I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
'Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
... Read more
In Memory of Rodney Dangerfield
Read these in your best Rodney Dangerfield voice.
A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
My Mother had morning sickness after I wa... Read more
There once was a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define 'great', he aid, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read. Stuff that people will react to on a truly... Read more
How interesting it is when we go along in our journey of weight loss and not notice
things changing much at all. Yesterday I tried on a cute sweater-type Christmas top
size L and I was swimming in it!! I was so surpri... Read more
THINGS YOU'LL NEVER HEAR A REDNECK SAY
1. When I retire I'm movin' North.
2. We're vegetarians.
3. We don't keep firearms in this house.
4. Oh, I just couldn't. She's only sixteen.
5. That car is too old and unsafe ... Read more
A young woman stepped forward from the throng and asked, "O' great prophet,
tell us how we might find love that is unconditional, unwavering and unending." The
prophet did not answer right away. He looked off into the ... Read more
"The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government
but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
"Government is like a baby, an alimentary canal with a big appetite at
one end and ... Read more
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.... Read more
OH KNOW HE DI'NT
Down in Lafourche Parish, Louisiana, Boudreaux got a job with BP helping to clean up the Gulf oil spill. He reports to work and is told to speak to a supervisor about his assign-
ment. He finds a man and asks "What am I supposed to... Read more
To the optimist, the glass is half-full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.... Read more
SOMETHING TO PONDER
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory... Read more
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Could only use it for half an hour,
as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It provides me with everything I need KitKats, Mars
Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, th... Read more
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball of the circus, a spokesman said
"We'll struggle to get another man of his caliber."... Read more
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
... Read more
QUOTE OF THE DAY
If you believe God loves you, has a plan for your life, and that His timing is
always right, there is no need to envy anyone.
Joyce Meyer... Read more
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