TRUE-NESS   31,051
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TRUE-NESS's Recent Blog Entries

New Page, New Me, New Beginning...

Monday, October 28, 2013

This blog will be short... like status-update short. LOL It's really just for me to document my reboot.

I am beginning again...

I have updated my page, my ticker, my attitude, my pantry and my fridge.

I won't stop. I won't quit. I won't give up. I won't settle.
I will continue. I will move forward. I will succeed. I will be healthy. I will be happy with ME... in the skin that holds me right now. I will trust the process... I will trust the Lord.

182 LBS - Oct. 27, 2013

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

B-LYNN1ST 11/22/2013 10:05PM

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CELLO23 11/1/2013 4:33PM

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MATTEROFHEART 11/1/2013 3:04PM

    Beautiful picture!!! emoticon

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ABETTERSOUL 11/1/2013 12:54PM

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LEGALSEC20 10/29/2013 8:38PM

    Go you!! emoticon

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PINKBEANBOO 10/29/2013 5:54PM

    Go get em'!

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MYHANDS4GOD 10/29/2013 12:58PM

    That was great!!!!! What a wonderful attitude. Praise God!

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STAY39 10/28/2013 8:33PM

    Love everything about this! You can do this! Perseverance and consistency are the key! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOVINSHERRY78 10/28/2013 7:01PM


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KTTAYLOR21 10/28/2013 4:33PM

    YES!!! Trust the process!! emoticon

I'm with you on all of the above!! (Maybe I should take a picture.. hhmm that's a thought)!

GO YOU!! (BTW...great picture!!)

Comment edited on: 10/28/2013 4:33:45 PM

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ROBBIEY 10/28/2013 4:03PM


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POOKASLUAGH 10/28/2013 3:44PM

    You can do it, and btw, just so you know, you still look fantastic!

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CAROL494 10/28/2013 3:39PM

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I Thought About Deleting My Account

Sunday, October 27, 2013

I seriously thought about deleting my account... actually I'm still thinking about it. I'm not sure I've resolved it in my head yet. The thought is on pause for now.

It's kind of sad and frustrating to see where I started, where I've gotten to and then where I've spiraled down to again... Revisiting the same places is not cool. Not cool at all.

So, I figured, if I'm practically starting over, maybe I should have a fresh new sparkpage... reach out to new friends... keep some of the old ones... post new pictures (which would hopefully show a continuous DOWNward trend... just start everything NEW again.

But, then I thought... this up and down, back and forth, in and out, is what MY journey, UNFORTUNATELY, is about. It's probably, in some way, good for me to see it. I have to hope that it at least helps someone to not feel alone.

I certainly feel alone in this struggle right now. But, I can't possibly be alone. No one ever is. I suspect that most folks who feel like I do right now, probably do exactly what I was considering doing. Maybe they just up and started a new page... one they could feel good about.... one that marked their "new resolve." I don't know.

But, I know that I've had toooo many "new resolves." It just doesn't feel good. I'm tired.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STSCOTT11 10/28/2013 2:51PM

    Don't delete your account. WHAT would it serve to do that?
If Spark has been a good tool for you to stay on track, monitor and make progress what spite yourself by getting rid of something that helps you?
We all have had points in which we slide back...and some of us have had to start all over...and some of us have had to start even further backwards then when we began. I have done BOTH.
And one thing I learned is not easy. So many things can get in your way IF you allow it. Set aside HOW you feel at this time and KNOW in more time you will be just fine.
FORGIVE YOURSELF...and just find your way back to where you were.
For me I believe I went through THE MOTIONS to get to a weight. I didn't really connect with LIVING A LIFESTYLE. In some cases, I had never went through a particular life experience so living healthy suffered. As time goes on I live and learn.
You have done A GREAT JOB. ...and there is NOTHING holding you back to get right back where you were. NOTHING.
I am cheering you on.
Just so you know...I started at 230. Went over 2 years doing well. Got down to 165 and within less than 6 months was back up to 195. I am back down AGAIN in the 170s. Praise GOD.
Two words...KEEP GOING.

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BABYSTEPZ 10/27/2013 12:45PM

    You're not alone...I'm on day 2 of my own new beginning (AGAIN!)--life has a way of throwing curveballs, and the first place I fall is with my eating. But I will NOT give up!

