Saturday, August 04, 2012
As many Americans, my family has adopted some very bad eating habits. We all struggle with our weight and one of my brothers was knocking on death's door about five months ago. All of us have worked hard towards supporting him in his recovery, but now that he is feeling better, he has started in his old habits of buying and eating the wrong things. He had one kidney removed, so on top of his diabetic restricitions, he has additional things that he needs to watch out for. It is frustratitng to see him go down this path again. It got me thinking about my own issues of obesity and how part of recovery is back sliding and I am trying to maintain a supportive nature when all I want to do is yell at him for destroying all the positive steps he has made. I want to get on a pedastal and chastize him for what he is doing. I then turn the mirror on myself and know that is not what he needs. He needs for me to be supportive regardless of his pitfalls. So instead of calling him and yelling at him, I took to this blog to write down these thoughts and also ask myself, "what would Jesus do?" I remind myself that regardless of all my imperfections, he never gives up on me. So, brother, I am here to continue to support you and not stop because you are making bad decisions. I hope you find your way back and continue to eat healthy and get stronger.
Thursday, July 19, 2012
It has been a long while since I have been on Spark people. I will turn 50 in a few days and making the decision to become a parent again through adoption has kept me very busy. The adoption is final and my daughter, Alejandra Silva-Santos, is officially mine. This happened at the end of May and that was one of the best days of my life. Of course, the other awesome days were the births of my two sons. In order to facilitate the adoption, we moved from California to Texas because my daughter was born in Texas and it was just too complicated to adopt her being in California. My family lives here and that is a bonus but I miss my two sons who are grown and etching out their own lives. My youngest is working and getting ready to move to Orange County to be near his girlfriend. My oldest son has started his own business and I wish I was close to him to help him out. Although I was born in Texas, I lived my entire life in California and until my partner passed three years ago, I thought I would live out my life there. I am grateful for the life I making here in Texas, but I sure miss the beautiful beaches and the many friends I left behind. In the process of raising this beautiful little girl, I have found myself wanting to eat healthier to set a good example for her. Since October of last year, I have lost 29 pounds and have about 60 more that I want to lose. I know that it will happen, it has to. Chasing after a one year old gives me plenty of cardio. :)
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
I have adopted this beautiful, baby girl and she is now 10 months old. As she has met my different family members, it is astonding how many refer to her as a "fat baby". She is of normal size and has full cheeks, which I know with time will slim out. It got me thinking about how we begin to tear down our children at such an early age. The fact that I attend to my child when she cries, my family tells me I am spoiling her. They would prefer that I not carry her and let her scream her lungs out when she is in need of attention. I listen to what everyone has to say, and do what I instinctively know is correct, shower her with love and attention. We can become insecure as adults without having our parent be the one who contributes to these feelings. One well intentioned friend said I should put my baby on a diet. She was six months old and she thought she needed to be on a diet. She got offended when I told her she was crazy and that you don't put infants on a diet. This obsession with being thin is too much. I want to be healthy and I am learning new ways of eating to be a role model to my child. I am changing my lifestyle to ensure that my daughter has a healthy and secure view of what she eats. I have asked my family to keep their negative comments to themselves and unless they have something sweet to say to the baby, not to say anything at all. She is beautiful, healthy and I hope that she does not have the issues that I did growing up in such a critical family.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
I will be 50 this year and although that is what the calendar says, I don't feel what I think 50 should feel like. One thing that has taken over my thoughts is the fear of death. There are so many news reports of the deaths of people in their 40's and early 50's. My partner died at 37, so sometimes I find myself obssessing about when my time will come. I tell myself that I need to be in the moment and enjoy what is in front of me, but right before I close my eyes, I start to think about whether this will be my last day. It doesn't make sense and none of us know when that time will come, but losing my best friends and a few others, it's been creeping into my thoughts more than I would like. Eating healthier is helping me get to a healthier me. I just hope it is not too late. It is hard to share that I have a brother who is a year younger than I, diabetic, who has given up on life. He eats all the wrong foods, hasn't been to the doctor in years and refuses to go see one. He is extremely thin, muscle mass is gone, and no matter how much I love him, he is slowly killing himself. He knows that he is doing this, but because of years of bad choices, he has lost his sight, his ability to work and most importantly, he doesn't see any reason to live. Agian, it is these experiences that put death on the forefront of my thoughts.
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