Sunday, February 09, 2014
Out hiking with a group today, I stopped to tie my shoe and one of the male hikers went around me, continuing on the trail, but also making sure to say this to me:
"Bahhaahaaaaa" [use whatever inflections you like. it was meant as pleasant]
I did not understand, so in that understanding (not, 'repeat yourself'), I asked, "What?", with highly quizzical look on my face to go with the question.
He repeated the noise, as if to aid my understanding and that all made sense with that repetition.
I suppose because I didn't laugh and because I was wondering if this was a rude thing going on, he decided to explain himself: "You're the goat-farmer."
"Oh. Oh, yes." I wish I hadn't said "Yes", but the odd encounter threw me.
I would have liked to explain that:
1. I farm in terms of fruits and vegetables
2. I am not a goat farmer
a. My goats are all male and ...are also fixed.
b. I don't milk my goats, make goat-cheese or breed goats (see above, a.)
3. My goats are companion-goats, and are trained for hiking.
But most of all...
....if you have a dog and I know it,
do you want me to come up to you
and it be a wonderful inside joke between us?
(to have goats. it would be weird for me to bark at you...i ...think??.....)
But it's okay to start a conversation: "how are your goats?" "what kind of goats are they?" "what do they eat?" "how did you train them?"
I understand that this man was socially awkward, but it's often the socially awkward who kind of, in a way, speak for everyone else who's polite (see: "MAMA SHE'S FAT!"). So feel free to ask questions. They're my therapy animals to me, since a dog was going to take forever to get approved, be a year+ process and expensive--I'd have to be on disability to qualify.
Note that my dear goats were not *on* this hiking outing, but that this particular man overheard me talking about my goats to someone else (who said, "SO YOU'RE THE GOAT-PERSON!") BTW, *that's* more than okay. If *you're* a "dog person"...sure, I'm a goat-person, even perhaps THE goat-person...
Imma really gonna have to start
"The Snack Brothers"
for Snicker, Doodle and NutterButter.....
Thursday, January 30, 2014
My weekly goals were harder to hit than my monthly ones--in some ways. Actually, I made it to the Y to exercise FOUR times a week two of the weeks, and at least two when I still had shingles....which...may not have been wise.
And, *with* the Polar Vortex AND shingles, I did still get out to hike ...twice. ....once for three hours instead of an hour an a half, oops.
I did keep my heart-rate within my target range.
And I think I kept up with water intake very well (I needed to all the more since the shingles medicine makes a person thirsty).
What happened only once at the gym, and otherwise ...in life... was strength training. For this next month, I'm going to look at being more mindful of adding that in~
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
I made a number of short-term goals for the month of January, both physical and all-over-wellness, and weekly as well as monthly.
As for the one-time goals for the month, even though the month was overshadowed by (now), TWO bouts of shingles (ouch!), I pushed myself hard to do what I could....perhaps a bit too much even---but I'm doing okay.
I did not make yoga once this month, BUT, yesterday, my older son and I went to Tai Chi (which met right after Beginner Yoga does). My son is committed to going to yoga once a week, so I'm sure to make it at *least* once in February (lawd willin' and the crik don't rise).
As for swimming, yes, I was able to go once this month with my sons, and had time to connect with my 17-year-old through swimming. Since then, I've also gone on my own a number of times while he's been at school. I feel like this should be upped to 2x / month with my son and then just swim for some of my personal YMCA time as well, for February.
Shingles got in the way of volunteering---both the orientation and then an actual volunteer session at Capital District Community Gardens. The Volunteer Coordinator said that she can get me in for an orientation one-to-one whenever I'm feeling up to it. I just need to calm my brain down and feel settled with some of my older son's activities and then I'll re-connect with her. I look forward to meeting *these* goals for February.
My hopes for sewing lessons got blindsided by my dear friend (my teacher) breaking her arm and getting surgery. This ice has been rather treacherous this winter, even when we're used to knowing how to deal with it. Post-surgery, I've been able to visit with her, and, after she's recovered a bit more, she very much wants to work on sewing lessons with me since she's homebound, stir-crazy, bored and ready to see people.
I think the monthly goals, given the context of the Polar Vortex and the sickness of shingles, worked out rather well, and that having both monthly and weekly goals are helpful. I'll revisit this for February
OH--I just remembered: I have been trying to find a healthy therapy connection, a counselor who meets my needs and connects well with me and my specific diagnosis. I had made it a goal for January to "make three phone calls"...which was rather random. However, because my list of referrals is long, I wrote a letter, photocopied it, and sent it out to forty professionals. The answers have been coming in the past two weeks. All but one is "no", but they all also tell me that they can search for referrals for me as well. After years of this being a HUGE issue for me (finding the right match), I've suddenly made very impressive (am I acknowledging what I did that was good??) strides. I've wanted a plumeria plant / tree for YEARS, and so for this hard work, I'm going to reward myself with ordering one (they don't arrive until March when it should be warmer). I feel negative toward myself in regard to not doing more....and yet..... this is very important progress. Just because I'm not THERE yet, doesn't mean that I haven't gone, say, 24 of the 26.2 miles of the marathon of finding someone helpful.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
So....the grief-work is laid out, the vision is there to see, and so logically, to reach.
