Monday, August 15, 2011
I haven't dared to approach the scale in the last week or two.
I injured my knee, probably from not stretching properly and pushing too hard too fast with regard to fitness, about two weeks ago.
Really depressing! And I haven't exactly gone back to my old eating habits, but I haven't been tracking, I know my water consumption has gone way down, and I haven't been thinking about what I eat either.
Time to put the breaks on this downward spiral before I eat myself back to the start line! I don't want that! I've worked too hard! My knee is getting better, and maybe I can't exercise, which is what was depressing me so, but I don't have to throw up my hands in terms of eating habits!
So, just checking in. I don't know how much I've set myself back, but funnily enough it was my feet that really scared me. They were getting boney from weight loss, actually looking like feet again. And tonight I looked down at them and they looked swollen . . . probably too much sodium and not enough water--but it scared me enough to try to get it back together.
Wish me luck! Hope everyone is doing well!
Saturday, July 09, 2011
The last few days haven't been that great in terms of overall wellness. The scale is still going down, but I'm all catywampus with regard to my schedule, and I probably didn't handle my eating properly. I'll explain what happened, and then anyone who reads is welcome to give suggestions as to how I could handle this better in the future.
My day usually begins at about 6pm and ends at about 10am. But Friday (yesterday) was my Dad's 80th birthday, and my siblings and I were in charge of planning and preparing the menu.
Now lately, since I've been working out and eating differently, I find that I need a LOT more sleep, seemingly. Like, 8 hours or more. Before, I could force myself to get up after 5 or 6 hours, but now that's just not an option. That said, I'd intended to go to the grocery store for fixings Thursday evening. But I slept until 9, the store closes at 9:30, and I just couldn't make it. Skipped my strength training scheduled for Thursday because I just didn't feel like it. I just started work instead. No excuses there, except over-scheduled and stressed. That's something I can rectify, so I'm not too worried about that.
The party was Friday evening.
I decided I'd end work early Friday morning, and go to the store when it opened at 8am, which I did. But there was just no way I could prepare the things I'd agreed to prepare AND sleep. So I didn't.
And I didn't work out Friday either, which was a scheduled day. I shopped and cooked instead.
I had eaten within my budget with a little wiggle room by the usual time (around 8 am--I eat every 2-3 hours, and like to stop eating a couple of hours before I go to bed), had a CLIF bar (not really a fan, but it did in a pinch) at around 11 (still within my eating budget), tasted the full-fat from scratch buttermilk ranch dressing I made (probably earned a few grams of fat there, but still within my budget), and then scrambled off to the party at around 5:30.
There, at around 6:45pm, I ate some chicken breast that had been grilled in the skin (tried to peel off the skin but it was pretty well soddered to the meat, so I just tried to eat under the first layer) and tasted really salty (sodium probably ratcheted up there a little), and a plateful of the salad I'd brought (kale, romaine, red leaf, and butter lettuce from my garden! Yay!) a couple Tablespoons of kalamata olives, and about 3 Tablespoons of that full-fat buttermilk ranch I'd made. And I didn't log anything after the CLIF bar. Because I didn't know where to do so, and frankly I was just so tired and hot, I didn't care.
I was eating the chicken and salad around the time that I'm usually getting up, and after an 8 hour gap since the last time I ate, and no sleep since Thursday morning. But then I came home at around 9:30 and was dead to the world by 10. I ate my breakfast this morning at around 7:30am. So where should that chicken and salad go, though I'd be estimating anyway? On today's log, though there was a space of about 8 hours between that meal and breakfast? Or yesterdays, even though it was eaten during a time that usually would be my first meal of the day, and with about an 8 hour gap between it and the CLIF bar? Or should I just call it a wash and start over today?
Any suggestions as to how I could have handled all that differently? Especially food-wise.
I know what to do about the workout. I'm doing it today. It's Saturday, so it still counts toward the week total. But the rest--thoughts? Yes, I know I will be scolded for failing to sleep. I just didn't know how to make it work.
Other than that, things still continue to change, in my head, on my palate, and yes, on the scale. I'm starting to get that feeling where when I don't work out, I feel . . . icky. So I'm looking forward to my walk today. And I don't find myself craving sweets or fatty foods. And I NEED a lot of water. Why didn't I need water this much before, I wonder?
