WILDXANGELS   13,873
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WILDXANGELS's Recent Blog Entries

i need a meeting

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Beginning to see and experience the difference between childish and child like. A childish 56 year old is not very pretty.
A child -like 56 year old is a beautiful creation of God. Full of love, trust. Compassion. Able to use her past drama in a positive way to help others.
That is my goal from this day forward.
To be consistent in my recovery. To learn self-discipline, especially around the food. And to remember that this is a WE program. I forget over and over again. God and I and you and I, together we get better. I am living proof that I can't do recover in the dark hiding from myself. WOW!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SMITHKRISTI 11/25/2014 8:08AM

    emoticon

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COOP9002 11/23/2014 2:15PM

    Thanks for the insight

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BUSYGRANNY5 11/23/2014 1:00PM

    Great blog!!!

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KNYAGENYA 11/23/2014 9:05AM

    emoticon

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GOLFGMA 11/23/2014 8:32AM

    His strength is sufficient . We need to trust Him and be mindful when we ask for help we believe the help will come. emoticon with help!

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ALEXSGIRL1 11/23/2014 7:35AM

    emoticon emoticon

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CETANISTAWI 11/23/2014 7:04AM

    emoticon Yup yup.

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TENNISJIM 11/23/2014 6:26AM

    Well said.

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BLONDEDOG 11/22/2014 10:17PM

    I like what you said about the different between childish and childlike....very good blog. You can do it!!!

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PATTYKLAVER 11/22/2014 7:39PM

    I need to talk to God more and really listen to him

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GURLNEXDOOR 11/22/2014 7:21PM

    AWESOME Post! I've been doing some soul searching lately and this post is just what I needed to enlighten me! Thank You! From a child-like 50 year old! :)

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SWEETNEEY 11/22/2014 6:09PM

    so true we got to remember that we can ask for help.

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FEELING BLUE

Friday, November 14, 2014

Today I'm feeling blue. I'm ready to not care about my diabetes any longer. By the time I lose weight and finally get a healthy control on my life I feel like I'll just be a sack of excess skin walking around. It really demotivated me. I overate tonight and didn't care about my sugars just to try and console my mind.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CTUPTON 11/20/2014 1:57PM

    I am sorry you are feeling down. I hope messages from your many spark friends will motivate you. Yesterday I felt like I could cry any moment. There are things you can do: be sure to get outside every day for one thing. You have come so far. What a great accomplishment. I will be checking to see if you are starting to feel better. chris

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OOLALA53 11/17/2014 8:50PM

    I affirm for you the strength to see past the ILLUSION that you don't care about healing your diabetes next time this thought comes. That is just the overeating habit talking, and it will say anything to keep itself alive. YOU are bigger than it, but it takes practice to see that. Just keep going!

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68ANNE 11/15/2014 7:10PM

    Wow, that was a great segment. Loose legs and rhythm right?

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KNYAGENYA 11/15/2014 7:35AM

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USMAWIFE 11/14/2014 10:40PM

    emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 11/14/2014 6:02PM

    your health is very important I am always feeling blue unless I get some exercise in that usually helps a nice walk with the ipod on uplifting music you are so worth it. hugs

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POSITIVEHOPE 11/14/2014 5:13PM

    Yes, our bodies and the body of our dreams might have been irreparably damage by our weight. It is sad to realize that we may have done this to ourselves. We did not truly know what we were doing.

Many times in life we realize that we can only make the most of what we have. I am living in a body that is stronger, more fit and healthier than the one I had a year ago. The skin on my arms often looks like a prune like I just took a long long bath. You know, it's not a bad trade. My heart and lungs are happier with my current weight and so am I. I love the feel of my strong thigh muscles when I go upstairs. I love the fact that I can do more things without my weight holding me back.

Healthy is better no matter what it looks like.



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BLONDEDOG 11/14/2014 3:19PM

    Oii! Feeling blue and overeating are such a vicious cycle, eh? One leads to the other and vice versa. Answer a question for yourself, do it every morning if you have to.

Is there anything you want to do for your health today?

