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    SUNSHINE65   76,397
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Mixed-up Metaphors

Friday, June 01, 2012      9 comments

English professors love to catch the errors students make in their term papers, and they love nothing better than to catch mixed metaphors. The "friends and survivors" of Calvin College English department collected this list of mixed metaphors a... Read more

Just checking

Wednesday, May 30, 2012      3 comments

One snowy evening my brother, a regional police officer, stopped a car at a roadside check for drunk drivers. "Good evening, ma'am," he greeted the lady. "How are you this evening?" "Fine, thank you," she replied. My brother continue... Read more

Beefing up my efforts at fitness with affirmations..

Monday, May 28, 2012      7 comments

1. I phrase my affirmations in the here and now: [I am craving healthy nutritious food], so my subconscious knows this is what I want right now. 2. I use the first person, and add my name: [I, Sunshine65, love the way my body feels when I do ... Read more

Man Changes Places with Wife to Show Her What Work is! Ha!

Monday, May 28, 2012      7 comments

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to kn... Read more

Refrigerator Goals

Monday, May 28, 2012      9 comments

When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work. I promptly added: "Send Michelle money e... Read more

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

Sunday, May 27, 2012      6 comments

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO." If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasion... Read more

A couple in the park...

Sunday, May 27, 2012      4 comments

A couple walking in the park noticed a young man and woman sitting on a bench, passionately kissing. "Why don't you do that?" said the wife. "Honey," replied her husband, "I don't even know that woman!"... Read more

Inner Peace

Saturday, May 26, 2012      4 comments

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives. I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished,... Read more

Does this sign need updating???

Thursday, May 24, 2012      5 comments

... Read more

Way too Drunk...

Thursday, May 24, 2012      11 comments

A man got really drunk one night in his local pub. The barman refused to serve him any more alcohol and told him he should be heading home. The man thought this was a good idea so he stood up to leave but fell over straight away. He tried to sta... Read more

Car Keys

Wednesday, May 23, 2012      9 comments

Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized I must have le... Read more

Prescription....

Monday, May 21, 2012      6 comments

An older man strode in to his doctor's office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since wh... Read more

More Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Life Way Too Seriously

Sunday, May 20, 2012      4 comments

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap. - Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have. - A clear conscience is usuall... Read more

Blonde Riding a Horse

Sunday, May 20, 2012      6 comments

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding assisted without any experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the ... Read more

GI Insurance

Sunday, May 20, 2012      4 comments

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance... Read more


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