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VONBLACKBIRD's Recent Blog Entries


Saturday, February 25, 2012

You know the saying "you can't teach an old bird/dog new tricks"...well it isn't quite correct...I will be turning 61 in a few weeks and thought I had heard it all...as they say know your triggers...what triggers emotions, what triggers over eating and etc...etc..
Well I do know I've been high strung since a child..I guess you would have first called me backwards...I was a "clinger"...wanted the security of my mom...clung to her alot as a young child as I was so painfully shy. Finally out grew that stage and then to the awkward stage. I was always super skinny and ate like a bird and always hearing my mom worry about me not eating and being so thin..This continued on until I was around 11. grew boobs and all the female things that went with it by 5th grade. Now imagine a skinny (stick legs) thing with fuzzy hair (always had thick fuzzy hair that could never be tamed) with boobs most grown women would sigh for...and being a tomboy...not liking it one bit..O also wore thick glasses..Being the tallest one in my class didn't help either. By jr high my figure was about the same but the tomboy stuff was going by the way side as did the glasses..It really made it easier to deal with the jr high issues though, not being able to see people well enough to see their expressions..By then I was wearing braces on my teeth so I mainly concentrated on school studies and bumbled around the hallways between classes..By senior high got fitted with my first pair of contact lenses...than had to face the world. But guess I had isolated myself so well with my feelings and emotions by then. I wasn't in the popular group in high school but I wasn't in the nerd catagory either...it seems I had lots of friends which to this day when I happen to meet up with them remind me that I was "nice"...good to know that now..at least I wasn't picking on the nerds and not being snobby.. But still high school was a painful event as it is in most people's lives. Got out early and went to college early. then hit my "wild" stage..didn't do the drugs or anything quite that bad but....anyway finally married the wrong guy...stayed married for 5 years. Sean came along and I divorced when he was 3 months old. I had figured out then that his father wasn't going to change and no child would change him. This is about the time that I found that food soothed me. I especially loved food that crunched...I loved crunching crackers and even ice..but I managed to stay pretty slim (though not the super skinny I was) for about 5 years. Then my present husband came into the scene. He had custody of his 2 sons and we just kind of combined our families...we both loved to cook by this point in our lives and we also loved to eat...By this time I was teaching and taking care of 3 boys from age 6 to 10..with all the running around and just living life, I neglected myself in the process.

Now all this back history I shared is finally getting me to the point of realizing that now I have to get healthy for me..I have to do this for me. I didn't realize my triggers..When my emotions hit, I used to just reach for the food...mainly crackers..(dentist doesn't want me cracking ice anymore) And I would find myself just chomping away on the crackers unmindful of how many I had eaten. I knew I did this and really didn't know how to stop it..

This morning I set out 15 crackers (my allowance for the day) and when the nerves hit, I eat 1...I want these to last all day. Today is an emotional day for me and I really wanted to cram them in one after the other but knew if I did that my triggers would get me back in the box later. Since I don't do well with milk, I've decided to crunch on cereal dry. Of course it will be measured out and calories counted as well.

It feels good to get back logging my calories. It takes time and sometimes I'm resentful of the time it does take but it is necessary and will keep me from wanting to eat as well...fill my time in with other things besides thinking of food.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ZBMORGAN 2/26/2012 9:05AM

    I hear ya with the crunch - I've learned to develop a love for apples and baby carrots jst to stay a reasonable weight. it's hard, but realizing that the Thin in Wheat Thins meant the cracker, not me, was a big admission. Knowing yourself is half the battle - good job!

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TRAVELGRRL 2/25/2012 3:26PM

    Interesting that crackers are your vice too! Weird, isn't it? I can't even keep boxed crackers in the house and have been known to chow down a whole sleeve of saltines.

Knowing and acknowledging your triggers is the first step to conquering them, right? I hope the dry cereal does the trick!