The purpose of this exercise is to make a plan, just for the day. It doesn't have to be big, just something to help build your confidence. Come to my page and post a comment with your answer. I'll pose another question to you. Or you can send me a message via Sparkmail.

You can do this!

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CATTUTT 11/14/2014 2:38PM

    I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so lousy. I feel that way sometimes too. I hope you're able to shake off the blues and feel better soon!

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HOPEFULHIPPO 11/14/2014 11:53AM

    Sweetie, you are probably blue BECAUSE you overate :o)

get some rest, and tomorrow is a new day (well, actually today now) drink some water or tea, and brush those nasty cobwebs from your mind. You are beautiful. You are great. Now get out there and make this day YOURS

emoticon

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ITSMESHE 11/14/2014 10:59AM

    We all have moments of despair and thoughts of giving up on ourselves. Take a few minutes to wallow in those feelings and then remember that you are a unique and special person with many friends who care about you.
You can do this and your health is important.
Just keep trying. Remember that you are worth the effort you must put forth to be successful on your Spark journey. Have faith in yourself and your ability to be successful. Stay focused on your goals, determined to reach them, and positive that you will.
You're not on this journey alone - I'm right by your side.
emoticon Sheila

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PATTYKLAVER 11/14/2014 10:12AM

    Your skin is resilient. My daughter uses Bio Oil on her and loves what it does. I am a believer in Avon's Moisture Therapy line and good old coconut oil. I thought you had to get coconut oil at a specialty store like GNC. When I went in looking for it, the guy told me that he buys it at the grocery store. I get a large jar for about $6.00.

Take time to pamper yourself and it will help your spirits. You're worth it.

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SIRIUS2014 11/14/2014 8:43AM

    Honey, I'm hoping and praying you will care about you. I live with my diabetic sister and I know it is a terrible disease that causes emotional ups and downs too. Her sugar levels are hard to control. Keep trying to make choices that won't get you too elevated. Today is a gift. You are loved. emoticon

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HMCCRAY1969 11/14/2014 8:29AM

    skin will shrink or you can have it surgically removed, but uncontrolled diabetes can hurt you beyond repair. If you care about yourself you will get control. call and talk with a positive friend or family member. try a light box it has helped me. do some kind of exercise, meditation or prayer.
emoticon emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 11/14/2014 7:56AM

    Today is a new day and hopefully you will be ready to care. We all have tough times. emoticon

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SMITHKRISTI 11/14/2014 7:54AM

    emoticon

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JULIA_211 11/14/2014 7:24AM

    I understand your feelings. I have my blue days too. It might help to focus on the health aspect of this journey right now, what's important is your health. emoticon emoticon

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BUSYGRANNY5 11/14/2014 6:51AM

    Bless your heart... go ahead and give yourself some time to be blue... wallow a bit... but then you MUST step up and try again.. you can do this!

Blessings!

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MY MOM IS REALLY GONE

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

I woke up and for just a fleeting moment I forgot you are gone from this world,I can't steal my own car to come and see you or call you on the phone to hear your voice.It will be a whole month gone by tomorrow.I would give anything if I could do that for just One more day. feeling devastated.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BELTONWALKER67 11/24/2014 9:04AM

    emoticon

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CTUPTON 11/20/2014 1:59PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

chris

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OOLALA53 11/17/2014 8:46PM

    Sounds tough. Wish I could soften the pain.

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KALANTHA 11/13/2014 9:41AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JULIA_211 11/13/2014 6:12AM

    I am so sorry for your loss! emoticon emoticon

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ITSMESHE 11/12/2014 7:54PM

    emoticon You are in my prayers.
Sheila

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ALICEART2010 11/12/2014 11:50AM

    My mom died in 2012. I feel your pain. I'm very sorry.

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LADYHAWKES 11/12/2014 9:55AM

    HUGs and prayers for your overwhelming emotional loss. I can't even imagine how you feel, but praying for comfort and a knowing that she is still with you, in your heart and memories, and all the wonderful things she taught you.

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TENNISJIM 11/12/2014 6:25AM

    sorry to read this blog. hugs.

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CETANISTAWI 11/11/2014 10:02PM

    emoticon

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BJUMPINGFORJOY 11/11/2014 9:23PM

    So sorry for your loss. I miss my mom and it has been a long time since she past a way.

