Saturday, June 21, 2014
Okay, so almost 32...going off the date the doctor originally gave me week 32 officially starts Monday. Anyhow...I'm still hanging in there! It's awesome. I'm proving that short, pudgy little fertility doctor I spent thousands of dollars on 2005 that told me I would NEVER have children wrong!!! I have total baby brain and it's all I think, talk, day dream...etc. about because I waited until 30 weeks to actually start buying things and trying to get stuff I need.
The high risk specialist I was sent to by my doctor for a second opinion released me from his care and back to my regular ob/gyn because "Everything is going perfectly normal and baby is healthy, very active, and old enough to survive should any problems arise." Though they still have me on medications to prevent preterm labor...that statement put me into a state of awe because it made it all official that basically no matter what now I will have baby.
After all the struggle, worry, and bed rest I've gone through during this...honestly there were lots of times I wondered if I'd make it this far. Now that I am this far it's both miserable and amazing all at the same time. The adorable little flitters from weeks ago have turned into giant pokes and a bouncing belly. I can't really walk anymore as I'm still having hip problems (symphysis pubic dysfunction kicked in around 19 weeks)...but I hobble/waddle with style for short distances. My asthma has decided to rage with the increased pressure on my lungs so I wheeze something horrible when I do any activity. But, all in all I couldn't be happier about the fact that I feel like my poor body is falling apart.
I'm also coming to terms with the fact I weigh 30 pounds more now than I did when I got those positive test results in December. This last month I lost 3 pounds not even trying and I was concerned with that but, baby still managed to gain over a pound himself and my doctor said because I was overweight to start with a pound or two a month loss in these last weeks isn't going to hurt anyone. I'm glad he thinks that because I can't stand eating anymore...with the exception of certain days when I want to eat the house despite feeling like I'll bust a gut.
The weight is well worth it. I've still got time to go but, now that I'm finally doing all the things most pregnant woman start doing in the beginning I feel like I'm running out of time. My baby quilt is almost ready to be put together and quilted and then...there are cloth diapers, a car seat cover, burp cloths, and a few other things to be sewn in the next few weeks. The nursery isn't even getting painted before he gets here because I just can't move like that. Well, off to use my arm cycle for some exercise and then back to work on the blanket...
Friday, March 21, 2014
So, I'm really a giant ball of anxiety lately. I've been trying to busy myself and keep my mind occupied otherwise I'll fret myself senseless.
I was weaned off progesterone at 16 weeks and I'm 18w3days today. The Dr. hasn't bothered to check my hormones, hasn't given me the results of my prenatal panel two weeks ago and he's treating everything like normal. I've got two weeks until I see him again and yesterday when I experienced my apparent first batch of round ligament pains the Dr. never called me back...while his nurse was very reassuring and explained to me how to tell the difference between those and contractions...he didn't call like the nurse said he would. I contemplated storming up there and letting him feel the wrath of my pregnant rage...but, the pains were A) nothing more than feeling like I pulled all my groin muscles on leg day and B) completely gone in like 30 minutes. None-the-less the reassurance from the man taking my money to help me have, maintain, and birth a healthy baby would be nice.
I know I probably shouldn't worry but, until I clear the 5 months 21 day mark which is the farthest I've ever carried too I will worry. I will worry despite my husbands attempts at reassuring me that was 10 years, 200 pounds, and not with his "super healthy Viking child". I will worry simply because all I can do is wait and attempt to have faith in my PCOS riddled body that has let me down plenty.
I'm still keeping tabs on my eating and I'm up somewhere between 6 to 9 pounds depending on the scale. However, upon mentioning ice cream and cheeseburger sounded awesome my Dad loaded me up with 1,300 calories of junk food in the form of a large Sonic blast with extra m&m's and a cheeseburger...I'm not used to eating things like that...oh dear lord did I pay for it too! My stomach bubbled and made terrifying sounds...thank goodness it only did that. Though...the cheeseburger he can buy me but, when I asked for watermelon for a week no one found any of that.
I'm still walking everyday 30 minutes minimum in the evening after doing all my household chores, yard work, or whatever activity I've planned. I'm the crazy chick with the beginnings of a baby bump walking down the gravel road talking to it. Meh, it's soothing even if I look completely nuts.
