Friday, July 25, 2014
Tonight I had both blood daughters and grands plus my Brazillian daughter and grand and Brazillian son for dinner. Such passion they bring with them! Hugs and kisses and gestering and excitement and questions about the American food that they love (each has gained 6 lbs while here) gilson said, '' I need medcin to help suck my bel''. He wanted a magic potion to help him hold in his stomach! Giane rolled her eyes and said,''I love American food, especially cheeseburgers and fries and every thing else'' ; so, tonight I took a recipe and made it my way, with chicken, healthy request cream of chiken soup, a roux made with skim milk instead of whole milk or cream, and spices and served it over crispy baked rice noodles. I also had a spinach salad with pecans, cranberries, and a sprinkling of bleu cheese, and fresh melon. They loved it and will want it the next time they come to the US.
Now everyone has gone home and Sandy Claws has come out from under my bed where she hid while the loud little girls were here. dishes are in the dishwasher, and the house is so very quiet. The silence seems so much louder and more difficult to deal with after the Brazilians leave. I don't know why but it does. My heart, which hasn't healed completely from Ed's death seems to break again and the tears flow.
I know that giane and gilson will always come back to visit and Manuella will probably come to visit when she is an adult but Ed isn't here, in person, to enjoy them and they miss him so much and that just makes me miss him more. Right now my heart feels like it is breaking but I will be better tomorrow after a good night's sleep.
Monday, July 21, 2014
Well, I did it! I invited my friend Larry for dinner, just him, no other friends. As the Friday got closer I began to wonder if I had done the right thing, wonder what we would talk about, etc. The menu was the easy part! I began to panic just a little bit; so, I prayed that God woul guide me.
Larry called during the day to be certain that the dinner was still on, which it was. I was making banana pudding wwwwwwhen he called. I fixed steak, turnip greens, mashed potatoes, gravy, and biscuits, showered, dressed and waited.
While waiting I debated lighting candles, turning on some music , etc. and decided against doing anything that come seem like ''pressure''. This was a smart decision!
Larry arrivedand was surprised to learn that he was the only guest. I could see the tension but said a prayer that I would say the right things and continued to plate the food to put on the table where there were flowers (which could have been picked from a yard nearby) and candles but I did not light the candles. Lovely but no pressure! I kept the lighting normal, too.
As we talked I sensed the tension until he talked about how he didn't like going home without his wife being with him or waiting for him (she died of cancer 3 years ago). Then he said something to the effect of, ''You know what it's like when you have been with someone for so long''. My response? ''Yes and you just can't erase all of those years and memories''. With that sentence the tension dissolved and we had a lovely evening laughing a lot and just enjoying each other's company.
He stayed until 11:30, said that he was glad we had talked so much, and kissed me goodnight. I think that he was relieved that I am not expecting a different kind of relationship other than friendship. If more develops then it does but if not, so be it. He is fun and funny and I enjoy being with him but I have had a love affair of great magnitude with my husband and I think he had the same with his wife. It seems unfair to think of and/or expect another one!
Thank you Lord for your guidance
Sunday, July 13, 2014
This week I had three bathing suits die on me. ep, had one on and the spandex just completely left, changed into another and the same thing happened while at a friend's pool. Did you knnow that when the spandex goes away the suit becomes see through? Yep, surely does. The third suit, the most expensive and least worn, maybe 6 wears, died on the drying rack. Needless to say, I am glad that I bought that one on sale and bought the others at TMAXX or similar store.
Problem isn't just dead suits but how will I play in the pool with the grands if I don't have a suit? How will I take water aerobics without a swimsuit? I know, go to a nudist colony! NOT!!! I would probably convert the died in the wool (LOL) nudist back to clothes if I showed up in the ''alltogether'' and scare myself too! So off to the discount stores I went.
Ross dress for less: purchased one suit, Marshall's purchased one suit each was 19.99. WOOHOO JMaxx, nothing and one that I tried on had what I describe as pasties for a top and the other was made for a very short person with large breasts!
At least I got two suits, took the grands to the pool, played hard for an hour and had my grandgirl swimming 1/3 the length of the pool. Now if I can just get her brother to do the same!
Thursday, July 10, 2014
When a loved one dies everyone always tell them to ''Think about the happy memories''. I am here to tell you they are the most difficult. They are the ones that bring the sorrow and grief and tears most often. They are the ones that remind the ones left behind of how very much they loved and miss the one who has died. The good memories, the joyful memories, the happy memories, the memories that before the loss I wanted to cherish are now the ones that still bring a gusher of tears and tear my heart in two. The good memories, the happy ones are the ones that make me wish that I could dredge up a lot of unpleasant memories and be extrememly angry with Ed. Oh, there are some unpleasant memories, some memories of difficult times, some memories that are painful but they linger in the shadows, fading a bit more each day and the anger that the incidents caused has long since been dealt with and discarded.
Two years ago Ed was still here and made a princess doll cake for our grandaughter for her birthday, July 10th. We took her to a pizza place for dinner, her choice, and we have a photo of them looking at each other with the adoration he had for his grandgirl and she had for her Pops. Today we celebrated without him.
Two and a half years ago our ''Brazilian daughter'' and her family were here and she and her daughter and her brother are here now. Each of these things bring beautiful memories and with it the extreme grief and sadness of Ed's being gone.
Yes, the good memories, the happy memories, the beautiful memories are the ones that are the most difficult to remember, the ones that bring the tears, the ones that are the most painful.
Tuesday, July 08, 2014
Work, a four letter word! Yes, count them, there are four (4) letters in the word. That isn't all it is though. There are many without it and want it, there are many without it and don't want it, there are many who have it but don't appreciate it and complain about it, there are those who have it and have a right to complain because of conditions or pay or a few other possible reasons. Then there are those who are glad to have it!
I, for one, am glad for my work. I get to hang out with a lot of different ages from high school to people my age and maybe even a few grandparents who might be older. I get to see parents of special needs high school seniors beam when the photographer gets a really good photo. I get to talk with not just my co workers who can change from job to job but also with very interesting people.
I also get a pay check which helps me pay for unexpected bills, like the one from COX Cable that I was told was free. That is another blog!
I get to attend proms in the spring and see all the beautiful dresses and watch the kids with this right of passage.
Work isn't play (another four letter word) but most of the time my job is enjoyable and fun and I am thankful that I have it.
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