's a lot of work yet to be done.
Wednesday, August 20, 2014
Since getting back on track, I have stayed on track and been working hard, getting results slowly but surely. On Saturday, a very hot day, I had a second birthday celebration with my sister and some friends out at a campsite in town and then later in the evening I drove out to Eau Claire to celebrate some more with my friend Bryan, all of which amounted to a day of drinking probably upwards of two gallons of water since I don't drink alcohol anymore and having a very excellent day overall which made up for the blues I was feeling earlier in the week. It also led to some weight loss. In the interest of keeping this weight off, I've been drinking plenty of water, moving as often as possible, and I bought some Tibetan Sorig Stress incense which helps alleviate mental stress & strains which is what usually triggers a lot of my depressions and weight gain. It seems to be helping.
One thing that's really been helping me to stay on track lately is my UP24. It's been giving me these alerts to let me know things like in the past two weeks I've averaged a yellow Food Score of 7.9/10 which means I've been eating a fair amount of healthy nutrients (eating oatmeal with brown sugar in the mornings and string cheese in the afternoon always brings my score down) so if I add more veggies to my diet my score will go green, and on Wednesdays I always beat both my move and sleep goals. As time goes by it's been learning more things about me and giving me more information about myself and my fitness, sleep, and eating, which is really motivating! My habits have been getting healthier and consequently I've been feeling a lot better, which propels me forward. And I credit a lot of my success lately to just drinking enough water. It's still hard to pass up unhealthy food, but it's getting a lot easier to make better choices, especially when I'm trying to get a good food score for the day.
This is my new mantra. I am really trying to keep in mind that what matters is what I'm doing right now, in the present, and the only way I'm going to lose the rest of this weight is if I continue to take steps towards being healthy right now, not tomorrow. So, when I'm tempted to stray from my meal plan I drink some water instead and think about what I'm doing before I do it, if I really want to do that to myself. Exercise doesn't seem to be too much of a problem these days. I have gotten addicted to walking. I do nine miles and right away I want to do twelve. But, I know I need to make time to do other things, too, but walking is fun!
I am really putting in the work these days. I have learned to stop being upset about not getting results when I haven't worked as hard as I could have. You get out of it what you put into it, so I'm putting in as much as I can. Hoping to reach the 70-lb mark again in the next couple of days, that would make me really happy. And just making a point to appreciate and enjoy every day and whatever it brings.
Friday, August 15, 2014
Since gaining some extra on my birthday, I am now back down to 185.0, the weight I was previously at before my birthday, so I am officially back on track. From here I can start focusing on the next pound and moving forward. I am feeling better and doing much better overall. I've really been working on taking it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time. And taking my focus off of how far I have yet to go and instead putting it on how far I've come and all that I've accomplished so far. Thinking about how well I'm doing right now and enjoying working to meet my goals. Drinking my 8 glasses of water a day has certainly been beneficial to me; I've felt a lot healthier and more energetic since I started drinking the water and it's something I want to stick with for as long as I can. I just feel a lot better since replacing soda with water. I've saved a lot of calories, too. I've also been working to make my meal plans as enjoyable as possible. I find that I do like having regular meal times, knowing that at a particular time during the day I will have a meal instead of just eating randomly. I am also becoming very dependent on logging my food. In the morning right away I make a meal plan for the day using the Spark nutrition tracker and that gives me an idea of how many calories I'll be eating that day and then I input my food as I eat it on my UP band app. I've been doing pretty well with this lately. I've been staying within my calorie range for the day for the past few days and my weight has reflected that. I feel like I've been making real progress, getting a lot healthier, and I've had the energy to walk nine miles every day the past few days, too. Feels good to get in those fitness minutes.
Another area I've been working on lately is my sleep. I've just hit a five-day streak of getting 8-hours of sleep a night. It's been my goal to develop a good sleep schedule and get the right amount of shut-eye every night. So I feel like being more energized is also due to getting more sleep at night. I've had to bump back my bedtime an hour and a half most nights in order to get the sleep, but it's something I'm working on and I feel a lot better for it.
Mood-wise I've been doing better, but still a little bit anxious. The anxiety is mostly due right now to Fritzy being at his dad's. It's hard for me when he's not home. But, this is something I'm working on, one of the reasons I'm developing this routine with my eating and exercise, sleep and journaling so that I have something clear to focus on when he's not home.
But for right now things are going well and I'm meeting my goals. I can only keep striving to continually do that. To keep on moving forward, little step by little step.
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
In the few days surrounding my birthday and especially on my birthday, which was yesterday, I was feeling particularly depressed. I couldn't enjoy it at all, and I didn't feel well enough to do anything at all. It rained most of the morning, which was apt, but the day was pleasant enough and I should have been happy, but being bipolar I, sometimes I just can't enjoy anything no matter how pleasant it may be. My son got me a singing card and also sang to me, which was very amazing in all reality, and I got jewelry, which I didn't have the emotional capacity to love until this morning, and my sweet cousin got me a food scale which remotivated me this morning and I spent a good chunk of time playing with at four this morning when I got up and made expensive coffee and felt something like human emotion again. I did pay a price for being so unmotivated and depressed--despite medication, which is sad, sometimes--which was gaining a little weight and I think I was depressed to begin with because I hadn't lost a pound that I'd wanted to lose (or maybe not), so one would think gaining some weight would make me REALLY depressed, but oddly I actually felt better this morning than I had in a while. I felt a certain preparedness. I thought about the mistake that I had made in my behaviour and action this birthday week and considered that no amount of guilt could change that, nor would any amount of worry change what challenges were yet to come, but that I had the choice of what I could do next.
And I really think it doesn't matter so much how long it takes me to get to where I'm going as long as I still get there. I haven't given up yet, nor do I have any intentions of doing so just because of an imperfect week. One of the things I do realize I will have to deal with from time to time is depression, no matter how good my medication is or isn't, and if I have to take a couple of steps backwards because of that, I will always make up for it when I am feeling better.
Yet, I am always trying to learn something from my bouts of depression, in hopes that I can deal better with it the next time it comes around. Unfortunately, when it does come around, it's always so all encompassing and deep that I'm never able to manage it much or for very long until the mood itself swells and turns back around, but it's something I've been working on trying to recognize so at least I know when it's there. And, I suppose I'm not too concerned about having gained a little because I'm just relieved to be feeling better so soon (doubtless due to being on medication that does its best in these situations), that it was a short bit of madness, a small price paid, and I have a chance to make up the difference and make some progress again.
Get An Email Alert Each Time SUPER_CIARA Posts