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DTHOR6 11/11/2014 7:30PM

    So sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. I am sure that your mom is watching over you. emoticon

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ALIHIKES 11/11/2014 6:19PM

    So sorry for your loss. I still miss my mom (she died 5 months ago)


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NEVERORNOW 11/11/2014 6:11PM

    emoticon Be thankful for the happy memories and the relationship you shared with your mom. You are blessed far beyond those of us who don't have either of those.

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ALEXSGIRL1 11/11/2014 3:46PM

    so very sorry for your loss hugs and prayers

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STITCH4EVER 11/11/2014 3:35PM

    I TOO AM GETTING COSE TO LOSING TWO FAMILY MEMBERS - ONE OF THEM MY DAUGHTER. THERE AE NO WORDS TO SAY WHAT KIND OF DEVASTATION THAT DOES TO YOUR LIFE. NO MATTER THE NUMBER OF FIGHTS YOU MAY HAVE HAD OVER THE YEARS OR ANYTHING THAT WAS SAID, YOU WOULD STILL TAKE IT ALL BACK FOR JUST ONE MORE DAY ......
ERIN

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NELLIEC 11/11/2014 3:33PM

    Yes, it is hard! My mom passed away over 46 years ago, and I still miss her.

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COOP9002 11/11/2014 2:54PM

    Praying for you during this difficult time.

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CRAMPERELLA 11/11/2014 12:50PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am so sorry for your loss! Be good to yourself as you begin the grieving process.

emoticon



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CATTUTT 11/11/2014 12:37PM

    So very, very sorry for your loss.

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MISSROCKABILLY 11/11/2014 12:25PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. My mom passed away 6 months ago and I miss her every day. Hang in there and be gentle with yourself.
emoticon

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FORZACHANDMATT 11/11/2014 12:08PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss but Thanks for this blog because my mom is very sick in the ICU on a ventilator and although, she is stable, the whole process is very emotional and we know we may lose her. It helped me to read this and the responses to help me confront what I'm facing right now

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IAMWINNING 11/11/2014 10:34AM

    My condolences, but most of all my prayers go out for you. Both of my parents have gone on to Heaven; Dad in 1995 and Mom in 2011, but I sometimes still wish I could hug them and talk with them, sharing something in my life. I'm comforted by knowing that they are in Heaven, and that one day I, too, will be with them there.

PATTYKLAVER is right; be prepared, because the firsts are always harder......first birthday, anniversary, holidays, and so on. But you CAN get through them, and while the sense of loss never goes completely away, it becomes less difficult to bear as time goes on. That doesn't mean you love your Mother less - it just means you are learning to handle your grief.

Don't let anyone tell you that you 'should be over that by now.' Everyone is different and only you can decide when you move from one stage of grief to another.

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2BTHINMAMMA 11/11/2014 9:58AM

    So sorry for your loss. Will be praying for you! Cry out to the Lord knowing that He cares and will help you. Dive into the Bible and memorize verses that are helpful to you. I'm in the process of watching my Mom decline and that's what is helping me right now. That and I have a good cry here and there. emoticon

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-BERN- 11/11/2014 9:33AM

    The holidays will be different this year, be kind to yourself, but not too kind. Hang in there! Bern emoticon

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DANCINCAJUN1 11/11/2014 9:21AM

    so very sorry for your great loss

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BLONDEDOG 11/11/2014 9:17AM

    I am definitely thinking about you.

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RYDERSAUNT14 11/11/2014 9:01AM

    emoticon for your loss. I lost my Mom 9 years ago to Pancreatic Cancer and I miss her. Thanksgiving and Christmas were big holidays for her. Our first Thanksgiving without Mom and my sister and I almost lost it. emoticon emoticon

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PATTYKLAVER 11/11/2014 8:55AM

    My Dad left his body 28 years ago on Monday. I word it that way because I still feel his presence around me. I still talk to him and write him letters. I, too, would love to just give him one more hug, one more kiss, hear his voice, and just be with him. I know I will eventually, but it sure is hard waiting.

