WOLFKITTY   65,793
SparkPoints
60,000-79,999 SparkPoints
 
 
WOLFKITTY's Recent Blog Entries

Giving Rewards

Monday, July 28, 2014

Partially to tuck away that last blog, I'm posting another right away that is a little more positive.

What does a reward minus a few gifts equal? More reward.

How can that be? Well, in hard numbers it looks like this:
$20 - $4.50 - $5 - $10.50 = Feeling rewarded

*I spent $4.50 buying a stranger coffee and breakfast, since all he could afford was the free water.
*I spent 2 hours with a dog that was running loose in the streets, and gave a neighborhood kid $5 after he recognized the dog and without hesitation ran down the street to show me where it lived.
*I spent $10.50 on a leash while I was waiting for the owners to call me back since they weren't home, and I was afraid the doggy needed water or treats or to go potty.

They gave me $20 when the dog was finally home. I tried to refuse it, but he insisted. It wasn't until later that I realized it was the perfect dollar amount for the gifts I freely gave to others. And yet, I am still the one who feels bestowed a gift. It may sound cliched or cheesy, but it's true.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DEBPRE16 7/29/2014 5:55PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ASHESS85 7/29/2014 9:04AM

    awwww you helped in some many ways! I've seen some people walk or drive right by a stray dog. I always stop, no matter what! emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KALISWALKER 7/28/2014 9:48AM

    What a great pay it forward!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINTPICKER 7/28/2014 9:19AM

    God blesses!! Great!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ONCEUPONABOD 7/28/2014 8:51AM

    Jocelyn,

You're AWESOME! I enjoyed both your blogs! You have courage and heart!

We will SUCCEED in our quest for health & fitness as long as we persevere! And, this much I can tell you, we're NOT quitters! We're DONE Girls! Let's get it DONE! I'm so DONE with my extra pounds and excuses. Can't wait to resume the journey with you my Sparktacular friend!

Yours truly,
Julie :o)

Report Inappropriate Comment
SNOOPYLINKOS 7/28/2014 7:39AM

    What cute little ears! You are his hero!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 7/28/2014 6:55AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


Gaining 2014

Monday, July 28, 2014

The end of the year is gaining on us.... But I've been gaining weight and losing fitness in 2014.

I'm between 290-293, up from my lowest in 2012 of ...I don't even remember what my lowest weight was. :-/ Oh wait! I had shirts made. I know at one point I was 245. The thing is that between 245 and 275, where I hovered while I maintained my -100 pounds for a few years wasn't mentally very difficult for me.

I haven't been at my -100 pounds benchmark for more than a couple months this year. It took awhile for my muscle mass to drop, and I think the increasing body fat % made up for it until I bent down and realized that it's almost as hard to tie my shoes at 292 as it was at 375+, my highest.


Then

And now 292. (Edit: Nope. 298 per scale this a.m.)


It's hard to let that accomplishment, that milestone, go. It's hard not to be able to say to new people that I've lost 100 pounds. 20 pounds make such a difference that I no longer automatically think that I've lost more than 80 pounds because I'm still focused on what I've gained. And guess what? It doesn't make me motivated to go walk. It doesn't assist me in choosing healthy foods, or getting enough sleep, or reducing my stress. Not a big surprise.

That's not how I lost 135 pounds. I need to accept this chapter of my story, and move forward.

I got some workout bras this weekend, to overcome one of the challenges and limits of gaining the weight and decreasing lean muscle. As it turns out, I got them in the same size as the largest bra I own and was wearing - probably at least 1 size too small, because I didn't realize I had stretched out that one.

That's a little bit of a wake-up call.
Before my divorce, I took solace in some Spark Messages I got from women I had admired, so much so that I laminated them. They pop up every once in awhile, hidden in my wallet, in my purse, with receipts... Just, everywhere. I know they're supposed to be private, the messages that come with goodies. But here's one of my favorite.



Another chime in the wake-up alarm. When I wonder why my breathing is so hard or why I'm hurting so much, or why I can't find anything that seems to fit, I remember that I haven't been exercising consistently in a long time. I can't blame other people. I can't cry over not having a workout partner any more. I can't let myself keep having pass after pass after pass on accountability because I work so many hours. All of the 80 pounds I still have lost, those first 80, were from when I was stressed, and working long hours, and unhappy.