It doesn't matter how many time you start again--the secret is that you DO start over--it might sound trite, but NEVER give up on anything that is for you, because you're awesome and strong. As long as we stay standing we WILL reach our goals!

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CELLO23 10/27/2013 12:13PM

    Hey Trueness - what a beautiful pic, by the way! Don't take that one down! :)

Looking back at your journey, you've achieved loads, and (like the rest of us) learned loads about fitness, nutrition and your needs/drives etc. That's worth holding onto as inspiration and also as a record of warning points - if not for you, then for us others out there.

Delete or renew the page if it would give you fresh resolve - I can see the attraction of a new start. But maybe try a page makeover before zapping it entirely?

You have always been impressive for your tough regimes and tremendous resolve - that's something I never manage! I'm sure you'll do that again when you choose to commit to it.

You know about the all-or-nothing trap and aren't going to fall into that. Maybe the cycles you see are just a manifestation of that?

Don't know if this helps, but I'm thinking that maybe 'journey' isn't the right metaphor for our health. It's too goal-driven (destination: -10,-20,-30 lbs etc) and suggests that's where our happiness lies. Once we get to goal, everything falls into place... except it doesn't and won't.

Maybe this stops us living in the moment and enjoying what we have? Because we are busy worriting about the perfect future and our up-and-down past.

We all have different triggers and motivations so I can't really suggest what might work for you (you probably have a good idea by now!). But I know that stress throws all good intentions out of the window, so stress is what I'm going to work on.

Maybe thinking about 'balance' instead of 'journey' will help. Being happy with a decent level of health, fitness, roof over head and good people around is perhaps enough to start with, to keep things even. If I start to get stressed, then take a break and not be so hard on myself. As long as I can catch a bus, climb a hill, feel reasonably energetic, then things are fine. Don't need to be a sprinter unless it makes me happy! Don't need to lose 20lbs unless it's really getting me down. This isn't a competition, with ourselves or others.

Sorry - suspect I'm kinda pep-talking myself on your blog!

You are beautiful as you are, right now, whether you zap a blog or not. Enjoy that! And if you want to be around for general kick-ass people and inspiration, great! I for one so appreciate you getting in touch.


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NHES220 10/27/2013 9:42AM

    Sorry that you are struggling, but thank you for putting it out there and not just shutting down your page. I know you want to do this, but you are obviously having a tough time. It is different for everyone and fellow Sparkers have given you great advice, I can only tell you what works for me. I started this journey back in December 2012 and I was eating junk and not exercising at all. I cut out a lot of the carbs - not all - and that cut my cravings for the junk. Then once I started working out - mostly cardio - and saw the progress, I did not want to sabotage myself. Hang in there, keep trying, every day is a new opportunity. Your health is worth it!

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STAY39 10/27/2013 9:13AM

    This journey is a lifelong one and it's easy to get frustrated. Please hang in there and just try to make more good choices than bad,have more good days than bad. You will eventually get to a happier place as long as you don't ever give up. It takes perseverance! I say seek out some new spark friends, it's easy to find people who inspire you here you just have to go looking. Join a new team. Revamp your page. Check out the new start page too if you haven't personalized that. Join a mini challenge. Set a short term goal and focus only on that for now. Find your control of this. You are stronger than you think and you can do it! We are here for you! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOVINSHERRY78 10/27/2013 8:50AM

    i say just revamp it. even though the journey didn't go as you is still yours. no we shouldn't look back and just keep moving forward but i think it's nice to still be able to see what all i went through when i finally do get there :) we love ya no matter what you decide..u gotta do whats best for you.

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1NANA4EVER 10/27/2013 8:44AM

    I agree with everything the others have said. It is definitely your choice as to whether you continue on Sparks or try something new, but, this might just be your subconscious thinking "if I do this then at least I have something in my life I have control over."

Maybe instead of starting over, do a revamp of your page.

I think where we all struggle is that eating is a necessary evil. Which means we can't just ignore food and focus on something else in our lives. We need to deal with food. Unfortunately we are drawn to foods that make us feel good, rather than foods that our bodies burn efficiently as fuel. Those of us who struggle with food addiction, need to be able to still sustain ourselves, but put food in it's proper place.

