Monday, October 28, 2013
This blog will be short... like status-update short. LOL It's really just for me to document my reboot.
I am beginning again...
I have updated my page, my ticker, my attitude, my pantry and my fridge.
I won't stop. I won't quit. I won't give up. I won't settle.
I will continue. I will move forward. I will succeed. I will be healthy. I will be happy with ME... in the skin that holds me right now. I will trust the process... I will trust the Lord.
182 LBS - Oct. 27, 2013
Sunday, October 27, 2013
I seriously thought about deleting my account... actually I'm still thinking about it. I'm not sure I've resolved it in my head yet. The thought is on pause for now.
It's kind of sad and frustrating to see where I started, where I've gotten to and then where I've spiraled down to again... Revisiting the same places is not cool. Not cool at all.
So, I figured, if I'm practically starting over, maybe I should have a fresh new sparkpage... reach out to new friends... keep some of the old ones... post new pictures (which would hopefully show a continuous DOWNward trend... just start everything NEW again.
But, then I thought... this up and down, back and forth, in and out, is what MY journey, UNFORTUNATELY, is about. It's probably, in some way, good for me to see it. I have to hope that it at least helps someone to not feel alone.
I certainly feel alone in this struggle right now. But, I can't possibly be alone. No one ever is. I suspect that most folks who feel like I do right now, probably do exactly what I was considering doing. Maybe they just up and started a new page... one they could feel good about.... one that marked their "new resolve." I don't know.
But, I know that I've had toooo many "new resolves." It just doesn't feel good. I'm tired.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
I've missed you all!! It's been FAR FAR FAR too long!! I'm telling you... I have MISSED you guys!
I can't use my sister's wedding as an excuse any longer, but honestly, that threw everything way off. All my normal healthy habits.. all my routines... all my goals... they had all taken a backburner to her wedding. But, it's been over two weeks since that blessed event and it's PAST time to get it in high gear and start moving again!!
There are a little over two weeks until Mother's Day; so I think I'll use that as a mini goal marker. I'm going to try to get at least 500 fitness points by then. That'll get me moving again. It'll also be a good way to close out April and a great way to start off May!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
I know many of you have been waiting for an update on how I've been doing with the SHRED Diet.
Well, I had been taking a break from SHRED because I had been so busy with planning my sister's bridal shower and various other wedding planning activities. I did partially do Week 2. I kind of hit and missed my way through it, the same as I did Week 1... but it was more miss than hit. Nevertheless, I managed to maintain the weight I had lost that first week. No loss, but no gain. No harm, no foul.
It was my intention to just resume from where I'd left off after the confetti cleared. But, when that day came, I had devised a different plan.
I decided that since I had one week left before my fitting for alterations to my dress, I would try for some quick weight loss... I decided to go back to my old staple diet: The South Beach Diet. I knew that if I followed it, I could lose about 8-10 lbs in about 14 days. So, I was motivated.
But, ONE day into it and I just came to the realization...
I CAN'T DIET ANYMORE!
I just can't do it. I just can't follow what somebody says to eat, when they say to eat it and how much they say to eat. I just can't do it anymore. It feels confining and restrictive (even when there is SO MUCH to choose from and SO MUCH to eat. Yeah, you could say I'm sort of choosing. But, I'm choosing from a prescribed menu. I'm eating at a prescribed time. I'm eating a prescribed amount. Ultimately, it still doesn't feel like ME, fully cognizant, making choices.
And, I just can't do it anymore. I'm just so OVER and BEYOND it.
I already KNOW what I'm "supposed" to eat and how much and when. I'm "supposed" to eat whatever I want in moderation. I'm "supposed" to eat when I'm hungry. I'm "supposed" to eat enough to satisfy me but not fill me. And, I'm supposed to MOVE and maintain an active lifestyle. This is what Sparkpeople has taught me. Until recently, I hadn't attempted a diet since joining Sparkpeople in 2010. I've just learned so much here that, though the journey has been slow, I never felt compelled to return to a diet of any sort.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking the various diets and I'm not knocking those who choose to follow them. They work! Lord, knows they do. I may, at some point, incorporate some of the ideas and recipes from SHRED--especially the eating cleanse during the week that I didn't even get to--into my healthy eating program. But to follow a diet--any diet--in its entirety again... I just can't go there.
"The places that used to fit me, cannot hold the things I've learned, and those roads were closed off to me, while my back was turned." - Sara Groves
I just know too much about this lifestyle, at this point, to be reverting and turning back to that diet mentality... I know I still have so much to learn; but THIS is what the journey is about... Growing and understanding and learning and correcting and changing, etc. This is how I'm going to successfully lose and keep it off. I'm convinced of it. Diet books and manuals won't teach you that... experience will.
So, I'll just continue to hit and miss... and fall and get back up... and learn... and, ultimately, SUCCEED. It may be taking a little longer than the quick diet fix; but that's just because I've got a hard head. LOL I'll get there.
Until then, I'm just going to go with the flow and do what I know... one day at a time.
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