Tuesday, December 10, 2013
My interview this morning was with Legoland Discovery Center.
The bus was only running about 4 minutes late, but waiting in the wind and snow in below 0 temp for 10 minutes was pretty miserable, but it gave me a pause to think about those who might not have shelter or warm clothes. (More on this later)
I think the job interview went very well, but then again, I always think that so we will wait and see. He said he would give all my interview info to HR and they would let me know something in a day or two.
While I am not trying to dwell too much on how my interview went, because I will just sit here and pick myself apart and get all worked up and worried, I AM hopeful and feeling pretty good about everything.
Oh yea, I also got a bit of a tour of the displays, I will say it was awesome and if you don't have any kids, go borrow a kid from someone and go see it! (You can't get in if you don't have a child with you)
I haven't had any more binge eating, thankfully.
I haven't made any progress in weight loss for awhile, but I am also not going to stress about it. I know it should be a priority, but for now, I am more worried about securing some income and working to keep my anxiety levels in check.
My unemployment runs out at the end of the month and I can reapply, but I have to do a combination in Illinois and Louisiana, plus, there is not much left in my funds, so my payment would drop some as well. Since I am just squeaking by as it is, I have been spending almost all day every day filling out applications and working on finding work.
On a more positive note, my niece's baby is due any minute now, lol, her due date isn't until the 16th, but the baby has been dropped for a few weeks now and she is miserable. Poor thing, she is so scared and excited at the same time. She wasn't even supposed to be able to have kids, the doctors told her that from the time she was about 15. So we are TRYING to remain patient until her lil miracle baby gets here! I am voting for his arrival on Saturday or Sunday, so I will be able to use my sister's car to go to the hospital, haha!
My older sister also bought a winter jacket for both myself and my beau. I can't even type that without crying. She doesn't have a lot of disposable income herself but she insisted that I go with her and pick out whatever I wanted to get. Me being me, kept price in check and found a beautiful wool coat with big black buttons. I layered that with a sweater today and would have been totally comfortable this morning if the wind wasn't trying to take my head off...I will have to start wearing a hat under my sweater hood too.
She got my beau a very nice (faux) leather jacket that has the inside of the front lined with fleece. He has a hard time regulating his body temp since he had a heat stroke when he was younger, so he doesn't go outside a whole lot, but he is now pretty toasty when he does. Luckily, we got him warm boots, hat, and gloves when we moved up here at the end of last winter.
While I was standing in the wind and snow this morning, I had time to think about how lucky I am to have what I do have and to have a wonderful family.
Sunday, December 01, 2013
Just for today, I did better.
I reset my weight goal timeline and came up with a calorie range of 1390-1740.
I ate at the absolute top end of my calories, but I tracked everything.
There is quite a lot of junk food on my tracker, but I am still coming in at about a thousand calories less than what I have been at for the last month or so.
I am just going to try and focus myself on making it until January, one day at a time, so...
Today, I am ok.
Saturday, November 30, 2013
Before I really get into my blog here....I want to say thank you to everyone who has messaged me, sent goodies, and left comments on my page. I have been reading everyone's blogs and trying to comment when I can. Even if I don't say much or comment much, please know that I am still here and keeping up with you.
3 months ago, I weighed in at 272, my lowest weight so far.
I can't really pinpoint any one thing that triggered my reaction over the last few weeks. I have never been a binge type person. I was always more of a boredom grazer. Over the last 3 months my weight bounced up and down, I just kept re-losing the same weight.
Over the last 3 weeks, something changed. I have been on a non-stop eating binge...in the neighborhood of 2500-3000 calories a day.
I'm not really sure of the calorie amount because I haven't tracked anything. I got the estimate a few days ago by putting in everything I ate the day before into the tracker. It came to just under 2800 calories.
Thanksgiving day was actually a good calorie day for me...oddly enough, the 'big eating' days have never really been a problem for me, its just the rest of the year that is the problem.
I still weigh myself every few days. This morning, I was 289. I put on 17 pounds in 3 months...most of it, 11 pounds, was within the last month or so. I un-did a year and a half's worth of work by half in such a short time.
I could name off a thousand reasons why I am out of control, I've been unemployed for 5 months now, I have no transportation of my own, my beau has been in a lot of pain lately and we have been doing nothing but snapping at each other...I am really doubting that I can handle taking care of him much longer because of my depression. My depression has been FIERCE lately.
