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SparkPeople: Weekly Community Highlight
  Week of 3/13/2014 - Featured Blog Post

No and Yes: A Battle
FAIRLADYBUFF3



No...is a powerful word. Defined as negative response, we use this word to affirm our disapproval, opposed response to requests and offers, but overall this word is working of our will. Throughout my childhood, I heard "no" thousands upon thousands of times.

"No, don't touch that!"
"No, you will not use that attitude with me."
"No, you may not spend the night with your friends."

But mostly...."no, you can't EAT that," and usually followed up with, "you're big enough already." This last one is indeed sad, I know, but I'm not a victim of this negativity any more.

Now for many purposes, "no" is necessary to protect us from harm, destruction, and terrible consequences. There involves a teachable moment as to why the parent says and what they mean. Without explanation, intimidation and curiosity heightens. The child, or in this case, I, began questioning these "no's." As I look over those years subjected to "no," I realized I had a thought and feeling running through me. "No" was a challenge to my will. "No" was controlling me and choosing for me. I want choice between yes and no! I began a war with NO.

My life became YES. You would think a life of "yes'" would lead to a positive realm without restraint. It led me into path of understanding this abhorred "no." In regards to food, I felt deprived. In my mind, I thought, "NO one will tell me what to eat and not to eat for rest of my life," or "no one knows me, I know myself, and what's good for ME." I rebelled against NO and stormed down a path of terrible judgment, lack of restraint, and over excess. Though I allowed myself whatever I wanted, "no" haunted me. All this resided in me as I struggled with image, relationships, and overall my eating and weight. I failed miserably at any type of disciple or routine. I had created a monster from my pain.

A hurricane of realization emerged upon me and truth was revealed to me. I realized I was fueled by pain and misunderstanding of "no" from my childhood. My family were wrong by not teaching me proper discipline and the reason for consequences. I was wrong by letting that pain drive me like the chaff in the wind. I used to go on radical diets where I consumed no carbs, no fried food, no soda with the only reason, "it's not good for me." My mind echoed, "you're big enough, no you can't have that." I'd fail within a few days with more weight than when I started.

Looking back to past, living today, and expecting the future, I understand "no" only works for me when I know why. In the up's and down's of losing weight, no is necessary as long "yes" is included. Today I constantly practice saying, "no, hamburgers aren't good for you, but yes, we can have a portioned lean meat burger on a whole wheat bun," "no, you can't have chocolate, but yes, we have dark chocolate espresso beans, let's have a few with tea." "yes you can enjoy a fatty fast food lunch, but no, you won't feel as good as would eating cleaner foods."

Many nights it's sounds like this..."no, you can't have anything to eat because you'll over, yes, I'll have a small greek yogurt and ask my husband for support as I"m tempted to overeat."

Follow your "no's" up with a "yes," provide a reason and remember the consequences of both. Are the consequences positive or negative? Are they leading you down a road of destruction or success?


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