Things Women Want to Hear, but Never Do
Wow, I just don't know what to do with this money we won in the lottery, so why don't you take it to the mall and see if you can find something to buy with it.
Hey, how about inviting your mother to spend the summer with us.
Oh, go a... Read more
HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. age 10
What is the right age to get married? Twenty-three is the best age... Read more
Hiding the Evidence
A member of a diet club bemoaned her lack of will-power. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she explained, and they'd eaten half of it. The next day, however, the uneaten half beckoned. She cut herself a slice. Then another,... Read more
WAYS TO STAY STRESSED
Are you worried now about how to stay stressed? You'll have no trouble if you practice the following clinically proven methods:
NEVER EXERCISE. Exercise wastes a lot of time that could be spent worrying.
EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT. Hey, i... Read more
In Good Company
My daughter couldn't muster the willpower to lose unwanted pounds. One day, watching a svelte friend walking up our driveway, she lamented, "Linda's so skinny it makes me sick."
"If it bothers you," I suggested gently, "why don't you do somet... Read more
After noticing how trim my husband had become, a friend asked me how I had persuaded him to diet. It was then I shared my dark secret: "I put our teenage son's shorts in his underwear drawer."
... Read more
Something to Prove
Although I was only a few pounds overweight, my wife was harping on me to diet. One evening we took a brisk walk downtown, and I surprised her by jumping over a parking meter, leapfrog style.
Pleased with myself, I said, "How many fat men do ... Read more
Although I knew I had put on a few pounds, I didn't consider myself overweight until the day I decided to clean my refrigerator. I sat on a chair in front of the appliance and reached in to wipe the back wall.
While I was in this position,... Read more
Bland Diet Food
My sisters and I have weight problems and are always sharing diet tips. One day my oldest sister was showing us a low-fat cookbook and pointed out a chicken dish she had tried the night before. Reading the ingredients, I commented, "It looks lik... Read more
Weight Loss Buddies
My friend Kimberly announced that she had started a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
"Good!" I exclaimed. "I'm ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. When I feel the urge to drive out an... Read more
No More Meat!
The teacher in our Bible class asked a woman to read from the Book of Numbers about the Israelites wandering in the desert. "The Lord heard you when you wailed, 'If only we had meat to eat!' " she began. "Now the Lord will give you meat. You wil... Read more
Actual excerpts from classified sections:
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
Dog for sale: It eats anything and is fond of children.
Stock up and save. Limit: one.
Now is your ch... Read more
How to find time for exercising
Skip house cleaning altogether...
-- Windows: Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 15 and leave it alone.
-- Cobwebs: Artfully drape... Read more
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Installing a husband
Dear Tech Support ,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In... Read more