Friday, July 26, 2013
One of the unexpected yet lovely experiences on my journey of.weightloss, has come from the kindness of strangers. I am determined to be a success this time around. And while I realize "That if it's to be, it's up to me", I also realize that this journey can't be travelled alone if I am to be successful. So many times, I've tried to take this journey alone to only end up in one of its many pitfalls and failed.
Then last week, after a few short days of recommitting to my goals, I became so down on myself. I felt like once again I had failed myself. I was spiraling downward on that road to quitting like I had so many times before. I am so thankful for the lifeline that had come in the way of encouraging words and advice. My hope is that one day I can do the same for someone else.
Today, I am focused on positive behaviors, no matter how small, that will lead me to be successful. I now get that the poison I feed my mind is just as dangerous as the poison I sometimes feed my body.
Sunday, July 21, 2013
7/20 Today was not a good day. I didn't do what I wanted to do and I did what I didn't want to do. Will I ever change? How is it possible that the day starts off with good intention and ends up in disappointment. I say this as if I have no control over my actions. And somedays that's how I feel, like something has taken over me. So rather than exercise, I eat too much of a bad thing. Now I'm supposed to weigh myself tomorrow and probably wont see the results I was hoping for.
So after not exercising and eating too much, I got dressed for work and my FAT top fits tight on me. I am so ashamed, that I once again have no control over my impulses to the point that it has manifested as more fat on my body.
When will I learn to stop giving into behaviors that sabotage my success. I am my own worst enemy. All I can do is do better tomorrow. I did however eat some vegetables, I made a power smoothie with kale, cucumbers, spinach, blueberries, strawberries, chia seeds and coconut milk (unsweetened). Sounds gross but tastes really good. And I did drink water.
I have to remember how I feel right now and that maybe the next time I will resist giving into temptation. This tight shirt feels like I am wearing my badge of shame much like the scarlet letter. I wore this shirt on purpose so I don't forget how uncomfortable it feels to put on weight. Pain for me is sometimes good as a deterent to bad behavior. I want to remember for a long time the shame I feel right now.
Friday, July 19, 2013
I made it through the day, 7/18 without any junk food! I really didn't think much about it. I know its gonna get harder before it gets easier. I worked out for 1 1/2 hrs (30 min Jillian Micheals day 2 of body revolution and 60min of fitness walkin.. It was hot as hell outside, 85 degrees at 9am and very humid too. Today was not a good day for walking, my feet hurt, knees hurt, lower and upper back hurt all at the same time. But, I pushed through it, wasn't aiming to break any records, jsut wanted to check off the box. It took me 61:30 instead of 59:30 mins. I felt really sluggish because of the heat, the pain and excess weight. But I did it . Thank you, Lord! My plan to build on my success.
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