Thursday, October 02, 2014
It was a subdued meeting this week. Junes hubby , Graeme/s dad, has been put in the hospital. He s been there a few times over the last couple years, and managed to perk up and get out again, but this time I am not confident that he will pick up again.
He is very frail now, and has lost so much weight as to be just skin holding bones. And this is the first time for no visitors, so I have not been able to go in and see him. (even if I could walk, still swollen up)
So weigh in commensed. I was still up a tad, and my feet are getting very painful, they are so tight. over all, the club did not do terrible, only a 2 lb gain altogether.
We just did a discussion, because both Graeme and his mother are really struggling right now. The stress of hospitals and doctors, mixed with the old fella hanging on by his finger tips....him making sure that all the things he wants done on his death will be done. Making sure all his wishes are known.
It does not surprise me that the two of them are finding themselves turning to food....the comfort of an emotional eater.June is grieving already as she is watching her lifetime partner slip away from her. I had phoned her today and with no one around she broke down, and admitted that she is not really as strong as she has been trying to be in front of Graeme.
And she also stated that while they married when she was 18, she had met Wally when she was 11 and said they were a pair from then on....78 years in each others lives. A very long time.
June was surprised to find her weight to be up for even though she was turning to food, she was not eating every meal. She stated that most of the time she had no appetite and that food tasted like sawdust. I told her it was not unusual to gain weight at a time like this as stress does/can cause people to eat mindlessly. Just not paying attention to what they are eating and how much they are consuming, because their mind is pre occupied with everything else that is going on.
Both of them went on to say that they thought they were prepared for this. I said we can never really prepare ourselves for the passing of a loved one. Even though my mother and I had our problems, I still loved her. When she started failing , I had thought I was as prepared as I will ever be for her passing from this world....How wrong I was. So I shared that with everyone. the thinking that I was so prepared for the end and to have the end shake my world up so badly that my friends decided to put a suicide watch on me. I knew I was not suicidal, but my friends had never seen me so emotional and therefore figured I was.
I understood it. For 40 years I had a mother that told me not to be like that, every time I started to be emotional. I was not allowed to cry or be upset around her. So with her passing, the walls came crumbling down and everything I had kept penned up inside came spewing out in an avalanche of feelings long denied. I was sharing this because we all have our own reactions to grief, even when we think we are prepared.
So it was a June and Graeme meeting. Our efforts to console, to comfort.. to let them vent out their anguish and frustrations. Though on a more personal note I think it helped June more today, on the phone, than yesterday did.
We can only pray it is over quickly, as June admitted to feeling guilty for being the healthy one of the two of them. We don't need feelings of guilt soaking into her...causing more trounbles down the road...