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You know you are a SparkPeople member when the scale is your friend and not your foe.

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Step 1: apply Miracle Cellulite Cream to problem areas. Step 2: run 10 miles a day. My heart has survived 16 girlfriends, 7 fiancees and 4 ex-wives. You think my heart is afraid of a cheeseburger?! How many times must I remind you? Eight glasses a day! I don't want to download a song or a movie or a TV show or a book-- I want to download something for dinner! I lost 60 pounds on the Swiss Cheese Diet!
My diet doctor says: It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you! Well, if something is eating me, how come I'm not getting smaller? Your blood sugar is too high. If your gym membership is $37.50 per month, that means you're paying $262.50 per workout! If I don't go to the doctor, he can't find anything wrong with me. That's how I stay healthy! I have one pill that blocks fat, one pill that blocks carbs, and one pill that blocks the kitchen door.
What happens when breakfast finds out it's the most important meal of the day. Every time I go on a diet, I lose my mind. Unfortunately, it doesn't weigh very much!

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