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WALKINCHIK's Recent Blog Entries

Kindness of strangers

Friday, July 26, 2013

One of the unexpected yet lovely experiences on my journey of.weightloss, has come from the kindness of strangers. I am determined to be a success this time around. And while I realize "That if it's to be, it's up to me", I also realize that this journey can't be travelled alone if I am to be successful. So many times, I've tried to take this journey alone to only end up in one of its many pitfalls and failed.
Then last week, after a few short days of recommitting to my goals, I became so down on myself. I felt like once again I had failed myself. I was spiraling downward on that road to quitting like I had so many times before. I am so thankful for the lifeline that had come in the way of encouraging words and advice. My hope is that one day I can do the same for someone else.
Today, I am focused on positive behaviors, no matter how small, that will lead me to be successful. I now get that the poison I feed my mind is just as dangerous as the poison I sometimes feed my body.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBIGENE 7/26/2013 9:05AM

    Fall 7 times get up 8 !!! Never quit !!! Life in all it's glory has it's bumps and hurdles but we must be strong and pick ourselves up and just get going again. It may not be immediate sometimes it takes time to dust ourselves off but as long as we never quit we are a success. We have the tools we just have to use them. Stay Positive !!!

Keep getting up hon and always come to SP world where you will always find encouragement and inspiration to keep going !!!

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SLJWATTS 7/26/2013 7:45AM

    Being able to love yourself is a key.... one day when I was thinking about the golden rule of loving your neighbor as yourself... I began to realize that it was based on healthy self love- love yourself was in that rule- otherwise how ill you learn to love others... hmmmmmm... I love light bulbs going off

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YMWONG22 7/26/2013 5:41AM

  emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Feeling the shame of weight gain

Sunday, July 21, 2013

7/20 Today was not a good day. I didn't do what I wanted to do and I did what I didn't want to do. Will I ever change? How is it possible that the day starts off with good intention and ends up in disappointment. I say this as if I have no control over my actions. And somedays that's how I feel, like something has taken over me. So rather than exercise, I eat too much of a bad thing. Now I'm supposed to weigh myself tomorrow and probably wont see the results I was hoping for.
So after not exercising and eating too much, I got dressed for work and my FAT top fits tight on me. I am so ashamed, that I once again have no control over my impulses to the point that it has manifested as more fat on my body.
When will I learn to stop giving into behaviors that sabotage my success. I am my own worst enemy. All I can do is do better tomorrow. I did however eat some vegetables, I made a power smoothie with kale, cucumbers, spinach, blueberries, strawberries, chia seeds and coconut milk (unsweetened). Sounds gross but tastes really good. And I did drink water.
I have to remember how I feel right now and that maybe the next time I will resist giving into temptation. This tight shirt feels like I am wearing my badge of shame much like the scarlet letter. I wore this shirt on purpose so I don't forget how uncomfortable it feels to put on weight. Pain for me is sometimes good as a deterent to bad behavior. I want to remember for a long time the shame I feel right now.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLJWATTS 7/23/2013 9:27AM

    I agree with my other SP... what I heard in your blog is that you made 3 changes- a wonderful change that nurtured you and cared for your body...
1- you ate vegetables
2- you made an amazing power smoothie that fed your body...
3- you drank water

Celebrate your triple treat to you!!!! You are amazing, you are powerful and you are building a sense of love for yourself..

My goal for you for tomorrow- you are not allowed to say one nasty thing to yourself. you must treat yourself with respect and do something nice for you...

I find if I can't do anything else, just by getting my 8 glasses of water in resets me and gets me headed in a healthy direction.....

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SPARKCHANTAL 7/21/2013 4:57AM

    p.s., get that element 'shame' out of there! that's what's holding you up.

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SPARKCHANTAL 7/21/2013 4:56AM

    my mantra: if it feels good, do it!

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TJLANE3 7/21/2013 1:58AM

    Change is not easy and takes time. Your shame is very negative and is just another way to sabotage yourself. Concentrate on those good things you did today and build on it tomorrow even if today was less than yesterday. Build yourself up because you deserve it and keep marching on.

