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Cucumber slices instead of pepperoni, vinegar instead of cheese, lettuce instead of crust-- it's diet pizza!

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More Health and Weight Loss Cartoons

I don't count calories or carbs. Dieting is hard enough without math! Go home and let your dog lick your face. Dog saliva is the most effective antidepressant you can get without a prescription. Tobacco is a green, leafy plant… but a cigarette does not count as a salad! Why does it take 6 weeks to lose 5 pounds, but only 1 day to gain it all back? This treadmill is so high-tech, you burn 100 calories just selecting your workout program!
Don't slice the pizza. My diet says I'm only allowed to eat one piece! You have a rare condition called 'good health'. Frankly, I'm not sure how to treat it. Our diet special is a fresh garden salad served in burger, shake and fry containers. If you'd like a healthy alternative, we can wrap your cheeseburger, fries and fruit pie in a low-fat tortilla. The reason for my weight gain is obvious-- humans are evolving into a larger species!
I know dieting can be stressful, but try gnawing on a carrot instead of my nerves! I'm on the Green Eggs and Ham Diet. I'm only allowed to eat foods that rhyme.

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