I just keep telling myself everything is fine and I'm going to have this baby. I have to admit though without the progesterone making me too exhausted to feel anything I'm starting to feel the roller coaster of emotions that comes with this experience. Upon experiencing those mild pains yesterday I lost my head and spent the better part of an hour blubbering about things that are beyond my control. Then I followed it up by yelling at DH for not knowing how to comfort me. All in all I guess that really is going pretty normal.
Monday, March 03, 2014
The weather took a turn back to winter so we're snowed in. Well, the snow isn't deep but it's 11 degrees with a 10 mph wind...that equals me being snowed in.
I have been struggling lately to get in much movement let alone any cardio being so stuck in the house. I am doing great however on doing about 30 minutes of toning a night...squats, leg lifts, arms, and some prenatal yoga (mostly running thru a sun salutation a few times to relieve stiffness from being a lazy bum).
Also, in the struggle department...and I'm sure it's causing some problems with my activity...moods. Ironically not my moods. I'm moody normally and a little off balance but, I've been extremely happy lately. Not everyone around me is sharing in my smiles and joy. The DH seems to have a serious case of "man pms" and asking to "talk about it" typically results in my mood then going wayyyyy out in left field therefore making it worse. Can't say I know what to do really because whatever is going on with him...obviously he has to change it.
Mostly though...I think winter is winning. It's been cold which makes him have more aches and pains. It's been cloudy which makes it dark in the house unless you turn on all the lights and we both despise wasting electricity if no one is using the light for a reason. It's been windy which makes our little place seem incredibly drafty despite how well we've winter-proofed it. I think he's really burnt out and has been too cooped up. This weather is hard to maneuver in when your mostly wheel chair bound and it's frozen or muddy...so while I bundle up and trudge thru the snow to check the mail, feed animals and soak up a touch of sun...he sits in the dark, under a blanket, and stews a little more....
Well...I wasn't really planning on venting. Mostly just recapping. I've got to get more active. It makes me happier and makes me feel better. Other people being happy and feeling better is beyond my control....because if I try to control that...I may go crazy.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
I'm glad to have it returning! While my progesterone still makes me feel tired it's been decreased from 400mg to 200mg and I seem to have past the "feel like complete poo" stage and progressed to "only feeling like poo once a week or so" stage.
Got to say it's nice to be able to get up and move! I was getting stiff as a board being stuck in place. I've been walking 30 minutes a day (concentrating on the time walked more than mileage like I used too). I've also been going above and being with small cleaning/organizing projects everyday. I've got a long ways to go to make this house baby friendly...despite all my hope and all the trying I never thought I'd make it this far...15 weeks now!
I also am not much fun to talk to or be around right now because all I have is pregnancy and baby things on the brain. I'm letting myself be obsessive and I know it...but, I think I earned it!
Anyhow, mostly just dropping in. I've got laundry to fold and then it's nightly movie time with the hubs.
Wednesday, February 05, 2014
A miracle! Nine years later, 3 "losses" (failed to grow past a yolk sac), 200 pounds down from my weight in 2005, lots of hard work, pain, emotions, and progress...here it is...leaving the first trimester with a very healthy, active baby that jumped like a jelly bean away from the ultrasound wand.
I definitely have a major case of the pregnancy crazies. No sweeteners, no fast food, no "questionably" sourced animal products, no caffeine, no blue jeans, no belts, no hair products, no make up,, no household cleaners, no air freshener, no drier sheets... nothing that can be a source of toxins or expose me to unnecessary chemicals. I've gone shampoo-free via some research, I wash clothes with baby mild castile soap, and I've made my own dish soap because regular store bought is a source of parabens. Oh and no foods for me if they come out of BPA lined cans. If my poor husband didn't question my sanity before I'm pretty sure he does now....though strangely he finds it amusing to tell me how cute I'm being about trying to protect our growing child. It's not cute...I need a plastic bubble...or a straight-jacket but the bubble sounds like more fun!
I'm struggling to adjust my eating habits as it's just become a part of me to make low calorie, nutrition dense and usually lower carb choices but, I am working on providing all the nutrients possible to keep both baby and me with energy. Despite the fact the 400 mgs of progesterone I'm on until 16 weeks is leaving me dead tired. So tried in fact that walking about 1 mile at a time feels like running a marathon and typically requires a nap. But, it's all okay! Whatever I have to endure to bring a healthy, much wanted, much prayed and hoped for baby into this world I will go through and be the happiest I can possibly be about being miserable!
Well, off to wash dishes and follow it up with a nap.
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