Do not give up. Think of all you have accomplished. If you had not done the SPARKS thing, where would you be today?


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FERRETLOVER1 10/27/2013 7:42AM

    Starting over is not a bad idea, but DON'T give up your SparkPage or your SparkFriends! You will be sorry if you do. Use the things you have learned during your journey to aid you towards success.

I know what it is to be discouraged, believe me! I've been there too many times during this journey. In fact, right now I am working very hard to get back to my goal weight (I'm a little above it right now). But I took myself to task and re-read my SparkPage to encourage myself.

I have also posted a before and after picture on my new StartPage to encourage me. For some reason, seeing a picture actually "sparks" me when looking in the mirror doesn't seem to do that for me.

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Comment edited on: 10/27/2013 7:43:18 AM

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KTTAYLOR21 10/27/2013 3:30AM

    If that's the case I should be have BEEN shut my page down!! You have accomplished ssssooo much!!! Way more that I ever had. You have to get use to idea that this journey is NEVER ENDING!!! emoticon You will have to workout and eat right for the rest of your life emoticon but it is what it is. Don't be hard on yourself. I know its disappointing but that's the journey.

Stay strong!! You have done this already! You can hang with the best of them emoticon emoticon emoticon

Hang in there!!!

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GRANDMAFRANNY 10/27/2013 12:34AM


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I've Missed... Everything and Everyone!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Hello Everybody!!!

I've missed you all!! It's been FAR FAR FAR too long!! I'm telling you... I have MISSED you guys!

I can't use my sister's wedding as an excuse any longer, but honestly, that threw everything way off. All my normal healthy habits.. all my routines... all my goals... they had all taken a backburner to her wedding. But, it's been over two weeks since that blessed event and it's PAST time to get it in high gear and start moving again!!

There are a little over two weeks until Mother's Day; so I think I'll use that as a mini goal marker. I'm going to try to get at least 500 fitness points by then. That'll get me moving again. It'll also be a good way to close out April and a great way to start off May!

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WARRIORGIRL121 5/15/2013 11:26PM

    We all go through times like this.. don't beat yourself up. Glad you're coming back! :)

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KRISZTA11 4/26/2013 3:36PM


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KTTAYLOR21 4/26/2013 2:39PM

    Hey Vanessa!! We are all still here trying to conquer this journey! I'm sure you will have no problem falling back in line!!


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LOVINSHERRY78 4/26/2013 1:30PM

    it happens to all of us! glad your back and you are planning on getting back on track...i'm right there with ya girlie! :)

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PINKBEANBOO 4/26/2013 11:11AM

    Hi Vanessa!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 4/26/2013 9:29AM

    Glad you are back. We missed you too. emoticon

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PIXIE-LICIOUS 4/26/2013 8:55AM

    Welcome back...and good luck on reaching your fitness goal! emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 4/25/2013 8:27PM

    I'm so glad you're back! I used my SC vacay as a bit of an excuse, and May 1st is my day one!

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POOKASLUAGH 4/25/2013 7:49PM

    Missed you too! I'm leaving in a few hours and will be gone for 10 days without internet, but I'll catch up with you when I'm back. :)

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My Sister Wed Today!!!

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Hello Sparkpeeps!

I don't have much to say... I'm tired. BUT...

My sister's wedding was TODAY!!! WooooHooooo!!!! It was so awesome and I'm so happy for her!!! I'm also happy for ME... because IT'S OVER. LOL My life can get back to some semblance of normalcy. LOL

This was me, TODAY at the wedding:

Remember how I looked in my dress back in DECEMBER...


I see a difference. I certainly FELT different. I felt good... confident... assured... pretty... AND dare I say it... "ski#@!." Well.... I better not use that word... it's too soon. Well... Let's just say that I felt... "not-fat." Yeah... that's the right combo word choice. LOL (I may not be skinny yet, but "not-fat" aint too bad. BIG mental improvement for me. LOL)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WARRIORGIRL121 5/15/2013 11:27PM

    oh honey, you both look absolutely gorgeous! Beautiful! Love the dresses! Congratulations to your sister! emoticon emoticon Karen

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MBETTIS3 4/9/2013 8:49PM

    yall look like twins! Just wonderful. congratulations - keep it going.

