PMS and Lightbulbs
Q. How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They wo... Read more
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part where Chicken Little warns the farmer. She read, "...and Chicken Little went up the the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling!'" The tea... Read more
You are a Nerd If...
- If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
- If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
- If you have more toys than you... Read more
A little boy was doing his math homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, the son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, the son of a bitch is nine..."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"
The... Read more
Remember you make a difference. ~ Noah benShea
1. Being broke is not the same as being broken, losing money is not the same as being lost, and finding your balance is not something you can do on a balance sheet.
2. Don't confuse having less with being less, having more with being more, ... Read more
the $100 donkey
A Cajun named, Jean Paul, moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer named Ben for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, Ben drove up and said, "Sorry, but I have some bad news. The donkey died.... Read more
"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats." - Dave Platt
"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."
- Jeff Valdez
"There is no snooze button for a cat that... Read more
A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack between the open doors and the floor.
I felt terrible for... Read more
TWO DEATHS AT WORK...
Had two deaths at work this week. Bummer! First one was Dennis former FAther in law. A great guy. The second was at the end of the day Friday - 3;30 - long time resident, Dr Coffin. Apparently he had died in his sleep the night before. I c... Read more
What would you buy with $2?
His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, ads, just to make conversation. Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?”
“A box of Tampax,” he replied without hesitation.
... Read more
You can't take it with you
Trying to disprove the saying "You can't take it with you," a stingy old lawyer, diagnosed with a terminal illness, finally figured out how to take at least some of his fortune with him when he died.
He instructed his wife to go to the ban... Read more
7 things a 7-year-old could convince congress are vegetables
I read an article called 7 things a 7-year-old could convince congress are vegetables. Congress has already declared that the tomato sauce on Pizza is a vegetable. So here’s the gist of the article:
CHOCOLATE: comes from a bean, so it mu... Read more
Thoughts On Aging
- The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through Congress.
- You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
- You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after fee... Read more
(Source: The Freedmen's Book; Image: A group of escaped slaves in Virginia in 1862, courtesy of the
August 7, 1865
To My Old Master, Colonel P.H. Anderson, Big Spring, Tennessee
Sir: I got your letter, and was glad to find that you had not forgotten Jourdon, and that you wanted me to come back and live with you ag... Read more
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Best test paper blunders from the most clueless - and inventive - of students
* Classical Studies *
Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements.
Answer: Learning to speak Latin
* Biology *
Question: What is a fibula?
Answer: A little lie
* Classical Studies *
Question: What were the c... Read more