Dear Tech Support ,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In... Read more
Some people just can't think on their feet.....
Name something a blind person might use: a sword
Name a song with moon in the title: blue suede moon
Name a bird with a long neck: a penguin
Name an occupation where you need... Read more
-- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
-- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."
-- It was a miracle when Jes... Read more
You totaled your car
And can't remember why.
Could it have been.
That whole case of Bud Dry?
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your Birthday
So we're having you put to sleep.
You are such a good friend
T... Read more
Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?
Dear Abby, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
Dear Abby, I was ma... Read more
abdicate (v), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.
carcinoma (n), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
coffee (n), a person who is coughed upon.
esplanade (v),... Read more
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself,but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few ses... Read more
Since more and more Seniors are texting and tweeting there appears to be a need for a STC.
If you qualify for Senior Discounts this is the code for you.
ATD: At The Doctor's
BFF: Best Friend Farted
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
BYO... Read more
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can actually accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:
Gain weight. At least 30 pounds. ... Read more
I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold. -Gregory, age 5
Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it. -Olive, age 9
It's not easy to become an ange... Read more
I made roasted vegetables for the first time today!
Cut up veggies in 1" pieces: zucchini, green bell pepper, mushrooms, red onion, and broccoli, cauliflower and baby carrots from a bag. Tossed with ground garlic, 2 Tbs evoo, and a couple ... Read more
* Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can claim that it's myrrh.
* The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to make y... Read more
1) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices, which have large red read-outs to tell you exactly when it will go off.
2) Should you need to pass yourself off as a German officer it will not be necessary to speak the language, a c... Read more
1) You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."
2) You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!
3) You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce" correctly.
4) For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin ... Read more