Puns for folks with higher IQs...
Those who jump off Paris bridges are in Seine.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding - A case of wife or death... Read more
Law of Cat Inertia - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is... Read more
Actual Answers From Students On Music Exams
- The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.
- Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
- Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
- All female parts were sung by castrat... Read more
Some late night funnies...
Late Night Funny #1
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. -Henny Youngman
Late Night Funny #2
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. -Erma... Read more
Mother-of-the-bride's Wedding Dress
A couple was getting married, and it was only three days before the wedding. The bride calls her mother with some bad news. "Mom," she says, "I just found out that my fiance's mother has bought the exact same dress as you to wear to the wedding.... Read more
Things I have never been in...
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. T... Read more
A Woman's Life~
After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.
His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.
He gave E... Read more
What $2 Can Buy
His pediatrician asked six-year-old Johnny, who watched a good many TV, ads, just to make conversation.
Johnny, if you found a couple of dollars and had to spend them, what would you buy?"
"A box of Tampax," he replied without hesita... Read more
You Know you are Addicted to the Internet When...
· You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved, and you don't have a clue when it happened.
· Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
· All of your friends have an @ ... Read more
Ferne Southern said she was staying with her 8-year-old granddaughter, Brooke, while her parents were out of town.
Brooke was delaying bedtime, as usual, so her grandmother told her about counting sheep to fall asleep.
The 8-year-old... Read more
Water in the Carburetor
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carbureto... Read more
BEST DRUNK STORY OF THE MONTH...
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
... Read more
Claude the Hypnotist
It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.
Claude the hypnotist explained: "I'm here to put you into a trance;
I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."
The excitement was almost electric as Clau... Read more
Late Night Funny
Now I see what's happening. (The 2nd Amendment advocates) paranoid fear of a possible dystopic future prevents us from adressing our actual dystopic present. We can't even begin to address the 30,000 gun deaths that are actually, in reality, hap... Read more
On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.
He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.
"Mostly baloney,... Read more
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