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We all struggle

Saturday, August 04, 2012

As many Americans, my family has adopted some very bad eating habits. We all struggle with our weight and one of my brothers was knocking on death's door about five months ago. All of us have worked hard towards supporting him in his recovery, but now that he is feeling better, he has started in his old habits of buying and eating the wrong things. He had one kidney removed, so on top of his diabetic restricitions, he has additional things that he needs to watch out for. It is frustratitng to see him go down this path again. It got me thinking about my own issues of obesity and how part of recovery is back sliding and I am trying to maintain a supportive nature when all I want to do is yell at him for destroying all the positive steps he has made. I want to get on a pedastal and chastize him for what he is doing. I then turn the mirror on myself and know that is not what he needs. He needs for me to be supportive regardless of his pitfalls. So instead of calling him and yelling at him, I took to this blog to write down these thoughts and also ask myself, "what would Jesus do?" I remind myself that regardless of all my imperfections, he never gives up on me. So, brother, I am here to continue to support you and not stop because you are making bad decisions. I hope you find your way back and continue to eat healthy and get stronger.

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LILAC_LANE 8/4/2012 2:26PM

    Your blog post hit home. I have a family member who needs to eat healthier, and some days I need to take the log out of my own eye just to see the dust speck in the other person's. Thanks for sharing! It gave me a lot to think about.

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Up late

Thursday, July 19, 2012

It has been a long while since I have been on Spark people. I will turn 50 in a few days and making the decision to become a parent again through adoption has kept me very busy. The adoption is final and my daughter, Alejandra Silva-Santos, is officially mine. This happened at the end of May and that was one of the best days of my life. Of course, the other awesome days were the births of my two sons. In order to facilitate the adoption, we moved from California to Texas because my daughter was born in Texas and it was just too complicated to adopt her being in California. My family lives here and that is a bonus but I miss my two sons who are grown and etching out their own lives. My youngest is working and getting ready to move to Orange County to be near his girlfriend. My oldest son has started his own business and I wish I was close to him to help him out. Although I was born in Texas, I lived my entire life in California and until my partner passed three years ago, I thought I would live out my life there. I am grateful for the life I making here in Texas, but I sure miss the beautiful beaches and the many friends I left behind. In the process of raising this beautiful little girl, I have found myself wanting to eat healthier to set a good example for her. Since October of last year, I have lost 29 pounds and have about 60 more that I want to lose. I know that it will happen, it has to. Chasing after a one year old gives me plenty of cardio. :)

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MANDYLOVE_76 7/19/2012 9:43AM

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SUSIEQ911 7/19/2012 9:05AM


That's so wonderful that you have added to your family.


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VCRUMP11 7/19/2012 8:35AM


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BUSYGRANNY5 7/19/2012 8:15AM

    Congratulations on your adoption! How exciting to be a new mommy at almost 50! Happy early 50th!!! I turned 50 in March! It was important to me to be healthier for myself and to keep up with my grandbabies! I worked really hard and lost a good deal of weight, still not at my goal weight, but I'm working on it... that's the key... keep on keeping on!

Enjoy your day! Blessings!

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Wednesday, March 07, 2012

I have adopted this beautiful, baby girl and she is now 10 months old. As she has met my different family members, it is astonding how many refer to her as a "fat baby". She is of normal size and has full cheeks, which I know with time will slim out. It got me thinking about how we begin to tear down our children at such an early age. The fact that I attend to my child when she cries, my family tells me I am spoiling her. They would prefer that I not carry her and let her scream her lungs out when she is in need of attention. I listen to what everyone has to say, and do what I instinctively know is correct, shower her with love and attention. We can become insecure as adults without having our parent be the one who contributes to these feelings. One well intentioned friend said I should put my baby on a diet. She was six months old and she thought she needed to be on a diet. She got offended when I told her she was crazy and that you don't put infants on a diet. This obsession with being thin is too much. I want to be healthy and I am learning new ways of eating to be a role model to my child. I am changing my lifestyle to ensure that my daughter has a healthy and secure view of what she eats. I have asked my family to keep their negative comments to themselves and unless they have something sweet to say to the baby, not to say anything at all. She is beautiful, healthy and I hope that she does not have the issues that I did growing up in such a critical family.



Wednesday, February 29, 2012

I will be 50 this year and although that is what the calendar says, I don't feel what I think 50 should feel like. One thing that has taken over my thoughts is the fear of death. There are so many news reports of the deaths of people in their 40's and early 50's. My partner died at 37, so sometimes I find myself obssessing about when my time will come. I tell myself that I need to be in the moment and enjoy what is in front of me, but right before I close my eyes, I start to think about whether this will be my last day. It doesn't make sense and none of us know when that time will come, but losing my best friends and a few others, it's been creeping into my thoughts more than I would like. Eating healthier is helping me get to a healthier me. I just hope it is not too late. It is hard to share that I have a brother who is a year younger than I, diabetic, who has given up on life. He eats all the wrong foods, hasn't been to the doctor in years and refuses to go see one. He is extremely thin, muscle mass is gone, and no matter how much I love him, he is slowly killing himself. He knows that he is doing this, but because of years of bad choices, he has lost his sight, his ability to work and most importantly, he doesn't see any reason to live. Agian, it is these experiences that put death on the forefront of my thoughts.

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BLUE42DOWN 2/29/2012 2:34PM


When your mortality gets into your thoughts, refocus it a little off of the dying side and more at the "what would I want to do, accomplish, or say?" Make yourself a list of things big and small that you want to do. (I think there's something called a Bucket List that some do - based on a movie.)

It can be small and simple, something you could go do right away. It can be large and complex, something that requires months of planning, saving, and preparing. (In fact, if you can build a couple of bigger dreams of what you want, then you have even more to live for in the working to achieve them.)

Sure, any of us could fall at any time. But how much better to do so while living the life we want to live!

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SLIMMERJESSE 2/29/2012 11:38AM

    I really understand how you feel. I've lost a ton of dear ones in the past few years (12 and now my mom is dying). It really DOES bring you nose to nose with mortality. But we can use that to truly savor each moment.

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WALIDGAZALA 2/29/2012 11:35AM

    God Bless you BOTH
I will pray for you

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I couldn't do it

Thursday, February 23, 2012

I am back at the weight that I was a little over two years ago. The difference is that last time I used a weight loss food program to lose 30 pounds. I knew that I couldn't continue with that route. It is expenisve and unrealistic that you need to eat these pre fabricated meals that don't feel like real food. i needed to find a way to do it with real foods, not foods that are pre packaged. The journey has been snail like, but I have really learned to eat foods that are good for me and also help in getting me to my weight loss goal.. I have about 70 pounds to go, but I am determined to restructure my eating habits and not allow portion distortion to win the game. I have also incoporated the Zumba fitness program into my life. I rarely buy into infomercials, but this program delivers the fun and excitement that it hypes up. I feel confident that I will reach my goal and also be the type of role model my duaghter needs. I am excited and hopeful. A year from now, I hope to be writing about being where I need to be in order to live a healthy and productive life.

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KOSHKALET 2/23/2012 7:50PM

    I'm so thrilled that you have found something that works better for you than the pre-packaged stuff.

I'm a Zumba fan, too. I do classes at my local gym, but I'm tempted to get the videos, too.

Keep up the great work!

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BIBS4664 2/23/2012 6:04PM

    Best wishes.

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    It sounds like you're being very realistic about your goals. As the turtle said, "Slow and steady wins the race." May you reach your goals in time and have fun along the road.

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