Over the last few days I've realized that if it's in the kitchen, I will eat it. Additionally, during a binge, I treat my body as if it were a garbage can.
Last night I went through an episode where I went to the cupboard over and over again and ate things that I no longer want in the house because they are some of my triggers (seriously, that is how I rationalized it... I wanted them finished and gone, but did not simply throw them in the trash. I had to consume them.)
Some of the junk I ate was old and not even particularly palatable (a dollar store chocolate bar from Christmas!) Some items were healthy enough if part of a nutrition plan and eaten in appropriate portions (pistachios and vitatop muffins). But I was on a mission to "finish" them.
At one point last night as I was following my sweet, salty, sweet pattern (truly can't say I was having cravings as it was not that strong of a bodily driven desire), I realized that I was treating my body as if it were a garbage can. As if I were a garbage can! At that moment, this awareness still was not enough to stop me. I don't know what the psychology is behind what I was doing (addiction? emotional? boredom?), but this isn't the first time I've done this. It is a pattern I recognize in myself and experience time and time again throughout my life.
Today, being a new day and my Spark renewed, the idea of treating my body and therefore myself as a garbage can is a more disgusting concept and motivating visual. My body is not a garbage can and I will not treat it as if it were. My body is an amazing work that responds fairly quickly and positively to care and nourishment. I am not trash and I won't trash myself.
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