My companion of 13 years died Monday morning. I appreciate having this article to read.
8/30/2013 4:46:26 PM
My partner of 13 years passed away 01-27-13 unexpectedly. While he has been receiving treatments for cancer, the positive medical report he received in October 2012 did not suggest any additional problems. I am struggling with his passing and while our house was my haven the first several months, I now do not like to be there at all. In addition, I am eating massive quantities of food with no end in sight and I am just burying my feelings and numbing out. I feel as if it is definitely getting worse for me instead of better.
7/3/2013 4:54:12 PM
This is a wonderful article by Dean Anderson---- Under the heading, Depression, it is stated that this is temporary in cases. There can be serious conditions of depression that do not go away. AND this can be tragic indeed for ALL family members. When it is stated that there is no "wrong" way to grieve, I disagree. The wrong way is to embrace depression for decades and longer--- even forever. I dislike the word, "closure" following the loss of a loved one--because closure never happens when love was (is) intense. However, when severe depression grips a life, it can mean the end of joy...the end of any quality to living. Without healing, the illness of depression following a death--- affects family members, especially children. There was an important comment on this subject that deserves emphasis and I will quote it again. "I feel like going through the loss made me absent in others' lives, and I am now rethinking it." --- My dear sister is forever "absent" in our family due to the illness of depression that sucked all joy from her life when her husband died. Her children grew up in a sad, dysfunctional home. Depression for her is not temporary, but chronic.--- and her family suffers the consequences. This is the wrong way to grieve. Please--- I hope others can be helped by my experience. Seek professional help to restore joy to life.
I really appreciated the fact that you put the line in about sometimes NOT being done with a loss. That CERTAINLY is the case in my life - I really miss 2 former employers (one loss through redundancy, on through a hasty resignation). Sadly there isn't a lot I can do about the former, I have tried to reapply at the latter without success in spite of leaving on good terms.
This article is very helpful. I'm only 22(23 next month). And one of the things I fear about is losing my Mother. She's in her late 50s and battling numerous health problems. And I've tried countless times to help her, but at the same time, my Mom is taking baby steps to a healthier life and so am I. I do realize that we as humans are not going to be here forever. My Mom is the only thing I have. I don't have any other family I can contact, I have no friends. It's just my Mom and I. Most of out family memebers have passed away. I have a brother, but I don't know how to contact him. He is struggling his own self. And I know that if I lose my Mother, I will not have anywhere to go. Right now, I've put my college classes on hold for now, until next August. I've been taking care of my Mother and I love her very very much, but I just don't know what to do if she were taken from me. My Mom and I are taking baby steps into becoming healthier overall. I want to become healthier, I want my Mom to become healthier and I want her to see me have a life as well, get married one day and have children so that she can have grandchildren. I admire anyone who has a big family or just family members that have close family and friends they can always have in their lifetime.
I want SparkPeople and it's members to know, that I care about this community so much and we are all in this together WE ARE FAMILY! My heart goes out to those who have lost close family and friends. I LOVE YOU ALL! Think Positive Guys! This was an article I needed to read! God Bless!
The five stages of grief aren't used much anymore by psychologists and mental health experts. They have been proven to be ineffective in describing grief. Glenn
6/30/2013 7:03:08 PM
Thanks for the article , it was most helpful
6/30/2013 4:28:38 PM
I lost my sister to cancer a little over four months ago, this by far is the worst time of my life. I understand what everyone has said. I didn't want her to suffer and she was, so I thought if I felt that way her passing would not be so difficult .. But it is. I miss my sister. I know she wouldn't want me walking around sad and crying and I do try my best. I guess it's all the " first time " experiences . She was my best friend and the best big sister anyone could ever have. I do speak to someone , she said I'm experiencing " grieve triggers " and I need to stop feeling like " I can get over it" I see her every time I look in the mirror. She was my twin born 5 mins before me. I feel like half a person, we came here together. I will cherish her memory and push forward.
I just want to know when I will be able to stop crying over my Daddy's death. He was 93, in pain and suffering but yet I can't stop crying over losing him and it's been over a month since he's been gone.
I was looking for a support group when I found this article. My son passed away the 24th of May in a traffic accident. I've lost other family members in the past but it's very different to lose a child. Thank you for the article. ~Dianna
I happened on this article accidently, but I am currently grieving the loss of my sweet little dog. Sometimes I feel guilty for the grief - after all she was a dog... but she was my little fur-baby, and after almost 12 years together, her loss was heart breaking. I am sending this to my DH to read as well, as he is every bit as heart broken as I am. Thanks for the guidance and support
1/28/2013 11:36:21 AM
Thank you for this great and helpful article, Dean! I lost my sister to cancer, my better half, my best friend, my everything last year. I loved (still do) her so much. At a sudden she's gone and I'm alone. We did so much together that everything reminded me of her. I was devastated. My life changed. All my happiness and joy was gone and I had lost interest in everything. Thanks of a professional online coach (recommend you Your24hcoach) I called anytime I needed to talk me every thought off my chest I recognized that you have to look forward. Sad to say, but you can't change what happened. Life, despite it's certain cruelties, goes on. You can't stop living because of a loss of a beloved one. I thought of my sister. What would she want me to do? She loved me so much she wouldn't want me to stop enjoying my life. You have to appreciate to have the chance to have the possibility to enjoy your life furthermore. It's a horrible period a loving person has to experience. Nevertheless, we have to accept it as part of our life. I can only recommend you to seek professional help if you can't see any betterment. They can help you process your thoughts and feelings. You can talk anything off your chest. I mean if you really loved what you lost, it won't stop hurting. Nevertheless, you have to try to transform all the wonderful memories in positive power. Don't stop enjoying your life! Your beloved one would ask you to do so!
7/2/2012 7:14:44 PM
I am grateful to read that you shouldn't try to be a superhero while grieving. I felt really guilty, and still kind of do, over the severe grief I felt when my mom passed. I feel like going through the loss made me absent in others' lives, and now I am re-thinking it.
If there was ever a time I could not be a superhero it was most definitely when I lost my mom. Thanks Mr Anderson for this article!!!
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