While attending an open house, my wife was taken with the home's modern features, especially the central vacuum system installed within the walls. But she had a practical question: "What do you do when all the walls fill up?"... Read more
A clear message...
A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our se... Read more
Actual epitaphs from real tombstones:
In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
The children of Israel wanted bread
And the Lord sent them manna,
Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.
Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
Johnny... Read more
Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.
"Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the bo... Read more
Missed sending you all a joke yesterday! Don't even remember if I spinned the wheel. Went on a Jet boat cruise up the Willamette [will a' met] and Columbia Rivers, and through the locks at the Bonneville Dam. A native Oregonian and this is th... Read more
Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them. As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for... Read more
A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and told him to look around. The cannibal began to inspect the meat case and noticed the market specialized in brain.
Upon further inspection he not... Read more
A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Be... Read more
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it... Read more
Did you all get this right? YOU are the bus driver, so the color of the driver's eyes are the color of YOUR eyes!
Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people ... Read more
A Child's Book Report on the Entire Bible
In the beginning, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one,’ but I think he must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did. Then God made the world.
He... Read more
Q: You’re a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus driver's eyes?
A: _____________... Read more
BETTER THAN GUN CONTROL...
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost $5,000. Because if a bullet cost $5,000, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders. That'd be it. Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, ''Darn, h... Read more
Some thoughts...or not!
Getting back together with an old boyfriend is pathetic. It's like having a garage sale and buying your own stuff back.
I wouldn't want to fly Virgin. Who'd want to fly an airline that doesn't go all the way?
My girl... Read more
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A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident.
The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half i... Read more