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KTTAYLOR21 4/8/2013 1:46AM

    The big day finally arrived and the 2 of you look very pretty!! Ya'll look so much alike!!

Congrats to your sister!! Wishing her a harmonious marriage!!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 4/7/2013 2:16PM

    You are very svelte looking in your dress. You look amazing and your confidence shows. emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 4/7/2013 9:42AM

    You look FABULOUS and SOOO not-fat! Lol, I think I may start using that! You're sister looks radiant, congrats to her = )

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CELLO23 4/7/2013 9:09AM

    You look gorgeous! (both of you!) I see such a difference from the Dec pic - confident and so pretty! Congratulations to sis and YOU! emoticon

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    Wow how exciting! You both look beautiful ... You worked really hard to get to this place - I'm really happy for you!

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POOKASLUAGH 4/7/2013 8:26AM

    Congrats to her, and you look gorgeous! I think we're about the same weight right now, but you look far better than I do! :D

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FERRETLOVER1 4/7/2013 7:45AM

    Both you and your sister looked lovely - please give her my best wishes on a happy married life.

You keep up the great work - you are doing simply emoticon

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CHANGING4ME49 4/7/2013 12:30AM

    Love the dress! You look beautiful in it. emoticon Congratulations to your sister too!

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BONNIEMCB 4/6/2013 10:58PM

    The dress is beautiful, and you are SOOOOO not fat!!! emoticon

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MICHSTATE 4/6/2013 10:50PM

    Looking good!!!! Congrats to your sister!!!!!!

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SHRED Update and Other Realizations...

Thursday, February 28, 2013

I know many of you have been waiting for an update on how I've been doing with the SHRED Diet.

Well, I had been taking a break from SHRED because I had been so busy with planning my sister's bridal shower and various other wedding planning activities. I did partially do Week 2. I kind of hit and missed my way through it, the same as I did Week 1... but it was more miss than hit. Nevertheless, I managed to maintain the weight I had lost that first week. No loss, but no gain. No harm, no foul.

It was my intention to just resume from where I'd left off after the confetti cleared. But, when that day came, I had devised a different plan.

I decided that since I had one week left before my fitting for alterations to my dress, I would try for some quick weight loss... I decided to go back to my old staple diet: The South Beach Diet. I knew that if I followed it, I could lose about 8-10 lbs in about 14 days. So, I was motivated.

But, ONE day into it and I just came to the realization...


I just can't do it. I just can't follow what somebody says to eat, when they say to eat it and how much they say to eat. I just can't do it anymore. It feels confining and restrictive (even when there is SO MUCH to choose from and SO MUCH to eat. Yeah, you could say I'm sort of choosing. But, I'm choosing from a prescribed menu. I'm eating at a prescribed time. I'm eating a prescribed amount. Ultimately, it still doesn't feel like ME, fully cognizant, making choices.

And, I just can't do it anymore. I'm just so OVER and BEYOND it.

I already KNOW what I'm "supposed" to eat and how much and when. I'm "supposed" to eat whatever I want in moderation. I'm "supposed" to eat when I'm hungry. I'm "supposed" to eat enough to satisfy me but not fill me. And, I'm supposed to MOVE and maintain an active lifestyle. This is what Sparkpeople has taught me. Until recently, I hadn't attempted a diet since joining Sparkpeople in 2010. I've just learned so much here that, though the journey has been slow, I never felt compelled to return to a diet of any sort.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking the various diets and I'm not knocking those who choose to follow them. They work! Lord, knows they do. I may, at some point, incorporate some of the ideas and recipes from SHRED--especially the eating cleanse during the week that I didn't even get to--into my healthy eating program. But to follow a diet--any diet--in its entirety again... I just can't go there.

"The places that used to fit me, cannot hold the things I've learned, and those roads were closed off to me, while my back was turned." - Sara Groves

I just know too much about this lifestyle, at this point, to be reverting and turning back to that diet mentality... I know I still have so much to learn; but THIS is what the journey is about... Growing and understanding and learning and correcting and changing, etc. This is how I'm going to successfully lose and keep it off. I'm convinced of it. Diet books and manuals won't teach you that... experience will.

So, I'll just continue to hit and miss... and fall and get back up... and learn... and, ultimately, SUCCEED. It may be taking a little longer than the quick diet fix; but that's just because I've got a hard head. LOL I'll get there.

