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Diet Myth #173: Eating the candles on your birthday cake helps you burn calories.

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If you are what you eat, maybe pizza will give you more pizzazz! If hopping burns more calories than walking, and it helps you eat more salad, then OK, I approve of the Bunny Suit Diet. You know you're getting too much fat in your diet when your freckles are made of pepperoni! Just a salad for me. A vanilla ice cream salad with hot fudge dressing and marshmallow croutons.
My therapy is quite simple: I wag my tail and lick your face until you feel good about yourself again. It's easy to snack healthy at work! I get Vitamin C from coffee, Vitamin D from donuts, Vitamin B from bagels... Stop resting in peace and start getting some exercise! Every restaurant has a computer these days. See if the chef has software to compress a 1000 calorie meal into a 200 calorie meal.
For lunch I tried the Cheeseburger And Fries Diet, but that didn't work. So for dinner, I'm going to try the Lasagna and Cheesecake Diet. The round bits taste like circles, the square bits taste like squares, and the triangular bits taste like triangles. I can't drink alcohol on my low-carb diet. I'll just have a couple shots of gravy with a twist of bacon. Step 1: apply Miracle Cellulite Cream to problem areas. Step 2: run 10 miles a day.

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