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The suspense...

Friday, March 21, 2014

So, I'm really a giant ball of anxiety lately. I've been trying to busy myself and keep my mind occupied otherwise I'll fret myself senseless.

I was weaned off progesterone at 16 weeks and I'm 18w3days today. The Dr. hasn't bothered to check my hormones, hasn't given me the results of my prenatal panel two weeks ago and he's treating everything like normal. I've got two weeks until I see him again and yesterday when I experienced my apparent first batch of round ligament pains the Dr. never called me back...while his nurse was very reassuring and explained to me how to tell the difference between those and contractions...he didn't call like the nurse said he would. I contemplated storming up there and letting him feel the wrath of my pregnant rage...but, the pains were A) nothing more than feeling like I pulled all my groin muscles on leg day and B) completely gone in like 30 minutes. None-the-less the reassurance from the man taking my money to help me have, maintain, and birth a healthy baby would be nice.

I know I probably shouldn't worry but, until I clear the 5 months 21 day mark which is the farthest I've ever carried too I will worry. I will worry despite my husbands attempts at reassuring me that was 10 years, 200 pounds, and not with his "super healthy Viking child". I will worry simply because all I can do is wait and attempt to have faith in my PCOS riddled body that has let me down plenty.

I'm still keeping tabs on my eating and I'm up somewhere between 6 to 9 pounds depending on the scale. However, upon mentioning ice cream and cheeseburger sounded awesome my Dad loaded me up with 1,300 calories of junk food in the form of a large Sonic blast with extra m&m's and a cheeseburger...I'm not used to eating things like that...oh dear lord did I pay for it too! My stomach bubbled and made terrifying sounds...thank goodness it only did that. Though...the cheeseburger he can buy me but, when I asked for watermelon for a week no one found any of that.

I'm still walking everyday 30 minutes minimum in the evening after doing all my household chores, yard work, or whatever activity I've planned. I'm the crazy chick with the beginnings of a baby bump walking down the gravel road talking to it. Meh, it's soothing even if I look completely nuts.

I just keep telling myself everything is fine and I'm going to have this baby. I have to admit though without the progesterone making me too exhausted to feel anything I'm starting to feel the roller coaster of emotions that comes with this experience. Upon experiencing those mild pains yesterday I lost my head and spent the better part of an hour blubbering about things that are beyond my control. Then I followed it up by yelling at DH for not knowing how to comfort me. All in all I guess that really is going pretty normal.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RONNIEHUEY 3/29/2014 11:54AM


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KATIBUG49 3/25/2014 8:40PM

    emoticon emoticon

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WINDSONG26 3/21/2014 7:17PM


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SUZIPAM1 3/21/2014 10:17AM

    oh my i hear all the pain in your message - I know how you feel I had a number of miscarriages and many of the doctors will not treat you like it is serious and when it is too late turn around and say why did you not tell me. Dont stop telling them what you feel and get a better doctor if you need to as this one does not seem to help much

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Monday, March 03, 2014

The weather took a turn back to winter so we're snowed in. Well, the snow isn't deep but it's 11 degrees with a 10 mph wind...that equals me being snowed in.

I have been struggling lately to get in much movement let alone any cardio being so stuck in the house. I am doing great however on doing about 30 minutes of toning a night...squats, leg lifts, arms, and some prenatal yoga (mostly running thru a sun salutation a few times to relieve stiffness from being a lazy bum).

Also, in the struggle department...and I'm sure it's causing some problems with my activity...moods. Ironically not my moods. I'm moody normally and a little off balance but, I've been extremely happy lately. Not everyone around me is sharing in my smiles and joy. The DH seems to have a serious case of "man pms" and asking to "talk about it" typically results in my mood then going wayyyyy out in left field therefore making it worse. Can't say I know what to do really because whatever is going on with him...obviously he has to change it.

Mostly though...I think winter is winning. It's been cold which makes him have more aches and pains. It's been cloudy which makes it dark in the house unless you turn on all the lights and we both despise wasting electricity if no one is using the light for a reason. It's been windy which makes our little place seem incredibly drafty despite how well we've winter-proofed it. I think he's really burnt out and has been too cooped up. This weather is hard to maneuver in when your mostly wheel chair bound and it's frozen or muddy...so while I bundle up and trudge thru the snow to check the mail, feed animals and soak up a touch of sun...he sits in the dark, under a blanket, and stews a little more....

Well...I wasn't really planning on venting. Mostly just recapping. I've got to get more active. It makes me happier and makes me feel better. Other people being happy and feeling better is beyond my control....because if I try to control that...I may go crazy.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KATIBUG49 3/4/2014 10:52AM

    Great job! emoticon

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RAPUNZEL53 3/3/2014 7:50PM

  Good Luck!

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Energy...I haz sum...

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

I'm glad to have it returning! While my progesterone still makes me feel tired it's been decreased from 400mg to 200mg and I seem to have past the "feel like complete poo" stage and progressed to "only feeling like poo once a week or so" stage.

Got to say it's nice to be able to get up and move! I was getting stiff as a board being stuck in place. I've been walking 30 minutes a day (concentrating on the time walked more than mileage like I used too). I've also been going above and being with small cleaning/organizing projects everyday. I've got a long ways to go to make this house baby friendly...despite all my hope and all the trying I never thought I'd make it this far...15 weeks now!

I also am not much fun to talk to or be around right now because all I have is pregnancy and baby things on the brain. I'm letting myself be obsessive and I know it...but, I think I earned it!