To top everything off, my beau forgot my birthday yesterday. I know he is in a lot of pain every single day, but it still hurt. I'm just trying not to think about it too much, I'm not 5 years old anymore. I just had this stupid idea that since I was going to be 42 (well, I am 42 now), that I was going to be the answer to the universe...silly movie reference, but for some reason I thought that something special was going to happen.
I had issues with self injury years ago and I am wondering if this isn't a new way to hurt myself without actually 'hurting' myself. I desperately need to be back on medication, I am just tired of fighting my mind all of the time.
I don't have insurance until January 1...then I will have insurance through the state or something they sent me in the mail and I am just trying desperately to hold on until then.
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
So, no car.
The first place will not finance me without a co-signer, and the second place had higher down-payments than they advertise online. To make up the difference in down-payment would have doubled the amount of the weekly payment and is out of my range.
Still no job either. My unemployment runs out at the end of the year, but I think I can file an extension. In the meantime, I am going to try and advertise for childcare. My sister said it would be ok...I didn't want to just assume that it would be and invade her house with more people. She has even offered to pay for the advertisement in the newspaper, and the house is already baby-proofed, even though my nephew is 5, the baby proofing is something they just never changed.
I was thinking of offering services for young babies. I see many advertisements for daycare services, but your child has to be a little older, so I think offering daycare for very young babies might be a good niche...plus tiny babies are awesome, lol!
I have also spent the last couple of days setting up a personal blog online and trying to put Google Adsense on there to make money by letting them place ads on my page. I only have a few blogs up so far, but everyone is welcome to check it out.
I figured since I spend so much time up on my soapbox anyways...I may as well share some of it with the rest of the internet, lol!
My nutrition is getting better, I dropped (re-dropped) 3 pounds in the last week and am starting to feel a bit better.
I got the ingredients for sweet potato and tomatillo soup that I made yesterday and it turned out even better than I had hoped for.
I posted it here on SP...
I also used my sister's car Saturday to go out and visit with my boys. It was my son's 20th birthday and we went out for lunch at Epic Deli and then went over to visit with my aunt. She is 72 and will probably live to be 172, lol! Got caught up with the family gossip and plans for our Christmas gathering....it has been so long since I have been home, I don't know all of the kids in the family...the a few of my cousins are grandparents now too and I wasn't sure who had who and who would be coming for the holiday.
We go a bit of snow yesterday too, which makes me both really excited, because hey...its SNOW! And really apprehensive because no car. Oh well, it is what it is and it will be resolved when it's time.
Tuesday, November 05, 2013
So. I have used my considerable mental powers to figure out a few things this morning....
280+ This is the number that my asthma starts kicking up a WHOLE lot worse.
277-ish This is the number at which my tummy doesn't feel as bloated and swollen
272 The number at which I can FEEL that I am making progress, also the lowest that I have been so far.
199 My current long term goal.
285 This is what I weighed this morning. The result of on again, off again, willy-nilly eating and no exercise for the last couple of weeks. My asthma has been bad for the last few days. I am swollen and feel pretty much like...yuck.
11/5/2013 New beginning.
I got out and did some healthy grocery shopping last night, lots of fresh veggies, including some for roasting. I also got one of each of my new favorite soups. Campbell's sweet potato and tomatillo soup, and also a butternut squash soup. I also bought ingredients to try and make both of them home made.
The weather is changing fast here, but I can still get out and walk, even if it is slow.
Once it gets too cold will be a different story since I don't have a good winter coat and I don't have boots at all. Once I get a job, I can get these things, but for now, layering will have to do and I can figure out the rest later.
I can at least get some stretching and some light yoga poses in during the evening. I don't have enough empty floor space in my room to do it, but on the bed is better than not doing anything...and maybe it will even give me some much needed cushion for my knees too!
I am hoping to be able to get a car no later than this weekend. I will have enough in the bank tomorrow for a downpayment. The only thing that I am really worried about right now is if they will consider my unemployment as a form of income. If not...then I dunno what.
I think it would be easier to find a job with a car as I would be able to search in a bigger area, and it would be way easier to get a car with a job and better income.
Catch-22. Not my favorite, but it is certainly a number that pops up in my life quite often, haha!
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