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Difficult Week

Wednesday, October 01, 2014

Tomorrow is the second anniversary of the attack that took Ed's life. The date of his death although the death certificate says October 5th, the day we turned off life support. He was gone on the 2nd but when I got to the hospital he was already on life support and my daughters wanted to see if the cooling treatment would protect his brain, which it didn't. Anyway, this week has been difficult and it is only half way over.
I have eaten everything that doesn't move and/or make noise. Well, maybe not everything but it seems like it. I have cried at the drop of a hat or less! I am a freaking mess right now, to lay the least.
The house seems so empty, so barren even, like a vacuum that sucks up vitality and happiness and desire to do anything. Words seem to disappear without being heard. There seems to be no life and there has been no laughter this week or last. Poor Sandy Claws has evidently sensed it too. She has been in my lap and on my shoulder so much more this week.
Could it be that she is extra needy? Maybe but probably she senses a need in me, a feeling of terrible lonliness and is trying to help me feel better. she is such a sweet cat!
Tomorrow I will travel 2 hours from here to attend a high school (not a particular class) reunion of people who live in the city where my sister lives. We will go to the dinner at a country club, mingle, and hope to enjoy the evening. I know there will be one person from the neighborhood where we grew up and I look forward to seeing him and meeting his wife. He is older than I; so, haven't seen him in a great many years as he left our towon when he graduated from high school.
I am staying in a motel, possibly alone, for the first time. My sister offered her extra bedroom but she has a two year old great grand living with her and he gets up very early in the morning. I have never been a morning person and don't intend to become one now unless it involves getting paid or my grands or getting on a jet plane! I say ''possibly alone'' because I got a double and invited my sister to take a break and stay with me but she babysits her great grand most mornings.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JO88BAKO 10/1/2014 9:23PM

    I wish I could take some of your pain. I'm sure your house seems especially empty and sad. I'm so sorry for your loss and your grief. Yes, I bet Sandy Claws does feel your sorrow. I'm so glad you are going to Richmond. I hope your sister will be some comfort for you. Grief is so very difficult. I'll pray for you. That would be nice if Larry would give you a call. We got Bella on the plane tonight. Her plane in Atlanta should be taking off about now. She will be just the medicine her mom and dad need. We had fun at the fish fry today. Do something nice for yourself. BIG HUG

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BUMBLEBEERN 10/1/2014 6:18PM

    I'm so sorry about your loss. Reliving the anniversary of such a devastating time is difficult. I do the opposite. I do my level best to block any dates out of my head. It's a protective mechanism. I don't know that it is good for me but, it's what I do. I don't recommend it for anyone else.

Sounds like your sweet kitty can sense that your feelings are bubbling just under the surface. Even the most aloof pet seems to figure out when you really need them.

Forgive yourself for being emotional. You're human. Forgive yourself for over-eating. You're imperfect. Forgive yourself for stress eating. You're using a tool that has worked for you in the past.

You will get through this day. You will get through this week. You will get through this month.

Be gentle with yourself.

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Calypso Nuts

Friday, September 26, 2014

The Calypso Nuts Troprock duo(trio at times like last night) were in town and friends and I went to hear them. They were terrific, especially since Brad was playing sax with them last night. They had some new songs that were better than on the last cd they have that I heard.
There were two down sides though. 1-Robbie Meade (guitarist) is in a lot of pain from spinal stenosis. The upside of my seeing that? I gave him the name of my neurosurgeon and people here have offered to let he and Lynley stay with them if he has to have surgery. 2- A couple came in that I had not seen in a long time. It has been forever since I saw Kim but I saw Kurt 2 years ago at Ed's memorial service. When they came over to give me a hug the tears started. The up side of that, yes there was one. Kurt said, '' for some reason I have that effect on women. They see me and burst into tears.'' Yes, that made me laugh and the evening was even more enjoyable!
Today I went back to the gym for the fourth time this week. Monday I worked and had almost no time to sit and tomorrow I will work and have very little time to sit; so, I didn't go work out on Monday and won't go tomorrow either. Besides, I have a few sore muscles!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JO88BAKO 9/26/2014 10:51PM

    I'm glad Kurt made you laugh when you were sad. Awesome job going to the gym 4 times this week!! Hope you have a good day working tomorrow. Tomorrow morning we go clean the beach. The downside is they always have donuts for us which are hard for me to resist, then pizza when we get done. Guess I better walk a lot!!