With it only being one month, you are still in the grieving process. A wise friend of mine reminded me that it takes four seasons to really start healing. You must go through the firsts: the first of each holiday, the first birthdays, the first anniversary. Denial, anger and then acceptance all play a part in this process. Anger was the hardest for me. As a religious person, it was hard to sit in church and try to deal with the anger. But I persisted. I ended up going to a different church and that helped. Things will fall into place for you. Listen to your heart talking to you and you will hear your Mom.

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 11/11/2014 8:50AM

    emoticon

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GYPSYJEWEL 11/11/2014 8:41AM

    its been 2 1/2 years for me the deep burning breath taking pain of mom being gone has subsided but i do still miss her and i do still dream of her and wake up realize that shes gone but for those precious dreaming moments shes there and i can feel her there and I'm so thankful for those few seconds to see her and feel her hugging me i know your pain and i promise it will be easier one day you just have to keep going and please know that you can contact me anytime emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 11/11/2014 8:21AM

    emoticon

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KNYAGENYA 11/11/2014 8:13AM

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NON SCALE VICTORY

Friday, November 07, 2014

Would appreciate comments on the No Scale Victories. I think I just had a huge breakthrough in being able to admit I am powerless and my life is unmanageable and that I really do need God and OA. And help. By the grace of God I didn't run to the food when things didn't meet my expectations. And instead of beating myself up with food I was able to walk through the fear of people and ask for help.
My mind tried to do what it always does -run and hide in the sugar. But for some reason I had the courage to tell it to take a hike. Feels very selfish, very, very self-centered.
This voice has been saying to me "Who do you think you are? You are nothing!You don't deserve to be healthy, happy. You have to suffer and be alone and unloved!" I don't know where my mind learned that but I rebuke that belief because I'm pretty sure God loves me. Fat or thin. Smart or stupid. Saint or sinner. And that's what I'm going to believe. God does not lie! I lie, but God's nature is Truth and Love. god is Love. Why can't I get that?
No Scale Victories happening here I think.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

68ANNE 11/10/2014 12:29PM

    I had a hard time shuttng that voice up but with practice it gets dimmer and easier to quiet

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BLONDEDOG 11/10/2014 9:35AM

    It sounds like you really did make a break through. What is your next step?

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SALAM4545 11/9/2014 10:30PM

    Who cares about a scale victory? You triumphed over your own fears! That is a much bigger thing than a pound or two! So congratulate yourself, revel in it, and remember how good it feels the next time you are faced with a challenge!

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LYNNIEFRAN 11/9/2014 9:21AM

    emoticon That's a huge step! Good for you!

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COOP9002 11/8/2014 2:40PM

    your ability to hear the voice of reason crying out from within you is a major victory.

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ALEXSGIRL1 11/8/2014 1:02PM

    emoticon amen

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PATTYKLAVER 11/8/2014 10:59AM

    Hmmm...that voice has entered my head, too! Let's take it out and shoot it! Or at least tar and feather it! I try to concentrate more on reading the Bible and spiritual things and then journaling on them. It helps...when I do it. Gotta get back in the habit.

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KNYAGENYA 11/8/2014 10:06AM

    Don't let the little voice win. Feel free to duck tape its mouth. You deserve to be happy and healthy.

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SMITHKRISTI 11/8/2014 7:18AM

    emoticon

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MSLZZY 11/8/2014 6:28AM

    You found something that felt just right for the place you are in. A definite victory.

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TENNISJIM 11/8/2014 6:20AM

    Well done. Congratulations.

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TORTISE110 11/8/2014 5:43AM

    Your awareness and decision to choose help over sugar is way beyond selfish. It is what a grown up does. You rock!

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USMAWIFE 11/8/2014 12:13AM

    emoticon you did very well

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-BERN- 11/7/2014 10:55PM

    I do like OA, and recommend it highly. The phone meetings were/are the most helpful for me. I have attended meetings but they just didn't jell with me like I was hoping. That's where SparkPeople came to the rescue.

