A few commentors have noted that it's passive aggressive to lie and what not to "get out of" the situation. While "no thank you" and being assertive is healther, I can identify with many of these "ways" to get the food pusher to go away so I don't hurt their feelings.
I found that saying "no" made me feel guilty and less worthwhile. I felt "good" when I said "ok". That's not "real" either.
I swallowed a lot of resentment when folks would try to run me over and I let them do it. It started many a year ago when I was a wee child. I learned to be compliant then. It meant that I became a compliant adult.
It's taken me some work with a professional to manage through some of those "when I say 'no', I feel guilty" feelings. Sometimes, I do feel guilty, inappropriately. Yet, I feel better saying "no thanks" now knowing that I'm not "wasting" by wearing it home on my thighs. Or to say "no" when I really don't want to do something.
For those of us who were/are compliant (aka "door mats"), saying "no" can be emotionally painful.
I think this article really is meant for those of us who grew up being compliant children and became compliant adults. I'm much less compliant now. It is a handy skill to have when it's not overused.
If you find that you identify with guilt and this article brings up feelings, perhaps finding a professional to dig down into the desire to make everyone else happy before your own self might be worth some time and effort.
Change is exciting (aka "scary" but I like "exciting" better). Feeling resolute about taking care of yourself is important.
- 1/27/2015 3:18:51 PM