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Family Reunion

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Each year I look forward to my family reunion (my maternal grandmother's side of my family). Each year there are fewer and fewer people attending but I am always glad to see those who are there.
This year one of my favorite cousins is showing signs of memory loss, a tragedy as he is a brilliant man and, although only performs in local plays, a good actor. His son and daughter in law weren't there either, the third year, as Kevin is battling cancer.
Also, my baby sister, 10 years younger than I, is having severe problems with her memory, her blood sugar, and her general health. she is twice the size she was last year, can't stand, can hardly get in and out of their vehicle, and can't seem to understand that she needs to work at doing better.
On the bright side: The oldest member of the family, in her 90's was there and is doing very well considering her age and her health problems and the next oldest who is in her upper 80's looks like she is 60 at the oldest and still goes to aerobics. Her daughters have the same beautiful genes.
I came home even more thankful for my health and positive attitude and abilities! I had also spent a night with a college friend who has copd so bad that she has to have a ''roustabout'' when she is going anywhere that requires walking. Oh, how I hope that I never get to that point!
Thank you, God, that I am healthy!


I am going to visit a college friend

Monday, September 15, 2014

On Thursday I am leaving for a family reunion weekend but on the way I will stop for an afternoon and night. Several times Ed and I went to the reunion a day early but the last two years I couldn't bring myself to do that. This year I will leave here early but stop in a small town and hour and a half from the reunion.
After a whole lot of years an old college friend and I reconnected through facebook. I knew the town she lived in and her husband's but could never find her on social media or even in the white pages. I was a bit concerned that she had died and that saddened me! We lost contact when we had to change our phone number and moved but now, technology being what it is, we are again in contact. Thursday I will visit her and spend the night.
Maybe we can catch up on a few years but will have more reasons to get together more often as we catch up on children, grands, etc!
I am excited!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEE797 9/17/2014 7:53PM

    So glad to read that you and your friend have reconnected. Do hope you have a terrific visit.

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JO88BAKO 9/15/2014 9:48PM

    I'm so glad you are going early and visiting with your long lost friend. That will be so very nice. I'm excited for you. That's nice you can have a family reunion. I remember when we used to have them and they were so much fun. Our family is so small now we could about have it in a phone booth. Are you taking Sandy Claws or is she house sitting for you lol?? I'm back on track today with my nutrition after doing so poorly. Hope this week goes fast for you.

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The Good, The Bad, and...

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

The good? There is much good, just look around and I see it in so very much in this world. There is the sun which gives us warmth, the trees and shade to give us shade, the bad cat that lives here and runs the house, my grands who were so delightful last night when here, and I can go on and on! These are a few things that are taken for granted but there are other things and people.
Today I worked in a high school about 20 miles from my house, still in the same city, but that far away. I worked with a very seasoned photographer, one who is a bit strange, and two new, intraining, photographers. I was making certain that the high school students , who weren't seniors, had their proper ''cards'' for the photographers. This was a new job for me but an easy one. anyway, dealing with these particular students gave me renewed hope for our country and our world.
WHAT? Have I lost my mind you ask? No, I haven't! Today the groups of students who came to photos were exceptional. The boys had on pants that fit, that is right, they fit properly. There were no pants down around their behinds, there was no hiking them up to keep from losing them, they actually fit. Then there were the girls. What adorable clothes on the most part. Oh, there were a few with jeans and t-shirts but those were clean and neat and really cute! a few had pink, blue, purple, etc hair, but they were still dressed in adorable clothes, whether jeans, skirts, shorts, or dresses.
OK, so they looked nice but what about their actions? you want to know. Polite, joking, some weren't sure f their teacher's name but they had just gotten to the school yesterday and even this morning, tansferred from out of town when they moved with their parnets. Polite? Teenagers? YES, the were wondrful. What more can I say?
Now for the bad: I got a call from a friend that I am being called to testify in a slander case. It seems that a former friend has made false accussations at the Y against another member, worse yet, the member she is accussating is, in some ways, developmentally delayed. Why am I being supoenaed? Because she also made these claims about him to me and she made some other statements that are so outrageous, not just about him but about a board member, his wife, and an instructor, that are so off the wall that it is ludricrous.
The other: There are a lot of ''other'', like my cat tearing the trash bag open because I was working and she was bored, a house concert that is coming up the end of august and a friend has offered to buy a ticket for me, and that really falls under the ''good'', my cat has been ''talking'' as she walks around the house carrying a toy mouse, I want a phone call from someone, I need to start planing a couple of trips, etc, etc, etc.
Now, anyone who reads this: I challange you to make a list, short or long, just today, or ongoing, of good things

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JO88BAKO 9/10/2014 9:14PM

    Hey there friend. What an awesome day you had. Yesterday was bad. They found a spot on Rics rib. It's on my blog yesterday. They are going to treat it after the livèr proceedure. I feel bad I wasn't there yesterday to sit with Revilleann.
Realtor texted a little while ago. Folks looking at the house decided on another one. I was bummed. Then I got another text and she has a showing tomorrow afternoon.

You are so right. The world is full of nice people. There are a lot of super great young caring children and young adults. I will gladly join you in looking at the good in our world.
I'm looking forward to Myrtle Beach this weekend.
I'm so sorry you are being drug into that ugly situation. God will be with you. I will be prayerful of the situation. Big Hug

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MCFITZ2 9/10/2014 7:17PM

    Only one kitty? We have 5 . I think you had a lovely day.

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