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DJ4HEALTH 11/7/2014 9:53PM

    emoticon emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 11/7/2014 9:45PM

    I'm glad you chose to be healthy!! emoticon

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BACCAGIRL 11/7/2014 7:25PM

    Congrats on that huge victory of taking care of Self! God Does love you and will always! If you keep telling yourself that you are as important as He finds you and keep telling those sugary foods to "take a hike", you will see those Scale victories, backed by many Non scale victories fly into your life! He does love you fat or thin, sinner or sinless, smart or challenged and all other challenges or misgivings!

Focus on who God is right now: seek Him and you will find and remain found!

In His Love, Becci

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STEVEN2GO2 11/7/2014 6:58PM

    It may have not been a emoticon victory. It was a FAITH VICTORY! GOD GAVE YOU THE STRENGTH TO AVOID THE OLD HABIT OF TURNING TO SUGAR & THE COURAGE TO REACH OUT AND OBTAIN HELP FROM OTHERS! I too use to have a hard time reaching out for help from others. One ah-ha moment In realized we are all CHILDREN of GOD, here to be helped and to help each other! Oh by the way GOD DOES LOVE YOU!!!

emoticon MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU!!!

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GERIKRAGH 11/7/2014 6:33PM

    Amen.

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ANOTHER NEW DAY

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Not going to eat over today, but I do want to curl up into a ball and stay in bed all day. Sometimes the emotional pain is all consuming enough that I dont feel hungry for once. I think weekly therapy would help. Been resistant until now because I just figured life was life and I should be able to suck it up. But after working on my OA steps and realizing my life truly is unmanageable, not on the outside, but inside... me...myself...my thoughts...my own self destructive behavior is unmangeable for me to live. I want self worth again, I want inner peace, I want to find joy in living each day. I grateful for OA and to have hope again that someday I will be free. Thanks for letting me share and get this off my chest. Thanks for giving me a safe place to share my thoughts

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNYAGENYA 11/7/2014 8:47AM

    emoticon

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68ANNE 10/30/2014 6:12PM

    You need it? you've got it here

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STITCH4EVER 10/30/2014 4:25PM

    I ONCE BELONGED TO OA TOO. BUT I FOUND FAR MORE OF WHAT WORKED FOR ME RIGHT HERE ON SPARK. AND I AM DOWN 90 POUNDS.
ERIN

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BLONDEDOG 10/30/2014 10:42AM

    So proud of you for giving therapy some consideration. It isn't easy to admit you need/want help, but it's so rewarding when you do. Do you already have someone in mind to go to?

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MSLZZY 10/30/2014 9:34AM

    emoticon

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TENNISJIM 10/30/2014 6:03AM

    One day at a time. One step at a time. You can do it.

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WILDOLIVE1 10/30/2014 12:41AM

    If therapy is an option for you I hope you take it up and that it helps you ... our thoughts and the weight we give our emotions can really impact our lives so much; that any extra help is good

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ANGGEL40 10/29/2014 10:46PM

    emoticon God Bless!

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CATTUTT 10/29/2014 9:18PM

    I think therapy sounds like a great idea. Sometimes it makes all the difference in the world. Good luck!

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DTHOR6 10/29/2014 8:11PM

    emoticon Therapy may very well be a good option for you. Sometimes we all need someone to talk to that is on the outside of a situation.

Hugs!

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ALEXSGIRL1 10/29/2014 7:41PM

    emoticon emoticon

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 10/29/2014 7:12PM

    emoticon

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MORTICIAADDAMS 10/29/2014 7:00PM

    I think therapy is a great idea. I hope you get some help soon.

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FNIGHT 10/29/2014 6:09PM

    It sounds like you're making some healthy choices. For myself I'll probably be fighting the sad=eat, happy=eat, worried=eat, not hungry=eat equations forever. The first step is to identify the challenge and the second one is to take action.

You can do it.

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COCK-ROBIN 10/29/2014 6:00PM

    emoticon I'm here for you.

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PURPLEPEONY 10/29/2014 5:46PM

    emoticon

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IAMWINNING 10/29/2014 5:35PM

    Depression is pretty much impossible on our own. Talking with a psychiatrist can only help. Many, many people need that help - it's nothing to be ashamed of, so there's no reason to not get that help.
emoticon

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NEVERORNOW 10/29/2014 5:21PM

    emoticon emoticon

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