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One day at a time

Saturday, July 20, 2013

7/19: I think the hardest part of this journey is staying in the moment. Living each day, and building on my little triumphs and challenges as they arise. Challenge for me was getting through the day without eating junk. I found myself bargaining with myself, "OK just one more time AND THEN I will be good." I really wanted something sweet and fattening. Thank goodness for peanut butter. I have individual servings that I pay more for but it prevents me from eating half a jar. For me that was all I needed. Then I kept putting off my workout, but I made myself do it. I walked for only 30min and did 40 min of sculpt dvd. I find my body changes faster when I incorporate both. However, I realized I managed to not eat any vegetables for the whole day. Peanuts are a vegetable right? I know. Tomorrow is another day. I will do better.
I just wish I had a magic wand to make me skinny overnight. Oh well, no awards won for the day but at least I can put this day as done. I can check off the boxes, hence my little triumphs. Exercise..DONE, No junk for the day..DONE! Water...DONE! Phew! I made it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SOLOMUA 7/20/2013 4:00AM

    Congratulations babe, you got it going on! You're doing absolutely well cause you are recognizing what will work and what doesn't for you, and you are making ways in which to overcome them, without doing too much - or eating too much junk! We all wish that there was a magic wand, me even more so. I have a friend who's lost a lot of weight, and one of her comments were, "I don't want to go back there, cause it was so hard to get it off, and I'm not prepared to do that again - its too hard" so she works on maintaining her weight, she says its not easy, but it sure was easy than where she started off.

I'm like you, sometimes preparing for something is my main focus and not doing what I've prepared for. I mean how easy can we have it right? Food tracker tells us how many calories we can eat, and then gives us food we can track to try and keep within that calorie range. And then we have the exercise tracker which once we put in our preferences tells us which days we can work out and which days we can strength train and cardio train...we just have to click there and do the workouts.

But you are absolutely right...staying in the moment is the real challenge, cause one day we're awesome, ticking off all the boxes and then the next day we're not ticking anything. One of the tools that I've picked up from Spark is the "do one thing good for the week" even though you got so many other things going, you have to do one thing consistently for the week. I started with 8 glasses of water, then exercising, and then looking at what else was missing and incorporating them.

I guess if I stuck to it, I would be where I am supposed to be right now, but I fell off the wagon, and I'm getting back on - so well done on you, keep going, you're going to get there!!

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Day 2 Trying to get some momentum

Friday, July 19, 2013

I made it through the day, 7/18 without any junk food! I really didn't think much about it. I know its gonna get harder before it gets easier. I worked out for 1 1/2 hrs (30 min Jillian Micheals day 2 of body revolution and 60min of fitness walkin.. It was hot as hell outside, 85 degrees at 9am and very humid too. Today was not a good day for walking, my feet hurt, knees hurt, lower and upper back hurt all at the same time. But, I pushed through it, wasn't aiming to break any records, jsut wanted to check off the box. It took me 61:30 instead of 59:30 mins. I felt really sluggish because of the heat, the pain and excess weight. But I did it emoticon . Thank you, Lord! My plan to build on my success.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OHHHCHELLE 7/19/2013 8:18AM

    Knee pain and lower back pain? You sound like me. I suffer from both. Cudos for managing to do your workout anyway. Between the pain and the heat I'm afraid that I'll use them as excuses not to workout but you've inspired me to be active despite the difficulties that are against me. I couldn't walk but I pushed myself to do some upper body work.
Thanks for sharing your story and for the motivation.
Keep up the good work.

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KIM22211 7/19/2013 1:59AM

    96 degrees here today! ugh! I am impressed with that long workout! Good job!!

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Renewed motivation

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Yesterday I recommitted myself to my weightloss journey. I've been sliding down this slippery weightloss slope. I've regained 23 pounds since last on this site. I'm was so disgusted with my behavior. I have not exercised and eaten EVERYTHING and needless to say the weight did not creep on overnight. It has taken months of bad habits found. I think I've hit bottom. I can't regain all I've lost and I never want to see 300 ever again. I'm so embarrassed with myself.
But I have forgiven myself, I put on a 30min Jillian Micheal's DVD and exercised before going to work. At least, I did 30min better than nothing. Today is a new day. I plan to exercise and follow a carb eating plan. I gotta lose that spare tire around my middle. I sware I hate the apple shape. Its so ugly! On me at least. I would rather have a huge behind and legs any day of the week. (Thats just Me) Anyway, I am thankful for my health, so I will stop abusing my body. I will work on loving me everyday, just the way I am (Chicken legs and all). I have so much to be thankful for, namely I still have the ability to exercise.
I am thankful for the SPARK community for being there because I don't have anyone with whom I can share these horrible feelings. At least no one that really wants to hear it. At least i can put my feelings here. Even if no one reads it, at least its a place where like minded people come. So I am hopeful one day I will be of normal BMI.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KPSSART 7/18/2013 5:33AM

    You are not the only one recommitting yourself to loving yourself.

I'm sure you can do it. emoticon

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WESTCOASTGIRL2 7/18/2013 2:48AM

    I like the fact you started this blog all about recommitment. That's exactly where i'm at. Our issues may be different, but i too have recommitted myself today. It's time. We only live once. Today is the youngest you will ever be for the rest of your life. Your happiness and enjoyment of life depend on how your body feels. So if we start earnestly taking care of our bodies it stands to reason we will have the best chance possible enjoy the rest of our lives, and our loved ones.


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