Until then, I'm just going to go with the flow and do what I know... one day at a time.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STSCOTT11 3/12/2013 2:46PM

    I understand...I am no expert...and I haven't got to my goal YET...but I am close.
I agree that diets DO NOT WORK.
I gave up "DIETS" long ago in the sense I don't see how I eat as "a diet" any longer. I see that word as A TEMPORARY FIX.
What I am doing is what I will do FOR LIFE. I eat healthy more often than not. I call it proper NUTRITION and have divorced the word diet.

And don't get me wrong cause I DO respect and use a diet when needed. I now call it A MEAL PLAN.
A plan to KNOW WHAT I WILL EAT all day long for a period of time.
I use it when I need to BUCKLE DOWN due to the scale sliding too many units in the wrong direction. And then there are times I get out of control with eating for different reasons.
I use it at those times too.

But day to day...I TRACK my calories to ensure I am eating healthy balanced diet. Or I use meal plans I have memorized THA I LOVE. I allow myself all kind of different things...and it really makes eating SATISFYING. I still look forward to lunch and dinner...AND SNACKS. lol ...and IT WORKS.

I don't know how you feel about Jillians Shred OVERALL. Do you like it?
What I liked was it was only 20 minutes. :)
What I didn't like was doing the exact same thing every day.

I have tried it now that I am a little smaller and have built my endurance up with other workouts. I like it more NOW than I did back then.
At this point I use it as a supplemental workout and not as a primary one. I do the same thing with my P90X videos.

All the best with the wedding planning. emoticon
Hey...and try not to put so much of yourself the wedding planning that it takes you off your mark with what you're trying to do for YOURSELF.
I KNOW it is not easy...and I am going to need that advice IN RETURN in April when my Mom goes for her 2nd knee surgery...okay?
Can't wait to see the wedding pics.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 3/3/2013 5:03PM

    That is all we can do, take one day at a time. You'll do great. Just take all the great things you know and go with it. And watch out for the rabbit trails. emoticon

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CELLO23 3/2/2013 11:23AM

    That sounds fair enough, True-ness. By now we know what works, and someone telling us what to do is likely to be too generic. And frankly, I get annoyed at being told what to do, because I KNOW!
Keep it up your own way, and good luck with the wedding preps! emoticon

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BONNIEMCB 3/1/2013 12:22PM

    I hope you don't mind, but I am going to steal your Sara Groves quote---love it! emoticon

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KTTAYLOR21 3/1/2013 9:29AM

    I have never attempted to try a diet because I never liked the restrictions of it. I feel like it's not something I'll follow for the rest of my life so I need to just change how I eat by adding in healthy and eliminating the unhealthy so often.

We all have to do what works for us and it sounds like you are ready to tackle this weightloss with healthy choices! emoticon You've done it and you are emoticon

Good luck with the wedding. I've never planned one because it sounds sssoo stressful! I just took a trip to Upper Marlboro, spent $45 and called it a day emoticon

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LUV2PUMP 2/28/2013 9:35PM

    I love that you expressed exactly how you feel and also understand what you've learned along the way on your journey. I fully believe we are all limitless to what we make our minds up to do. So do what works best for you. Each step taken towards your goal bring you closer to victory.

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BONNIEMCB 2/28/2013 8:53PM

    I totally get where you're coming from. I think we could all write a book on how to lose weight, there are just different approaches to manage the old "calories in, calories out" truth of it. I, personally, am appreciating a lot of the aspects of The Shred. Halfway through and I've lost over 7 lbs. I figure I can do anything for 6 weeks, so I will see it through. It's a healthy approach, and it's gotten me back to the gym, to the point that I am almost obsessive about it. All good. After that, we'll see. Lets check back with each other from time to time so see how things are going. Have a wonderful time at the wedding!! emoticon

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GOOSIEMOON 2/28/2013 8:45PM


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MADTHENURSE 2/28/2013 8:39PM

    Knowing the right choices and making them consistently (with some hitting and missing here and there) is the key to lifetime health!! So, yes, it may take longer to get to our ultimate goal - but we will be more likely to stay AT our goal. YOU GOT THIS!!!!!

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POOKASLUAGH 2/28/2013 8:38PM


Yes. This.

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