Steps. Part of the grief is that there may be more steps than I WANT to take. However, when I stop being stuck in the frustration, shame and pain, and start *taking* the steps, well, I'm going to get there sooner.
The Journey of January
Starting with specific, attainable, measurable goals
~ Continue to make progress in taking daily medications and vitamins toward health and healing (ongoing until we kick some of the medicines off the list). I have a spreadsheet for this and I just check each thing off, each day.
~ Continue to hydrate well (12-24 cups / day)
~ Exercise for 30-about 120 minutes, with a heart-rate between 130-150 (no higher at this point), 2-4 times per week:
* One-two times a week snowshoeing or hiking
* One-two times at the YMCA, either at beginner Yoga, swimming with Elisha, or using the machines like the elliptical
~ For January, try Beginner Yoga *once*.
~ Weeks 1-3, start with 10 minutes of strength training a week.
~ Check in with Sparkpeople 5 min / day, and no more than an hour and a half. If I'm spending more time sitting at the computer (reading / tracking goals, etc), then I'm defeating the purpose
Some of the others for whole-self, wholeness?
I know that some people set a goal of reading one hundred books in a year. At the same time, I know that the average American does not read ONE in a year. I know that people in book-clubs / discussion groups read one / month. ...maybe that's a good starting point.
But.... I don't want to rush through books. I'm going to say:
~ Read at least 2 hours / week.
~ Begin the workbook on "Mindfulness" by Jamie Marich
I'm hopeful about a sewing lesson or two, but that's a gift from a friend, so that can't be a goal at this point---instead, a desire, that, when met, is greeted with joy~!
It will be important for me to continue my search for a competent and compassionate counselor to connect with (I was raised Baptist; you have to do that when you write, ahhh, alliteration).
A goal of two phone calls this month?...
~ Go to Capital District Community Garden's January orientation session
~ Volunteer once more in service at CDCG.
I need to spend time each day on how to empower my children in their young adulthood, whether it's driving lessons, or a trip to a library....but I don't see this in a category for goals, since goals are personal. I can't find the specifics for *me* in this yet, besides
~ Swim at the Y once this month (since that's how Elisha and I connect, and I can get him to talk / open up)
I think the other, over-arching goal is to assess
....how manic I might be getting about this
....how obsessed I might be getting
.....how other things / people might be getting lost
.....how to account for things like accounting, errands, chores
How working on these goals effects and affects me, and those I love.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
I wrote about working through the emotional part of new vision in order to create a strategy for health (including weight loss).
I'm going to work at an attempt again, let's say on the 1-100 scale, of creating *steps* throughout short-term goals to get to ....my 100's.
What are some of my 100's, my long-term goals?
~ Being an ADK 46'er, winter and summer
~ Being able to bike 10-20 miles at a time regularly
~ Doing one cycling century
~ Finishing my BA.....and... perhaps more...
~ Sustain and maintain joyful gainful employment
~ Give my children wings, empowering them for their future in ways that I can
~ Foster and adopt children as Caleb and Elisha grow into their late 20's and 30's (With Linda, together...we seem to be family and have that same vision)
~ Create a plot of garden for vegetables, herbs and perennial fruits and vegetables that is about one thousand square feet---this is what my garden vision used to be at my first house; just as I got it to that level, I had to flee my X.
~ Have various fruit-trees and bushes besides, as well as well-maintained flowerbeds (even though, yes, we have goats, heh...)
~ Make a quilt (currently I've had 2? sewing lessons....). Big goal.
~ Heal significantly from current illnesses, divorce-trauma, church / christianity-shunning related trauma and ...childhood trauma, all in a way to live as wholly as possible.
~ Oh, okay, the actual number: lose 85 pounds; gain muscle and gain new abilities.
I think this covers a lot of the biggies. And... they *are* big. Dreaming is okay, and in fact essential.
Between 2005 up through recently, I've been afraid to dream, full of the fear of HOPE. There was so much trauma in those years that HOPE was frightening.
After leaving my family of origin at 19, I became a Face-the-Fear person....until 2005. There can be a new day again, one with bravery and joy. It can be, and it can be good.
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