Hope all of your days are going well!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
So, my new scale arrived today. I love it! It's the type, or at least caliber, you find in doctor's offices, and it's scientifically calibrated or some other impressive thing, with a mountable digital display. You can see a link to it in my blog post, "Planned Purchases To Support My Goals".
I'd been sort of disregarding what my other scale said about my weight because I knew it was old, had been splashed with water a few times, and I had to turn that little wheel and push on it several times to get it to zero out. And even then I couldn't be sure what it was telling me was true.
But I didn't realize it was going to be off by ten pounds.
That means I was actually at 265 when I started here at Spark. 270 when I started eating clean the week before. And 250.4 now, not somewhere around 240 as the analog (is that what you call it?) scale told me.
Was I disappointed a little? Did I panic momentarily? Yes.
Did it last? Did it make me want to eat a bag of jellybeans? No! I'm okay, actually!
And this evening, after 8 or 9 months of paying 2/3 of the rent while looking for a third roommate and finally finding one, the roommate I already had told me she's moving out. It was supposed to be that as of June 1, the lease for the next year was valid, but apparently my landlord is working with her.
Was I angry at first? Yes.
But then I realized, whether I end up back at square one as far as paying 2/3 of the rent again or not, that this is a blessing in disguise.
I'd considered this original roommate to be a friend--we went to massage school together--but over the months she's lived here, let's just say I haven't gotten much of what I expected or asked for in a roommate, and have been disappointed in what I thought I had in regard to a friendship.
The thing I'll miss the most about her is her cat. We've bonded. But the new roomie has a cat too! Hee hee!
So. Momentary setbacks. But all is well! The battle continues, and now it looks like the victories have room to become even sweeter!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Hee hee! I'm tickled pink!
I wouldn't want to characterize myself as superstitious, because that seems to have a negative connotation. I'd rather say that I'm receptive to most ideas about the sacred. So I was excited when I walked out onto the porch this morning and saw a dragonfly clinging to the ropes that suspend one of my hanging flower pots.
I decided to come inside and look up what ideas and mythology are associated with the dragonfly, and the ideas fit so well I decided to post them here (well, excerpts, with a link to the article if you'd like to read more):
The Meaning of a Dragonfly: What Does a Dragonfly Symbolize?
**Maturity and a Depth of Character**
"The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life. "
**Defeat of Self Created Illusions**
"The dragonfly exhibits iridescence both on its wings as well as on its body. Iridescence is the property of an object to show itself in different colors depending on the angle and polarization of light falling on it.
This property is seen and believed as the end of one’s self created illusions and a clear vision into the realities of life. The magical property of iridescence is also associated with the discovery of one’s own abilities by unmasking the real self and removing the doubts one casts on his/her own sense of identity. This again indirectly means self discovery and removal of inhibitions."
**Focus on living ‘IN’ the Moment**
"The dragonfly normally lives most of its life as a nymph or an immature. It flies only for a fraction of its life and usually not more than a few months. This adult dragonfly does it all in these few months and leaves nothing to be desired. This style of life symbolizes and exemplifies the virtue of living IN the moment and living life to the fullest. By living in the moment you are aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t and make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis.
This ability lets you live your life without regrets like the great dragonfly."
**The Opening of One’s Eyes**
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Considering the fact that I've maybe seen a dragonfly one or two other times in my life, and that it was when I was in the country or camping somewhere, not in the city where I live . . . I can't help but relate this visit to the changes I am seeking to make in my life right now, and the fact that it's about so much more than what the scale ends up saying from day to day.
Sure, it could just be an odd coincidence. I wouldn't even argue with the naysayers who'd insist that it's far more likely that than anything mystical. But . . . it means a lot more to me just the same.
May there be lots of dragonflies in your future!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Random, and brief, but for posterity . . .
Usually by 4 in the morning (I work overnight), I can't wait to take my bra off. Sorry to be indelicate, but I'm sure there are those of you who can relate. Anyway, usually by then the elastic feels as if it's scratching and gouging the skin on my ribs and underneath my breasts. Taking my bra off signals the downtrend toward sleep.
It's 6am, bra is still on, and I am perfectly comfortable.
Also, hello there, cheekbones! Long time no see!
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