Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Ah, those famous words, when uttered by Columbo, were your cue to get ready for the trap to spring on the bad guy. Columbo would seem to blunder aimlessly through an investigation but he was really giving the bad guy all the rope he needed to hang himself.
But this isn't about Columbo. Nope.
It's about receiving what you ask for - even if you do not understand that you are asking.
For much of 2012, things have been so weird and stressful around my house. Inlaws, siblings and parents all seeming to act up. I found myself shielding my children from people they love because of toxic behaviors and attitudes.
With each (seemingly escalating) incident/issue, I'd say "Seriously? I need ONE MORE THING?"
Then, BOOM. One. More. Thing.
One more butthead thing. One more expense. One more breakdown. One more injury. One more Xray. One more blood test. Clothing moths ATE MY DAD's PENDLETON JACKET. Then DH was out of work.
Seriously? I don't need ONE MORE THING.
Bang. One More Thing. My mother fell and broke herself. We brought her home and BTW, stuff for injured, elderly folks is SHAMEFULLY expensive. $200 for a bedside commode? Seriously? (BTW, I have one of the aforementioned items if anyone needs one - will let it go cheap or in trade. It's clean and back in the box it came in.)
As I said before, this entire year hasn't been the best, but things seemed to ramp up starting in August. All through August, September, October and November, my life has been someone else's. LOL
There were weeks that melted together and passed in a blink of an eye.
There were days that felt like unmitigated torture to me emotionally. Realized that I was being presented with a huge opportunity for changing myself yet again.
Utilized my time as well as I could. Bad habits melted away. Much baggage seemed to fall away along with the fears/negativities. There was a lot I didn't even realize I was packing around! It just bubbled up really bad one day in early November and I felt so toxic. I learned some things, though.
As I go, so goes my entire household and my kids don't need to be nervous wrecks.
Things are only as big and scary as we let them get. Fear is powerful and it draws more negativity to us - the same way happiness and fearlessness draws positivity. It really is a choice, fear doesn't fall out of the sky on our heads - it's a REACTION and one we can learn to control. We CAN choose to be less fearful every time it tries to jump on us.
Each person is different, but I used replacement therapy. Every time I would think of something that caused me to feel fear and/or anxiety, I'd mindfully feel the fear for just a moment, then think of something else that made me feel happy or brave (or both - my kids) and I would let the happy, brave feelings push the fear away.
I also stopped asking for one more thing. Didn't let the words pass my lips. The bad things stopped happening. LOL Good things started happening...
My DH got a job and he likes it. Despite a 30% pay cut, it's a good fit. That's a huge blessing.
My mom is back at her home and getting around with her 4-legged cane. She can't use a walker because of her broken shoulder. Truthfully, I think the cane has been better - she can't lean on it and is being forced to use muscles - consequently, she's rebuilding muscles.
There are several other things that have had positive outcomes around here and we are truly grateful for them. I'd enumerate them, but the list would be painfully long and honestly, I'm letting so much just go so I can live in the now and enjoy life.
There are still some things hanging out there pending, but I'm keeping good thoughts for positive outcomes and not letting the fear bug have any footing.
Looking forward to some really Happy, Happy, Happy Holidays!