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Night with the light house

Friday, February 24, 2012

Well had to sleep with this little clip on my finger last night to test to see if I quit breathing at night...D--- I know I have been cussing a lot lately but when you feel like a pincushion and mushroom at the same time and then what the H---is this thing they are doing to me next....Well get the little thing out last night to clip to my finger..told it wouldn't hurt or be uncomfortable...lied again...sounds like the mammogram horror stories doesn't it....well seeing as both my index fingers are knotted with arthritis....well you get the picture..OUCH!!!! Isn't even the word for it..it barely even fit the finger due to my swollen joint..but went ahead and was obedient (things your mom teaches you)...and clipped it on...Husband is there giving me advise..."well if it hurts just don't do it and tell them it hurt too bad"...I'm not the whimp that he is about pain so I suck it up...have him tape it down with the paper tape they kindly provided..course hubby did the taping as it is hard to do one handed..and being the macho man, he tends to tape it way way too tight...had him take all the tape back off and retape looser with him telling me you want it tight enough to stay on all night....well finally get it on and had sucked it up and as hubby had already hit the bed, I punch the button to turn the box on ....did I explain that I have to sleep with this box with wire and everything attached to my pinched finger...only to realize to my horror that the thing lights up and not only is bright enough to see around like a flashlight but it blinks...thinking to myself that I've attached a light house to my body.....I finally get in bed...have to do my usual routine of reading...finally manage to get comfortable and read long enough to get sleepy and start to put the tablet aside for the night with lights out...the d--- light house is just a blinking. Have to stuff it under the covers and keep my sleep mask on tight so I won't be bothered...but then where do I put the box while sleeping. Cord isn't quite long enough to put on night stand and even if I could, the blinking light house would keep me awake even through my sleep mask..so down between the covers...wound up snuggling to the hard light house like a teddy bear made of hard metal....course when you are testing something like this, it is amazing how much you wake up and try to control your breathing..Well as usual around 2a.m.....bathroom calls..haul the light house out and stumble to the bathroom only to realize how hard it is to pull your pjs and underwear down one handed..Strangely when I first woke the numbers on the lighthouse were really low but as I moved around the bathroom they went sky high...wondering if they are checking blood pressure too.....well back to bed...took about 30 minutes to get comfy again still trying to hide the light house, control my breathing and will myself back to sleep..so woke this morning around 7 so tired from just dealing with the light house...can't hurry enough to get the thing off my poor old finger joint that is now swollen worse than ever..and can't get the tape off...this paper tape is amazing stuff...finally cut if off and released my poor finger from it's prison..took me all of 15 minutes to remove it and the tape from the clip..but glad it is over. The medical supply company finally made it out to my house around 9:30....kind of got lost due to the fact that Google has our house listed in wrong spot on their maps...but made it he did and he kept commenting about how nice our house is...so gave him a tour of the entire house and it's remodeling we have done. O course this is the day I clean and it was so terrible with dust and clutter but he didn't seem to mind. I wanted to tell him about his crocodile clip but he was so nice I just didn't want to complain...Have a good laugh. Barb

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAZACK 2/25/2012 6:53AM

    I did indeed have a good laugh. In fact lots of laughs Now I'm more alert for my last hour plus to work tonight. I have been on since 5:45pm and now it is 5:45am.

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Today!!! A mixed bag!!!

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Well today was a mixed bag of emotions...First off, I woke to the most gorgeous day which turned into the most glorious days weatherwise...Just wanted to stay home and get outside and enjoy it..but alas wasn't to be.

I had my long awaited visit at the pulmonary clinic. First had to get xray. Then they steered me the wrong direction and I wound up in the hospital on fourth floor..which seemed like a mile away from where I was supposed to be...o well...at least I got a good walk in today...too bad it was indoors...Finally made it to the right office and they did the breathing test and checked all my records and updated it again (seems every time I go to a doctor they have to change everything and it is all supposed to be centralized on computer..Well met the doctor..can't pronounce his name...of course he was foreign but he didn't have an accent but you could tell he was really working to pronounce his words correctly..nice enough doctor..Well he said my lungs looked clear...never really said anything about the heart so I took it to mean it was ok too..so here is the diagnosis for the nagging cough...

Probably a combination of things...one I'm over weight (duh you didn't have to tell me something I didn't know), second it is probably partly allergies, sinusitis (due to the allergies), acid reflux (due to the weight problems) and I'm over weight....he repeated that I was over weight about a dozen times...well get the hint...I KNOW IT... so depressing..but he never suggested what to do about it...(then they never do)..then he gave me samples for a month of singulair..I have to go back in 5 weeks so I will run out before then and probably have to call if they are doing any good...then I had to go by a Medical supply place and pick up a thing to wear on my finger tonight to check to see if I stop breathing at night. Now I already have a time sleeping and am a light sleeper anyway so imagine I won't get much sleep tonight..At least being an electronic thing, I will get the results back by tomorrow afternoon..

Second round of testing comes next week with a lovely colonoscopy..no food what so ever on Monday and have to drink the lovely Miralax..and already have the "trots"...but at least it won't be much different than what I'm going through normally right now..I need all this "fixed."