Anyhow, mostly just dropping in. I've got laundry to fold and then it's nightly movie time with the hubs.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WINDSONG26 2/26/2014 8:19PM

    You're right. You've more than earned it! emoticon

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LJOYCE55 2/26/2014 7:51PM

  Obsessive is a good thing for parents.

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Now leaving the first trimester!

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

A miracle! Nine years later, 3 "losses" (failed to grow past a yolk sac), 200 pounds down from my weight in 2005, lots of hard work, pain, emotions, and progress...here it is...leaving the first trimester with a very healthy, active baby that jumped like a jelly bean away from the ultrasound wand.

I definitely have a major case of the pregnancy crazies. No sweeteners, no fast food, no "questionably" sourced animal products, no caffeine, no blue jeans, no belts, no hair products, no make up,, no household cleaners, no air freshener, no drier sheets... nothing that can be a source of toxins or expose me to unnecessary chemicals. I've gone shampoo-free via some research, I wash clothes with baby mild castile soap, and I've made my own dish soap because regular store bought is a source of parabens. Oh and no foods for me if they come out of BPA lined cans. If my poor husband didn't question my sanity before I'm pretty sure he does now....though strangely he finds it amusing to tell me how cute I'm being about trying to protect our growing child. It's not cute...I need a plastic bubble...or a straight-jacket but the bubble sounds like more fun!

I'm struggling to adjust my eating habits as it's just become a part of me to make low calorie, nutrition dense and usually lower carb choices but, I am working on providing all the nutrients possible to keep both baby and me with energy. Despite the fact the 400 mgs of progesterone I'm on until 16 weeks is leaving me dead tired. So tried in fact that walking about 1 mile at a time feels like running a marathon and typically requires a nap. But, it's all okay! Whatever I have to endure to bring a healthy, much wanted, much prayed and hoped for baby into this world I will go through and be the happiest I can possibly be about being miserable!

Well, off to wash dishes and follow it up with a nap.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CARLING33 2/24/2014 1:48PM

    I just saw this. CONGRATS!!!!

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WINDSONG26 2/5/2014 8:12PM

    I had wondered why I hadn't seen you on here as much, and now I know. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!

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GUDDIGO 2/5/2014 11:47AM


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Still lurking...

Sunday, December 08, 2013

It's been a busy last month. I got the insane idea to remodel my kitchen. Aside from the paint, paint brushes, and vinyl tiles we bought, all the wood was found for free and ta-da brand "new" kitchen for around $60.

Today is supposed to be a day off but, I'll probably end up setting myself on a chore spree when I make lunch, and some homemade pasta. I already have ideas rattling around in my brain like...dishes, sweeping, need to use up the bananas. *Sigh* and I just want to relax. Meh, moving is burning calories.

Recap/Update: I have been steadily losing for a year. When I complained about terrible fatigue, depression and crazy weight fluctuations all the doctor could find was a triglyceride level of 37 which depending on sources is either fantastic as Dr. believes"that is an extremely heart healthy level and will straighten out when you finish your weight loss" but lots of other sources think it's bad. He even seemed to be in the mindset I'm not depressed because I am competent, cheerful, and level headed.

I miss the desire to have communication with other human beings...I'm stuck in deep anti-social ways. I'm hoping this doesn't become permanent. My husband and family have been complaining about my lack of communication. I honestly have no clue what's up with it but, I just haven't had much of anything to say to anyone.

Also, I'm not doing good on exercise, with my lack of social interaction hubby is requiring more of my time making it harder for me to feel like squeezing in a few minutes here and there with my already lacking motivation. With my odds and ends tasks around the house I've let my eating slip up some making lots of "fast" meals that are not balance (see, pasta with just garlic or an entire bag of california blend veggies w/ soy sauce and ginger). I've had sporadic weight changes (up and down) and fatigue. I've gone back to eating meat, but aiming two days a week of forcing meatless meats on hubby. Fresh vegetables and fruit are just a touch harder for me to come by at the moment as I've been working with lack of seasonal things in rural b.f.e and a lower food budget.

I've also been consuming sugar again. For some reason my blood sugar keeps going low even after eating higher carb things. This morning I had cinnamon roll oatmeal (1/4 cup steel cut oats, splenda brown sugar, molasses, cinnamon, topped with cream cheese glaze), and a piece of stone ground wheat toast. Carbs and sugar! One hour prior to eating this my blood sugar was 70 and I had yet to even take my metformin.

In short I'm sort of lingering around. My Fitbit reminds me daily of the poor calories in vs. out that I am doing. I actively chart my food, water, and servings of veggies but, I haven't been very proud of the quality of my efforts. My clothes are tight because I'm puffy from bad choices, and the scale is stuck in the same 5 pound fluctuation.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VKKESU 12/11/2013 2:23PM

    Life is hard and it gets in the way. Tell your hubby that you want to spend more time with him and you'd love if he would help you out. Many times that is something they need to hear. Tell him to go on a walk with you or to help motivate you on doing situps, etc.

It's always as much a mental game (losing and maintaining weight) as anything else. I'm also missing social activities. I work in a one person office (me) but at heart I'm an extremely social person. Through the years I've shut down and just don't like people any more. lol Now , going to the gym is helping me out by getting what I've been missing (social interaction). I need it to be happier.

Hopefully everything else will get straightened out, always get a second opinion if you have any doubts.

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COOP9002 12/8/2013 3:05PM

    At least you're lingering in the right neighborhood. Blessings on your attempts to get rid of those pesky 5 pounds.

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