Sunday, May 26, 2013
I was trying to figure out why I have such self loathing sometimes and I came to the realization that I am trying to live up to some strange expectation that I feel people have of me. Does that make sense? I feel like I have always been someone else's sidekick or supporting actor. I have always been someones daughter, someones sister, someones friend, or someones crazy boss, in the story of their life, never the star of Trina's life. I am now going to start starring in my own life. Trina's Life. Starring Trina.
Now if I can just figure out how to do that. I think I might have to start saying "no" sometimes. I might have to ask myself why I am doing things, because it is what I want to do or because it is what other people want me to do, and then only do it if it is for me. The hardest part is to start believing that I am good enough to star in my own life. Logically, I know I am, but that is different than believing it.
So here it goes. Dim the lights. Get comfy. Here is my imperfect, eff'd up, funny, sad, (hopefully a little romantic), real life. Trina's Life. And I am the star.