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You know you're getting too much fat in your diet when your freckles are made of pepperoni!

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I lick my paws because they're fat-free, sugar-free and calorie-free! I lost 198 pounds on the Helium Diet! For lunch I tried the Cheeseburger And Fries Diet, but that didn't work. So for dinner, I'm going to try the Lasagna and Cheesecake Diet. If you're going to use a smartphone, I recommend a Blackberry. Blackberries are rich in vitamins and antioxidants. Our Heart-Smart Pizza is tomato sauce, pepperoni, sausage, meatballs, and mozzarella cheese served on two defibrillator paddles.
Gravity has lowered my chest, my stomach, and my butt! Why hasn't it lowered my cholesterol? How come you need $150 walking shoes, but I have to do 2 miles in bare feet?! It's easy to tell the difference between good cholesterol and bad cholesterol. Bad cholesterol has an evil laugh. I can get by on just 2 hours of sleep every day, as long as I nap for 14 hours. My doctor told me to increase my activity. Chewing, changing channels, and napping are activities!
I'm making my will. I'm leaving my money to charity, my organs to science, and my cellulite to the donut shop. You know you are a SparkPeople member when you check your SparkMail more than you check yo ur email.

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