I chose to move. I chose to stretch. I chose to live. And I wasn't so much focused on what came before or what was to come, I was just working on feeling better in the now.

That is my goal.


I could be at my previous weight goal by next year with an average loss of 1.5/week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALOFA0509 7/30/2014 12:44PM

    Hey sista!!! I'm in the same boat right now. Moving 4ward, is the only way to go. I'm carrying the extra weight and it shows not just in my clothes but my confidence. emoticon Ive haven't lost Hope. The pilot light is just a weak flicker, but it's On.. emoticon Hugs to you my friend

Report Inappropriate Comment
MUSICALLYMINDED 7/28/2014 10:46PM

    I hope you get your groove back soon. I know how disappointing it is to gain back lost weight. It feels harder to lose than before :( Happy trails, my friend!

Report Inappropriate Comment
KIBAISREADY 7/28/2014 6:16PM

    I know how hard it is to admit the regain. I'm so glad that you have the strength to face it. I know you can do it again girlie! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 7/28/2014 6:19:19 PM

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALBURBRIDGE 7/28/2014 12:42PM

    Your post touched me because I've been in your shoes. I lost 100 pounds in 2010 and then gained it all back. I'm down now 115 so I was able to get motivated again, but it's really hard to own up to what you're doing to yourself WHILE you are doing it. I know so many of us have slips or detours on our weight loss journey. Just stop beating yourself up about it. It's fabulous you are still down 80 pounds and go from there. The healthy habits will feel familiar and I think you will surprise yourself how easily you slip back into the healthier lifestyle once you get started.

As far as not having the workout buddy... you weren't doing it for him originally so you definitely don't need anyone now. I have to tell myself that whenever my husband is tired and won't go walking with me. I have to be able to do this on my own, even though it's nicer to have a partner. I can't depend on him always being willing to exercise with me so my motivation has to come from within.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BEFIT_WITHGUSTO 7/28/2014 11:30AM

    I have faith in you, Jocelyn!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINTPICKER 7/28/2014 9:17AM

    Your strong and determined!! You rock and can do this!

Report Inappropriate Comment
GRETA242 7/28/2014 8:52AM

    You can do this (again).

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 7/28/2014 6:59AM

    I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL . IF I AM GOOD WITH MY DIET THEN I'M BAD WITH THE FITNESS PART. BUT I AM NOT GIVINGG UP. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
DAWNSMITH93 7/28/2014 2:39AM

    I spent the last part of 2013 gaining. It is hard after that wake up, but it gets better. Find your routine. Brush your teeth. Stretch. Walk. However you need to do it. Recently my motivation to get out and walk has wavered because my sweet walking buddy (my dog) passed on the 4th. She is missed but I choose to walk anyway. And every day it gets easier. I go a little faster. Each day may seem like a mountain, but the next day it will be one more success to check off! Keep at it!

Report Inappropriate Comment


Perfect 10 Gymnast

Thursday, July 17, 2014

youtu.be/GsrJ1jJuhjI

This LSU gymnast scores perfect 10s, not just this once, repeatedly.

Do you know how much coordinated muscle it takes to do that? I've never even been a gymnast but I love this video a SparkFriend posted on Facebook. I don't know about you but sometimes I forget that fitness comes in all shapes and sizes.

These thighs? Yeah... They weren't made to be on someone 6 feet tall. They're mine.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BORN2BMORE 7/20/2014 2:31AM

    That's amazing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
JILLYBEAN25 7/18/2014 11:51AM

    emoticon That was totally amazing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 7/18/2014 7:41AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINTPICKER 7/18/2014 6:48AM

    WOW!! emoticon She has been working her body for a long time to get to that level of fitness!! Thanks for sharing!

Report Inappropriate Comment
1HAPPYSPIRIT 7/18/2014 5:20AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
CMCLAIRE 7/18/2014 5:16AM

    How cool! Such a great routine.

Report Inappropriate Comment


I Paid That Debt

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Sometimes the universe gives you a swift kick in the pants. There was one tiny loose end still connecting me to my ex-husband... The bank account I opened when I was a teenager- My first bank account. MY account, until I unwittingly, very near the end, added him to it.

I didn't want to give up MY account just because we were divorcing. It had my history attached to it. I wanted the credibility.

