Claude the Hypnotist
It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.
Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance;
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Clau... Read more
Late Night Funny
Now I see what's happening. (The 2nd Amendment advocates) paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from adressing our actual dystopic present. We can't even begin to address the 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, hap... Read more
On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.
He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.
"Mostly baloney,... Read more
An American in England
An American visiting in England asked at the hotel for the elevator. The portiere looked a bit confused but smiled when he realized what the man wanted. "You must mean the lift," he said.
"No," the American responded. "If I ask for the el... Read more
A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacks them.
The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.
"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a... Read more
I have read thes several times before but they always tickle my funny bone!
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court rep... Read more
A man walks into a bar, and as he makes his way to the counter, he stops and talks to everyone in the bar. As he finishes with each group of people, they all get up and leave and go stand outside the window, looking in. Finally, the bar is empty... Read more
Newly Issued Alcohol Warnings
The American Board of Health has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.
1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause yo... Read more
Why do men die first?
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but, now we know...
If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race... you're a male chauvinist.
If you stay home and do the housework... you're a pansy.... Read more
One of the first things you learn on your honeymoon is, when you're carrying your bride over the threshold, always go in sideways -- unless of course two broken ankles and a concussion turn you on.
The government will be requiring... Read more
How many calories do YOU burn?
After reading a member's blog, I went in search of a way to get a really good, accurate count of calories being burned doing certain exercises.
I know Spark has them on here, but it's not as accurate as putting in your own height, weight, ... Read more
I am a very nervous flyer. During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I menti... Read more
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My trip to the store
There was a bit of confusion at Fred Meyers this morning. When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just a... Read more