So here is my plan. ( I always seem to have big plans but whether I follow through or not is a different story)...I plan to really do my calorie count every day and try to get some walking in every day even it is only 10 mintues. Then I'm going to try to cut out my fat calories starting with my creamer in the mornings...I want to have lost quite a bit of weight before I have to go back to this doctor I saw today and have them comment that I've lost some weight...wish me luck..

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAZACK 2/24/2012 11:09AM

    Sorry you didn't find out more but also a few things were eliminated which is good. At least you could understand your doctor. My doctor is a little more discreet about saying I need to lose some weight. Like giving me a number that is only half of what I know I need to lose.

The prep for my last colonoscopy was different. I had to drink lots of fluids the day before the exam and then nothing after I started drinking the 2 quarts of laxative when powder mixed with water. Much easier than what I had before.

Comment edited on: 2/24/2012 11:18:06 AM

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lagging behind

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Yep lagging behind here. I need to get on the ball and start posting my ups and downs...they have mostly been down lately. Since last post have not been doing that well physically. Between cough and bowel problems, not had much fun. Finally went in about a month ago for yearly physical...2 of my liver functions are off..have appointment this Thursday with pulmonary clinic to hopefully get to the bottom of this cough. (probably allergies) but it has been going on too long. Seems it started up terribly 2 years or so ago when started blood pressure meds..they switched them and it helped some but still continue to have the naggy cough. Then the bowel problems seems to have gotten so bad in last couple years. I had bad bout about 2 years ago and liver functions were off then..found out I have enlarged liver but they seemed to think the gall bladder was ok since I don't have gall stones..but got new doctor this year and she is on the ball. I have a colonoscopy scheduled for next week which I don't look forward to the preliminarys leading up to it but after this is done, they may check the gall bladder out again better than before and also will be sent to gastrologist. As it is, I can't plan any trips or long outings due to the fact I need to be near a toilet..just hate it..then it starts depressing me..I'm usually so upbeat but these issues seem to be wearing me down. And you would think with as little as I can eat I would be losing weight but alas...nothing!!!! still weigh the same. Something has to give. Exericising is almost out the question with the RA in the joints and having to be near the bathroom...well I have managed to get short walks around the outside of the house some..I know this will get better (at least hope it will) and will continue to hope for the best.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PENNY425 2/22/2012 11:13AM

  im so sorry for your health issues. my prayers and thoughts are with you. dont give up.

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MAZACK 2/21/2012 7:53PM

    I get tired of coughing also. Lisinipril is one of the blood pressure meds that will make me cough.

I was so glad when I got my bowel problem all straightened out back in August when I was in the hospital for nearly a week on IV antibiotics and then on oral antibiotics for 6 weeks. My husband has ulcerative colitis so that really has an effect on our travel plans at times.

I hope the doctors can get you all straightened out.

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TRAVELGRRL 2/21/2012 5:51PM

    I'm so sorry for your health issues! Certainly isn't any fun, is it?

My husband takes lisinipril (generic) for his blood pressure, and it is responsible for that chronic cough. But unfortunately it works well for the hbp so he doesn't want to switch.

Hang in there, things will get better!

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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

One of my teams has a challenge to complete your crafting UFO's before the end of the year. I have 5 I listed I want to finish. I just finished this heritage piece to honor my mother's side of the family. I plan to make another for my father's side next.

A little background. The cross-stitch sampler is called "Coming to America" and depicts my grandparents and greatgrandparents immigrating to America through Ellis Island. My great grandparents were tailors and the first photo shows them in front of their tailor shop in Texarkana. My grandfoather worked for the railroad and my grandmother acted as nurse/doctor for the poor in their area of town. Their house was also marked for "good hearted woman" to the hobo's and they knew they could get a meal there. My grandparents had 18 children of which 14 lived to adulthood. My great grandparent's name was Larson and my grandparents name was Johanson but they changed it to Johnson. My grandmother and grandfather were 1st cousins. Second set of photos shows my grand parents and my mother. My mother's first name is Amalia but most called her Molly. My youngest granddaughter is named Amalia and called Molly after her. Her middle name is Belle and named for my grandmother on my dad's side of the family. I hope to do another heritage piece to honor my father's side of the family.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PULCHRI2DINOUS 2/10/2012 2:26PM

    That is beautiful!

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MARILYN432 11/1/2011 10:26AM

    Very nice!

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MAZACK 10/28/2011 10:39PM

    I have been working on a few UFO's. I have been getting some of mine all together. Yours sound so interesting and much more complicated than mine.

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ONENESSMOM 10/27/2011 8:58AM

    Congratulations on finishing one of your UFOs.


I like the heritage piece and the family history that goes with it.

Comment edited on: 10/27/2011 8:58:57 AM

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