Wednesday, April 02, 2014
In case you were waiting... Here is a video someone else made about going, doing, starting. It has bad words, so if you don't like that don't listen to it.
ZeFrank on You Tube
I'm overwhelmed at work.
I'm feeling very trapped.
I work so hard and am so awesome every day.
(People even say so.)
But it is not enough.
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
My own understanding of "self-love" was twisted the same way a bud pirouettes before unfolding into a beautiful blossom.
Thanks to the app SuperBetter, I realize that all that "self-love" and reserves of appreciation have degraded a little bit. Because if it hadn't, this little 30 second experiment wouldn't have made me cry.
YOUR QUEST: Love yourself as much as you can no matter what is going on. You can love yourself for thinking this Quest is stupid. You can even love yourself for not being able to love yourself.
1. Picture a person or experience you know you love for sure.
2. Now beam that same quality of love at yourself.
Now, listen: I can love intensely. The depth of joy that spontaneously springs forth, unbidden, when I think of my favorite person, or the excitement at unexpected encounters with sea wildlife, or the quiet heartbreaking affection I feel for my favorite cat-quaintance is unfiltered, and each has no distinguishable boundaries. My love is free and flows forth happily to them.
I was swinging my wildly through those emotions, one followed by the next in a 30 second swipe that left me breathless. I almost can't handle that pointed myself.
And I thought about how grateful I am to feel that at all. Once upon a dark time, years ago, numbed by depression, I wouldn't have been able to let any of the highs flow over me, because the descent into the lows were too much to bear.
In this case, it was a good realization to know that I need to do a little bit of positive self care. Knowledge is power, after all!
Sunday, February 23, 2014
One more video... I want to save this.
"You would dream where you are now...
You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today."
Sunday, February 23, 2014
I have friends who are running at Ragnar Del Sol (Arizona) this weekend. My Facebook has their posts. ..
Heather (NEWSGIRL2177) rocks her workouts at Kaia...
Anja (4A-HEALTHY-BMI) just got back from her kayaking trip in Antarctica...
I am lucky to be surrounded, virtually, by my friends that are thinking about healthy living, pushing themselves to engage physically, and move forward in their accomplishments. That's one of the biggest things I missed last year from not being on Spark.
It was easy for me to slip further and further away from the thoughts of making exercise a priority in my life. Not having enough time, being tired or sick.. the normal excuses popped up. And once they wedged themselves as a barrier between me and taking action, it seemed even less within my reach.
This video about people sharing intimate thoughts and life insights while running reminds me that running is just a part of life.
Running isn't the point of this video. But so many people see that activity as being entirely out of reach. Being BEYOND what they would even consider.
And yet, I've run for an hour straight. I jogged 3 miles. It was only a year ago, but it seems so o o o.... fa a a a a r... aw a a a a y.
You may see an ad for the camera... I see possibilities.
Whatever we want is within our reach. Sometimes we need to first grasp onto something that leads us farther down the path to what we want. I'm reminding myself that.
Anja was as big as my start weight, and she can do, and does things like this kayaking in New Zealand video.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
I've been dating the past couple of months and I feel like it's been healthy even though it's another diversion.
Someone told me, when I first started, that the best thing about dating is that you really learn about yourself. I found it to be prophetic. I still describe myself the way I was when most successful on Spark, even though I haven't kept up those habits in 2013.
My Spark still burns inside, waiting for me to provide more oxygen and grow brighter. Dating has helped me realize/face how much I miss many aspects of my life that bring me a feeling of accomplishment. I haven't dated that many men, but I've virtually met a lot of people, and dated enough to have the confidence that comes from acknowledgement of my attractiveness (okay, that sounds kind of clinical, but it's the most accurate).
I wanted this NOw- not another 100 pounds smaller, when the entire world is unfamiliar. Even though I'm already 100 pounds smaller from my largest, this is my body's comfort zone. After I re-lose the 30 pounds to my smallest adult weight (245), I'll be in uncharted territory. Now I'll have some dating experience to compare, and the knowledge that it isn't just my smaller body that is appealing.
I think I'm ready.
-I'm ready to value myself more completely.
-I'm ready to dive into complete devotion... to my healthy habits, to taking care of my body and my life.
Am I ready to fall in love again? -Definitely with myself. But I feel like there's some work left to make sure that I have an overabundance, to be overfilled enough to not rob from me when I love him.
In the meantime, I still want to meet people.
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