So I created a justification (as I see it now, tonight). I left him on it with his agreement that he wouldn't use it, and the overdraft protection that was a debt would be consistently paid, giving him a better chance at a decent credit score. And in the intervening years that he's been living with his girlfriend, I kinda forgot about that aspect.

I procrastinated my way into disregarding it, and ignoring the vulnerability that it left me exposed to. Luckily, nothing really happened. But, speaking through his girlfriend, they stated they were just about to close the account without my permission (MY account), which would freeze all assets, including enough money that I had let accrue in the checking to pay the debt.

So after being incredibly outraged (almost in this order) that she dare try to nose in on my personal financial information; that he felt he had any right to anything I had; that either of them could threaten me with deadlines and theft; that I let myself get into that situation; that I didn't care for this sooner; that I was still engaging in something that I allowed myself to say was for him, allowing myself to indirectly indulge in the co-dependent "altruistic" behavior that I actively sought to escape... It goes on and on. Until, a few hours later, after I paid that debt and moved the rest of the money to my independent account, that I repeated over and over that this was for the best.

And it is.

I don't need to drag around that crap. I don't need it hiding, like a concealed weapon that I could use, or, more likely, have used against me. It doesn't even matter that he lies to her, that he doesn't "remember". He makes his own, twisted reality. And I seek truth. Nothing is more true than that account should be paid and closed.

And I am free of that debt.
Released.

As it should be.
I will get lighter every day, until my spirit flies.



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHELLEBELLE104 7/21/2014 12:57PM

    Great job letting go! Woohoo!

Report Inappropriate Comment
FITWITHIN 7/17/2014 8:36PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SYNKYTTEN 7/12/2014 11:08AM

  Bully for you LOVE!

How dare he think he has the right to do that after your talk.... shame.

Report Inappropriate Comment
JLPEASE 7/11/2014 2:44PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
KALISWALKER 7/11/2014 11:49AM

    Good for you. Move on bravely!

Report Inappropriate Comment
SAPHRAEL 7/10/2014 10:32PM

    Unload that burden and never look back! Hey, I just saw your video blog. It was really well done! By the way, I've taken up #30DaysofAwesome blogging, thanks to your suggestion!

emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
JILLYBEAN25 7/10/2014 7:48PM

    emoticon emoticon Enjoy that freedom!

Report Inappropriate Comment
MINEA999 7/10/2014 11:08AM

    Fabulous! Unburdening yourself from regret and resentment lifts a whole lot more off your shoulders than weight!

Way to go girl!

Report Inappropriate Comment
RENLLY 7/10/2014 10:58AM

    Awesome attitude. I was a little sad that I had to close my bank account from when I was 21 (because I had made it a joint account and you could not just "remove" my ex) when we separated - but I now have a shiny new account with no overdraft.

I have also paid off about $11,000 of debt in the past 15 months. It feels great to be back on track financially.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRAZYPADER2 7/10/2014 9:33AM

    You have a great attitude. I'm glad you're focusing on the positive. Thank you for sharing.

Report Inappropriate Comment
RASPBERRY56 7/10/2014 7:28AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
LINTPICKER 7/10/2014 7:18AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Freedom from the past, joy in the future!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ANNIEONLI 7/10/2014 7:04AM

    Probably the biggest and best thing you could have done for yourself!! Bravissima!!!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 7/10/2014 6:53AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
SDLOV3R 7/10/2014 4:25AM

    You are beautiful. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


What day is it?

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

At this moment I sincerely don't know. I think it's Wednesday. Thank goodness I'm surrounded by calendars.

After I saved the blog it said the 18th.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KNH771 6/19/2014 6:10PM

    We've all had those moments...

Report Inappropriate Comment
GOOSIEMOON 6/18/2014 6:18PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
ICECUB 6/18/2014 6:15PM

    Wednesday emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
WOLFKITTY 6/18/2014 5:01PM

    Take a deep breath and move on, move forward.

Report Inappropriate Comment
NOTGVGUP83 6/18/2014 4:58PM

    I myself have been confused about what day and date is this. I like how KNEEMAKER is clarifing this for us! =)

Report Inappropriate Comment
WOLFKITTY 6/18/2014 4:41PM

    Lol

Report Inappropriate Comment
KNEEMAKER 6/18/2014 4:39PM

  It is Wonderful Wednesday and tomorrow is Terrific Thursday then Fabulous Friday. Enjoy them all. emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment


1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 Last Page